Home? Home.
Chérubin.
Chérubin.
Ché-fucking-rubin.
CHÉRUBIN.
James was swimming in soft, big, fluffy clouds. He felt so good at the end of afternoon/beginning of the evening that his face was hurting from smiling so much. Life was beginning to feel normal again. The way he always knew it before Fate interrupted matters for them, for the second time. NOT that part. The part where everyone was friends. Just friends after the breakdown.
He missed both of his parents on his way out of home, and James was kinda glad for it. He knew they would assume things seeing him and Regulus get along so well after all those years. They would make funny faces and stare at each other like they knew exactly what was going on, acting like all parents do, and again, assume the wrong things, those that aren’t happening and are buried in the past.
He is just happy to be considered a friend enough for a nickname. A nickname like that.
“If you were in Supernatural, which of the main characters would you be?” James asked out of nowhere on a warm afternoon that he and Reggie were watching TV after school. James had his eyes glued on the screen, paying attention to Dean’s every move. He worshipped the man as a kid.
“Hmm. Dean, I think.” Regulus answered, shifting his gaze from the show to watch James instead.
The answer got James’ attention. Not exactly what he expected. “Seriously?” He asked, startled. “Why?”
Regulus laughed, smirking at James, “don’t sound so surprised, James.” He continued, turning himself to face the TV again, analysing the characters. “There’s something about his way of coping that I kinda identify with, and some of his actions make more sense to me than the other’s.”
“Humm.” James mumbled, also going back to the show. “Who do you think I’d be, then?” He asked, genuinely curious, slightly and swiftly moving his head to eye the boy in the room with him.
“Castiel.” Regulus answered right away, like it was already dancing on the tip of his tongue, waiting to slip out.
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” Regulus smiled, fully staring at James from his side of the couch. “There’s something angelic about you.”
James got to the hospital ten minutes late, since he was stalling in his car, listening to his comfort playlist (a bunch of brazilian songs from when his dad was a teenager spending summer in Brazil). He had a soft spot for Mamonas Assasinas and how unserious they were. But today, the vibes of “Pelados em Santos” weren’t matching his own. That song usually had him screaming and beaming in the car, enjoying the ride. Instead, “Me Apaixonei Pela Pessoa Errada” was the song that had him going crazy on the way to the hospital.
Eu não tenho culpa de estar amando (It’s not my fault I’m loving you)
De ficar pensando em você toda hora (Thinking about you all the time)
Não entendo por que deixei acontecer (I don’t understand why I let it happen)
E isso tudo me apavora (And all of this freaks me out)
Sometimes James wishes he could drop all of his life here in this boring, rainy, cold city and get himself a little house on a beach in Brazil. Even cloudy, expensive São Paulo sounds better than London. It’s not that he doesn’t love his city, it’s just that Brazil feels more like home. The people, the culture, the food, the affection. Everything there sounds better. He was born to be a tanned, carioca boy, enjoying good music all day long, working and taking care of people, serving his own true smile, tiring his body in a place that feels amazing.
Você não tem culpa se eu estou sofrendo (It’s not your fault I’m in pain)
Se fantasiei de verde essa história (If I costumed this story in green)
Você tem namorado, posso até estar errado (You have a boyfriend, I may even be wrong)
Mas tenho que ganhar você (But I have to win you over)
When he hears the stories his vovó has to tell about her teenage years, he gets amazed. She lived in a very small city, in the interior of São Paulo. Not the capitol, the state. And even there, she had some moments James only dreamed to get closer to. Private property invasion? She did. Spend New Year's Eve in a river playing with natural clay? Uhum. A week on the beach ALONE with her friends when she wasn’t a legal adult? Check. Two-hour long walk to a party after just leaving one at almost midnight on a winter night? Easy. Swim on a literal three metres hole covered with tarpaulin and filled with water? C’mon. These are just the sober things. Midnight naked swim with the girlies? That had alcohol involved. Kissing her best friend’s brother? Ha, also sober. The time she made out with a friend in her teenage bedroom at four AM while there were other friends in the house (the room) and then they never talked about it again? Iconic. There’re the ones James REFUSES to even think about, the old lady had no filter. Sirius once said he wanted to grow up to live like her. I mean… he kinda did. He was a reckless teenager and became even more wild after he turned sixteen. After that specific summer. Honestly? James admired his ambition to live life at its best, but that kind of edge just wasn’t his style. Sirius got the genes from their vovó somehow, even if it was by osmosis.
