Le Soleil d’Or
“I’m sorry James,” Peter had said, his lower lip trembling as he levelled his wand right at James’ chest. Time had slowed down- crickets chirped in the front garden, the night sky was clear, and Peter’s ashy brown wand had just begun to stab against his front as they stared at one another, like they both couldn’t believe how they had ended up in this situation.
Then time had caught back up to him and he slammed the front door shut, turning on his heel and sprinting up the stairs, “Lily!” he shouted, “Take Harry and run!”
He cleared the steps in mere moments and threw the door to Harry’s nursery open but impossibly, Peter was already standing there, Lily locked in his arm with his wand aimed at her temple. She was sobbing as Harry lay crying in his crib behind her.
“Pete, don’t do this,” he begged, “Please!”
“I have to,” he whispered with a creeping smile before finishing with an, “Avada Kedavra! ”
All at once- Lily crumpled, her body hitting the floor with a sickening thud. He screamed in agony as Peter laughed maniacally in his face, and Harry cried fat tears that slid down his cheeks from eyes that had already seen too much in this life.
“James!” Peter then shouted as terror took over his features, a horrifying switch from the sick glee he displayed moments ago.
He looked up in shock and fear- he wasn’t ready to die. He was too young, he had Harry , gods what had they done? Why couldn’t they have just stuck to the original plan? Whywhywhy? He begged the gods for mercy.
“James!” he shouted again, his voice near deafening and suddenly the walls started moving, closing in on him and he barely got another breath in before the walls touched his shoulders and continued without stopping.
“James!”
He jumped up and was faced with Lily staring down at him, her hands shaking his shoulders and her face creased with concern. The blankets were strewn about the bed and his bare chest was covered in a layer of sweat.
“You were having a nightmare,” she told him, sitting down on the edge of his bed and smoothing his hair back with a gentle touch, grounding him in reality. Her hands were cold as they usually were and for once he was grateful for it, he felt like he slept on a radiator.
He dropped his head back into the pillows, bringing his hands up to scrub at his wet eyes. He’d been having nightmares almost every single night since it happened about a month ago. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a decent night's sleep because every time he shut his eyes, he was assaulted with the memory of Peter betraying them.
They had all made it but his mind liked to play out all the other possibilities, making small adjustments each time- sometimes he just died on the stairs, other times Pete only killed Harry and spared them, one time it was Voldemort himself advancing right behind him into the house.
It all ended the same way though- all three of them dead on the floor of the nursery.
Sometimes he still felt like he was in that cottage- the one that they were meant to spend the rest of the war in. He’d always wanted to live in Potter manor, the home he grew up and wanted to raise a family in but when they went into hiding and started living in the cottage, he couldn’t help but grow a certain fondness towards their small safe haven.
He didn’t know what ended up happening to it after they blew it up and fled. He assumed it had just gotten demolished, like they were never there at all.
He glanced out the small window where the gauzy blue drapes rustled in the early morning breeze. Paris was already bustling with life around him but here he was caught up in the past.
Neither he nor Lily spoke French fluently but it seemed the best option at the time. England, Scotland, and Wales were slowly falling to Voldemort’s rule and they had extremely limited options in the day or two they had to escape. However, when Lily mentioned how her grandmother had included her in her will before she passed, they immediately bought out her old flat and made it their own.
As a result, they were completely alone here in the muggle world.
They hadn’t even dared to visit the French Wizarding society in case they were somehow recognized. They lived entirely like muggles now- not even using their wands to cast a Lumos or a Summoning charm if they forgot something for fear the Ministry would take notice of their use of magic. They did not underestimate the lengths Voldemort would go to to find Harry. They lived completely off the grid, no phones, no floo- nothing.
They were entirely alone but they were alive and James intended to keep it that way.
“Come, I made breakfast,” Lily whispered before giving him some privacy and he sighed before standing, stretching out his sore limbs, and he immediately jumped into the shower to wash away the sweat and fear he’d accumulated over the night.
He’d do anything for a Dreamless Sleep potion these days.
Feeling only slightly better, he went to Harry’s makeshift nursery, needing the reassurance of seeing him safe and asleep in his crib and to his eternal glee, he was.
