Chapter Three
He didn’t know he had cried himself asleep until he was waking up. “… Stepped on a butterfly and cried for over an hour. I know you aren’t sparing any new scars or wounds so, no. I don’t think any different than I did yesterday, Remus. Now the real question is do you want a caseworker? It’s not going to do anything really in the grand scheme of everything. He seems to like or at least partially remember you. There aren’t any other relatives to manage or muggles to… persuade. You have the same knowledge as every other caseworker. I am here if you need a listening ear.” She stopped talking and Blaidd heard her sigh. “Once we get Sirius out given what we know, once he is out of his stay at a mind healer facility, he will be a support to you as well.”
The silence was what made him open his eyes and look around for them worried they had left him. His breath hitched when he couldn’t see or hear them. He turned to look at the rest of the room and finally noticed Remus, no his tad smirking which quickly turned to worry as he noticed Blaidd’s panic. “C'est bon, tu vas bien.” (It's okay, you’re okay.) He was wrapped up into another hug. “You're okay you're safe now. Rydych chi'n ddiogel nawr.” (You’re safe now.) The last sentence felt like he was trying to reassure himself that Blaidd was safe now.
Blaidd moved so he could see his tad’s eyes. “Mae popeth yn mynd i fod yn wahanol?” (Everything is going to be different?)
Tad’s eyes grew to the beautiful amber colour. “I will make sure, nothing bad will happen to you. I promise if I have to, I will get you on the waitlist for any other magical school you want to go to. You won’t have to worry about anything, let the adults hand it this time Blaidd.” Tad looked so sad and held him close.
They were like that until Amilia interrupted. “I really hate to say anything to break the peace. But there is something we really do need to go over.” Blaidd looked to her and saw the horrified looks as she shuffled through paperwork. He noticed her glance at Remus and then to the paperwork.
“Did Healer Mikaelson finally send copies of his paperwork?” Remus moved off the couch where they were sitting on.
Amilia looked wide-eyed and shook her head to Remus. “I think you should call Olive and Scott. Those are the only two I trust. They hate,” Amilia nodded her head with a pointed look, “almost as much as you do once you read this.” Amilia stopped shuffling the papers and started at something on one of them. If Blaidd knew wizards could pop their own eyes out, Amilia’s would have on their own.
Remus moved quicker to where she was standing at a desk across the room. It was at this point when he realized they were in the Black family library. “Amilia, you look like you just met with Death.”
Blaidd’s own words were ringing in his head. Nothing is what it seems. “Tad?” He didn’t remember a lot of his childhood; he just assumed it was because he spent so much time in his cupboard. But looking at the number of papers that Amilia was holding let alone what was on the desk.
He thought twice about this. He didn’t remember apparating to the top of the roof and falling the middle of winter. But, from his older self’s memories, his own memories? He remembered the whiteness of Kings Cross and meeting Death wearing Dumbledore’s appearance with the vague thought of wrong. He also never remembered the first two years of his life with Papa and Tad, until now. He knew his brain always took too long to connect the dots, it probably didn’t help he hit his head yesterday or earlier. “Tad, I got dropped off at the first of November night and was found the second of November morning.” That had always bugged him, everyone insisted that he was dropped off the same night, but he knew his aunt and uncle were always so mad especially on the second of November.
“Why…?” He looked confused at Blaidd and then went to the papers shuffling them around, assuming he was looking for 31st of October, 1981. He kept getting glances of things that he had been through. His eyes were unashamedly amber now.
Tad finally pulled his wand and out of instinct Blaidd went to grab his wand not finding it he took cover behind the sofa before rational took over and he was too ashamed to move. “Were any of these papers organized when they were sent over? Have you seen this? Hell I-” He heard more shuffling of paperwork and him growling. Blaidd’s shame turned into fear again. Was Remus upset with him that he was hiding behind the couch? No. He had never been angry, and if he had been he couldn’t remember or maybe Remus raged in a different part of the house away from Harry Blaidd.
