Thin White Duke

Regulus sat at the kitchen table, mug of hot chocolate in hand, watching and listening to the banter going on around him. They’d dissected the game, focusing on what James could do at the tryouts the following week. Even Willow and Tara joined in, despite knowing little about the sport. The warmth which filled the room was so different to the life he led. There was definitely a level of respect and diffidence towards Effie and Monty, but they were also viewed as friends. People who could be trusted. Regulus wondered briefly what life would have been like if he and Srius had had even a tenth of what he saw and felt here. He shut the thought down quickly. There was no use contemplating the what ifs. Life was what it was. He would take these tiny moments and treasure them in the years to come. 

For all his chatter and demonstrating, James had been watching Regulus. He caught the flash of longing in the silver-blue eyes. He liked that they had the blue tint. It meant Regulus was happy to be there. He didn’t want it to end. This is what it should always have been like for the Black brothers. Maybe it could be in the future. Regulus caught James gazing at him and smiled softly. They could dream. 

Chocolates finished, Monty declared he was going to shower and nap before dinner. Effie, a wicked glint in her eye, agreed that it was an excellent idea and followed him out of the room. 

“I know you lot have no sense of smell, but let me tell you that the stench has been getting worse and I for one, would be grateful if you followed Monty and Effie's example. At least the showering part. Napping is optional.” Remus said, hauling Sirius to his feet, who licked his lips lasciviously. “None of that mate until you smell more like roses and less like dog shit. I’m in the wrong form to appreciate the latter.” 

The others laughed. Willow pulled up a reluctant Tara who had grown comfortable and wanted to nap first. Pandora bounced out of Lily’s lap and kissed Regulus on the cheek, before taking Lily’s hand as she passed. A moment later, only Regulus and James were left in the kitchen. 

“You’re welcome to use my shower before you change.” James said quietly, leaning against the kitchen bench. He knew if he sat beside Regulus he’d need to touch him and wasn’t sure if he’d be able to let go again.  

“That would be appreciated.” Regulus said, his gaze never wavering from James, who was holding himself tightly. “You can hug me. If you’d like to.”

James shook his head. Regulus felt disappointment surge through him. “I want to. Desperately.. If I do, though, I don't think  I’ll be able to let go again.”

“I’ll let go for both of us.” Regulus said, standing up and moving away from the table, as the disappointment turned back into longing for something akin to what he saw the others had. He wasn’t sure if that was better or worse. 

James didn’t think any further. They collided in a fierce hug, which instantly gentled as Regulus tucked his head into James’s shoulder and James buried his face in Regulus’s windswept waves. They were where they belonged. 

Refusing to let go, James broke the house rule and apparated them into his bedroom. How long they stood holding each other, neither knew nor cared.  

“It’s always going to be like this, isn’t it?” James whispered sometime later. 

“No.” Regulus whispered back. “You are going to play quidditch for England, meet a wonderful person, have your kids, and continue to bring sunshine and warmth wherever you go.” 

“I have a wonderful person right here.” 

“Another wonderful person. Someone who isn’t feared or hated. Someone you can openly spend time with, be affectionate with. Who can bring you as much joy as you bring them.” 

Silence. 

“Do I bring you joy?” James asked tentatively. 

“Immeasurable.” 

Silence. 

“I love you.”

“I know.” 

“Will you ever say it back again?”

Regulus moved his head to meet sad eyes and kissed James. “One day.” he promised, before kissing him again. 

James kissed Regulus with his whole heart and knew that Regulus felt the same way. He said one day, his brain sang. Maybe, just maybe they would be together as Regulus envisioned. 

Regulus broke the kiss with a low laugh. “I'm going to berate myself thoroughly in about an hour, but given we both need to shower, would you like to join me or have yours when I go?”

James chuckled and swung Regulus around. “Thought you’d never ask.”

—

An hour later, James and Regulus were clean and dressed. James drew Regulus into his arms again. “Thank you.” He whispered. 

“You’re welcome.” Regulus smiled, hugging James back then kissing him lightly, before going back into the hug. 

“When will I see you again?” 

“Fowey.” 

“Are you …?”

“Yes.” 

Silence. 

“Limited choices. Worse consequences.”