The soft hum of the noise machine masked his footsteps as he entered and he never tired of seeing Harry. He could spend a whole day watching him sleep and never grow bored, the way his small mouth fell open, his lashes fluttering as he dreamed, the small fussy noises he’d make before falling back asleep again. The scar on his forehead was healing nicely, the angry red now having faded to a silver just above his brow.
James ran a single finger down his soft cheek before turning away, letting him sleep some more. They had started working on his sleep schedule again after it all sort of fell apart and they were making decent headway though Harry’s sleeping schedule had always been a bit erratic anyway.
He stepped into the brightly-lit kitchen and smiled at the clear sky beyond the glass paned windows. He certainly did not miss English weather, instead favouring the French fall they had landed in though true winter was not too far away, it was only a couple weeks until all the leaves fell and the temperature dropped.
“I want to take Harry to the park today, what do you think?” he asked Lily, who was setting a plate of toast and eggs in front of him.
“That sounds nice, I’m getting tea with Madame Gautheir today so I was going to ask you to watch Harry anyways,” she chirped, settling down across from him.
He and Lily had fallen into an easy routine that made both of their lives infinitely easier.
After both of their previous relationships had crumbled apart for some reason or another, they had found their way to each other, falling headfirst for each other as they were in the midst of the war, thinking every day was their last.
He didn’t really know who had initiated it but they had always loved each other and suddenly, when they both found themselves single and heartbroken at the same time, it only made sense that they found solace into one another, convincing themselves that their platonic love could turn into romantic love if they tried hard enough.
Only they ended up realising that it wasn’t right for either of them when it was already too late- Lily had found out she was pregnant.
James was over the moon- he couldn’t believe it, and Lily was terrified but they had worked through it together and took comfort in knowing that no matter what happened, they loved and cared for one another deeply and they would love their child just the same.
James just hadn’t accounted for everything that followed.
He was forever grateful that he had kept his wand in his pocket on Halloween, using it as a part of his costume because had he not…well he didn’t like considering that.
“Does she even speak English?” he asked Lily who rolled her eyes.
“Well- no but we get by you know with hand gestures and stuff. She’s really nice and her gardens’ lovely, at least we have that in common,” she explained and James smiled, imagining how their interactions went down.
“Right,” he nodded sarcastically.
Lily huffed but was punctuated by the loud noise of Harry’s crying.
“Right on time,” he muttered, wiping his hands and immediately running back into the nursery to tend to him.
When he came back out, he brought up the idea that had been eating at him since they left, “You know, soon Harry is going to grow out of that nursery, I mean- what do we do after this?”
Lily shook her head, clearing her plate, “I don’t know, I just think we need to cross that bridge when we get there.”
He acquiesced not wanting to stress her out further. He had a habit of immediately jumping ahead, thinking about the future so heavily that he often forgot to consider the present moment, something Lily was working on these days.
As he stared down at the small bundle in his arms, he was reminded of how much of a gift the present was and as he stared down at his son- he vowed to make the most of every moment lest it slip from his grasp like it so nearly did.
_________
It was Harry’s third time running into a pole and James came to the sorry conclusion that his poor son had inherited not only his hair but his vision and he resolved to make an appointment at the eye Healer- no, doctor, for him as soon as possible to get him fixed up with some glasses. He’d been in denial, blaming his clumsiness on the fact that he was a toddler but unfortunately, the boy was just blind.
He scooped Harry back up in his arms, jostling him around until he was squealing in his arms again and forgetting the fact that he had a big red mark right on his forehead.
He settled Harry back in his pram with a lolly he’d brought from home and set to taking a walk around the park, discovering more about the small alcove of the city they’d found themselves in.
It was quiet and slightly upscale, Lily’s grandmother living a lavish life off of her ex-husband’s life insurance, and it proved quite nice for their small family. There was a small square by the park with people filtering in and out of shops with glossy storefronts and restaurants with people spilling out onto wide open patios. He didn’t understand anything anyone around him said really, the French just amassing into a big jumble in his head that he filtered out, and he hoped one day he’d become proficient enough to at least ask a question without stumbling over his words and giving up.
