memories

While Sirus was crying and shaking with his head in his hands, Regulus was pacing around the room, muttering. It certainly wasn't like he was helping Sirius. While Regulus was busy screaming, Sirius ran his hands through his hair and stood up angrily.

"SHUT UP! STOP YELLING AT ME!"

Regulus walked towards him from across the room. "SHUT UP? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE A DISGRACE BY JUMPING ON A MAN YOU DON'T KNOW IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAFÉ, BUT WHEN I YELL, AM I WRONG? DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?" Sirius also walked towards Regulus. "NOT A MAN I DON'T KNOW! REMUS IS MY BOYFRIEND!" James, who had been watching their argument silently, decided to intervene and stood between the two brothers. He put one hand on Sirius' chest. His voice was much calmer than Regulus'.

"Sirius...okay. There's no point in you two shouting at each other like that. What's done is done." He turned to Regulus. "Regulus,stop going after Sirius. He says he knows Remus." Regulus turned to James with fire in his eyes."JAMES ARE YOU KIDDING ME? STOP DEFENDING HIM!! YOU SAW WHAT HE DID. AND SINCE HIS BOY, THAT WAITER, WHO IS HIS BOYFRIEND-"He made a quotation mark in the air with his index fingers."-WHY DON'T HE KNOW SIRIUS?"

James continued to stare at Regulus with a straight face, not responding to Regulus screaming to his face. If James shouted  right now, there was a possibility of a massacre in the house. He spoke in a very calm tone again. His hand was on Regulus' shoulder. "I'm sure he has an explanation, but you're not going to get anywhere by scolding your brother right now. Try to calm down a bit." Regulus' body relaxed. His shoulders slumped. He seemed to consider what James had said and decide that he was right. He pushed James' hand away and stepped back. His eyes went to Sirius, who was sobbing behind James. "Si-"

Sirius turned away from James and left the hall without letting Regulus speak. He ran to his room. When they were alone in the hall, James looked at Regulus. Regulus also stared at the now empty hallway. "Maybe it would be better if you talked later...I mean... after you both calm down?" He didn't answer. James took a deep breath. He had no idea what to do with these brothers. Regulus was right in what he said, but Sirius crying and that was breaking his heart.

He sat down slowly on the couch and waited for a reaction from Regulus. Regulus licked his lips and brushed his hair back from his eyes. He folded his arms across his chest. There was a long silence between them. The silence was broken when Sirius re-entered the room. He was holding papers, his eyes were red. His hair was electrified and his makeup had run completely down his cheeks. In this state...never mind...

He threw the papers in his hand towards Regulus. "REMUS IS MY BOYFRIEND OKAY!? LOOK AT THESE! I HAVE BEEN DRAWING REMUS FOR MANY DAYS. HOW CAN I DRAW HIM IF HE'S SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW. LOOK AT THESE!" After Sirius told him, James remembered that Sirius had been drawing that mysterious man for days. He hadn't actually thought he would find him.

Regulus bent down and picked up one of the papers. Sirius was looking at him with both hands balled into fists, breathing hard. His eyes were wide. When James looked over Regulus' shoulder at the picture, he almost choked with surprise because it was really the waiter boy himself that Sirius had drawn......

James leaned down and picked up another picture and looked at it. It was Remus again. He felt like he was in on some kind of camera trick. He was no longer surprised by the person Sirius had become in the last two weeks. "TELL ME HOW CAN I DRAW SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW?"

Sirius was waiting, staring at the two of them. James placed the papers on the couch after a few pictures. He took a step towards Sirius. "Sirius...these...have you been drawing Remus for days?"

Sirius completely ignored James."Call me mad,call me crazy, but I'll prove to you that Remus is my boyfriend." Then he turned and ran to his room. The door slammed shut behind him.

Regulus looked at James. His mouth was still open in shock.

-

Sirius was sitting on his bed and crying. He was tired of being treated like a crazy person. Why didn't anyone believe him? Also, why was Remus saying he didn't know him? What had Sirius done with Remus before the accident that Remus was pretending not to know him? Could they have had a fight? Even if they had, hadn't Remus come to the hospital even though Sirius was close to death? His head was aching because of the questions in his mind. He threw himself on the bed, holding his head with his hands. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. He put one arm over his eyes. While he was trying to suppress his sobs, the door knocked.

