Photograph
Flashback
Friday night
Beginning of April.
9-10 years ago
Today is the day. He is going to talk to Regulus. Tell him everything that is on his mind. Even though James promised himself he wouldn’t, that he wouldn’t tell Regulus about his feelings because it would make things weird between them, because there was a possibility he would lose Reg, deep down, he knew he couldn’t keep up with this. You can only repress feelings for so long. You can only hide them for so long.
James learned that, for him, falling in love with one of your best friends has its stages.
Stage one: the moment where you realise. The moment you accept the fact that you are maybe growing deeper feelings for someone.
Do I have a crush on Regulus Black?
Stage two: the friendzone. The stage where you decide to keep these feelings for yourself, because you know in the bottom of your heart that letting them out would cause much more harm than good. Because the possibilities are against you. In this case, you promise yourself that you are NEVER going to tell them how you feel, because you know the ending.
Well, if Regulus reacted this cold whilst discovering someone had a crush on him, James doesn’t want Regulus ever to know about his.
Stage three: the maybes. The phase where the significant other shows signs of affection, too. The signs usually begin to grow more and more, but it still makes you confused or unsure, sometimes. That is because you really don’t want to screw things up between you two. The feeling that maybe it is a good idea to tell them about your sentiments keeps ricocheting in your brain.
He said I was beautiful.
“That’s so not like him. You should feel special.”
What. Is. Going. On.
Stage four: the moment your guard downs and you decide to tell them, hoping everything goes well.
With Lily, there was a stage five.
Stage five: the aftermath of the ‘no’. In this stage, everything becomes weird and the touching stops. Their signs of affection stop. And so do yours, because you know how to take a no. And then there’s months until things become normal between you again.
Tonight, everyone will be out, like always. Leaving only James and Regulus at the house. They will probably have their movie night, if everything goes according to plan. And that’s where James' plans begin.
He’s been nervous about this since the Sunday morning after his birthday party. When he woke up with Regulus in his arms, clinging to him like his life depended on it, James made his decision. Life is so good right now! Reg is giving James little pieces of him and it’s driving James insane. He’s thirsty for more. He can’t get enough of this boy. He wants to kiss him good morning. He wants to hold his hands. Smell his hair. Take care of him. Make him happy. Make sure he is loved.
So Monday, he went out. Him and Effie went to a store together. Hours before, James said ‘I need to buy something for a crush, mum. Will you help me?’ And they went out. Effie looked curious as fuck the whole ride downtown, but she didn’t ask anything.
‘You have an idea of what you want to buy?’ she asked, parking the car close to the mall.
‘I was thinking about a CD. A vinyl is cooler, but a CD is more, i don’t know, simple? I don’t want them to feel shameful for getting an expensive gift. Do I even make sense?’
Effie laughed. ‘You do. Now, let’s go.’
The whole week had James on his nerves. He was about to declare himself and it’s making him insane. He thought of all the possibilities, and he isn’t prepared for the bad ones. James is fully expecting the best out of this. Reg has been giving him so many signals. Sirius sees it too. And James is not bad looking. He’s tall, tanned, has defined abs, nice hair, giant biceps. And his mum tells him he has a beautiful soul and a big, wonderful heart. Even though he doubts this information a bit, because mums think their children are perfect. And he’s smart! At least in school, if being top in class means something.
Today, he also sneaked to the back garden. To their rose bush. He harvested some of them, making a beautiful bouquet for Reg. He hopes he likes it.
On Tuesday, in the middle of a maths class daydream, James chose the movie they would watch. ‘The Notebook’ was the only right answer. Regulus never watched this movie before (James knows) and it is one of his personal favourites.
On Wednesday, he told Sirius and Peter about all of his planning.
‘YAY! Finally, mate!’ Pete said.
‘I’m happy for you, Prongs, Sirius said.
Yesterday, he made sure all of his family, except Reg, had plans for this Friday night.
Everything is going on its right path.
Earlier, today, James hung up yellow Christmas lights on the TV room, because he was way too clumsy for candles. He stretched the couch, making it bigger. He filled the place with pillows and soft blankets. He prepared a playlist for after the movie. He thought about everything. He prepared their food (Monty did)!
Now, he just needs to wait until seven to pick Regulus up from his rescheduled piano lesson, usually, he takes those on Thursdays. It’s not very far from their home, James could easily go walking. But Effie’s car was just there. And James wanted to make the experience amazing for Regulus.
Once the clock hit a quarter to seven, James took the keys and left. He was used to (illegally) driving around, but today was something else. He’d be picking up the person he wants the most, so yes, his hands are shaking a bit and a little sweaty, but nothing too serious.
He got there in five minutes. The place was beautiful. An ancient house with baroque architecture, very common in this part of the neighbourhood.
The pillars sustaining the house holding so many details and forms, the round windows, the yellow lights were all so amazingly stunning. This place was Regulus’ natural habitat, he glowed every time he entered and every time he left. Nothing was more Reg than these pieces of art, this music and this place.
