Present
Flashback
10-9 years ago
March 26th
How did I get myself in this position?
Fuck.
The day started well. They were having a shared class with the year before, so James and his friends were close to Regulus. Regulus and his friends. That motherfucker Mateo skipped class today, so James was relieved to not witness him close to Reg and all flirty. But Evan and Barty are here. They are nice. Evan is such a funny guy, truly, he opens his mouth and James is already dying of laughter. On a normal day he would feel dislocated in this situation, because it is only him that is here with them. Sirius, Pete, Lily, Mary and Marls were gathered in the seats behind, while James was almost in the first chair with Regulus. Barty and Evan next to them. If they found this weird, they didn’t say a thing.
James is going nuts. He is so open about his feelings about Reg and he doesn’t notice. The world could fall apart and he would still chase Regulus and try to make him smile. Maybe he could follow Sirius’ advice and just tell him. But it’s never that easy, is it?
Thinking about your feelings and going through words in your mind is so much easier than actually putting them out. Sometimes the pain of holding back is so much that he enjoys it. He enjoys the burn of his blood, the squirm of his flesh, the weakness in his bones, the stinging in his heart, the heat of his eyes. He enjoys it because it is Regulus who is causing it. Anything that comes from Reg is welcomed to his body, even if it is the hardest of the pains. It feels nice, even when it doesn’t because it’s Reg that is bringing this to him.
So when James sits here, in this classroom full of dreamy teenagers, all he can think about is Regulus. The chemical reactions in the blackboard are nothing close to the highs that his heart gets every time he is close to him, every time he sees him, every time he makes him smile. Chemistry is way behind what they have. The big bang would have to try harder to have an impact the same way that this boy has on James. And when they are together, even platonically, they are everything. There is so much it is hard to even put words to it. They are the only people who have ever been the face of love without being in love. They are passion, they are fire and they are beauty in its most rough and naked way. If only Regulus could see it, could see what James feels, maybe they would have a chance.
Wait.
That’s it.
James doesn’t have the guts to tell Regulus yet. But he may have the guts to tell someone who can help him see through James?
Barty.
Barty is a flirt. Everyone in this school knows it. The kid is fourteen and already had three girlfriends, and this is only this year. And yes, he’s a man and men are dumb and can’t see when someone likes them. But it must be different for him if he’s dated that much, huh? Maybe he can see things easier, especially if the person being liked in question isn’t even him. If James shows he’s interested in his friend, maybe he could see it? Maybe he could make Barty feel smart and empowered for knowing something private of James just by figuring it out by himself? He is cocky enough. James could make Barty believe he is in charge, and by this he could help James. Awesome.
“James?” Evan called him out. “You lost there, mate?” He smiled at him, making James laugh of his own daydreaming, blushing hard realizing he was lost in thought while staring at Regulus. Hum, wait! Did Barty see this?
No. Barty was too busy biting his nails to pay attention to James’s blush that time. Damn, I lost a good opportunity.
Suddenly, Barty raised his eyes at the conversation again, “so, who are you guys taking to the party tomorrow?” he asked, casually.
Oh, yes. Birthday party tomorrow. James turns sixteen in less than twenty-four hours.
Regulus frowns, “I didn’t know we were supposed to bring a plus one!” He snarks.
Barty glances at James, “sorry, I thought we could, but can I take this girl I'm going out with?” he asks expectantly, eyeing James with puppy eyes.
“Of course! Don’t worry.” James dismissed him.
“Thanks!”
“Right!” Evan says. “Are you taking that girl Anna, Reg?” He questioned, smirking at his friend.
Oh. An opportunity.
“Anna? Who’s Anna?” James says, making a face and half acting, because who the hell is Anna and why would Reg take her?
Barty cocks an eyebrow at James, then smiles and says, “it’s his girlfriend,” in a voice that was kinda mocking Reg.
Okay, should I take this seriously?
Reg groans, and looks at James to say, “she’s not my girlfriend, don’t listen to them.”
James sighed in relief, glad that Barty caught that. “Good,” he said, putting more emphasis on his satisfaction. Barty narrowed his eyes at James, suspiciously.
Haha. Prey caught with success.
Regulus seemed unbothered with James’s comment.