He covered his ears and hid his face into his knees he had pulled up to his chest. Harry had a good relationship with Sirius and Remus before Sirius was pulled through The Vail. Remus had to hold him back from chasing after him. He had gone to his step-mom’s… his cousins? And his Tad’s funeral, he was named Godfather of his own half-brother. He was cackling now. Laughter was just bubbling out of his chest like it was the funniest thing in the whole world. He couldn’t stop laughing, until he had almost passed out from laughing so much.
“-aidd… Blaidd… Bla- Harry!” He looked up at his tad with a look of surprise. It was something he wasn’t expecting his mind still trapped in the future. The past? “What are you laughing about?” That set him off again the bubbles in his chest wouldn’t stop, forcing him to laugh. He was pulled again into a hug, but this one was different then the other two. Long hair was in moved quickly out of his face. His laugh became painful and this time he could tell he wasn’t going to pass out to get him to stop laughing. Words were being spoken by the person who was holding him. Their chest vibrated, as the words came out. Harry couldn’t make any sense of them.
Harry’s laughing turned into pained sobs. He just wanted bottle everything back up, that strategy had work well the last few years, why not anymore. This fit had happened when they were on the run from, You-Know-Who, and it had scared Hermione and Ron so bad they almost risked getting a mind healer or a mediwitch or even risk taking him to the muggles. He was now gasping for breath unaware he had started to scream. No words were uttered from him. The person who had started to hold him just rubbed his back and held him no matter how much he unconsciously tried to fight them to get away.
He was trapped. He knew he was trapped inside his mind and it just wouldn’t stop. All the memories felt like they were burning him up. He needed to get away from everything. It would be better. Everyone was dead, weren’t they? The only family he had left were the Dursley’s and he rather face Voldemort again then go back.
No. That’s not right. Harry just saw his tad who was fussing over paperwork. He was soyoung compared to when he first met him on the train during third year. He kept finding memories popping up that continued to contradict another one. So, Harry took each one and filed them into books, games, into lamps and into tangible lumo’s like light bulbs placing them into the laps.
When Blaidd was done, he took a step back and realized he had made a library with ample study spaces. Everything was calmer he felt like he was less confused. A lot less confused, however this also made it possible for him to notice something wasn’t quite right in his library and study space. He went towards the black swirls and then there was one on the other side, no it surrounded his space.
It was one big black fog that surrounded his space. He started to reach out to touch it and it reached back kindly. He embraced the warm felling that started to flow through him. But he noticed something under it as if it could hide. Once the black fog moved so he could get closer to inspect it, did he realize what it was. The Horcrux sitting in silent wait for something. He cocked his head bird like confused and the fog pulled him up and out, no malice with the action.
†††
Blaidd blinked a few times his eyes heavy and he reached up to rub his eyes and his arms felt just as heavy. He noticed that he was tucked between to people. His tad was in front of him where he could see and he was confused now. “Tad, Mae angen i mi se lever.” (Dad, I need to get up.) Tad turned around and snorted smiling at him.
“How badly do you need to get up, cub?” It wasn’t Remus who spoke, but a deep voice from behind him. Blaidd turned around to see who was at his back talking and stopped breathing. “Breathe,” Sirius’ hand as well as Remus’ hands were rubbing his back in a soothing manner. Sirius didn’t look anything like he did before he disappeared or right out of Azkaban. He was tan, without any bags under his eyes, in fact it looked like he hadn’t been exposed to Dementors at all. His tattoos weren’t as distracting as that had looked at him before too.
Blaidd finally stopped staring and whispered softly. “Just have to pee.” He quickly climbed over Sirius, is papa and used the washroom.
Once he was out the playfulness from both his parents were gone. They were looking at each other. It was important and he felt his stomach drop. This is when they say they didn’t want him anymore because of his fit last night. Where was he going to go? Would they still let him live here if he promised to be a better house elf then creature?
