linger
James woke up to the sound of measured breaths and soft music. He instinctively drew Regulus closer, curling around him. Regulus was still asleep, apparently unbothered by the light streaming through the crappy hotel shades. James looked down at Regulus sleeping peacefully against him, studying Regulus’ features, at peace as they never seemed to be during the day, always watching and tense. He looked relaxed when he slept; younger as if he’d never been forced to grow up too early at the hands of the Noble (evil, James thought) House of Black. James didn’t want to get up. He was comfortable and warm and despite his usual restlessness and inability to stay in bed after he woke up, he found that there was nowhere he’d rather be.
And I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger?
Do you have to let it linger?
James found himself thinking about the prior night. Somehow he believed every word Regulus had said the night before, believed the sincerity in his eyes when he said that he meant it when he said he ‘really, really’ liked James. Despite the fact that Regulus had been so drunk he couldn’t walk straight. Although James supposed that caused Regulus to open up and actually talk to him so he had that to thank Regulus’ drunkenness for. And Regulus was sweet when he was drunk. He was cute and quite clingy and James absolutely adored it. That being said, he’d been mildly terrified when he’d heard a bang at the door the previous night only to find Regulus lying in a heap outside. He’d assumed the worst and panicked, all the worst possible scenarios running through his head, until he’d finally gotten it together enough to bring Regulus to his bed and turned him over to find that he was fine. James was close enough that he could smell the alcohol on his breath and hear Regulus slurring something that sounded suspiciously close to his name, but he was unharmed.
Regulus stirred in James’ arms, slowly blinking open his eyes.
“Morning love,” James said softly, smiling.
“What-what happened?” Regulus rolled over, putting some distance between them, so that he was facing James.
“Do you remember anything about last night?”
“Unfortunately I remember everything, thank you,” Regulus muttered, pursing his lips.
“Unfortunately?”
“Did I not walk out on you, get drunk and then come back only to embarrass myself?”
“Well I thought you were quite coherent for how drunk I assume you were. No embarrassment at all,” James said, smirking. Then his expression turned serious as he said, “unless you don’t want-didn’t mean it. In which case I’ll-I mean-”
“James.”
He cleared his throat, “Yes?”
“Drunk words are the deepest of sober thoughts, right?”
“How-how do you-I mean when I get drunk, I can barely remember a thing and here you are quoting yourself,” James laughed, running a hand through his hair as best he could lying down.
Regulus raised an eyebrow, “I suppose it’s a skill.”
James laughed again, “I suppose it is.” Then he cleared his throat again, trying to find the words, “So…what does this make us exactly?”
“What do you want this to make us?”
“I don’t know Regulus, I think it’s time you decide.”
“Didn’t I do that last night?”
“You were drunk and you didn’t exactly give me much.”
“I-why me James?”
“Didn’t I answer this?”
“Just-I don’t know, humour me.”
“Okay, um, well, I think it has to do with you being rude to me. Not like- I just, you’re the only one who is not putting on a facade around me-the only one who doesn’t care. Even in secondary, everyone was nice to me because I was on the rugby team, I was I don’t know a stupid teenager who thought he was important I guess and that made everyone think I was important. I was confident and I helped people out so I guess people thought I was nice and I suppose they saw me as just someone else they had to suck up to. A person who they should be friends with. But I was a bit oblivious and I had my friends, my best mates, I didn’t need anyone else. But it started to wear on me when people would stop their conversations just to ask me how it was going or when people would go out of their way to say hello to me. I didn’t know why they did that and I guess I didn’t know what people thought of me really because everyone was just I don-t know, yeah, putting on a facade I suppose. And then you came along. Do you remember what you first said to me when we met?” James laughed, “You scowled at me and turned to Sirius, who’d just introduced us and said ‘ this is James?’ like with so much…disdain,” James laughed slightly, “ And that stuck with me. And then I would see you with your friends or helping someone, and I thought, so he is kind , because you are. People just have to earn your kindness. So they really know when you like them. Because you do little things for them. You learn their favourite food and buy it when you do groceries or take the chore you know they hate, and I don’t know. I guess that’s maybe why. Because you’re you Regulus.”
“That was stupid.”
“I’m sorry?”
“You’re just-you’re, ugh. Why are you so nice?”
“I like helping people I suppose.”
“I-” Regulus took a breath and looked at James, “I like you,” he gritted out.
“You sure? You don’t sound very convinced yourself,” James smiled.
“Oh fuck you.”