"Leave me alone, James." His voice was rough from crying. James didn't seem to care about what Sirius was saying because the door opened slowly and James walked in. Sirius' eyes were closed but he knew him well enough to know it was James. "I came to talk. I won't judge you, I promise."

Sirius said in a hollow voice. "Wow, finally someone who won't scold me." There was a short silence between them. James lay down next to Sirius. The silence continued. "Sirius... I really don't want to judge you but... does this make sense to you?"

Sirius took a deep breath. "I don't know James. I don't know anything anymore, okay? Don't ask me anything. I can't answer you."

James rolled onto his side. He lowered the arm that was in Sirius' face. "Okay."

He listened to Sirius' breathing. He watched the tears flow from his eyes. Sirius was crying silently. He opened his eyes and looked at James through wet eyelashes. "I'm not crazy." His lower jaw was trembling. James smiled. "I'd say you're smarter than any of your family members." Sirius didn't respond at first, but he couldn't help but smile slightly. He looked back up at the ceiling. "What do you remember about Remus?"

Sirius thought. "We met when we were looking for books in the bookshop, then..." He paused for a second.Why didn't he have any other memories? He could only remember the morning before the accident. How did they become boyfriend? He couldn't remember any of their meetings? He was really about to give up.Closed his eyes again.Please,someone help me.

"Then?"

Sirius looked at James. "I don't remember." James pressed his lips together. He didn't want to think about what it looked like from the outside. "I just remember waking up at his house the morning of the accident. Nothing else."

James nodded. "I understand."

Sirius took his lower lip between his teeth.

-

Remus came in and put the key in his pocket and shouted towards the kitchen. "I'm home."

"Welcome!" The sound of plates and forks was heard from the kitchen. Lily must have been setting the table. He quickly washed his hands and came to Lily. "Hey."

Lily looked at Remus as he put the plate on the table. "Hey."

Remus kissed her cheek and sat down at the table. "Wow. Pizza?"

Lily giggled. "I got off work a little early today. So I decided to do something nice when I got home so I wouldn't be idle."

Remus said as he took a big bite of pizza. "Mhhh. Delicious, as always." He took a second bite before finishing the one in his mouth.

"Thanks. But if you don't eat it slower, this will be your last pizza." Remus shook his head, making strange noises. He ate the first slice silently and said, "Something really weird happened today."

Lily shook her head while her head was buried in her plate. "I found out I have a boyfriend." Lily's eyes widened. "What?"

"I almost got my job fired."

"What? Remus-you, what? Tell me this from the beginning, why are you saying it in pieces?"

Remus took a long sip of his Coke and told the story of the man who had jumped him in the middle of the restaurant. When he finished, Lily was still looking at him with the same shocked expression. "I don't believe it... I mean... why would someone just claim to be the lover of someone they don't even know? And in front of everyone... You're lucky Dumbledore didn't fire you." She rolled her eyes. "Usually the customers' faults are always put on the waiters."

Remus shrugged. "The guys next to him were talking about hospitals anyway. They're probably talking about mental institutions. I mean-" He drew a circle next to his head with his index finger. "The guy didn't look very sane."

Lily laughed as she picked up the corn that had fallen off her pizza. "I always wonder why these strange things always find you."

Then they talked about the incident a little more and got up to clear the table.

-

Sirius was standing in front of the cafe he had stopped at at the same time yesterday. He gripped the papers in his hand tighter and took a deep breath. 'I can do it.' he whispered to himself.

That day, he had woken up with a terrible headache in the early hours of the morning. It could have been because he had been crying all night. He had decided to show Remus the drawings he had shown Regulus and James while taking a shower. Now he was standing in front of the cafe trying to muster up the courage to go in. He swallowed hard and stepped in without thinking any more. He quickly sat down at a table. The faster he acted, the faster he would have the chance to talk. Of course, there was also the part of convincing Remus because not wanting to talk was a more likely option than wanting to. He waited for him by pulling out the menu.

