Chapter 2
she clambered out the portrait hole feeling a wave of relief cross her, because she escaped from the sea of students. she felt the cool air of the corridor pour into her lungs, in stark contrast to the stuffy environment she has just come from. she took a deep breath steadying herself leaning against the wall. she felt herself give in to the tears. she let herself sob collapsing into a heap on the floor, feeling her cheeks grow wet with her crying. but she didn’t care she felt betrayed, why would he do that to her. she was lost in grief. She was grieving they’re friendship and they’re trust, she had trusted him and he had gone against her for everyone to see. he clearly had no regard for her feeling on the situation at all. no regard for how his antics would affect her. How could he be so heartless so apathetic toward her. She would have never done that to him, never. She let her tears flow as if they could wash away the sadness as if they would take the knife he had stabbed into her out of her back as if, if she just let them fall she would be fine once it was all over. The water ricochet from her cheeks onto her lap she felt the cold of it seep through the fabric onto her skin. She allowed herself to break her on the floor alone she couldn’t even worry that someone could pass her by. She was so consumed by her sadness
But as her tears began to fade she realised that the betrayal she was feeling was one of a friendship and though it hurt her she wasn’t heartbroken. she didn’t care that he kissed another girl, only that he didn’t tell her. despite the fact that they had a sort of date planned, if you could call going to Slughorn’s party a date. she reflected on the past and what she had believed was feelings for Ron but looking at them now she realised that though she deeply cared for him it was purely platonic. she has been forcing herself to believe it was more for years because that’s what people wanted from her and she always did what people wanted, but there simply wasn’t any romantic feelings between them. she felt a weight lift from her chest as if this realisation had shed her of a burden, shed her of a duty she didn’t know she had carried. But simultaneously she felt as though she had been living someone else’s life the life people had made for her as if she were a puppet on strings. she realised now that shed been letting people control the her. but she didn’t have to hang there waiting for someone to pick up her legs and arms and lift her head up. she could do it by herself. she was so afraid of upsetting someone so afraid of failure that shed let others dictate her life for her. She knew that she couldn’t continue she knew she had to change something. She felt determination settle within her. She couldn’t care so much about others anymore she had to focus on herself, Ron's ‘display’ had showed that she always did the heavily lifting in all her friendships letting people walk all over her because she was just happy to have friends in the first place but that wasn’t how it was supposed to be. she knew it.
as the residual shock and sorrow began to ebb away she realised what a mess she must look crumpled of the floor wailing over a boy that was never hers to cry about. She felt embarrassment creep into her despite that fact no one had seen her this was pathetic she was pathetic. She brushed away the tears that still lay on her face attempting to clear the evidence of her breakdown. In an effort to look some semblance of normal she conjured a mirror to scrutinize her appearance when she saw her reflection it was clear that she had been crying her eyes were red and puffy and tear streaks lay all across her face.
she huffed out a sigh, choosing to ignore her current state in Favour of finding a more secluded area. she picked her bag and lifted herself of the floor, dusting of her robes as she went she decided that from here the best course of action would be to go to the library. she would be asked to many question if she returned to the common room to get to the girls dormitory, so it was best to wait till the party was over. hardening her resolve she walked confidently in the direction of the library passing not a sole on her way. which she was glad of. despite the fact she had no incomplete homework to do she was sure she could find some advanced reading to keep her mind of her sadness. besides Hermione had always liked keeping busy and today was no different she could go about like normal very easily she was sure of it.
When she passed through the library doors it seemed as if the room was deserted except from madam Pince. who sat and the desk glaring at her for having the audacity to step foot in her library, but this did not sour her mood anymore than it already had been. she was used to this behaviour from her, that’s how she treated all the students. But all the composure she managed to build in the last few minutes shattered when she turned a corner to get to her usual seat in the library and saw draco Malfoy sitting in her chair