5.
Regulus couldn’t say if he had insomnia or not. He knew he just couldn’t sleep for a period of time and it happened very often. The major reason for it was too many thoughts in his head that he could not be silenced; The revenge on the boy who hurt Pandora was the one of the thoughts. Barty and Evan would help him, but they didn’t know what he planned. As a child Regulus liked to imagine how he would treat Lucius Malfoy; Now he knew that it was a great idea to do it, as he would do the same to the boy who hurt his best friend. Finding the guy’s name wasn’t hard for them. They did not want to do it immediately after the night; They decided to wait till the next Thursday, the guy should have feel, that they were coming for him. Hurting Pandora was the worst anyone could do.
Not only Regulus couldn’t sleep, both of his friends also struggled with this issue. Barty drowned himself in a weed and Evan obsessively made any kind of potions, also smoking with his friend. Regulus wasn’t like that. He was daydreaming, he was almost absent. Barty and Evan knew that it would end eventually after the revenge; They weren’t worried about him, it wasn’t the first time. As long as Regulus was eating they weren’t stressing about his state. Regulus would stare into one point, with void in his eyes, breaking things unintentionally. He acted like a machine; James tried talk to him but the boy skilfully avoided him. Pandora tried to explain the boys’s behaviour but even she was astonished by their state. Dorcas and her would look at them worryingly, during lessons, meals and free time. They didn’t even talk between themselves. Everyone were running away from them. They were terrifying to the young students, and the only person who knew what was happening was Sirius Black. The boy also was able to be in state like that. Growing up with their parents, taught them one thing. How to turn off their feelings and do things automatically. Without thinking about them. They often pulled this after Cruciatus curse, to not to feel the pain.
Everyone counted the lessons to end, especially the Slytherin boys. They followed the boy everyday for the four days, they knew when he was alone and it was great opportunity to do it now. The plan was really simple. Evan is taking Pandora into one place and they are going to bring the boy to her.
Regulus was waiting in the shadows, the boy they’ve waited for, felt that something is going to happen. He was moving uneasily. It was very amusing for Regulus, they always were nervous; because they knew what they did. That they have hurt someone they shouldn’t.
Barty grabbed the boy’s collar. `What do you want from me? You freak.’
Barty laughed maniacally. `I don’t want anything. He does.’ The boy pointed at Regulus. The boy tried to run away but Barty was stronger.
`Hello.’ Regulus hissed. `Let go of him.’
The boy tried to run but invisible strength stopped him. `Who are you?’ The boy cried.
`Shut the fuck up. Marcus.’ Regulus said. `You know who we are. You have hurt someone you shouldn’t.’
Barty’s corners lifted. He winked at the terrified boy. `You don’t know anything.’
`I do. Believe me I do.’ Marcus tried to move but Regulus stopped him.
`How do you do it?’ He breathed.
Barty shrugged. `Regulus can do magic without the wand.’ He moved into the boy’s direction. `Every kind of magic.’ Whispered into his ear.
The boy shocked his head. `I didn’t do anything. She was asking for it.’
Regulus snorted, he wasn’t stopping the eye contact with their victim. `So you know why we are here.’ The boy swallowed his saliva loudly. `You are going to say sorry to her.’
`That bitch wanted it. I wouldn’t hurt her if she wasn’t so steely.’ This flipped the switch in Regulus.
`You know, I think you really don’t know how to use your hands properly.’ French boy said. `Are you aware of what happens with things that aren’t used as they should be used?’ Regulus smiled emotionlessly. `They break.’ As this sentence was finished, the loud sound stopped the emotional pause. Every finger of the boy was twisting into every direction breaking the bones inside.
The loud scream came from Marcus’s throat. `Stop it!’
Regulus laughed. `I haven’t even started.’ The elbows also broke. `It is music to my ears, you know Marcus?’ The boy cried, which made Regulus clinch his jaw. `This is how she cried. You are going to apologise to her. Right now. Alright?’ Marcus just nodded. He was in huge pain, the boy couldn’t even talk. Barty grabbed him by the broken arm causing the bigger ache. They headed to the place were Evan and Pandora should be waiting for them. However they weren’t the only people there. Lily Evans and James Potter also stood there talking to the white-haired girl. It didn’t stop the Slytherin boys.
`Pandora someone wants to apologise.’ The French boy interrupted their talk. Tired Marcus took a deep breath. James looked terrified by the boy’s state, Lily covered her lips with her hand, trying not to scream.