See? He doesn’t get even the brightest signs.
When Evan traps Regulus in a conversation that gets both of them so excited that they forget about James and Barty, the green eyed boy next to James whispers to him, “you like him.” Not a question, a simple and sure affirmation.
James' first instinct is to be proud and flushed and say ‘yeah, I do’. But that would get him nowhere with barty, so he puts on a mask and says, “W-what? How do y-you know?” he questions with his voice low and shaky, making a scared face.
Barty buys it and smirks at James.
Maybe he should go for acting. He would make true history in Hollywood if things keep going this way.
“You know, Potter,” Barty looks away from James to look at Regulus and Evan. “I could help you, if you want.”
There you go.
“Really?” James asked, sounding like a desperate little kid. All acting, he swears.
“Yeah,” Barty whispered back, grinning devilishly. “I could, you know, talk to him, see if he’s interested.” Hum. Not what James had in mind. Maybe Barty could do it in a way that would open Regulus’ eyes?
“Okay, but don’t talk like you know anything, but like you think, right?” James proposed, happy with his achievements.
“Okay, Potter. And don’t worry, I’ll keep him away from Anna.” Barty blinked at James, making him scowl.
Anna my ass.
###
March 27th
It was a sunny July afternoon, because in here every day is summer, they were all gathered at the Siriú beach (Sirius loved the name), Regulus was by James’ side, asking him to put sunscreen on his back, his dark curls falling graciously on the cat sunglasses he was wearing. Sirius and the blond (?) guy were on a swim in the natural pool. They look so happy. James is so happy. Reg is his. He is Reg’s. All turned out okay. Except…
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!” James woke up suddenly, trying to remember where he was, groggy with sleep. Reg and Sirius were jumping on his bed like it was a trampoline, singing happy birthday in a perfect symphony, giggling (Six) and being cute (Reg). Truly, no matter how sleepy one is, it is impossible, at least to James, not to appreciate this gesture, it makes his heart so warm. It doesn’t take long until James is jumping and singing with them, laughing and grateful that this is his life now. Living with two of your best friends in your teens really is that awesome.
"We made something for you!" Sirius exclaims, after all of them calmed down out of tiredness. Jumping can really take your breath, that's why James likes running or walking for his cardio. Jumping (looking at Reg) takes the air out of his lungs way too easily.
Well, isn't that something? If there's a thing James loves with all of his heart are Sirius and Regulus's collaboration. When they get together to do something for the ones they care about, they do it with all of them, every single time. Last Christmas, after the sleepover at Peter’s, the Potters had their own little gathering at Monty’s parents place. Reg and Six planned something special for all of them, they got every single family member a white rose, accompanied by a note describing how special that person was for them and how much they cared for them. Effie and Monty got a big delicate bouquet instead of one rose and James got a long letter with his rose. It was simple, but so caring, coming from literal children who had only the money they got from their adopted parents to buy things for themselves, but they chose to do something for them. Love comes in such simple things for them, at the same time it comes like a huge neon sign.
"What?" James asked enthusiastically, dropping his body in his bed to rest, bringing Sirius and Regulus with him by hand.
"Well..." Regulus started, beaming. "We can't tell you. You'll have to figure it out." He said, handling James a paper neatly folded that was in the back pocket of his jeans. Nice jeans, by the way. They were ashy black, perfectly tight in his butt, but loose all over his legs. If he wore the same size as Reg he would definitely ask him to lend them to him a couple times. Yeah, definitely about clothing, this is. Sure. Definitely.
"James?" Sirius called, breaking him out of his thoughts about Reg's jeans. He was eyeing him, suspiciously, with a scary older brother look. Regulus was still holding the paper for James to grab. Oh. Right.
"Sorry," he said, smiling a little to distract them from the red flush on his dark skin, gently taking the paper from Regulus' hands. Six smirked, like hell Prongs would get away with this later.
James opened the paper carefully, looking at the beautiful calligraphy on it. Reg's, of course
Think about happiness. Warm smiles from your parents, warm smells in the air, warm, warm, warm…
"Wait." James said, grinning with his eyes shining like a puppy's. "Treasure hunting?" he asked, eyes going dark with his pupils dilating, the grin never leaving his mouth.
