Sirius dragged himself up the stairs to their dormitory. He’d just finished the last of ten detentions with Professor Slughorn for being caught trying to sneak Amortentia out of the classroom. It wasn’t his fault that it smelled like the forbidden forest after it had rained, mixed with something sweet and a little bit smoky. Addictive, almost.
Ok, Sirius knew exactly what it meant, but it was fine. He’d just take a little sample of the potion. (and, what, sniff it discreetly? Seems very normal.) Yeah, he hadn’t fully thought it through, which made the detentions even more annoying.
He thought the others would be out doing map reconnaissance and maybe he’d manage to fall asleep before they got back.
What he didn’t expect to find, was Remus Lupin, pressed against the door of their dorm by Caradoc Dearborn. He turned to retreat to the common room but they heard him and Dearborn had pushed Remus back in an attempt to create distance between them, the back of his head making a solid thunk on the heavy door. Oh no this had suddenly become very awkward.
Remus was pointedly not looking at him, gently rubbing the back of his head and Dearborn looked… a mixture of scared and angry? Sirius thought.
“I thought you said they’d be out.” He hissed at Remus, who shrugged.
“Detention finished a bit early,” Sirius said. “Although if you wanted privacy, the inside of the door would probably have been a better choice,”
Caradoc scowled at him, “You saw nothing, Black.” He strode past Sirius and down the stairs without so much as a glance at Remus, who rolled his eyes and opened the door to the dorm.
Sirius blinked, looking from the now-empty stairs to the place where Remus had stood. What the fuck?
He entered the dorm and closed the door behind him a little more forcefully than was necessary. Remus spun around and looked at him questioningly. Sirius shook his head and headed for the bathroom.
He splashed his face with cold water and threw his hair up into something resembling a bun. He looked at himself in the mirror, trying to smooth out the lines between his eyebrows and soften his eyes somehow. But really, what the fuck?
When he felt a bit more together, he headed for his bed.
“Why are you angry, Pads?” Remus was sitting on his bed, clutching a book in both hands.
“I’m not—”
“Sirius.” Remus looked at him, “Why?”
“I just… I think you could kiss better people, that’s all.” It was the truth, just not all of it.
“It’s not his fault, really.” Remus said quietly. “He’s still figuring stuff out.”
“So he should have the common sense not to kiss you where people are almost certainly going to see!” Sirius tried to keep his volume in check, he really did.
“Probably.” Remus agreed.
“No, he can’t get mad at you for a decision he made.” Sirius knew he should just shut up and get into bed.
“It doesn’t matter.” Remus set the book down beside him, “It’s fine.”
“It’s not fucking fine, Moony.” He snapped. “Does your head hurt?”
Remus paused, “Not much. But that was just a knee-jerk reaction. You surprised us.”
“He didn’t apologise though, did he?”
“Sirius, what’s your problem?” Remus stood up. “I’m fine.”
“Do you need me to spell it out for you?” Sirius said, without thinking.
Remus took a step towards him. “I honestly might.” He said wearily.
“You. Deserve. Better.” Sirius’ fists were clenched at his sides.
“Yeah, like who? It’s hard enough finding queer guys here, then when you factor in that I’m a half-blood werewolf with no fucking money or prospects, the pickings are pretty fucking slim. Who did you have in mind, Sirius? Who exactly should I be kissing instead of Dearborn?” Remus said, closing in on Sirius. Sirius could see his pulse in his neck.
“Me!” He roared, even though Remus was less than a metre away. “Me, Moons,” he repeated softer, his voice cracking slightly.
Remus stared at him, face unreadable. “That’s low, even for you.” He turned to move towards his own bed, but Sirius grabbed his wrist. “It’s not a joke, Padfoot. I’m not a joke.”
“Oh, Merlin’s arsecrack and saggy fucking balls! I know you’re not a joke, and what I said wasn't a joke.” Remus was still frowning at him. “I’m not good at feelings. I don’t— Naming them is hard. But I do know, that what I felt earlier was envy or jealousy or maybe both, I don’t know. And then just… angry, I guess, that he was a dick to you.”
“Well, I got the last bit, funnily enough.” Remus muttered, “But the rest, I didn’t— You mean it?” Sirius nodded, “And these feelings, is that a new thing?”
Sirius shook his head slowly, “No, it sort of crept up on me, I didn’t realise until my birthday.”
Remus looked at him like he was an idiot, “That was seven months ago.”
“I’m quite aware of that.” He noted that Remus hadn’t said anything about reciprocating his feelings and his heart sank.
It must have shown on his face because Remus’ eyebrows tilted slightly in the way they did when any of them were hurting. “Pads.” He said in a low voice. He seemed to be weighing up what to say next, but then he took another step towards Sirius and they were almost chest to chest. He could feel Remus’ breath on his lips and oh fuck this was actually going to happen.
“Please.” Was all Sirius needed to whisper to get Remus to lean in and kiss him finally. He let go of Remus’ wrist and pulled him closer by his shirt, wrapping an arm around his waist. He tasted like smoke and chocolate and until James burst through the door thirty seconds later, it was utterly perfect.