É mais do que desejo (It’s more than desire)
É muito mais do que amor (It’s so much more than love)
Eu te vejo nos meus sonhos (I see you in my dreams)
E isso aumenta mais a minha dor (And this heightens even more my pain)
Eu me apaixonei pela pessoa errada (I fell in love with the the wrong person)
Anyways. As this song hit him like the soft breeze on a chilly night, making his skin react and numbing his tissues on the way over, he couldn’t help but smile at the old times memories. Those times that brought back so much pain in the past are easily becoming a source of happiness to him now. It’s all over, the pettiness, the grudge, the aching. Somehow, it just flew away, and the presence of Reg again erased all of that soreness and started writing beautiful words on a blank page. A new chapter. Friendship. Acquaintance of the past, but still opting to highlight the present.
He stayed there as much as he could. Barry wouldn’t even notice that Potter, a creature of habit, born and raised with a watch sewn to his wrist, was a little bit late due to emotional breaks. That’s what James thought would happen. In reality he got scolded by a very angry and moody Doctor Barry. Wrong day to give a rest and daydream a little (insert the rolling eyes emoji here).
Today, they had several patients to see and study their cases, so James prepared himself for the long night ahead of him. His job is absolutely tiring, he knows, but there’s nothing he would rather do than this. He loves people, he loves helping them, he loves to be a person that they can count on. Even though there’s bad days, the losses of endearing patients that take away a little bit of James' heart with them. It’s worth the good days, the smiles, the victory. James loves offering these people another chance, a happy ending. This is his little way of helping change the world. His tiny actions, in a tiny city, in a tiny island, all inside a big planet. His tiny tries to do better, to make this a greater place to live, only hoping to achieve a moment where the tiny becomes huge, and the difference is explicit for everyone to enjoy.
The night went on just fine. It was about a quarter to two AM when he finally caught a break and the on-call room was cleared for him to nap a little. He would get probably thirty minutes of sleep, an hour if he’s lucky. That little old stretcher always felt like heaven after walking around the hospital all night without coffee. Oh, yes. James was trying to slow down on the coffee because he doesn’t wanna end up like an addict like Dr. Barry. The old man needs five cups a night to keep himself awake. Honestly, James doesn’t know how he hasn’t had a heart attack yet, that amount of caffeine is illegal. Of course, James always found time to eat, snacks here and snacks there, protein and carbs, yummy. He carries those protein bars along with him everywhere, and he made friends with the ladies in the cafeteria. They did not resist his charms. Linda, their chef, treats him like a grandson, always putting food on his plate and making him eat more. James is not complaining, he even makes little walks in front of the cafeteria, holding a bunch of medical records and pretending to be very involved in those (he was probably just assigned to deliver them to someone), knowing Linda or her partners, Mia and Joahanna would call his name, bringing him into a gossip usually accompanied by cookies or sandwiches. He really enjoyed those ladies' company, like, they had the best tea in the whole hospital and they were so nice! Lovely.
Once laid into that hard mattress, with only a sheet to cover him, since it was almost summer, he checked his phone and saw there were some new messages and notifications.
@regulus.black followed you on instagram – Reg’s professional account
@reggieblackkk followed you on instagram – Reg’s private account, the one that unfollowed James years ago.
Well, that’s something. James smiled and followed him back on both accounts, mentally noting to remember to stalk later. He’s just doing a little check up before going to sleep. There were some texts from Sirius and Pete from their groupchat, from his Dad, and from Regulus.