"Yes!" Sirius nodded, happy that James is already enjoying the gift, or part of it. "Now, think! I know it must hurt for you, but try anyway." Six said, smirking.
Regulus scolded him, "Sirius! Don't!" But he looked like he wanted to laugh and was trying hard to hold it.
James rolled his eyes, "Very funny."
James looked at the paper again. Warm. Happy. Mum and Dad. Fireplace?
James jumped out of bed, storming out of the room, running downstairs with the most speed someone could have inside a house.
Once in there, he started looking for anything in there that could be another hint, while Sirius and Regulus shouted at him to wait from upstairs.
Warm, warm, warm
Ha! there you are!
The next hint was under a vase next to the fireplace, it said:
You are now one step in. It is hot in here but maybe some fresh air and fresh fruit for breakfast?
By the time James unfolded the paper, he recognized Pads’ handwriting, and both black brothers were already there looking at him eagerly.
“Okay, this one’s a tad harder.” James pointed out, thinking. “Hmmmm. It could be the kitchen,” James said, drifting his gaze from the paper to look at the boys.
“It could.” Regulus said, shrugging.
“It couldn’t, though.” Sirius added, smirking at his brother. Well, both of them.
“Yeah, I don’t think it is,” James said. “Look, the key word here is fresh.” He affirmed, showing them the phrase, like it wasn’t them who planned and wrote it. “Fresh air. Fresh fruit. Fresh.” James smiles and proceeds to run again, heading to the back garden.
Once in there, he goes straight to the section where all three of them planted a rose bush last year. Reg and Six followed him, carefully watching him succeeding in the treasure hunt.
James looks around everywhere in there, even peeks between some loose petals to see if the hint is there. Sirius and Regulus seem to be having the time of their life, giggling like two little kids.
And for James…
Nothing.
Except, no one remembers to look up.
Ha. There it is.
Hanging in a long piece of thread tied up in a branch of the huge three they have there, right above his head.
James grabs the paper, cautiously. As he unfolds it, he sees Regulus’s beautiful handwriting again, saying:
Great! You’re here. But maybe you could seek something else, a little something could be waiting for you in a place where every story comes true to us.
James thawed. Their place. Where the stories come to life, where everything is magical and unique. Where things can be more, even if for a short amount of time. Oh.
“What do you think now?” Pads asked, anxiously.
James grinned. “I know exactly where to go,” he looked at Reg, and for a split second, he could swear he saw everything he ever wished he could have in his eyes. It was so fast that James questioned himself if he wasn’t seeing things.
He ran again, heading inside to the TV room, the one where his life seemed a little more miraculous.
It was waiting for him on the couch. A journal, apparently filled, with a bow wrapped around it. James swiftly made himself comfortable on the couch, resting the book on his lap while the boys were sitting, one on each side. It was a beautiful book. The cover was a dark cherry red, and it had golden details all over it, with a big picture of the three boys in the center, with a pretty writing that said ‘the potters & the blacks’. After opening it, James' knees were weak, he was lucky he was already sat, or he would fall all over the floor. It was a book with photos and notes about their little family. James could cry right now.
“Guys…” He started, voice hoarse and shaky. “I love it. I love it so, so, so much!” He said, beaming at them.
They only grinned harder.
“Go on! See everything!” Sirius said, laughing.
The first page was a drawing by Reg. It was them as toddlers, on a school work where Effie and Monty took a picture with James and both Black brothers because their parents didn’t show up to see them, followed by a note:
The moment we became us was way before we moved in.
After that, there were tons and tons of photos, memories of them.
Kid Sirius crying in Effie's arm because of a movie, while James and Reg laughed. At 8.
Monty giving James and Sirius their first driving lessons at 13.
The dinner with Mary.
James in his Lily fase.
All of the sneak outs on school nights.
The time they got drunk for the first time.
The three of them sleeping on the couch together (selfie with Monty & Effie).
Every single Saturday lunch with pops.
Beach with Maria e Joseph.
All of their Christmases and New Years together.
So, so many memories.
“I love you guys.” James said, almost crying.
Reg chuckled, “We love you too.”
Six smiled, nodding, “Yeah. Love you, mate.”