He lifted his head at the sound of footsteps approaching him.Just as he wanted, Remus was writing something on his notebook and coming to his table. Sirius dug his nails into his leg. He couldn't breathe. -It wasn't fair that a person could be this handsome even with a waiter's ten. -His throat was dry. Remus opened his mouth to ask for his order with a sweet smile, but his expression turned cold when he saw the person. He spoke sarcastically. "Did you come to finish the work you left unfinished yesterday?"

"No, Remus I-"

"What would you like to order?" He bowed his head indifferently to the notebook.

"I just want you to listen to me."

Remus clenched his teeth. His jaw tightened. He spoke without lifting his head from the notebook. If he left this man and went to another table now, there was a possibility of another scandal. "I have nothing to talk to you about. If you are not going to order, I will go to other customers."

Sirius just looked at him for a long time. He knew that convincing him would not be easy. "I apologize for what happened yesterday, but I really need you to listen to me right now. I need to show you something." He pushed the file in front of him towards Remus. Remus looked at the file and then at Sirius. "Just half an hour. I beg." His voice was shaking.

He tried to keep his expression straight. "As you can see, I'm working right now. I don't have time to sit around and listen to your nonsense."

Sirius gripped the edges of his chair. "Aren't you taking a break or something? If you're going to listen to me, I'll wait for you." Remus glanced at his watch and said, "There's still an hour left. Are you really going to wait?"

Sirius nodded excitedly. He smiled widely. "Thank you... Thank you, Remus."

Remus was about to turn away without saying anything when the strange man spoke again. "Remus?" He turned on his heels. He raised an eyebrow. There was a more shy smile on his face now. He turned the menu in his hand to him. His index finger was on the cupcakes. "Can you bring me two of those cupcakes?" Remus nodded.

-

After Remus left, Sirius let out the breath he hadn't even realized he was holding. He had started playing with his nails involuntarily. He planned the speech he would make to Remus from scratch in his head. Almost an hour and a half later, Remus approached his desk. While waiting for him, Sirius had been eating something sweet and drinking coffee all the time, and now his stomach was queasy. It didn't do him any good to get excited, either. He was praying inwardly that he wouldn't throw up. Remus extended his hand toward the door. "Let's talk outside." Sirius stood up quickly and took the file in his hand. Remus went outside,he followed. There was a bench a little further on. Remus went there and sat down, and Sirius sat down too.

The courage he had been trying to muster had completely disappeared now. He pressed his legs together so that their trembling would not be noticed. His throat was dry and he could not swallow. "Will I wait for you until evening?" Remus' voice pulled him from his thoughts. His eyebrows rose. "No...no..Sorry..I just-" Instead of making meaningless sentences, he cleared his throat and opened his mouth to speak. There was no need to test Remus' patience any further. "First of all, I would like to apologize for what happened yesterday. I did not mean for things to turn out this way." His eyes fell to his lap.

"I almost got fired because of you yesterday." Sirius looked at him in shock. His eyes widened. "Really? I'm so so sor-" Remus cut him off.

"Your apology won't change anything. I almost lost my job because of you. After you left, my boss scolded me for minutes.He said he would fire me. I had a really hard time convincing him by telling him I really needed this job. If it hadn't been for his persuasion, I might be looking for another job right now." Sirius' cheeks turned red with shame. He wanted to bury his head on the floor.

The events hadn’t actually happened like that, but how would this man know he was lying? He wanted him to feel a little worse about himself. He examined him from head to toe. He examined his clothes. They were probably from brands he could only afford with his one month’s salary. “You look like a rich person. Of course, you rich people are arrogant people who don’t think about anyone but themselves, so you never thought something like this could happen. You may be hearing it for the first time, but there are people in the world who really need money and jobs.” Sirius covered his mouth with his hands. Remus had gotten exactly what he wanted. Sirius looked like he was going to cry. “Remus… I really didn’t think about this, and I don’t know how to apologize. You’re right. If you were fired from your job, I could never forgive myself… I apologize a thousand times over.” Remus had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. Even with Remus's words, he still thought of himself. He should have bullied this man more. "What was your name?"