Groupchat: bowie 4ever – guess, try to guess who named the chat.
Sirius: guys
Pete: spill
Pete: from the lack of enthusiasm i reckon this has nothing to do with moonyyyy
James always laughs with this, the teasing about Sirius’ first proper crush that they know about
Sirius: shut up
Sirius: i was just thinking
That must hurt.
Sirius: it’s been sometime we all gathered together, like us, the girls and my brother
James agrees. It’s been years.
Pete: i like where this is going
Pete: let me guess
Pete: James’ place, saturday night?
Oh, no. Of course this would land on James.
Sirius: YES
Pete: im in. bring moony?
Sirius: bitch you wish (i do too
James (about four hours later): i dont have a say in this, do i?
He smiled, already knowing the answer.
Sirius: no
Pete: no
Love you too, bitches.
Contact: Dad s2
Dad s2: Reggie told me you guys are fine now, is this true?
This is probably his mum on his dad’s phone, because she knows James all too well.
Dad s2: I’ll buy you a beer if it is
Definitely her trying to mimic him. James grinned. He really loves his family
James: buy me that beer than
Contact: Reg
Reg: heyy, it’s me
Reg: i still had your number, i hope it’s still this one
Reg: im sending you some of the pics from today that are already edited :)
Reg: see you tomorrow? x
X. How considerate.
James: yeah it’s still the same haha
James: okay i look really hot in those
(He really did.)
James: see me tomorrow. or today haha. Ill leave at six pm x
Is ‘haha’ too cringe? Old? Ugh. Better not be, because James will die before he uses ‘lol’ or that laughing emoji.
James got off his phone and went straight to the deepest nap one could ever have in that damn wonderful stretcher. He woke up about an hour later to his pager beeping in his head, running out of the room with the speed of a leopard. Trauma was paging him and that meant Doctor Lewis and Dr. Barry working on a case together. Two of the brightest and most stubborn minds in that hospital.
###
James blinked and it was almost time to leave. He participated in that last minute trauma surgery and it was phenomenal.The patient turned out okay and the surgery was a success. Doctor Lewis is really a genius and she even complimented his stitches. Dr. Barry looked proud for a miserable second, but he would never get him to admit that. But she also scolded him for being a little too slow in some parts, so he had to work on that. Now he was just waiting until the clock hit six so he could officially be done for the day. While waiting, he was chatting with some of his friends and colleagues. Adrien included.
Adrien turned to James when no one was looking or paying attention to them, whispering “so who was that Regulus guy? I really thought he was your brother, you know.” He smiled shyly.
James smiled back, chuckling a little. “It’s complicated. He is the brother of my brother, but he is not my brother.” He explained. “ We have more of a friendly bond?” James said, sounding like a question, as if he didn’t even know the answer to that himself.
Adrien nodded, “I think I get it,” he proclaimed, still holding a simple smile on his face. “He is the blood-related brother of your non-blood-related brother?” He asked, waiting for a confirmation from James.
“Exactly.” James grinned, taking a sip of his tea.
“He seems really nice.” Adrien stated, looking away to face the doors.
“He is.” James sanctioned, thinking about how Reg and Adrien would befriend really fast if they have a chance.
Adrien cleaned his throat, like he was preparing himself to ask something he didn’t want to. “Are you guys like…?” Something like that.
“No.” James answered a bit too quickly. “No, no. We’re just friends. Old friends,” he reassured, smiling again. That question really buggered James. He didn’t like that Adrien would assume something like that just from seeing one interaction between the two of them. Is it really that obvious that they had a past? Almost a decade ago? Regulus wouldn’t make that impression, he doesn't like James like that. But James also doesn’t?
Except he did, in the past. Maybe Adrien just saw the flicker of something that flew away a long time ago?
“Why do you ask that?” James questioned, anxiously eager to know if he is already letting the teenager in him act out.