He went straight towards a massive toy store on the far end of the square, Harry already jumping up in his seat in an effort to start running around but James kept him strapped in knowing that if he left Harry free, he’d pick up everything and James would be forced to buy it because he could never resist Harry’s little face.
Ever since they initially went under Fidelius, their bank account had been under lockdown. However, with the help of the goblins and Dumbledore, the money was slowly syphoned into a daughter account which they were able to easily access and spend without suspicion.
At home, they couldn’t even leave the cottage, unable to cross the boundary as death eaters roamed the streets by their house and if they weren’t there, they were in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade- all major wizarding centres had been taken over by them and they couldn’t step foot anywhere there for fear of being found out.
He had been going a bit mad by then, forced to be at home all day, every day with barely any contact with the outside world beyond Dumbledore, Sirius, and later Peter.
They hadn’t even considered the possibility of living in the muggle world at the start but he wished they had- life was infinitely simpler this way. Sure he still didn’t understand a lot but Lily patiently helped him, answering any questions he had, and filling him in on general knowledge- school structure, certain terms, politics, and things along those lines. She had asked him who the British prime minister was and he had absolutely no idea. She then had to fill him in on who the French prime minister was, what World War 1 was, and who Jesus was. It was like Muggle Studies all over again except this time he had to pay attention.
Harry nearly cried when they passed by a teddy bear he had been reaching for with his small fists and James immediately went back and handed it to him, pleased when he babbled excitedly calling it a ‘ba-ba.’
He checked out, awkwardly smiling at the young cashier and nodding at her questions before leaving and he groaned once he was out of the shop. He guessed she was asking him about whether he wanted some sort of deal because she handed him a jar of clay and ended up making him pay 15 extra Euros.
He looked around the avenue and when he saw a small bookstore nestled between a cafe and a florist shop, he was practically forced in- he needed to buy a dictionary as well as some French storybooks for Harry, wanting him to get a head start on the language before he went on to preschool.
He didn’t know how long they’d live here but he also felt a bit bad living here and not knowing the native language either.
The little door bell clicked against the door as he propped it open, pushing Harry in first and then following.
It was quite cosy inside with golden sconces lining the walls and little fairy lights strung up all around, reflecting golden light onto the wooden surfaces of the shop and matching the quickly-setting sun outside.
It was like a miniature version of the Library at Hogwarts with books piled up on tall wooden shelves that soared up to the high ceiling. Metal ladders hung on rungs periodically throughout, likely to reach the books at the very top shelf- though he wondered why they were even stored up there at all.
He couldn’t understand the signs listing where different genres in the shop were so he just perused the aisles, admiring different covers and guessing what section he was in.
He could hear the chatter of a few different voices throughout the store but he couldn’t see anyone past the aisles so he just talked to Harry who was practically itching to jump out of his pram as per usual. To really let James know how upset he was, he promptly burst into tears, kicking his hands and feet and James quickly rounded, telling Harry that if he wanted to be let out, he could just say that, and then let him out.
He bounded round the corner and instantly found the children’s section.
The books had gone from academic and large to soft and colourful . There were children’s toys stuffed between the books and Harry looked like he was in heaven as his small mouth rounded open as he stared at all the options ahead of him and James smiled.
It was amazing to live life again through his child’s eyes. He was young but he felt like he had aged decades in the past few weeks so Harry reminded him what it was like to be young and discovering new things again.
France was an entirely new place for him and sometimes he felt like Harry as well, aweing at the different sights- he ought to go to the Eiffel Tower at some point as well.
Though for now the sight of Harry wobbling through the aisles of books, inspecting each colourful cover as though he could understand a single thing, was more than enough for him. James took pity on him after a short while and picked up a few books he thought Harry might enjoy- short fables and stories with magic.
He hoped the day would come where they could all return to the magical world, where he could hold his wand again and feel the hum of magic in his blood and all around them, when he could just spell vegetables to chop themselves and water to instantly boil- he missed the little things but as long as Voldemort was around, here they were to remain.