Pandora widened her eyes. `What? Regu—.’
`Apologise.’ Regulus interrupted the girl. He knew that it was too much for her but the boy needed to learn. He didn’t know that his friend wasn’t terrified by her ex state, but by his. By the empty eyes and cold emotionless voice.
`I am so sorry. Pandora.’ The boy whispered.
Regulus snorted. `I meant on your knees.’ Regulus’ cold voice cut the air.
`Have you lost your mind?’ The boy argued, but the next sound was his breaking knee. `NO!’
`Do you want me to break your other leg? Or you can kneel by yourself?’ The boy kneeled, and cried out loud.
`I am sorry Pandora Rosier.’ He apologised.
Barty twisted. `For what?’
`For trying to hurt you in a physical way.’ James widened his eyes. The realisation came to his mind really quickly. The boy tried to rape Pandora and now Regulus was taking the revenge. `For trying to rape you.’
Regulus let the boy sit, and crouched next to him. `Remember, if you are going to touch any girl, any woman or anyone in sexual way, without their permission. I am going to find you.’ He stopped. `And the next thing, I will break is going to be your neck.’ He hissed and suddenly something changed in his face. Regulus closed his eyes and clinched his jaw; When he opened them, they weren’t empty anymore, he wasn’t so scary and for sure he came back to life.
`Come on.’ Regulus said to Pandora and his friends. He knew that James and Lily shouldn’t see it but he couldn’t change it now.
Pandora grabbed Regulus’s arm. `You can’t leave him like that.’
Regulus bit his tongue and rolled his eyes. `I am going to ask him if he want to go with me.’ He kneeled next to the hurt boy. `Do you want me to walk you to the Hospital wing?’ The boy vividly shocked his head, signalising that he does not want it. `See? He does not want it.’ The boy shrugged. `If you want to walk him, I am not stopping you, alright?’ Pandora looked at Lily.
The red-head kneeled next to the boy. `I am going to help, her. James go with them. Please.’ Lily begged. Latino boy agreed and run after them. It gave the great opportunity for her to ask what was that.
`I’ve never seen him in state like that.’ Lily whispered. Pandora was putting pain revealing charm on the boy.
Pandora squeezed her lips. `I shouldn’t tell you that. You can’t say anyone.’ Lily nodded. `Regulus hates when someone uses, someone in sexual way. And when they are aggressive towards people who are weaker. He always was like that, and I always wondered what happened to him.’ The tears came from Pandora’s eyes. `It didn’t involved him. Not mainly. One time when he was ten, Sirius was already in Hogwarts, Lucius Malfoy threw the party. It was so brutal. They found a muggle girl, she was a prostitute. He raped her and then beat her to death. Regulus watched it and he couldn’t do anything about it, he was too young.’ Lily cried. She knew that they had a tough childhood but she would never expect them to make a young boy watch such a brutal acts. `This time he decided he won’t tolerate any kind of sexual violence towards anyone. He said to himself that he would stop this if it happened around him. I knew it. That is why he was so worried about me going with any guy.’ Lily took a deep breath.
`He did not deserve anything that happened to him.’ Whispered Lily. She felt even bigger empathy towards him.
`I know. I don’t blame him. But we can’t say who did it. Lily.’ Pandora begged her.
`I won’t. We found him this way. That’s how much I know.’ Lily assured the girl. She wasn’t going to snitch on Regulus. If she could do something like Regulus did, she wouldn’t think twice.
While the girls were trying to transport the unconscious boy to the hospital wing, James tried to talk to the boys.
`What was that?’ James shouted. Evan shocked his head rolling his eyes.
`Shut up. Potter.’ Rosier hissed.
`No.’ James argued. `I won’t shut up.’
Regulus took a deep breath and swiftly grabbed latino boy’s collar, pushing him inside the empty class. `Barty with me. You Evan stay and watch the corridor.’
`Okay what do you want to know?’ Regulus asked.
James shocked his head and grabbed his hair, sitting on the desk. `Why?’
`He tried to rape, Pandora. He deserved it.’
James took a deep breath. `Okay. They will search everyone’s wands. They will find you.’
Barty laughed. `They won’t. He didn’t use a wand, Potter.’
James wrinkled his eyebrows. `Then how did he do it?’
`He can charm only with his brain.’ Barty stated, playing with broken lighter. The weed was in his bag, but he couldn’t smoke it in here, and waiting patiently wasn’t in his dictionary.
