Lily always hated when it rained in the morning. Rain was meant for humid afternoons and silent midnights, never mornings. Mornings were meant for sunshine creeping through thin drapes, not rain. She sees the quiet park on the other side of the street, it looked so peaceful over there. She turned to her side to see James still asleep. He had the sheets covering his lower half, leaving his chest and arms to the cold air. He had asked Lily to marry him last night, and she had said yes. She looked at the heavy ring on her left hand. It sort of looked like it was meant for someone else for some reason. James had gone and told everyone they knew once she gave an answer. Lily had expected that Mary knew by now, probably through Marlene or Sirius. James didn't know about what happened between them and never asked her about it. That was one of the things Lily liked about James. He never asked any hard questions. Which was helpful because there were just some questions she just couldn't answer.
Lily never wanted to lie to him, but it was just easier this way. James was just never enough in any way she could ever want him to be. But it was better this way. People wouldn’t say anything, their friends were happy, and there here wasn’t anything wrong with her anymore. She was normal. James was the perfect hiding place.
James stirred in his sleep, probably going to wake up soon. He always looked so peaceful in his sleep. It was pretty much the only thing Lily liked when it concerned him and their bed. They had moved in with each other after everything had happened with Mary. He had been so kind to her the night she had shown up at his door, crying with mascara running down her face. He still hadn’t asked her what she was crying about. Lily got up and stretched. They had to get up in a moment to get ready for the engagement party James’s parents were throwing for them.
“Hey.” She nudged James awake, “We have to get ready to go to your house in a minute.”
He put his pillow over his head. “Five more minutes.” She pulled the pillow away.
“No, we actually have to go in like an hour, James.” She headed to the bathroom to sort out whatever kind of a mess she looked. She had always had dark circles under her eyes, but her once red and vibrant hair was dull and thinning now. James came up from behind her, hugging her waist. She absolutely hated it when he did that. It felt too confiding.
“Off, off I’m getting ready.” She said as she pushed him away.
“I’m gonna take a quick shower, still smell like sex." She rolled her eyes.
“Ok, just be fast.” Lily opened her makeup bag to make herself look as alive as she could. As she did her mascara, she remembered the time she had let Mary do her makeup. She had made her lie down on the bed as she leaned over her face, just to torture her. Mary’s face only an inch or two away from her’s every time she leaned in, stealing her breath.
Lily knew this engagement party was going to be difficult, and hell was she right. There were about 75 people scattered around the grand house, 10 of whom Lily knew and less she actually cared about. She was never a huge people person. She still couldn’t understand why James Potter, the extroverts of all extroverts, was with her. Marlene had once said ‘opposites attract’ but Lily never felt very attracted.
Once she could be spared enough to get away from James’s parents, she found Remus's tall figure stading out from the ever-growing crowd around her. Sirius was already making a scene.
“Tough crowd, Sirius?” she asked, leaning her head on Remus’s arm since she wasn’t nearly tall enough to reach his shoulder.
“Yes, Lils, these people just don’t get it. I swear nobody likes any real bands anymore, and I swear to fucking God, Barty, if you say Nirvana.”
"Nirvana." Barty says propably trying to start something. Evan quickly takes him hand and drags him away somewhere, knowing them probably going to make out.
"I'm literally going to loose my fucking mind." Sirius starts stomping off in some random direction.
“I really don’t know why I’m with him, to be honest.” Remus says from above her.
“Well, you married him.”
“Yeah, I did.” He responds, looking for a second at the ring on his hand with such love and admiration. Lily wish she looked at hers like that.
“So, no Mary?” Lily rolls her eyes.
“Oh, don’t even start, Remus.” She lightly hits him.
“Alright I’m sorry, you want a hug?” She nods and lets him hug her.
“You look stressed, thinking about her?” Remus was the only person Lily had ever talked about Mary with. Not that there was anything actual going on with Mary. She was just Mary.
“Yes. Though saying that, here makes me sound terrible. I mean I’m literally at my fiancé’s parents' home.” He just shrugs. Pandora walks up to them, dragging Regulus behind her. He almost looks like he’s trying to get away from her.
“Lily!” She hugs her a little involuntarily.
“How are you? You looked very blue from where I was.”
“I'm sorry, Blue?” Lily asks.
“Your aura, last time I saw you, it was green, and now it’s blue.”
“Well, what does blue mean?” Remus asks.
“Sadness or feeling a loss of someone.”
“I’m fine, Pandora, don’t worry.” She lies, no, she’s not lying, she is happy. She's going to get married, married to James.
“You know the last time I saw you, you were with Mary, where is she? I didn’t see her here?”
“Ok, bye.” She says and rushes away as quickly as she came, again dragging Regulus back with her.
“I’m going to get some air. I'll just be a second.” She says, trying to get away as fast as possible. She doesn’t want anyone at this god-awful party to see her cry. She caught herself on the porch railing. She went to her car to get her vape when she saw a person sitting on the hood of one of the many cars outlining the road. They were smoking something while wiping their eyes like they were crying or something. They inhale the smoke another time before putting it out on the ground. They catch Lily’s eyes, and she knows exactly who it is. Dark brown hair down and curly, a silk pink dress with a black leather jacket, and her hazel brown eyes gazing up at Lily. It’s her, Mary.
“Lily.” She stares at her, not responding.“Lily I-,”
“How did you find me?” She cuts her off.