The owner was an old lady who lived alone with a bunch of cats. She lived there all alone, casually giving teenagers piano lessons, not charging them for it. People said that, in her prime, she was an amazing singer and songwriter. Made tons and tons of money with her talent. However, one day she woke up and decided not to play again, cancelled all her shows and performances, leaving everything behind to live in this old house she bought. There’s a mass of rumours about why she quit the life, considering she was a star in her time. She never married, never had children of her own. All that old woman has is the kids that she fondly teaches in her home, passing up her knowledge to young hearts that like her, fell in love with art. Regulus loves her, so James does too. Miss Estella never failed to impress.
James texted Regulus to let him know he was already there and by car.
James: i’m outside waiting, whenever you’re ready!
James: and i’m with the car btw
It took a couple minutes before Regulus replied.
Reg <3: okay, five more minutes and i’ll be there
Reg <3: wait
Reg <3: you’re in an uber?
James smiled at the screen.
James: no…
Reg <3: omg you’re crazy
Reg <3: if i die today i’ll haunt you forever
I’d quite like that, actually.
A few minutes later, Reg came out of the big old house, carrying a little bag full of scores and notes and a little water bottle. James was waiting outside of the car, supporting his body on the passenger door, like it was the scene of a movie. Once Regulus was close, James greeted him, reaching for his bag and opening the door for him, making him roll his eyes a little, but smile nonetheless.
“Hi.” James grinned, adjusting himself on the driver’s seat, greeting the boy again.
“Hi.” Regulus replied, smiling back.
“How was the class?” James questioned, turning on the car and starting their drive.
“Oh god. Does Effie know you stole her car?” Reg asked, suddenly terrified for his life.
Ah, c’mon, James is an excellent driver. James laughed, smirking at the boy next to him. “Nah. But mum wouldn’t mind, don’t worry.”
Regulus still looked terrified, but less and less the more time they were on the road. “Okay,” he breathed out. “The class was great, as always.” Reg beamed, “Miss Estella said I'm getting greater than anyone she’s ever taught.”
James softly replies, smiling, “that’s incredible, Reg! I’m so proud of you.”
“You are?” He asked, eagerly.
“Yes, of course!” James acknowledged. “Always, I'm always proud of you.”
Regulus blushed, “thanks.”
After that, James pulled up, parking the car exactly where he found it in the garage, leaving the vehicle first, of course, to open Regulus’ door for him.
“I love these passenger princess’ privileges” Reg laughs, taking James’s hand to help him get out of that big car.
“Only for you.” James says, smirking. Flirting. It's not like Reg notices, anyway.
Reg laughed, throwing his head back a little. “Liar.”
“Never!” James gasps, looking for the keys in his pockets. “I kinda have a surprise for you.”
This caught Regulus’ attention. “Surprise?” He asked, aghast.
“Yeah.” James gestured to the door once he unlocked it, “come on in, you’ll see.”
Regulus entered, the first thing in his sight being a well laid table, with some flowers in its centre, two plates, glasses, wine, everything. He couldn’t see the food, since it was resting in the (turned off) oven, but he could smell it. Absolutely everything about that scene was gorgeous, perfectly thoughtful and cute. James put a lot of effort in this. He wanted to make Reg feel special. Apparently, he did.
“This… all of this is- for me?” Regulus asked, startled, voice shaky and full of expectations.
“Yes,” James responded, smiling. “I wanted you to have a special Friday.”
“I certainly am. This is wonderful.” Reg said, looking around and paying attention to every single detail. The lights, the porcelain set he chose, the flowers, the red sweet wine, everything. “I-I don’t even know what to say.” Regulus admitted, wordlessly.
“I do. Let’s eat and then-“ James said, pulling a chair for Regulus to seat. “we’ll watch a movie.”
Regulus sat, nodding and smiling ear to ear, while James ran to the kitchen to grab their food.
###
So far, everything went great. They just finished dinner, James was now guiding Reg to the TV room. Yes, he was behind Regulus, covering his eyes with his hands, the gold bracelet James was wearing touching Reg’s face. He could feel the muscles in this boy’s face twitching, a smile on his lips. James was carefully aware of his surroundings, making sure Reg doesn’t bump into something or stumble on the way.
“There you go,” James said, dropping his hands off of Regulus’ skin and letting him enjoy the environment. ‘The Notebook’ was already on the TV screen, paused; The big fluffy couch filled with pillows was waiting for them, all the lights were out. except for the TV and the Christmas lights, making the place even more comfortable. They just need to watch the movie, and then James would tell him. Reg would know.
Once they were settled, and the movie began, James lowered the lights, coming closer to Reg, burying themselves in that pile of pillows. It didn’t take much time until they were very close. Reg is always up for a cuddle.
On the screen, Noah and Allie were having a talk on the street.
I can be whatever you want. Just tell me what you want and I’ll be that for you; Noah said.