The man in front of him looked like he had been punched for a moment. His voice was trembling when he spoke. "Why do you pretend you don't know my name?"

Patience was one of the most precious feelings a person could have.

He licked his lips calmly. "In case you don't know. People don't know the names of people they just met unless they're told."

"We didn't just meet. I'm your boyfriend." He was looking hurt.

Patience was an important feeling.

Sirius frowned and bowed his head. He started playing with the edge of the file on his lap. If he raised his head and looked Remus in the eye again, he would start screaming and crying. "Sirius..My name is Sirius."

Why was Remus acting like this? What could he have done to make him so angry?

"Okay Sirius..Tell me whatever you want to tell me so I can continue my work."

Sirius started talking without looking up. There was no trace of his old excitement or courage. He could sense that Remus was getting angry and he wasn't going to ask 'why' anymore. He was going to tell it like it was. He continued to play with the edge of his file.

"We met in a bookstore. Then we started dating.I was at your home and Regulus-my brother-called me and told me that I had to come urgently. I left your house and opened my eyes in the hospital. They told me that I had been in a coma for 2 months. I asked about you as soon as I woke up, but they told me that you never came and... that they didn't know you. And even more interestingly, there is a man named Mike who claims to be my boyfriend.Regulus and James also say that he is my boyfriend, but I don't believe him. I've been trying to reach you since I woke up because... well..."bit his lower lip"-I didn't have your number saved in my phone...so..I couldn't control myself when I saw you yesterday." Towards the end, his self-confidence had completely disappeared, his voice had become hoarse.

Remus looked at him without reaction. The situation was worse than it seemed. This man urgently needed to see a psychologist and receive treatment. Remus' heart ached for a moment. It was truly sad that such a man had lost his mind, but with the right treatment and support, people had recovered from worse diseases. This man could also be given a chance.

Sirius put his hand on Remus's. Remus quickly pulled his hand away as if it had touched fire. "What the hell are you doing? Don't touch me!"

Sirius didn't know how much more his heart could break, but he was sure he would hear a physical crack soon. He couldn't stop a tear from flowing. His eyes met Remus's. "Why are you doing this, Remus?"

Remus was looking at him as if he had seen an alien. What Remus was thinking was to join Lily's meditation sessions when he got home. Did it really make a person more patient? He had to try.

"I don't remember what happened until I left the house and had an accident. We had a fight in the meantime, didn't we? I know I did something to break your heart. I know you're doing this because you're so mad at me right now, but please stop. Now. This isn't funny. I really need you. Everyone is looking at me like I've lost my mind. Please let's go and tell them the truth. Please Remus. If you care at all about me." He had stopped trying not to cry. He was sobbing. He tried to hold Remus' hand again. But Remus got to his feet. "I came here so that you wouldn't cause a scene at my workplace again, but I can't listen to any more of your nonsense, okay? There's clearly something wrong with your head. Admit it and get help as soon as possible. Don't bother me again!" As he was walking towards the restaurant, he was grabbed tightly by a hand. "Remus, wait-"

Remus tried to free his arm. If he punched this guy now, would he report him to the police? His answer was probably yes. Sirius held up the file in his hand to Remus. "Just look at these."There was obviously no getting rid of this guy. So he picked up the file. "What are these? Your psychologist reports?" Sirius looked at him with hurt eyes. "Just open it."

Remus rolled his eyes and opened the file. He nearly fell back onto the bench. The file was full of his own drawings.All hand-drawn. This was the end. He wouldn't wait any longer.

"WHAT ARE YOU?!-ARE YOU A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?" He clenched his fists. "If you come across me one more time I'll call the police, okay? Don't come back here!" He threw the file into Sirius's lap and quickly went inside. He was furious. This man was both a pervert and crazy. He had obviously been following him for a long time and had convinced him of his own lies. He was trying to put his ten on again when Sirius came back in through the door. He was crying but didn't look at him. He walked straight to the cash register and paid for his delivers.Then he walked out the door just as quickly.

Remus closed his eyes. He gave himself a few seconds to calm down. He opened his eyes again and went to one of the tables, grabbing his notebook.