Communication
The following week at Strawgoh University was marked by the usual flurry of activity—papers due, club meetings, and social events being planned. However, the quiet aftermath of the tutoring session had set something in motion between James and Regulus, a ripple effect that neither fully understood.
James found himself thinking about that Friday evening more than he cared to admit. He hadn’t expected much from the writing center, but something about Regulus intrigued him. Regulus had been surprisingly engaging, and their conversation had flowed more easily than James had anticipated after they shook off nerves.
Meanwhile, Regulus was grappling with his own thoughts. Despite his initial reservations about James, the tutoring session had been unexpectedly pleasant. James's genuine curiosity and willingness to engage had thrown Regulus off balance in the best way possible.
James was in the campus café on Monday, trying to focus on his readings, when he spotted Regulus in line for coffee. His heart skipped a beat, and he considered ducking behind his book, but a small voice of courage persuaded him to make a move.
“Hey, Regulus!” James called out, his tone more casual than he felt. “What’s up?”
Regulus turned, his eyebrows raising in mild surprise. “Oh, hey, Potter. Just grabbing some coffee before class…”
“Same here,” James said, trying to sound relaxed as he shuffled his books. “You want to join me? I have an empty seat.”
Regulus looked around for a feasible escape, but every other table was taken. “Uh- sure,” Regulus replied, glancing at his watch. “I’ve got a bit of time before my next class.”
The two of them settled into a corner of the café with their coffees. Awkward pauses punctuated the initial conversation, but as they began talking about their classes, interests, and favorite TV shows, the atmosphere grew more comfortable. James found himself laughing at Regulus’s witty observations, and Regulus, in turn, seemed to appreciate James's enthusiasm.
“Shut up. Your favorite TV show cannot be Voltron.” Regulus rolled his eyes.
“It so is! I would kill to fight aliens in a giant magical robot lion.” James had long dreamed of being an astronaut and always has been fascinated with stars and constellations. When he hit middle school, though, it all went down the drain after being told one too many times he wasn’t smart enough to accomplish such an incredible feat like that. So, shows like Voltron helped him. It gave him massive FOMO. But at the end of the day, he could see himself in the characters and connect with their stories.
“You’re ridiculous,” Regulus replied with what looked like a fond smile.
“Ok, Mr. Adult. What's your favorite show?” James asked, taking a sip of his coffee.
“I won't tell you that,” Regulus replied, sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms.
“What- now that's just unfair, Reggie.” James didn't understand the never-falling wall between him and Regulus. He had gotten so close to scaling the wall, seeing a sliver of the other side before Regulus yanked him back to the ground by refusing to answer simple questions. Their conversation was natural today; it flowed like a river, so why did Regulus feel the need to build a dam?
“Reggie? Who are you calling Reggie? Where the hell did you even get a nickname like that- We’re not friends, Potter.”
There are moments in your life when everything stops. All progress you think you’ve made has staggered and has taken a step back. James’s stomach sinks, and his brain races with a million possibilities, all with bad outcomes. He needs to leave. He just needs a way out.
James's smile faltered, and his eyes flashed with disappointment. “Right. Yeah. You’re just my tutor. Who happens to be my best friend’s baby brother. And who happens to not enjoy my company enough for us to be considered friends. I should go. Class.” James almost trips out of his seat with how fast he’s moving. He always does this; he says something that scares someone off. He’s too enthusiastic or rash with his words and messes things up. People think he’s too much and find the need to remind him of that fact constantly.
James had thought when they finished their coffees, they’d have shared more than just idle chit-chat; they’d have found common ground. Unfortunately, that did not happen.
James couldn’t shake the feeling that something had shifted. He shouldn’t have been as hurt as he was when Regulus rejected his friendship. He shouldn't care. He barely knew the guy, but he wanted Regulus to like him so badly. He wondered if he just needed validation. His friends were lovely, but they weren't the most validating group; they were known to laugh things off and move on. Deep down, James needed that reassurance. He needed to know he was a good friend who was appreciated and loved. His friends naturally made him feel loved but never genuinely told him he was. Regulus’s attentive smile when James talked about his family during coffee lingered in his mind long after they parted ways. Regulus told him he sounded like a good son.
.*.
On the other side of campus, Remus and Sirius were in full swing with their covert operations. They met in the student union building, where the hum of activity provided the perfect cover for their conversation.
“Did you see James and Regulus together this morning?” Sirius asked, his eyes alight with excitement. “They actually seemed to get along really well!”
Remus shrugged, nodding. “Yeah, I saw them. They looked like they were having a good time. Too bad it didn’t end well.”
“What do you mean?” Sirius said, raising an eyebrow.
“I saw through the window James got up to leave so quickly I thought he would start sprinting. And I know his schedule; he didn't have class.” Remus said, waiting to see what Sirius’s reaction would be.