James nodded. He knew that. It still hurt. Maybe in Fowey.

“Will you bring..”

“No.”

Silence. 

“Will we ever meet? Do you want us to?”

Regulus thought about it. His immediate answer was going to be no. But ….. “Maybe.” Regulus sighed. “And before you say anything, we’ve already had this conversation, and the answer to that question is still No.” He grinned despite himself. “A black Black would be highly suspicious.” 

Regulus felt the laugh tumble through James. He looked up again. The merriment he loved was back. “We’ll work something out. I always do.” He said quietly. 

James kissed Regulus, marveling at the warmth and determination in the silver-blue eyes. “I know.” He said cheekily. 

Still smiling, they let go of each other and headed down to the front door. James was about to lean in for another kiss when Regulus shook his head slightly. 

“Thought you could escape without saying farewell. How rude.” Sirius said, grinning as he joined them at the front door. 

“I didn’t want to disturb whatever was producing those unearthly sounds coming from what I assume was your room.” 

“That’s very considerate Reggie.” Sirius smirked. “You should get laid at least once before your wedding night. Might be good to know what you're doing.” 

Regulus rolled his eyes. James had to turn away as he felt his cheeks flush, and stifle his laugh. “Thank you for your concern. I’ll keep it in mind.” He said. “Perhaps James could give me some advice as you clearly play on the men’s team now.” 

James broke. He couldn’t help it. Less than twenty minutes ago Regulus had been demonstrating just how skilled he was with his hands and mouth.  Regulus shot him a glare, then smirked. The shower had been very cleansing. 

Sirius watched the interaction. “James” he said slowly “Have you been flirting with my baby brother again?” 

James couldn’t stop. He tried to speak. Hiccupped. He loved them both so much. He tried again. “Exactly how and what should I explain?” He asked, ignoring Sirius’s question. 

“I’m assuming you’ve slept with women. Perhaps you can show me how it’s done?” Regulus said with a straight face. “Or Sirius, would you prefer to explain? And don’t say you put it in and wiggle it about. You told me that when I was ten. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more required.” 

Sirius blushed bright red. He remembered that conversation. He’d kissed his first girl just before summer break. He’d been terrible. But he’d pretended to Regulus they’d gone all the way. Sirius was saved by the arrival of Effie. 

“Is there a reason why you three are standing beside a half open front door?” She asked ignoring, Sirius’s red face, and James’s occasional hiccup. 

“Regulus was on his way out.“ James said

“Thank you for your hospitality Mrs Potter.” Regulus said with a polite bow of his head. 

“It was lovely to see you again, Regulus. And please call me Effie. We’ve now played quidditch together so you don’t need to be so formal.” 

“Thank you. Effie.” Regulus gave a polite smile. “I really must go. I’ll see you in Fowey.”  Regulus exited the house and walked to the end of the garden path past the shields before he apparated away. 

Sirius grinned and headed into the front sitting room to find his abandoned book. James stayed at the door and watched. He felt his mum reach out and welcomed the arm around his waist. 

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Effie asked quietly. James nodded. His throat felt all choked up. “Does he feel the same way?” James nodded again. “Does it change anything?” James shook his head, smile sad, and silent tears rolling down his face. “What next?” 

James stared at the empty path. “Make one of the county teams, then the national team. Tour the world. One day marry the man of my dreams.” 

“That’s my Jamie.” Effie smiled and pulled James around into a proper hug.

——

The following week passed quickly. James trained every morning with Sirius and evening with Monty or Effie or both or all three. He was exhausted and exhilarated the night before the trials. Marlene and Dorcas had dropped in the day before to see how James was going and to give him some tips from Marlene’s experience the year before.  

“It’s about confidence, adaptability and coachability. How you react when something doesn’t go as you planned. Can you pivot strategies at the last minute? Are you able to follow orders or do you tend to go rogue?” Marlene had glared at Sirius when she asked this question. He’d a tendency to go rogue during matches at school. “Do you have both speed and accuracy during a match as well as in training? How well do you handle pressure? Do you have a loud enough voice to be heard over a cheering crowd to give directions or let your teammates know you’re available? Do you have leadership qualities? Do you inspire others to work with and for you?”  