They had spent the first few days in France constantly looking over their shoulders, expecting cloaked and masked death eaters to descend upon them in the city square but it never happened and with time, the overwhelming fear dulled to a hidden thing that remained in the far recesses of his mind.
He checked out and Harry was starting to fuss again when James realised he hadn’t brought a bag with him and that Harry was probably starving by now- the little sprog sure loved to eat.
He spotted a cafe and redirected them there.
There was a pale blue awning posted above the door that had a small wooden sign with the words ‘Le Soleil d’Or’ written in pretty cursive hung above it. The door dinged when he pushed it open and he took a moment to admire the interior.
The walls were painted a light cream colour and mismatched light fixtures hung in various parts of the small and cosy cafe. There were potted plants hung in corners and placed on shelves that lined the far wall, interspersed with the books- there were so many James couldn’t hope to count them all. The counter stood opposite it, closer to the main entrance, with a board hung above it with all the various drinks they offered and James recognized only a few of the words there.
He walked over to the display case of pastries and asked Harry what he wanted but when he said ‘everything,’ he decided to again, make the executive decision.
At the counter stood a tall man, maybe even taller than Remus, with sandy blond hair and green eyes shaded by squared glasses. When James approached, he smiled and revealed rows of perfect white teeth and a little piercing that dangled at his gum line, twin to the one that hung in his septum.
He greeted him and James sheepishly asked, “English?”
“How are you today?” he repeated cheerily in a slight accent.
“I’m well and you?” he offered back.
“On a day like this, I’m good- what can I get you today?”
“Er- I’ll have a pain au chocolat and a- what do you recommend to drink?”
He craned his neck to look up at the board himself and decided on, “A Café Noisette for you and a hot cocoa for the boy.”
“Then that’s what we’ll have,” he grinned and paid.
The man began fiddling with the machines and when James was about to step away to wait, the man continued speaking, “So how long are you in France for, you are visiting, yes?”
“I moved here a month ago. It started as temporary but now I’m not so sure- France is quite lovely,” he admitted honestly.
“France does have a certain charm to it, even if it does smell a bit odd in some places,” he winked.
There were only a few traditional tables stationed in the space, the rest of the seating options consisted of bean bag chairs, stools, or low sofas with coffee tables placed atop funky looking carpets placed in front of them. It was like nothing he had ever seen and he was immediately in love with it.
“Nice, right?”
“Oh yeah, I was just thinking how I’d never seen a place like this.”
The boy, whose name tag read Marc, nodded, “My boss took over this cafe a year ago and completely redesigned it, the locals love it.”
He could certainly believe him.
When the croissant and drinks were ready, he grabbed them off the counter and took them over to a spot by the window where instead of any chairs, there were colourful cushions arranged in a small circle.
As Harry tore into the pastry that now looked like a pile of chocolatey mush, he looked out the window and was again lost in thought.
Sirius was from France- he always vowed to bring James here sometime they were both free yet that opportunity had not seemed to come yet. He never quite learned what happened to Sirius, Remus, or even Peter after what happened.
When Peter arrived, James thankfully had his wand and he had just the slightest chance to barricade the door and call Lily and Harry back downstairs. They ran out the backdoor once the front door had slammed open but they were gone before anything happened. Right before they escaped, he cast a Bombarda at the house and apparated them away.
They had gone straight to a safehouse, the most underground one they had, and immediately contacted Dumbledore. After just a few hours of planning, he assured them everything would be okay once they went off to France and that they would cease communications and they followed his orders for Harry’s sake.
In the end, Peter was found injured in the explosion and was later apprehended by Order authorities. To the world’s knowledge, Peter had cast the explosion, clearly killing the Potters- the real story of what happened to them buried away.
Dumbledore had tied up all the loose ends rather quickly.
“Pafoo!” Harry squeaked as he jumped up to the window, smearing chocolate across the glass where a black dog strode past.
“Padfoot,” James echoed distantly as he began wiping away his mess.
Once Harry was full and in a losing battle against his heavy eyelids, James tucked him into his pram and made to leave. He couldn’t wait till Harry was old enough to walk everywhere because right when they made to leave, he rammed someone that was coming in.