You’re dumb; Allie replied.
I can be that; Noah shot back.
“You remind me of Noah.” Regulus said, his head in the crook of James’ neck.
And why is that?” James asked, whispering, afraid any subtle move might scare Reg away from his arms.
“Hmmmm.” Regulus murmured, thinking. “I guess it is because you both wear your hearts on your sleeves. And I love that in you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. I do. Now let’s pay attention. I’m loving this.”
I guess you remind me of Allie.
Curious. Brave. Loving. Ambitious. Smart. Beautiful.
They stayed like that until the movie was over. Cuddling. Commenting on the characters, and their actions and then crying their eyes out at the end.
“I can’t believe you made me watch this!” Reg murmured, suddenly grumpy. Cute.
James laughed. “It’s a normal reaction to cry after this movie, you know.”
“I’m not crying.” Reg said, drying his eyes with the back of his hands.
“Uhum.”
“James Fleamont Potter, don’t doubt me!”
“I haven’t said anything!” James said, putting his arms up in a surrender gesture.
Reg narrowed his eyes, throwing a pillow at James, making both of them dissolve in laughter.
“Look, Reg…” James said, once he caught his breath. “I have something to tell you.”
Regulus looked clueless, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Do tell.” He said, in a very low voice.
“I don’t know where to start, but I-“ They were interrupted by a strong thunder coming from outside. Making Regulus jump.
“AHHH, fuck. Damn thing.” Regulus said, almost jumping into James’ lap, throwing a blanket upon them, cracking some giggles from James. They were completely underneath it now, their breaths reaching each other’s face.
“Still scared of thunder?” James teased, smirking. At some point in these few seconds, James started the playlist he set up for them. ‘Photograph’, by Ed Sheeran, started playing in their background.
“No, I’m not” Regulus snarled, coming closer to James once another thunder struck outside, wrapping an arm around his neck, clearly scared.
Loving can hurt
Loving can hurt sometimes
But it’s the only thing
That I know
“Reg.” James called, dragging the attention to him. He rested his hand on his cheeks, analysing his face, that even under the covers, with the help of the now turned on Christmas lights, looked amazingly engaged. His eyes now locked with James’.
He kept caressing his cheeks for a very long time, Reg rested his face in his hand at some point, making James want to never let go.
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
James slid the hand to his chin, eventually, while the boy slowly closed his eyes, appreciating the touch, their silence and the song.
So, you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me close until our eyes meet
And you won't ever be alone
Wait for me to come home
They were already close, but James moved his head even closer, resting his forehead delicately on Regulus’, their mouths millimetres of touching. Until James, with his voice hoarse and full of love, asked, “can I kiss you?”
“Yes.”
Yes, yes, yes.
In the blink of an eye, their mouths collided, slowly and cautiously, like two universes finding their way to each other, not rushing any step. Feeling every second of their stars crashing, their planets changing orbits, their own universe being born, growing and growing and growing. James flavoured those soft small lips like they were made of caramel, thawing under the feeling of his own, making a sweet mixture of the best essence he ever got close to. His hands gradually leaving that white freckled chin to reach for his waist, bringing him progressively closer.
closer, closer, closer.
come closer.
Regulus must’ve read his mind, because he climbed James’s body, resting himself on his lap without breaking their kiss. His mouth on James’s felt like the impossible was a mere joke, that life could surprise you, blooming the most beautiful roses in an abandoned garden. James wrapped his arms around Regulus again, slow-paced, savouring every single piece of Regulus he’s having right now, while the boy clung to his neck, exploring the skin with his hands.
James could do this forever and never get tired.
Surprisingly, Regulus is the one to slide his tongue first, sending shivers to James’ spine, letting him in, permitting that their tongues meet for the first time.
And damn.
The rush that flooded in his body could never ever be compared to an electric shock. It is ten thousand times more.
More electric.
More lighter.
More dangerous.
This is the best thing he’s ever experienced in his life. Sharing this with Reg is making him see things with his eyes closed, feel things he never even knew his body was capable of.
When they broke apart, James and Regulus rested their foreheads against each other again, their noses touching, giggles leaving both of their red swollen lips, flush all over their faces.
By then, the song had already changed a couple times, now playing a cute Brazilian love song called ‘Levo Comigo’ by Restart.
James couldn’t keep it in himself to not do it, so he kissed Reg’s forehead, who grinned and adjusted himself on a snuggle with James, closing his eyes for a bit.
“Kiss me again,” he murmured after a few minutes, laying next to James, their legs intertwined, his head on James’s chest, looking at his face once again, patiently waiting.
James was having a dream coming true. He reached for his mouth, slowly depositing a peck there, feeling a smile forming on both of their lips. When Regulus was drifting to sleep, James whispered in his ear, “I have something waiting for you in your bedroom, check out when you wake up tomorrow.” After that, he allowed himself to drift to a world where the most powerful feeling was the one in which he had Reg in his arms.
They fell asleep with their bodies merged into each other.