Holding On and Letting Go
“I told you, Dad! I told you, everything would be fine!” Tori says excitedly when I wake up in the hospital.
“Yeah, Jimmy” says Torres, egging on the whole ‘I Told You So’ routine.
Tori believed in the helpers even when I didn't. The team found the antidote and saved my life. Tori and Breena have always been more optimistic. Pain’s like cold water, my brain just got used to it. So now after a childhood full of pain, I just assume the worst while quietly hoping for the best. I'm not bitter about much these days, I've made peace with the past. But those scars run deep and changed me in ways that can't be undone easily. However, Tori helps dull the pain and reminds me that I'm lucky to be here.
“I love you, Dad,” Says Tori as she snuggles into my side. My body still hurts but I won't deny her physical affection, especially when I've been wanting a big hug from my daughter all day.
“Hi,” Kasie says as she sneaks past the nurses into our room. “Oh, I see. This is where the cool kids hang out,” she continues when she spots Tori in my arms.
“I just wanted to tell you that I asked Vance to send over my contract so I could sign it,” she shares.
“Kase, that's great. I thought maybe after the last couple of days that you…” I say happily surprised.
“Ah, you know, I realized if that was strike three, I want to be ready for strikes four, five, six. I’m not saying that everything is survivable. Just that everything except the last thing is, and that I want to face it all with you guys,” says Kasie.
“Girl, you know we got you,” says Torres and I nod in confirmation.
“Where else am I gonna find helpers like you guys? You're stuck with me for a good, long while,” she says.
“We are so glad to be stuck with you,” I tell her
“Damn right!” says Torres enthusiastically
“Oh, my gosh. Your wedding ring! I've never seen you take that thing off, not even in Autopsy,” Kasie says surprised when she notices my empty hand.
My ring was covered in my blood and I figured it was time to take it off. Breena is gone but she would want me to try and move on. She is happy with Ginny and the kids. So after I cleaned the ring, I put it on a chain with my first wedding ring. I was blessed with two lovely women who loved me enough to marry me. I can carry them with me and maybe one day the pain of losing Breena might not be so sharp and I can open my heart to romantic love again.
Maybe one day I will find another woman to grow old with but for now a daughter’s love is all I need. For now, I’ll keep going. I don't have to hold on so tight to the love that was lost, I can hold on to the love I have found.
“Yeah, I decided to take Breena's advice. I can, uh... I can hold on to what's important while letting go. It's time,” I explain quietly.
“Oh, look at this. We get to see you both at once,” says Agent Knight as she walks in. She hands both Kasie and I a teddy bear.
“I guess you're gonna have to share, Tori,” I joke before thanking the agent for the gift.
“Well, that's very sweet. There's only one guest per patient, so, hmm, that would be Vic and I, so if you guys…” says Torres.
He is trying to keep the room from getting overly crowded. I appreciate it as I still suffer from some claustrophobia. However, Tim and the Director walk into the room. They tell us that while we have a body in autopsy, that we didn't get the head bad guy. The Raven is still out there and he knows we are looking for him.
However, even if the bad guy is still out there, I'm not worried. The team is good at their job. Together we have caught many terrorists and we have gotten justice for hundreds of victims. We have fought guys just as bad as this Raven. There is more work to do and I can't wait to be healthy enough to get back to work.
While villains exist, there always will be heroes trying to foil their evil plans. I never wanted to be a hero, but I chose to be a helper. Helpers are special and I think that the helpers are even better than heroes. Helpers might not be extraordinary, but the helpers, our everyday unsung heroes, might be even better. The helpers keep going. The helpers are the balance and the helpers always make the world brighter. The world always needs more helpers, and until the day I cross the veil for the final time, I will be a helper even if it's hard.