Sirius sighed and ran his hands over his face exasperated already. “I need my coffee first. It is a heavy conversation and I was really hoping to have it when Blaidd was at least fifteen not nine.” Blaidd stared at them both as they got out of bed. “My parents,” Sirius snorted “they told my youngest brother to tell me. After I had ran away, do you know how pissed I was after all that? I nearly had my first break right then!”
“No, you only had your first break after you were convinced that not only was Blaidd killed but so was I. You still haven’t told me how you were convinced of that part. I was convinced that Blaidd was dead too, but-” Tad cut himself off and moved slightly so he could see him. His face grew into a smile like he was seeing something amazing for the first time. “Now we all can go down to the kitchen get some coffee for us adults…” Tad bit his lower lip. He had seen that same face several times before when he had bad news.
Sirius climbed out of bed and slowly came towards Blaidd and picked him up. “So, what is my favourite nine19-year-old wanting to do this week? Anything in the world, you name it and we will do it!” Blaidd couldn’t help but giggle at this and hide his face into his papa’s neck as his face heated up.
He was carried down the flight of stairs into the formal dining room. He was sat at the end of the table each of his dad took a spot on each of his sides. There were already two cups of coffee on the kitchen table and Blaidd looked at both his fathers who weren’t eating anything and hadn’t made a move to get him anything either. Maybe this was his punishment and they weren’t kicking him out of the house. He could live not eating a meal or two.
“Blaidd, we have a few things to discuss with you and I want to make one thing clear before we do, okay?” Tad’s eyes were a glossy auburn colour, and Blaidd nodded hesitantly. “You are not in any trouble for what happened a few nights ago. Okay?” This made him confused, ‘a few nights ago’?
He nodded but didn’t ask any questions but he really wanted to. “We are having to skip eating breakfast this morning due to you having to go see a healer so we can get you feeling better.” He raised his hand as Blaidd started to protest. “You are seeing a healer. You have so many binds on you I don’t know how you are standing here upright as it is. Let alone your concussion itself is still concerning. The number of potions you are going to undoubtably be placed on is going to ensure you are to never miss a meal.”
Tad nodded and this time papa started to talk. He took note that is coffee mug was being filled up by Kreature. “A few nights ago, probably last night from your perspective, you experienced a… very small amount of The Black Family Madness as it is commonly called. There tends to be anywhere between three and five “break-downs” so to speak before it can and most likely will consume you and the way you think. There will be moments of sanity but it will be very few and very far between you could go years between having a few moments of sanity. I didn’t have my first break until that Halloween night. I got the emergency pulse through a necklace that James insisted on all of us having in case of an emergency… I was informed just before the pulse that your tad was found dead, mulled by werewolves.” He took a breath wiping his tears away. “I lost it, I knew who the secret keeper was too for James, I knew where you were being watched for the night while I was at work. I wasn’t supposed to know because of filius charm, unless it fell. I didn’t care about anything… I lost everything that night, or so I thought…” He paused and tad was wrapping him up into a hug trying to calm him down. “I went after Wormtail and the rest is history.”
Blaidd looked at him wide-eyed as he was processing everything. He felt lost and he didn’t know what he could say to make his papa feel better. But he got out of his seat and came close to him and tad and gave him a hug. “Thank you for the hug cub. But back to what I was saying about the Black Family Madness, it only happens when we are at a very emotional taxing event, like what I told you about. So do you want to tell me what happened?”
Blaidd wanted to but he was scared to. He didn’t want his tad to get into any trouble or be upset. “Blaidd, you don’t have to worry about anyone being upset with you, okay?” His tad was slow with his hand coming towards him and it did help him not to flinch as his hair was ruffled with affection.
“Tad, got angry and I haven’t seen him angry before.” He bit his lower lip and looked down. “He pulled his wand, which make me want to grab mine before I realised, I don’t have one. So, I hid behind the sofa in case… then once I came out of the fight or flight mode, I was embarrassed that I was hiding. I heard him getting more frustrated and I knew he wasn’t mad at me. But I was still panicking and I was starting think about Papa and how we were in the department and… then after the war how me and my half-brother to see both of our parents laid to rest. I was named Godfather to my own brother. I had a mom who was also my cousin. I just lost it.”