“Putain!” the man exclaimed.
James hastily stepped back, “Sorry! I didn’t see you there.”
“Watch where you’re going,” the man sighed, not quite angrily but with a sure attitude.
James obliged, only chancing a look at his black hair before making a quick escape.
“Pootan!” Harry cheered once they were out on the street.
_______
Turns out that was a curse word- ‘fuck’ more exactly, and it just so happened to be Harry’s favourite French word.
“I leave you alone with him for a day and he comes back a sailor,” Lily frowned as she gave Harry a bath, gently scolding him anytime he said the word and teaching him something else instead.
“It’s not my fault,” he retorted though it clearly might have been.
“I got a letter from Petunia today,” she mused and while she tried to make it sound casual, her tight expression showed that it clearly was not.
“And?” he asked though he didn’t quite care- her sister was horrible by all definitions of the word and she didn’t show the slightest bit of interest in Harry despite the fact that she was his nephew. If she could care for Dudley who looked more like an overgrown squash than a baby and not Harry then it was her loss.
He also wasn’t all that pleased that she had a way to contact them but she didn’t actually know where they were- Lily had just sent over an owl in the off chance Petunia would want to contact her. The owl knew where they were, not Petunia, but even then, she had yet to use the owl until now apparently.
“She wanted to know if we were doing okay is all and I was thinking that maybe,” she bit her lip as she toyed with a piece of Harry’s hair, “Maybe we could stop by?”
“Absolutely not,” he went in.
Lily immediately rose to the challenge, “Why not? We’re stuck here with nobody and I think that maybe if we tell her-.”
“It’s too dangerous, Lils,” he warned.
“Everything is dangerous!” she shot back, “Having a baby in a war is dangerous, hiding in a Muggle city is dangerous, seeing my sister is not dangerous .”
“She never gave a damn before and you don’t think it’s the slightest bit suspicious that she would want to see us now?”
“Maybe she changed, Harry and Dudley are a year old now, it’d be nice for them to meet each other-.”
“Right, your evil sister wants to see you and our prophecy baby after we’ve been on the run, sounds about right.”
“James, you’re not being fair.”
It’s not like he took any sort of personal joy out of this but it was the mere fact of the matter that even leaving their flat was a huge risk daily but seeing Petunia, in England, was the biggest one of all and not worth the risk on Harry’s life.
But he was seeing the toll this has been taking on Lily as well.
After Marlene and Dorcas, the Prewetts, and Benjy, Lily had become incredibly broken- they all had, so many of their best and closest friends had died- and now they were in this new city with nothing and no one. He wasn’t doing so well either but seeing Lily so hurt made the pain increase tenfold.
“I’m sorry Lily, I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” he whispered, pressing a kiss into her hair, and stepping out of the washroom.
_______
Guilt wracked him the entire night, especially when Lily claimed she wasn’t hungry at dinner and went to sleep in her room without another word.
Perhaps he could find some way to make it work? If they couldn’t go to Petunia, perhaps she could come to them?
The following morning, Lily took Harry out right when he woke up and left a note saying she’d be back tonight and so he got ready for his own day.
Hope slowly bloomed in him in that maybe this wasn’t so bad of an idea after all, he’d just gather a bit of assurance and call her over and Lily would be happy for it, Harry too- maybe Dudley looked less of a squash now.
As an “Auror,” he’d never taken the official exam yet he received all the necessary training, being precocious was ingrained in him but not being heartless.
He left their flat, waved at the man attempting to sell him flowers, and headed to the nearest apparition point, his wand stuck into his boot. It had been a long time yet since he carried his wand on him but just the reassuring weight of it was enough to put a little bounce in his step.
The apparition points around Paris were always incredibly busy so it wouldn’t be too difficult for him to slip by unattended- they weren’t monitored and were a good way to travel by unobtrusively.
He slipped behind a small corner shop and headed into the alley behind where witches and wizards of all sorts were popping in and out. He dipped his head to a man in tribal attire and smiled at an old witch who gave him a gummy smile in return.
A turn of his heel had him flying straight into London.
