James has seen the way Regulus acts around most people, and he’s seen the way he acts when he’s actually being himself, and though he prefers the latter, now all he ever sees is the first.
It's been seven months since the breakup. James has been trying not to think about it, everytime he does he falls apart. All their friends knew they broke up, but James never explained the details, just that it was messy.
James cracked his neck and opened the door to the bar, finding the table that his friends were at. It’s been awhile since they’ve all seen each other, it’s been hard to meet up since they got out of school. Sirius told James before he got there that Regulus was going to be there. James decided that as long as he leaves him alone, doesn't look at him, and doesn't talk to him, everything will be fine.
It was awkward, he could feel his eyes on him, they burned deeper than everyone else's. He got himself a drink and sat down across from Remus, fighting the urge to look across the table at Regulus.
The last time they talked was three weeks after the breakup, no one knew they had broken up, and most assumed they were fighting and it would blow over. Sirius invited everyone over to his and Remus’s flat. When James got there, there were only two open seats left, right next to each other, the only other person not there was Regulus. Regulus moved the chair to the other end of the table when he got there, flipping everyone off as he did so.
James remembers that fight like it just happened before he walked into the bar.
James was playing on a professional quidditch team, he’s been on the same team for three years now, recently he’s been benched due to an injury. The potions and spells healed it most of the way, but there were spots that had to heal themself, magic can’t fix everything. He was on crutches for the next four weeks at least, maybe longer depending on how it was healing, he also had a brace that covered most of his leg, most of the supports were stabilizing his knee, and a majority of the injury. He’s used to the crutches now, after having them almost two months, they were annoying to carry around though, and they made his shoulders lock up really bad, the type of way only a good massage can fix, like the ones Regulus used to give him.
He took another sip of his drink, hoping that getting drunk would make him less sore.
“How long until you can play again James? The team is falling apart without you.” Peter asked, sitting down next to him.
“Whenever the doctors clear me. Over a month at least though. It’s good practice for the other team members though, they rely on me a little too much.”
“I guess that makes sense. Still shitty that the whole team sucks just because you're out on injury” Sirius chimed in.
James shrugged and took another sip of his drink.
~~~
He was five drinks deep now, most of his self control was gone. He’s made eye contact with Regulus a few times now, hoping he’d get something out of him. So far he hasn't, maybe after a couple more drinks he will.
The bar was loud. there was live music and it was full with people, you could barely even hear yourself think.
Around an hour later they were all properly drunk, and James and Regulus shared a few glances, talking to each other without actually speaking.
James stepped out for a smoke, hoping Regulus picked up on what he was trying to say.
Regulus joined him a few minutes later, leaning against the wall next to him.
“Hey.”
“Hi.”
They didn't say anything else for a few minutes, the alcohol giving them courage they wouldn't normally have.
James took the crutches out from under his arms, propping them against the wall as he leaned against it. “How are you?” He asked while he got himself situated.
“Been better. You?” Regulus answered, not looking at him.
“Same.”
They fell silent again.
There was a question on the tip of James’s tongue, but he didn't know if he should ask or not.
“Have you been with anyone else?” He asked.
“Pardon?”
“Like…Has someone taken my place?” There was a hint of sadness behind the slur of James’s voice.
“I mean I've slept with people. But no one is permanent” Regulus shrugged, taking another dip of his drink.
“Oh…”
“None as good as you thought.”
“Oh? Really?” James moved a bit closer, their shoulders were touching now.
“Yeah…No one else does it right.”
James smiled a bit. The Regulus he knew was showing through a little bit, and god damn he missed this.
“I miss you.” James blurted out without thinking.
“Good for you.”
“Reggie…”
“Don't call me that.”
“Okay. Regulus. I'm sorry.”
“You're gonna hurt yourself. You have too much weight on your bad leg.”
James hadn't noticed he had most of his weight in his bad leg. Now that he's realized it, it hurts like hell and was about to give out. He reached over to grab his crutches, trying to keep his balance without shifting his weight too fast.
“You alright?”
“…No”
They didn't talk for another minute as James got himself situated.
“How's work going?” James asked
Regulus looked down before answering. “Still trying to find a job. The other one fired like everyone a few months ago”
“Shit Reg…Do you need anything?”