`That can’t be possible.’ Argued James. `People learn to do it their whole life, the greatest wizards can not do it.’
`And as we know Regulus is more talented then the most wizards.’
James snorted. `I am sorry but I can’t believe it.’
Regulus sighed. The boy was tried of this day and everything that happened. He knew that James won’t give them a win; That the Gryffindor boy would dig it up till he found out that was happening. `Okay so look, I don’t have a wand in my hands.’ He showed his hands, and James nodded. `Look.’ In the second every desk in the classroom was levitating, except the one James was sitting on.
`On Marlin’s beard.’ James whispered. `What else can you do?’
`I can do anything. I can even make rain in here.’
James laughed. `So you can charm without your wand.’
`Mhm.’
`Why are you in Hogwarts anyways?’ James fixed his position. ` You are more talented then the half of the teacher here.’
`Well, for the experience. Potter.’ Barty winked at him. James clinched his jaw. He wished he could be Regulus’s experience, it came from the deepest parts of his heart.
`Does Sirius, know about it?’ Regulus shocked his head.
`Well, the only people who know are Evan, Barty, Pandora and now you and Evans.’ Regulus shrugged. `And no one else will find out. Do you understand me?’ Latino boy just nodded.
`So in conclusion.’ James was still in shock. Every day he have learned something new about Regulus Black. It was astonishing, every time it was something so unexpected, that he couldn’t believe if it was real or not. `You can dance very well, play the piano.’ He counted on his fingers. `Um. Paint or draw. What else? Oh you can write poetry, you are the best in your year at quidditch, you also are the best in potions from the whole school and you can do magic without wand. Are you even real?’ He asked gesticulating vividly, amusing Barty.
`No, he is your wet dream.’ Barty joked. James gagged with the air and Regulus threw the book at his friend’s head.
`Don’t listen to him. He is high.’ Regulus explained to James. `And the best in potions is Evan, he just doesn’t show it.’
Barty sat next to James. `Well. In your defence. Potter. He is my wet dream so I won’t judge you.’ James tried his best not to blush, or became red from the jealousy. Regulus was his dream and he wasn’t surprised that he was also Barty’s but the difference was one. Barty could do anything about it and he couldn’t.
`I am going to strangle you to death, and no one will know what happened to you.’ Regulus hissed into Barty’s direction. `One more word.’
Barty lifted his hands in the peace gesture. `Sorry. It was just a joke.’
`Wasn’t funny at all.’ James said. He knew that should say something that would convince the boys that Regulus wasn’t his wet dream but couldn’t really come up with any idea. `Wait, you are playing this Saturday.’
`Yeah.’
James understood the gravity of situation. He couldn’t have extra lesson with him, because they would be too emotional about it. At least James would be. `Black. We should do the extra lesson today. I won’t focus tomorrow.’ James said and Regulus started to think about it. He knew, the boy was right.
`Okay. You are right. Come one.’ James took his bag.
Barty jumped. `I am going to walk you to the library.’ Regulus nodded, and James rolled his eyes, clinching his fist. He couldn’t believe this guy was everywhere he was, and it was irritating him. The way to the library was easy, Barty was talking to Evan, when they were near their destination, Barty stopped.
`We are stopping here. Bye.’ The Italian boy winked at Regulus sending him a kiss.
James and Regulus sat down. The latino boy couldn’t bare being not able to talk about their relationship.
`You both seem happy together.’ James uttered.
Regulus wrinkled his eyebrows. `Who?’
`You and Barty of course. You are a good couple.’ He stated. Remus and his mom always told him that the best way of getting rid of the envy was accepting the situation, you are in and to wish the best to the people, you are jealous about. James didn’t see the point of it, especially now. It didn’t make him feel better, it just made him want to get rid of Barty even more.
Regulus lifted corner of his lips weakly. `Oh thank you. We really are.’ The boy started lesson, after that. James couldn’t sit still, and everything was overwhelming for him. Even his glasses were getting on his nerve. His companion hands and rings were heavily distracting to James. He took the deep breath and scanned Regulus. He liked how the boy looked. Something in him was calm, and it formed contradiction. He couldn’t believe that the boy that was, explaining the potions to him, was the same person who broke someone’s bones, without feeling any stronger emotion. It was frightening but also exciting. Latino boy wished, he had and chance to talk about it, but it meant that someone would, find out about his feeling, and he couldn’t let that happen.