He landed with a jolt and had to swallow the bit of his breakfast that came up his throat. He’d never become totally comfortable with the stretching and squeezing feeling of apparition, going into the void and hoping you come back out the other side with most of your limbs.
London was bustling with life and he easily slipped into the crowd that swelled around him. London city attire was a bit more subdued than the current trends in Paris and he was grateful that the cloaks he bought in the magical world resembled the ones muggles wore here.
The sun should be shining but the pavement around him was entirely shadowed due to the high rises around him and he chanced a look up just to make sure the sun and sky were still there.
He sort of just picked a direction and started walking until he found an entrance to the underground and began his descent into the dank and wet underbelly of London proper.
Magic transport was certainly easier as he eyed the display boards with all of the different stations and departure times and found none for his desired location in Surrey so when he saw a young woman sitting in a booth, he went straight to her.
“Hi I-,” he started.
The girl held up a single finger as she clicked repeatedly on the odd ball shaped thing under her hand. She smacked on a piece of gum and had yet to even look at him.
He just paused awkwardly, mouth slightly open, hand slightly raised- waiting for permission to continue speaking.
“How may I help you sir?” she finally asked after a moment, her heavily lined eyes sliding over to him.
“Yeah hi so I was wondering how I could get to Surrey from here, I did-,”
“Train leaves in about,” she leaned over to the side, “5 minutes, you might be able to make it.”
“But how do I purchase a ticket?”
As he spoke, she blew out a large pink bubble that popped and sucked it back in.
“It’ll be 6 pounds and 70 cents,” she ordered and he hastily pulled out the correct amount.
She did a couple more clicks of her sphere and handed him a slip of paper, “3 minutes now.”
He didn’t even thank her, instead running towards the indicated direction of the train and he saw the doors slowly begin to shut but he managed to rush in at the last second, the doors painfully squeezing him in between them for a moment.
An old man standing by the door grunted angrily at him and James apologised hastily, slipping into a seat by the window and catching his breath.
Bloody Petunia Dursley.
________
It was hopeless.
James knew deep down it would be but he still tried to be optimistic for Lily’s sake.
He approached the home from a side street on foot, his collar propped up, glasses traded for contact lenses, and hair tucked into a knit cap- it wasn’t by any means a good disguise but it did enough of the job.
He had spotted two suspicious characters just on the edge of the neighbourhood and the closer he got, the more apprehensive he became.
He spotted a couple- a man and a woman, holding hands and walking their dog though they kept a routine loop around the area, the dog in front of them acting strangely mechanical as well, never stopping to sniff around or even take a piss- just moving one foot in front of the other. The house next to Petunia’s had a man tending to his garden though his eyes were everywhere but the dead rosebush in front of him and on the other side was a woman who just sat on her porch, scanning the area.
He kept his head down as he walked straight ahead, right past Privet street and while he tried to keep his walking steady, his heart was beating wildly and painfully against his ribs and his blood was roaring in his ears.
In his haste to escape, he missed the young girl skipping right past him.
“Sorry sir,” she smiled up at him. She seemed to be close to him in age, if a bit younger perhaps. She seemed entirely normal until his eyes drifted low to her arm that was resting on his and peeking just on the cuff of her sleeve- was a mark.
“C’est bon!” he replied cheerfully before moving quickly past her. The only reason he even knew how to say that was because he had blundered so many times in France that he was used to hearing that as a pretty normal response by now.
“No I don’t think-” he heard the girl whispering into something behind his back but he didn’t dare look.
He took the long way back to the train station and made his way back to where he started.
Lily was going to be gutted.
________
He’d been going back and forth with himself the entire ride back on whether or not he wanted to actually tell Lily what had happened because what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her but Lily had enough of an impulsive streak that she might just go there without telling him and he didn’t want her to be blindsided.
He told her and she spent the rest of the evening in her room again.
________
My dear friend,
I hear the weather in France is taking a turn for the worst, do keep a watch on the forecast- nothing to worry about for now but it may be good to take a cloak with you when you go out. The weather here is dreary as always but we always take precautions- it’s a good habit to make.
Hope you are well,
Brian