“Marlene told me you got engaged and knowing James’s parents I can put the pieces together.”
“Why are you here?” Mary looked older somehow since the last time she'd seen her.
“I wanted to see you.” Her voice is soft like always.
“Why?” She asks, knowing the answer already.
“You know why, Lily.” Her eyes look just like the last time she saw her. Full of want and desperation and love Lily told herself a long time ago, she couldn't want.
“No, no I’m not doing this with you.” “Lily, please just let me-” She pleads.
“No, you weren’t invited for a reason. Go away, please.” Mary scoffs at her. Her eyes replaced with anger and pain. It’s so sad she almost cries.
“Do you even love him?” She says, the last time she said that Lily had left. It had been too much cause she knew then that she didn’t and she couldn’t avoid it as long as Mary was there beside her.
“Stop, I’m marrying him, Mary.”
“Lily, do you love him?” She says again.
“I love him enough to marry him.” Lily counters.
“Of course you do.” Mary says sarcastically as she gets her keys out of her jacket pocket and gets in her car, and drives away from her. It’s kind of funny how last time she was the one who left first. And now she’s left standing on the side of the street her here with tears falling down her face. Mary has once again ruined her life with her existence. Lily runs back inside and tries to find someone, anyone that can make her forget about her. She grabs a glass of champagne from the servers and then another. She goes to find James, she’s fine, everything is fine. Three rooms and four drinks later, she finds him in a dark corner talking to someone who resembled Regulus. When he saw her, he went over to her, leaving a flushed red Regulus in the corner.
“You alright?” James asks when he finally reached where she was in the crowded room.
“I’m great.” Throughout the rest of the party, Lily felt a difference in James. It could have been the alcohol, but he seemed quieter, more reserved, like he was when he didn’t want to tell her something.
Lily’s in the kitchen listening to Taylor Swift and making soup after they get home. She’s drained and exhausted from the emotional and mental turmoil that was the party. She almost doesn’t hear James when he calls her from his bedroom.
“Lily, we need to talk.” James’s sitting on his bed with his hands in his lap. She stands across from him, leaning against the closet door frame since it was open.
“I’m cheating on you.” You could have heard a pen drop in that dark, plain room from Lily’s silence.
“I would love to tell you it was a one-time thing, but it wasn’t.” She still doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even know what she’s feeling right now.
“I love him, I’m sorry.” Lily feels strange relief from this, like something fake had been ended or discarded of.
“When?” She asks, no anger in her voice.
“When you moved in.” That was over a year ago. He’d had been cheating on her for over a year.
“Who?” It takes him a while to answer.
“Regulus.”
“Why’d you tell me now.”
“I saw you with her, Mary, at the party.” Even though she wasn’t under 10 feet away from Mary, it feels so accusatory.
“I don’t understand what you mean.” But she does.
“Lily, I know how you feel about her.” Lily is more stunned than when James just admitted to having been in an affair for more than a year.
“You don’t know what you're talking about, James.” She tries to reason, but he’s seeing straight through her.
“You look at her the same way I look at him.” The worst part is she knows she does, and she can’t even try to fight it anymore. She has nothing to fall back to. No one to hide in.
“Be with her, Lily. No one is stopping you.” And he gets up leaves, leaving the door open behind him. Leaving her a way out, and she takes it.
Mary walks around in the darkness of the empty park. She tried, but she really did. But she guessed it just wasn’t enough. She wasn’t enough to make Lily stay. She had just fooled herself the whole time. Thinking Lily loved her or even cared about her at all. The huge diamond ring on her finger said everything she needed to hear. Lily was gone from her forever, off to marry James, and they’d be forever happy with each other. She loves her so much, but she can just love from afar. It’s what she’s been doing for a year and a half now. And I mean she’s fine, she’s not like screaming and crying, why on her bathroom floor. Sure, it could be so much better than walking around an empty park in the middle of the night. She just wanted someone to love her back for once. As she emerges from her delusions and mental captivations, she sees someone walking on the pathway toward her. The streetlights revealed more of the person as they walked closer to her. Vibrant red straight hair, green eyes, in a short white dress, with brown boots that made her taller than half the men Mary knew. Mary had always associated herself with the one who found Lily, but now Lily had found her.
“How did you find me?” She asked.
“I didn’t even mean to. I just wanted to go for a walk. I meant to try to find you tomorrow, but here I am, I guess.” She was looking for her?
“Why were you going to look for me?” She asks softly, afraid of the answer she could receive. But she’s already lost, so what’s the point in trying to be discreet.
“Mary.” Then Mary notices her ringless finger.
“Yes?” Lily walks closer to her. She always took Mary’s breath away. She’s right next to her now.
“I’m not marrying him. And… I love you.”
“You love me? Are you sure?” Lily laughs at her. Lily holds her face in her hands, and nothing could have felt more right.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I love you, Mary. I always have.” Mary hooks her arms around Lily’s waist.
“Just so you know, I love you too.” They’re both laughing and holding each other, and it feels like a dream to Mary.
“Can I kiss you now?” Lily asks. “Yes please.” And she kisses her, and it’s like nothing else. Lily’s hands are in her hair, holding her close. Her around are still around Lily’s waist, holding her for dear life. It had even started to rain around them, and they hadn’t even noticed. She was just so in love with this moment, with Lily.
“So, you love me?” Mary asks one more time, just to make sure.
“I love you, Mary, and I always will.”