“You wish,” James laughed and then looked back at Regulus, smile softening, “I meant it when I said it. I love you. And you don’t have to say it. Don’t. Not before you’re ready, and if you don’t that’s okay too, but I want something more. Not just-yeah.”
Regulus sat up, “James?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you-will you go out with me?”
“Like on a date?”
“I-yes.”
James smiled and sat up, “Yeah Regulus, I’ll go out with you.”
“Okay,” He leaned against James a little, resting his head lightly against James’ shoulder.
“Okay?”
“Mmm”
“Regulus?”
“Hm?”
“How long have you liked me…like that?”
“How long have you? Liked me romantically?” Regulus scrunched his nose, “That sounded strange. Like something my mother would say.” he shuddered and James laughed.
“I thought it was obvious. Since secondary,” he laced his fingers through Regulus’, “And you?”
“Since secondary as well,” Regulus whispered.
“Oh?”
They were silent for a bit and James reached over for his phone to check the time. It was almost 8:45. He had never slept past 7:30 at the very latest, so he was shocked to say the least. Still, staying under the blankets, with Regulus leaning against him was nice.
“What time’s it?”
“Almost 8:45.”
Regulus hummed and went to get up. James pulled him back, putting his arms around him.
“Where are you going?”
“To get ready for breakfast.”
“We have fifteen minutes,” James looked up at Regulus.
“You’re insufferable,” Regulus said, letting himself be dragged back to his prior position, leaning against James.
I could come up with reasons I didn't love you well enough
Shooting a second arrow into the hole where the first was
We've paid in pain, now we'll keep the change
The blame is for the birds
I'll break it up in pieces and feed it to them by the river
Used to wear my sadness like a choker, yeah, it had me by the throat
Tonight I feel I'm draped in it, like a loose garment
I just let it flow
They ended up getting out of the hotel right at ten, frantically trying to zip luggage, do their final sweeps of the room and find parking tickets. James texted Sirius to let him know he was running late, decidedly leaving out the part where Regulus was the cause of his lateness.
10:03
jamessssss :) : just leaving now
jamessssss :) : sry im leaving pretty late
10:14
padfoot <3: i thought you were leaving early to beat traffic??
10:16
jamessssss :) : i had to pack some of my stuff 😭
jamessssss :) : fell asleep w/o doing that last night lolll
padfoot <3: christ ok well gl with traffic
padfoot <3: me and moony are here whenever
jamessssss :) : speaking of moony……
padfoot <3: no
padfoot <3: i invited reggie and whoever he wants to bring over for a late bday celebration
jamessssss : sounds good
jamessssss : ill be over sooner hopefully to give u ur gift and celebrate just us 3
jamessssss : when are ppl arriving?
jamessssss : also did you get my email
padfoot <3: around 8 i think
padfoot <3: and yes i got the bday email and numerous texts and obviously the call
jamessssss : yay :)
jamessssss : also im on the road rn but if you need anything call
padfoot <3: ok ❤️
jamessssss : ❤️❤️❤️
James opened Regulus’ contact at a red light.
10:18
unknown number: hi!
regulus: don’t text and drive you could crash
James: i see you taking your own advice spectacularly…
regulus: i am aware of my surroundings
James: are you implying im not?????? how offensive
regulus: i’m not implying, it’s a fact
James: rude
regulus: what do you need?
James: just wanted to say hello :)
regulus: hello James
James: :) hi!
The rest of the drive was fairly uneventful, James took a wrong turn at one point and complained to Sirius about it despite the fact that it wouldn’t change the time he got to Sirius’ as he’d he’d get home with time to spare anyway. He stopped at a rest stop and the entirety of the stop consisted of him running into the crappy convenience store to get goldfish and water and texting Regulus, who informed him that, yes, he’d take James out on a date as promised but no, he could not know where they’d be going because it was a surprise. Also Regulus texted him the link to a song, which he put on immediately and then he sent Regulus a song.
Where everything was fiction, future, and prediction
Now where am I? My fading supply
Did you get enough love, my little dove?
Why do you cry?
And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best
When he finally pulled into a spot in front of his flat, he was a bit exhausted. He truly didn’t love driving. The only good part really was the music and the fact that he was so focused that his mind couldn’t really wander. He pulled his suitcase out of the car and stumbled up the stairs.
Technically James didn’t have to be at Sirius’ until 6 or so because he’d said he’d be over about two hours before people started arriving but after taking a shower and eating whatever he had in the fridge he couldn’t find anything better to do (god forbid he actually unpacked in a timely manner). So he called Sirius.
“James!!!”