Kreacher popped into the dinning room “Masters need to be getting ready your appointment with the Healer’s is being in 20 minutes.” He popped away and he looked to his fathers. He was confused as he didn’t have any clothes.
Tad moved and picked Blaidd up. “We got you things while you were asleep. It’s just a few outfits until we can get you into getting fitted properly.” Papa led the way to the room next door down where they woke up. Blaidd’s eyes widened as he recognised this was the room Sirius had never let anyone open while he was alive. “This is your room.”
The door fully opened against the right side of the wall to reveal a window on the opposite wall over looking the backyard. A desk was on the right wall tucking into the corner taking up almost three fourth of it. His four-poster bed was on the left side of the room hidden by a section of the wall that sticks out. Night stands were on either side of the bed. The colours decorating the room were just as he had wanted for himself for the longest time: blacks, browns and a muted mustered yellow. He looked up to his fathers confused as to where his wardrobe was and before he could ask something caught his eye and he realised it was the night sky, charmed to show stars. “I-” If he cried anymore, he felt like that was all he would be doing for the rest of his life. “I love this so much. Thank you.”
“You deserve the best Blaidd,” his papa looked like he was about to cry himself.
Tad couldn’t help but immediately add, “don’t ever think you don’t.” He brushes his hand against the wall to reveal another door this time he couldn’t help but slowly peek his head in curious.
“It’s a closet we all three share. It can be used as a panic room if the house is ever under attack as well.” Sirius said deadpanned. “Now let me get something presentable for all of us.” He went into the closet and pulled out three outfits. Handing one to tad who then was setting Blaidd onto his feet and walking into the closet. “Do you want help getting dressed?” Blaidd looked at the outfit and was confused as he had never seen proper wizard attire outside of his hearing, and even then, no one got him into an outfit like it.
Blaidd was nodding slowly unsure what to say. His throat was closing up and he was refusing to cry again. He didn’t even know why he was crying this time. “Oh, cub, it’s going to be okay. Once we see this healer and get you on a routine it’ll be all okay.”
“Why do I even have to see a healer I feel fine.” He wiped his face with the back of his hand.
His papa gave him a pointed look. “I only saw the page where you were dropped of at the muggles house. From that alone you are seeing a healer. Honestly a horcrux is in you, someone else’s soul piece that shouldn’t be there. Then there are the curses that at this point could be irrevocable. The binds on your magical core and blocking your soul bond.” He tsk’ed, “my mother did a lot, but even she wouldn’t have done a blocking on a soul bond. Not to mention memory charms, but that I think seems to have been broken partially at this point from what you have done, unless it’s just from the head injury.” He muttered the last part to himself as he finished getting Blaidd dressed. “All done,” he quickly to a glance at the closet and saw Remus dressed to the nines. His papa looked like his breath was stolen.
“You better hurry to change or we are going to be late.” Tad gave him a pointed look. “We will wait in the floo room for you.” His lead Blaidd to what he knew as the library.
“This is the floo room? I though this was a library?” He looks up to tad confused.
“Yeah, we did manage to make everyone think that didn’t we?” He gave a sly grin that wasn’t something Blaidd had ever seen on Remus before. “We managed to redirect the floo to open in the downstairs sitting room, so your papa and I had a bit more privacy.”
He nodded and Sirius’ hand landed on Blaidd’s shoulder and this time the boy jumped in fright not having heard him come in. “Come on, I remember how badly you were at the Floo you and I will go together and tad will follow.” He nodded and was moved so the pair of them were standing inside. Grabbing a handful of floo powder and throwing it down onto the floor of the floo calling out two words Blaidd was last expecting to hear out of anyone’s mouth. “Malfoy Manor.”