Sirius’s eyes sparkled with determination. “What the hell? We need to keep it going so it doesn't fizzle out. What if James doesn't want to do tutoring anymore?” Sirius paused in thought before lighting up again. Maybe we can organize a group activity to get them to spend more time together. Besides… I’d like to get closer to Regulus, too... I miss him.” The mood turned somber, and Remus gazed at him with gentle eyes. “You should talk to him, love.” He said, resting a hand on top of Sirius’s.
“It’s not that simple. As long as he’s still under Walburga, it's hard to just… look at him sometimes.” Sirius said, eyes cast down at their hands. “It's not his fault. He didn’t have a way out like you did.” Remus said tentatively. Sirius sighed. “He has a way out now. If only he just came to me, I’d help in a heartbeat. You know I would.”
“I know you would, but does he know that?”
Sirius groaned at Remus’s response. “Why do you always have to be right?”
“At least one of us has to be level-headed. Promise me you’ll make an effort to reach out.”
Sirius nodded, raised their intertwined hands from the table, and kissed Remus’s knuckles. Following, there was a long moment of silence. You could hear the gears turning in Sirius’s brain as he thought of a solution. Then his face lit up. “What about a weekend hike? After a week of disgusting studying, we should reconnect with nature. I could maybe invite my brother, instead of you doing it. You invite James.” Sirius’s spark was back, and he was ready to continue the plan. Maybe this plan wasn’t just for James’s benefit.
Remus clapped his hands together. “Perfect! A hike sounds like a great idea. I’ll get the details sorted.”
As the week progressed, James and Regulus’s paths crossed more frequently, though it was often in the context of brief, unexpected encounters rather than planned meetings. Each interaction seemed to build upon the last, creating a weird, uncomfortable tension.
“Regulus, wait up!” Sirius said, chasing his little brother down the student union hall. “I wanted to talk to you. Do you have any time?” He said, his breath slowing down and his heart rate catching up. “Yeah… I have a class in about an hour. What did you wanna talk about?” Regulus asked cautiously. It wasn’t every day your big brother, whom you think secretly hates you, stops you to talk. He could only imagine the outcome of this conversation. The two silently move to a table tucked in the corner. “Listen I… I don’t really know how to…” Sirius stuttered over his words, his thoughts unable to be conjured into coherent sentences. “You never have been good at English,” Regulus said with a lighthearted smile. His joke immediately cut through the tension. It opened the door to a new conversation, a new start for the two brothers. His joke told Sirius he was ready to talk and that he mutually wanted a better relationship. “I… I just wanted to say I’m here.” Sirius said after taking a moment to collect himself. “You’re here?” Regulus raised his eyebrows.
“I’m here for you if you need me… Listen, I know we haven't been- talking- but I miss you. I miss my little brother.”
“Last time I checked, you ran away from your little brother. You vanished. You didn’t even leave a fucking note, and you dare to miss me ?” Regulus said incredulously. Regulus promised himself he would try not to get defensive, but he couldn't help himself. There was still a part of him that was this tiny, naive boy who just wanted his brother. His brother who left him. His grownup self would do anything to protect that boy inside him and keep him safe, block out all memory of his brother, so it wouldn't hurt when he thought of abandonment. Sirius left his junior year of high school. Regulus was at the start of his sophomore year. One night, Walburga, their mother, had finally snapped.
Sirius had been exhibiting a new style, one she’d sneer at and call queer, and after he returned home one day and sarcastically slapped his C+-filled report card on the fridge, she lost it. He had always been a straight-A student. Growing up, they had to be to receive love. It turned their relationship into a toxic and cut-throat competition. Instead of brothers, they were merely contestants, both fighting for their parents' validation. However once high school hit, Sirius met James. James taught him how to be unapologetically himself and, more importantly, advocate for himself. Soon, with James’s support, Sirius gained confidence and started to rebel. He was incredibly smart, so smart in fact that he’d purposely answer questions wrong to get poor marks to piss his mother off. So, when he made his first straight average C report card, she was done with his games. She swiftly walked up to him and slapped him in the face. Both brothers stood shocked. She had never touched them before. Sure, she yelled and punished them in other ways, but never had she laid a hand on them. It was terrifying; they both knew if she did it once, she would do it again. She took his phone shortly after. She took his door off the hinges and restricted his diet and extracurriculars. He was virtually stripped of his social life for months, and his grades returned to A’s. James helped him through it, and Regulus tried to be there, but for some reason, since the day in the kitchen, Sirius had become reserved. Regulus was helpless.
“Listen. I want to have this conversation with you, and I thought you wanted it to. So can we please just… Just hear me out, please.” Sirius pleaded, his eyes closed in anticipation of inevitable rejection.
“You’re right… I’ll listen as long as you apologize.” Regulus said quietly, reeling his anger in and trying to diffuse himself.
“I will.”