“Padfoot!”
“Did you get home?”
“Yeah, just finished showering?”
“Have you unpacked then?”
James scoffed, “no.”
“Right, of course not,” Sirius laughed.
“Would you mind if I came over like really, really early?”
“Why would I?”
“...Moony?”
“Don’t you dare.”
“I didn’t even say anything!”
“I see where you’re going and just nope. Full stop. Don’t even start.”
“Fine, fine, fine. I just didn’t want to interrupt if you both were doing anything,” James paused, “but did he do something for you for your birthday?”
“...yes.”
“Oooooh, and?”
“I don’t know we just went out and he took me to that place I like for dinner and drinks and we went to the thrifting place that has records, you know? And it was just…it was nice James.” There was a pause and then Sirius let out a muffled groan as if he’d buried his head in his hands.
James laughed, “oh you’re so gone on him mate.”
“I am,” Sirius practically wailed, “and I don’t know what to do,” he groaned again.
“Tell him! He likes you too, you know. Have you seen the faces he makes at you? It’s like he’s only got eyes for you when he’s looking at you.”
“Stop feeding my delusions,” Sirius’ voice was still muffled.
“What’s a best mate for then? Plus, they’re not delusions if I’m right.”
“Ughhhhh, I’ll see you soon Prongs.”
“I see the diversion, but since I’m literally getting into the car I suppose the conversation can wait 15 minutes.”
“Bye, love you.”
“Love you.”
James hung up and pulled out, looking over at the passenger seat for the third time to make sure he hadn’t forgotten Sirius’ gift (he hadn’t, it was still there, as it had been the past three times).
Oh no, love, you're not alone
You're watching yourself, but you're too unfair
You got your head all tangled up, but if I could only make you care
Oh no, love, you're not alone
No matter what or who you've been
No matter when or where you've seen
He got to Sirius’ and practically ran up the stairs. As soon as Sirius flung open the door, James put the gift down and ran at Sirius. They collided in a hug of some sort both trying to say something to the other. They eventually sat down on the couch, talking in a slightly more civilised way. James asked how Sirius’ birthday went and Sirius asked about the conference. They talked until the door opened again and Remus walked in.
“James!”
“Moony!”
“How was the conference?”
“Fine, how was the week for you?”
“Oh, alright, you know. Dealing with living with this one,” he gestured toward Sirius.
James laughed, “don’t I know it? Does he play his guitar at eleven in the night with you? Or was it only to annoy me?”
“Oh no, nope. This week it was ‘Rebel, Rebel’ on repeat. The same chords over and over. Jesus Christ. Bowie is great but…”
Sirius looked outraged, “I’m right here you know?”
Remus’ foot hit something and he looked down at the ground, “Prongs is this yours?”
“Oh!” James jumped up from his spot on the couch, “that’s Sirius’ gift.” He went to get it and then settled back on the sofa, giving the gift to Sirius.
“Am I just supposed to…”
“Yeah, open it! Unless you want to wait until tonight.”
Sirius tore open the wrapping paper. He started laughing as soon as he saw what it was. “James, is this my Cure shirt?”
“Yep, the Velvet Underground one is there too. And the goddamn sweatshirt from secondary. You don’t know how long it took me to find those.”
“So basically every item of clothes you’ve stolen from me.”
“Well the ones you like at least,” James laughed, “but there’s an actual gift there as well.”
Sirius took out the box of miscellaneous things James had gotten him, “Oh my god, did you make me a cassette?”
“It’s our playlist from secondary!”
“Oh that’s absolutely legendary,” he threw himself at James after putting the gift down and they ended up in a tangle of limbs laughing. Sirius untangled himself after a bit, skipping off, “I’m putting this on right now, that’s awesome.”
Little boy, she's from the street
Before you start, you're already beat
She's gonna play you for a fool
Yes, it's true
People started arriving right at eight. People meaning Regulus; he was the only one who was perfectly on time. James went to open the door while Sirius and Remus were setting up food and dinks.
“Hi,” James sounded a little bit breathless upon realising who was on the other side of the door.
Regulus’ mouth quirked up in a small smile as he said, “hello James.”
“Um, come in, Sirius is in the kitchen.”
“Right.”
Regulus wandered off leaving James next to the door staring after him.
Lily and Pandora arrived about ten minutes later. This time James was stuck setting up while Sirius was who-knew-where and Remus went to open the door. James heard familiar greetings but he was more focused on Regulus who was rustling through Sirius’ cabinets attempting to find more plastic cups.