“No, I'm alright. Money is a little tight but I can manage.”
James hated knowing Regulus was struggling and there was nothing he could do about it, even if there was, James is drunk and all he can think about is the urge to kiss him.
“Are you still mad at me?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe?”
‘What does he mean maybe?’ James thought, still staring at him.
“I lied earlier” Regulus said, still with a cold tone to his voice.
“About?”
“Sleeping with people.”
“What exactly did you lie about?”
“I haven't been with anyone else…still trying to get over you” Regulus stepped a bit closer, their chests were touching and his arms were wrapped around James’s neck. James put a hand on his waist but still had to support himself with the crutches.
“Oh really?”
Regulus nodded, seeming like he was thinking about something, but before James had the chance to ask what he was thinking about, Regulus went up on his toes and kissed him.
James kissed back, they both kept it soft, but it was obvious how much they both needed each other and how much they missed this. James hand squeezed Regulus’s waist a bit and Regulus pulled them closer together, one of his hands tangling in his hair.
The noise of the bar behind them got drowned out as the kiss got more heated. They were drowning in each other, nothing else mattered other than them. Even if nothing else happens, this is still enough.
The kiss broke a few minutes later, both of them breathless and staring at each other, not talking until James spoke up.
“Uhm…I think I'm gonna go home.”
Regulus’s expression fell and he grabbed James' arm. “Wait.”
“What?”
Regulus let go and backed up a bit, looking kinda shy.
“You wanna go with me?” James asked, limping towards him
Regulus nodded, still avoiding eye contact.
“Okay. Come on. I'll pay off your tab then we can go.” James said softly, grabbing his hand.
“You don’t have to pay for it. I can.”
“I'm paying. Come on.”
James led him back into the bar, slowed down a bit by the crutches. He paid the tab and walked over to Sirius.
“Me and Reg are leaving.”
“You and Reg?” He asked, a knowing smirk on his face.
“Shut up.” James took a sip of Sirius’s drink before turning back to Regulus. “You ready?”
Regulus nodded and turned to walk out, James followed him
As soon as they got through the door to James’s house they were all over each other again. This kiss was rougher. Hungrier.
They needed each other, that much was clear, and the alcohol was making it harder to hold back. James was trying to get them closer together but the crutches were getting in the way, he really thought he was good at having crutches.
They broke the kiss, both breathless. James leaned forward and put his head on Regulus’s shoulder.
“You here to stay or just to fuck?” James asks, shifting some of his weight onto Reg.
“Is both an option?” Reg mumbled, playing with James’s hair.
“Yeah…Can the second part wait a bit?”
“Yeah. You alright?”
“Mhmm.” He stood up straight and went over to the kitchen, Regulus followed him.
James had at least 10 pill bottles on his counter. He grabbed one of the bottles and took two.
“What's that?” Regulus asked.
“Pain killers.” He shrugged, wincing slightly at how tight his shoulders are.
“You want me to rub out your shoulders?”
“Please.”
They were sitting on the couch, James was going over stuff for work and trying to help Reg find a job as he got his shoulders massaged. He expected it to be more awkward, but they were still so comfortable with each other, like the breakup never happened. But it did. As much as he wants to deny it, they aren't still together. This is just one night. They’re drunk. Everything will be back to how it was before when they wake up tomorrow.
“Hey Reggie?”
“Hm?”
James didn't want to say it. He knew the answer and didn't want to hear it again. “Nevermind.”
Regulus hummed but didnt stop massaging. James leaned into his touch as he kept doing the paperwork he needed for work.
The alcohol was wearing off. They left the bar a few hours ago now. Everything feels right but so so wrong. The only thing James knew for sure was that they were both waking up with wicked hangovers in the morning.
Next thing James knew he was waking up on his couch, laying on top of Regulus, with a killer migraine and no memory of how he got here.
He picked his head up and looked at his watch. Noon. Reg is still asleep. He put his head back down on his chest and went back to sleep, not wanting to ruin the moment.
Regulus woke him up a bit later, tapping on his back softly.
“Hm?” James mumbled, holding him tighter.