“Don’t worry, you didn’t give me the wrong impression,” Adrien chuckled. “You were very friendly actually. I just want to be sure.” He shrugged, shooting James a warm smile.
James felt the air enter his lungs again, relief penetrating his cells and bringing out the carbon dioxide.
“What?” James smirked. “Are you flirting with me, A?”
“No!” He gasped, looking away.
James laughed. “You absolutely are!”
“Stop it, I am not,” Adrien said, slightly touching James arm, clearly flirting with him, completely forgetting about the people surrounding them.
“Hey, honey! What you doing here?” Arabella, one of the nurses, affectionately asked towards someone, getting up to hug them, catching both Adrien and James’ attention.
It was Regulus. James already had a big smile on his face. The man shot a quick glance towards James, also with a light smile on his face, going back to Arabella. James didn’t even know they knew each other?
“Just dropping off some exams.” He shrugged. “They said my doctor was called for an emergency surgery, so I’ll have to come back another day,” he explained, glancing at James.
James quickly got up from his seat, heading towards them. “Hi,” he said, carefully taking the papers from Regulus’s hands and skimming them while the other two chatted.
Regulus laughed, “there he is.”
“You know each other?” Arabella eyed both of them suspiciously. “Well, Reggie, you must be important to get him to stop flirting with Williams that fast.” she breathed, so only Reg could hear her.
“Yeah.” Reggie smiled, then grimaced a little, like there was something bitter on his tongue. He quickly shook it off. “Remember Pete? They are like brothers.”
Arabella frowned at Regulus, as if she did not believe him. “Yeah?” She turned to see if James was still on the papers, which he was pretending to be, just to pay attention to their conversation. Ok, it’s no secret Arabella kinda hates his guts, but he is curious at this new interaction. “Please tell me you’re not fucking.” She whispered to Reg, in a begging tone, like James was the greatest cad of this hospital.
Regulus was shocked at that assumption, “Ella, no. Don’t even start.” He rolled his eyes at her, then glanced at James, who was still pretending to be engaged on those files, but his face was a burning red. Not a great actor, to be honest.
“Wait.” She whispered to Reg again, an curious tone sipping on the tip of her tongue.
“No. Not now.” He warned her, whispering back. From what James could see, his face was startled, preoccupied, even. “James,” he called his attention, which James quickly responded.
“Yes?” He looked at him, like he wasn’t paying attention all this time.
“Can we go? It’s already six.” He pleaded using those beautiful grey eyes as a resource. How can one say no? “And Sirius’s waiting for us at your parents’ place,” he added.
“Of course.” James asserted, giving Regulus a warm smile. “ I just need to leave your exams at my boss’ office, escort me?” James smirked, offering his arm for Reg to lock his own in.
Regulus cocked an eyebrow as he hooked his arm on James’ “Am I allowed to go there?” he asked, reprimanding James with a look.
James shrugged, “probably not, but he won’t be there now, so it’s fine.”
Regulus gave him a look, but went through anyway, “bye Ella,” he kissed her cheek. “Bye guys, bye Ayden!” he smiled, addressing everyone, even though he got Adrien’s name wrong. Poor guy, he looked kinda sad because of that. James will apologise for that later. He waved everyone goodbye and went in the direction of Barry’s office with Reg by his side. Now, all he wants is his dad’s food and to fall asleep on his parent’s great, fluffy couch.
Once in front of the office, James knocked to check. Nothing, which meant Barry was probably out tormenting someone.
“Wait here a second, I’m just gonna drop these and write him a note, okay?” James clarified.
Regulus nodded and dropped his arm from James', leaving him to look for some post-it in his bag. The only one he found was his special spider-man one. It had a little design of a web in a corner and a mask on the other, but it would do the job. Regulus giggled when he saw James take that one, while James just sighed and shook his head. “This new generation doesn’t understand real culture.”
Regulus just laughed more, covering his mouth after, “shit. I keep forgetting we’re in a hospital,” he whispered to a grinning James. Of course James thought Regulus slipping out was funny. It was rare, he was there.