“What?” Regulus looked at him, eyebrows furrowed.
“What what?”
“You were staring.”
“Maybe I just like looking at you.”
“James.”
“What?”
“We can’t tell people.”
“What?” This time he was genuinely confused.
“My brother would…freak out, for lack of a better term.”
“Oh, like about us.”
“Yes about us.”
“Hmm alright, but when we’re alone” James got closer to Regulus backing him against the counter, “I can do this,” he whispered and kissed Regulus pulling away almost as soon as their lips touched, going back to innocently stacking plates.
“You…”
“Hm? I think you were looking for the cups Regulus,” James smirked at him.
“You absolute tease,” Regulus scoffed.
“Never claimed not to be,” he smiled, looking over at Regulus. Then Pandora, Lily and Remus came in and James winked at Regulus, going over to greet them.
I look around, but I can't find you
If only I could see your face
I start rushing towards the skyline
I wish that I could just be brave
Dorcas and Marlene arrived not too much later and by then Sirius was already pouring drinks for everyone and James had taken out the Uno deck. Which was an extremely violent affair. James couldn’t adore it more.
“I swear to fucking god Dorcas if you have a motherfucking green card I will murder you.” It was Marlene’s turn and they were already halfway through the second round. James was extremely excited because he’d managed to get everyone minus Regulus to play this time, which was more than expected considering last time there had been a physical fight and someone had wiped all the cards off the table twice and multiple screaming matches of course.
“Better wait and see then babe,” Dorcas smirked. Sure enough she did have the motherfucking green card.
“Uno!” She declared gladly. Marlene looked like she genuinely could murder her girlfriend at that moment. James stacked three cards, putting him at ‘uno’ as well.
Someone changed the colour to yellow and then Marlene happily put a plus two card down (‘take that !’) right before Dorcas’ turn, so James won for the second time in a row. Absolutely no one was surprised seeing as he somehow always managed to. Despite this everyone collectively groaned and started yelling about how he always won.
Sirius poured everyone more drinks and James extracted himself from the circle on the floor to go sit on the couch with Regulus.
He talked to Regulus as they watched the game progress. They talked about inconsequential things, making sure not to be too obvious. But everyone was very engrossed in the game. Lily had been about to swipe all the cards off the table and climb over it when Remus had changed the colour at one point.
James texted Regulus when he wouldn’t pay attention to him and kept spamming him until he responded. So they alternated between talking and when the game was particularly quiet, texting.
“Come on,” James whispered, taking Regulus' hand.
“What?”
“Meet me in the corner of the kitchen.”
“What?”
James got up from the couch manoeuvring his way around the group still playing for third place now.
“Where are you going?” Remus looked up as James stepped around him.
“Bathroom,” James responded, finally getting out of the circle. Sirius nodded and went back to the game.
James waited in the kitchen for a couple seconds before getting himself a glass of water and then going to stand in the corner. Regulus showed up a minute later.
“What do you want?”
“Come here,” James held his hand out and Regulus took it tentatively.
James pulled him into the small bathroom, “I missed you.”
“You’ve been sitting next to me for the past fifteen minutes.”
“Okay, yeah but I missed talking to you, just me and you.”
“So you pulled me into Sirius’ tiny, half-broken bathroom to talk. Which we were literally doing not two minutes ago.”
“Well and to do this,” James smiled and then kissed him. They stood there whispering and kissing for a while and James could only focus on Regulus, Regulus, Regulus.
“Oh,” someone said very quietly from behind them. James and Regulus sprang apart from where they’d been leaning against one another, chatting. They turned around, James running a hand through his hair, Regulus shrinking away from the door.
James saw Regulus look up and some of the tension in his shoulders visibly bled out as he whispered, “Pandora.”
She was smirking slightly, “Regulus.”
Regulus turned to James, “you can go if you want.” James nodded and Regulus squeezed his hand before he apologised to Pandora and exited. He heard Pandora squealing quietly and Regulus shushing her before he went back to the living room.
“Where were you?!” Sirius was staring at him accusatorily.
“I had to get water, but then Regulus had gone into the bathroom so I waited until he was finished.”
“Where’s he?”
“Got caught up with Pandora. He was pouring himself a drink when I left the bathroom and then Pandora came up to us and they started talking.”
“That bastard. He better not have gotten into my good whiskey.”
James laughed. The song changed and Sirius gasped, standing up and extending his hands to James. James took his hands and they started dancing.