“James get up.” He replied. The same cold tone from before was back.
‘Fuck.’ James thought, squeezing him a bit tighter. Maybe it really was just a one night thing. Regulus didn't want him back. But if he really didn't want to be around James why is he still here? Why didn't he leave before?
“James.”
“I don’t wanna lose you again.” His voice was muffled, but the sadness and vulnerability was still present, making him sound slightly whiny.
“James.”
“Please. Please please don't leave again.” He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes as he fought them back. It wasn't fair. He loved him. He hated this.
“James.” Regulus’s tone was getting more annoyed.
“Please.”
“James just fucking listen to me for a minute!” He got loud, really loud. James flinched, having to squeeze his eyes shut to stop the tears from coming out.
“Okay..”
“Listen. I don't know what last night was. I don't know what happened. I blacked out. I don't know if we fucked, or how i got here, all i know is i'm waking up on your couch with you with one of the worst hangovers i've ever had and i'm not in the mood to fight with you.” He was quiet, but still had a bite to his tone.
“Are you leaving?” James’s voice broke and he struggled to hold back tears.
“I should.”
James felt himself tense at that, holding him tighter, if that was even possible at this point, as the tears he'd been fighting back finally fell. “Please.” He managed to get out, not looking up.
Regulus ran a hand through his hair, not saying anything else. James could tell he wanted to leave, but he couldn't bring himself to let go and watch him walk out that door again.
“Please Reg. I-i…please.”
“Shhh. You’ll be alright.” He sounded sad, but it was more of a pity sad. And honestly James probably looked really pathetic right now, injured and sobbing into his ex’s arms.
Regulus spoke again, a bit more pity in his voice now. “I’ll get Sirius to come over so you won't be alone.”
“No. Reg please. Please don't go. Not again. Please love. Please.”
“Jamie…You know I have to. We can't do this again.”
“I need you. Please.”
Regulus sighed and it was clear his resolve was falling. “Fine. I’ll stay a bit longer. Once we fix this hangover we can talk. We’ll see. I'm not making any promises though. I can’t promise that we can fix this.”
James let out a sigh of relief and buried his face into Reg’s chest even more, still crying. He didn't really know why he was crying, probably a mix of things really. He was scared, scared to lose Regulus, scared of messing it up again, he had a hangover, a migraine, and his leg hurt like hell. His leg. He fell asleep with the brace on last night. He’s supposed to take it off.
“Shit.” He mumbled under his breath, sitting up and wiping his face.
“Hm? You alright?” Regulus asked, keeping a hand on his shoulder.
“Yeah. Fine. I’ll be fine.” He started taking the brace off, wincing slightly as his knee bent from the loss of support. He ran a hand through his hair before reaching for his crutches and standing up.
“James, what do you need from me?” Regulus followed him, clearly worried.
“Nothing. I just have to take my meds, then I'll be fine.” He took the dosing of each pill out of the bottles and set them on the counter before grabbing a glass of water to take them all with. He’s on a lot of stuff right now because of how bad the injury is.
“What’d you even do?” Regulus asked as James finished taking the pills.
“Tore two of the ligaments in my knee and shattered my kneecap and part of my shin.” He mumbled, looking at the clock. 3:30. “I have an appointment in an hour.”
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“Please. It's a muggle place and I can't drive since it's my right leg.”
“Yeah. I'll go with you then. Are you sure you're okay though?”
“Yeah. Promise.” James leaned down and kissed him softly.
James leaned back against the counter, using the crutches to lift himself so he was sitting on the counter, one of them keeping his leg straight. “This fucking hangovers gonna kill me”
A couple hours later, they were in Regulus’s car, on the way back from the doctors. It was still kinda awkward, but it felt so right, and James wasn’t ready for when he leaves again.
He’s on crutches for at least another four weeks, and even after that he can't go back to work any time soon, and the pay cut was really starting to get to him.
Regulus came back to the house for dinner, but didnt say anything the whole time. As soon as he was done eating he stood up and grabbed his keys.
“Reg..”
“Sorry James…Not right now.”
Regulus kissed him quickly before walking out the front door. That's it. He's gone again. Just like that.
They really are over.