James quickly wrote the note, entering the room to leave it and the papers at Dr. Barry’s desk, when his heart stopped. He just felt it. Someone was burning his back with a glare. And it didn’t come from the direction of the door Regulus was leaning himself on.
James turned to his right, already apologising to a very, very angry Barry on his sleeping armchair. Angry like he just got woken up by one of his damn students. James was screwed. A sleepy Barry was like a sleepy Dr. Miranda Bailey, if not worse.
I have five rules, memorise them.
(...)
Rule number three, if I’m sleeping, don’t wake me unless your patient is actually dying. Rule number four, the dying patient better not be dead when I get there. Not only will you have killed someone, you would have woke me for no good reason. We clear?
James could be the dying patient now. His heart is even stopping!
“I can’t. Believe. You.” Dr. Barry hissed, and James felt his knees stop working. He might drop dead anytime now. Barry sighed really loud, so James could hear how screwed he was. “Potte–”
“Aaron?” Regulus entered the room, exchanging glances with the angry doctor, who slowly got up from his chair and adjusted his glasses to see better, or to see if that was real. After that, in the blink of an eye, Regulus flies across the room to give the old man a hug. Dr. Barry happily embraced him, softly smiling, with his eyes closed.
“Kid, it’s been years!” The man smiled, patting Regulus’ back as he backed away from the hug. “Where have you been?” Aaron asked, completely forgetting he was pissed only a few seconds ago.
“I know, right? It’s a really long story, though.” Regulus grinned, then turned to the forgotten person in the room, “James, why didn't you tell me you were working with this amazing man?”
“Oh, you’re here together?” Barry asked, remembering James was also in there, the rage flying away somewhere else.
“Yes,” Regulus responded for James, who was still recovering himself from his almost death. “Actually, it’s my fault you were woken up, sir,” Reggie explained, a little bit shy. “James was just dropping off my exams and I was the one to laugh too loud in the corridor. I’m sorry.”
Dr. Barry dismissed him with a motion of his hand, “nah, don’t worry, kiddo,” he chuckled and then turned to James. “ Bring me those, Potter,” gesturing for James to come closer. “How’s Sirius?” He asked, sitting down again and resting Regulus’ papers on his lap.
“He’s fine.” Both Reg and James answered at the same time, making Barry arch an eyebrow.
Regulus looked at James, smirking, then slightly shook his head, “long story.”
“Well, it was good seeing you lad, but I really need to catch some sleep now, still have 12 hours to go.” Barry groaned jokingly, then adding, “but we could have a beer one day? So you could tell me that long story. You too, Potter.”
“Yes, of course!” James beamed, while Regulus agreed enthusiastically.
Barry nodded, “Potter has my phone number. Bring Sirius, too.” He said, and the boys took that as their cue, waving goodbye to the man and confirming that Sirius would be present in their gathering.
“You saved my ass back there,” James sighed in relief, once they were in the safety of James’ car.
Regulus smirked, happy to be the hero. “You’re lucky Dr. Aaron loves me,’’ he shook his head lightly. “Or else he would’ve cut off both of our heads right there.”
“And make it look like an accident!” James added, laughing, as he started the car. Regulus followed along with the laughter. “Home?” James asked, fondly glazing at Regulus while both of his hands were at the wheel, keeping the car in place for a few more seconds.
“Home.” Reg smiled, then reached out to grab James’ phone and open the Spotify app. It was some kind of intimacy James loved sharing with Regulus, he doesn’t know how to explain. He just feels.
‘Someone To You’ by BANNERS started playing.
Ah, childhood.
I don’t wanna die or fade away
I just wanna be someone
I just wanna be someone
Dive and disappear without a trace
I just wanna be someone
Well, doesn’t everyone?
And if you feel the great dividing
I wanna be the one you’re guiding
‘Cause I believe that you could lead the way
(...)
The kingdom come, the rise, the fall
The setting sun above it all
I just wanna be somebody to you.