(She came) Blood on the rise, it's following me
Just about the break of day
She came and then she drove away
Sunlight in her hair
…
Blood in my love in the terrible summer
Bloody red sun of fantastic LA
After the song finished, Sirius turned up the volume and Dorcas pulled Marlene up to dance. Suddenly Lily and Pandora appeared, spinning around and laughing as well. They danced for another song and then Sirius gasped and said, “wait here.” The music stopped abruptly and then started again, only this time it was from the small TV that Sirius had, with the lyrics.
“Impromptu karaoke,” Sirius declared, grinning.
And I went down to the demonstration
To get my fair share of abuse
Singing, "We're gonna vent our frustration
If we don't, we're going to blow a 50-amp fuse"
Sing it to me, honey
After their karaoke session, in which everyone started screaming until all of their voices were hoarse (with the exception of Regulus and Remus, for some songs) they did cake (James had quite a bit of trouble lighting the candles and had to let Regulus do it despite his insistence that he could light a candle). Their rendition of ‘happy birthday’ sounded atrocious and everyone was laughing through it but they were all having an absolutely delightful time. They stood around eating cake and drinking and talking.
James gravitated toward Sirius and Remus after seeing Regulus was talking with Pandora. Lily was also right around there so James went up to her nodding in the direction of Sirius and Remus, who were talking, “bets on how long it’ll take to get them together?”
“Christ, I talked to Remus and by how he thinks this is going it could be anywhere from ten to a hundred years,” she laughed.
“Ugh I know. Sirius told me that them getting together is a ‘delusion’ this morning. Like, no, it’s this close to being a reality,” James’ index finger and thumb were practically touching.
“A delusion?” She scoffed, “yeah, right. Anyway, you were at the conference with Regulus right?”
“Yeah?”
“Lovely, how did that go? He facetimed Pandora and I was there but he didn’t say much about the conference. Although I did finally get to see video of him dancing and he’s really fucking good.”
“Yeah, seeing his performances was probably a highlight. All though the conference was all-around pretty good.”
“James!” Sirius made a ‘come here’ gesture.
“I suppose that’s my cue,” James said and then walked over to where Sirius was standing.
Don't bother looking down
We're not going that way
At least I know I am here to stay
We fell in love in October
That's why I love fall
Looking at the stars
Admiring from afar
Somehow James found himself right in front of Pandora who said, “come on,” and then started walking away from the crowd into a secluded area of the living room. James followed her.
“Sorry about that, I just needed to talk to you about something.”
“Okay?”
“You seem a good person and I find that usually I’m a fairly good judge of character. One of my useful skills along with crocheting and cutting very small shapes out of paper. Anyway, I think you’re a good person and from what Regulus has told me, he was the one who messed up with you. He felt awful about that by the way. But he’s been through quite a bit and doesn’t like talking about it or his feelings about anything at all really. So, if you force him to talk or do anything really I will gladly put my dissection skills from uni to use. Oh and James? The best thing you can do for him is be there. If you mess up, fix it as quickly as you can, but don’t do anything rash. I think you’re good, James. Also, he really likes you.”
“Thank you. I’ll talk to him as much as I can-as much as he feels comfortable with, but thanks for telling me. And yeah,” James laughed nervously, “hopefully no need for dissection.”
Pandora smiled and then tilted her head at James a little bit, “I think you’re good at reading people, at being with people, not just romantically, but you’ll wear yourself out if you’re always pleasing others. Do something for yourself once in a while, James.”
She then proceeded to smile and walk away, going over to kiss Lily on the cheek and talk and gesture to her about something excitedly.
James returned to the table, thinking over the entire strange, but far from unwelcome interaction he’d just had. Sirius pulled him into a conversation with Remus and Dorcas.
“No but think about the economic value of werewolves,” Sirius was saying.
James interrupted, “I’m sorry what did I just walk into?”
“Really though! I mean they’re everywhere like so many books and-and…”
“Board games? Not to mention video games.” Remus said.
“See exactly! They’re used in so much!”
“No, I see his point,” Dorcas conceded. Remus just looked at them, exasperated, despite having contributed not two seconds ago.
“Okay which do we think is of more value then?” Sirius asked, deeply contemplating the situation.
“Mmm, I still think fairies,” Dorcas said
They somehow ended up back in the living room, all piled together, three different conversations going on at once that everyone somehow seemed to be contributing to.
James was squished between Sirius and Regulus who was slightly tipsy and was clinging to James’ arm, leaning against him slightly while talking to Pandora and Dorcas.
And James was happy. Talking to Sirius, Regulus leaning against his side, he was happier than he’d been in quite a while.