James had gone paler under the on-slaught of questions. He’d never thought of any of those things. 

Marlene grinned. “In your case, yes you do. You need to remember to demonstrate them often enough to be enticing but not so often you come across as a Prima Donna.” 

“Marlene you had me properly scared and I’ve fought giant snakes and their god.” James said, looking relieved. 

“Giant snakes? Gods? Do tell.” Marlene said, intrigued.  Dorcas nodded vigorously. 

James and Sirius launched into their story, while Marlene and Dorcas listened with rapt attention, and Remus researched his next essay with only half an ear on the conversation, highly amused by the editing being done by his friends to remove any mention of Regulus. He wondered if they realised they were doing it and filed it away for later. 

— — 

The day of the county and national quidditch tryouts dawned bright and clear. James had decided on only running then flying a few laps of the field that morning. He didn’t want to tire himself out before he’d even started. 

“Wish me luck Reg.” He said brightly to the sky as he landed, feeling wonderfully alert and ready to take on the world. 

“Luck, Jamie.” A voice whispered through the trees. 

James grinned and saluted the woods. He wasn’t going to get distracted today. This was his day to prove how awesome he was as a player and person. 

Regulus sat in his large cat form on a long thick branch of a tree at the edge of the woods. James had looked fantastic out on the pitch. In all senses of the phrase. Excellent broom handling, muscles shifting beneath a sweat infused t-shirt.  Luckily the cat felt things quite differently to the human, so Regulus got to file all the images away for careful study later. He knew he should not have responded to James’s call for luck, but he couldn’t help it. The joyous grin was worth it. Regulus watched and waited until James had entered the house before he changed back to human and disappeared. 

The tryouts were amazing. Electric. A cacophony of sound from family and friends who had come to see the hundred hopefuls try for a place in one of the twelve county teams represented that day. Not every county team sourced their new players from the yearly tryouts, but enough did to ensure a big turnout. James was on a high. Naturally the entire group and his parents had arrived to watch. Sirius was leaning against Remus when he heard a familiar voice. 

“You not try today?”

“Hey Dan. Csilia” Sirius beamed. “No. Only James. Don’t get me wrong, I’m good, very good, and i love  the game, but I don’t have his passion. James has been dreaming of this day for as long as I’ve known him.” 

“Longer. Pretty sure he was flying when he was born.” Monty added. 

Csilia giggled. “Was he smiling too?” she asked 

“Always.” Effie replied. “Great shot.” She yelled as James caught and threw the quaffle across to his team mate who scored a goal. 

It was close to four hours later before James made his way to the stands where his friends and parents sat. He was still beaming. 

“That was intense.” Tara said as James flopped down in front of them. 

“Yep.” He said. 

“We had a couple of visitors while you were out there, and left a present.” Sirius said, handing James an envelope. 

For a brief moment James brightened further in the hope it was from Regulus before common sense got the better of him. Regulus would never leave a gift with Sirius. It would be way more random than that. Nervous, he opened the envelope. 

“Oh Merlin. It’s VIP tickets to the England Hungary match tomorrow night. Wow!” He grinned. 

“Dan and Csilia dropped by. Apparently these are a Thank You for New Year’s Eve.” Sirius said, returning the grin. 

“So who are you taking?” Willow asked 

“All of you. There are six tickets. That’s amazing.” James grinned broadly, then his face fell slightly. “What about Mum and Dad? And Pandora?”

Effie returned the grin. “That’s okay. We’ve got ministry box tickets.  We were going to surprise you with tickets after the wizengamot tomorrow.”

“And Pandora’s busy working on her experiments at the cottage so it will be a few days before she re-emerges.” Lily said. 

“Does she play quidditch? She didn’t mention doing so when we watched the practice game last week.” Willow asked

“Oh no. She declares it far to dangerous.” Lily smiled fondly. “She much prefers blowing things up.”

The others laughed. Cheered by the banter, and knowing his parents were not going to miss out on the game, James banished the betrayal he felt whenever he thought of Peter and the upcoming trial. The six friends had talked it over with Monty and Effie. There was a good chance at least one of them would be called to give a witness statement, so they had all agreed to go and watch. The VIP tickets would certainly help give him something to look forward too