`I know you didn’t hear the word I uttered.’ Regulus noticed. `I am too tired to do anything about it.’
James’s brows shot up. `Why? Charming with your brain is exhausting?’
`No. I jus—.’ The boy stopped, the last thing he wanted today was explaining to James that he can’t sleep at night. `Doesn’t matter. I need to go.’ Packed his things but latino boy, grabbed his arm.
`Tell me.’
`That is not your business.’ Regulus said.
`Well. It can be.’
Regulus knew that telling his problems would get James closer to him; Despite being in love with boy, he didn’t want to try things with him. Rivalry with Lily Evans is not on his to-do list, she was close to the latino boy and to his surprise, he wasn’t jealous. At least for now, but that might be effect of not sleeping for week. He did not want to be hurt by James Potter. `No.’
James clinched his jaw. He wanted to know more about Regulus, but he didn’t want to say anything; Almost everything he knew about French boy was from other people. `Truth or dare?’ He asked, stopping Regulus.
The Slytherin boy pointed his finger at James. `Why the fuck, do you need to know everything huh?’
`I don’t but I gave you a break this week, with the game. It is time to go back.’ He decreased the distance between them. `Truth or dare? Baby Black.’
The tension spread between them. `Dare.’
`Tell me why you are tired.’
Regulus sighed. `You are impossible. I didn’t sleep since Saturday.’
`Why?’
`I answered your question. If you want to know more, you need to wait.’
James tried to argue but Regulus laughed. `Learn how to ask questions, Potter.’ Vanished the boy and James took a deep breath. Regulus changed, he wasn’t kind anymore and started to be mysterious again.
Next step to get rid of jealousy, according to Remus’s philosophy was to talk to Barty about it. He knew what he should say; Earlier the boy wasn’t sure if Barty and Regulus were for sure a thing but after Regulus’s claims, the only thing he could do was to congratulate Barty about it.
The Italian boy was standing next to Rosier. James has never given much thoughts about what he would say to the person he was jealous about. Nothing changed. `Crouch.’ He shouted across the corridor.
`What?’ Barty’s red eyes focused on James.
James clenched his teeth. `Congratulations.’
`On what?’
`Your relationship with Regulus.’ Evan snorted, looking at James.
Barty smiled, then closed his eyes. `What?’
`I hope you are treating him right.’ James’s heart was squeezed. His breath was shallower, than usually.
`Who? Potter are you high?’
James snorted, he hated this arrogant asshole. Not hearing the confirmation about their relationship, boiled blood in him. `The only person who’s high is you. I am talking about you and Regulus.’
`But we are not together.’ Barty explained, laughing.
`What?’ Confusion overtook James’s body.
Evan smirked. `Who told you that they are together?’
James threw the hands in gesture of irritation. `I have eyes. That is first. And Regulus confirmed that you are together.’
Barty looked at Evan and both boys bursted into laugh. `Sorry, but I think you need to learn more about Regulus’s sense of humour.’ Evan stated.
`He was joking?’ Latino boy’s voice was filled with hope, which was noticed by both boys.
`Probably. I can assure you, that we are not together.’ Barty said. `He is all you—.’ Evan covered Barty’s lips with hand.
`We will go.’ Evan said quickly, pulling Barty after himself. James have never felt so euphoric in his life. The unbearable feeling let his heart. Regulus was single, and nothing could stop James now. Sirius would, but it wasn’t the problem for the boy. Keeping relationship secret wasn’t hard. If Sirius and Remus were able to hide it even from him, then he also was able to keep it secret.
Latino boy entered the common room with dance step. He wanted to dance, sing and everything that could signalise his happiness. Enjoying someones misfortune, never was in James’s business, but now. Nothing could stop his state.
`Hello, my dear friends.’ He sang as he saw Lily and Marlene sitting, playing cards together. `How are you today?’
Lily looked at the boy with amusement. He jumped over sofa backrest, and sat next to the red-haired girl. `We are good. I don’t need to ask about your mood, you clearly have a good day.’
`Never better.’ He said and took the cards from Lily’s hand, throwing them into the air, stopping the round between the girl and Marlene.
The girl lifted her one brow. She was stunned by his friend’s mood; James pretended to be always happy but Marlene saw when he lied. Now she was sure that the boy felt pure happiness. `Fuck you, Potter.’ Marlene hissed. She has planned to go to her girlfriend after round with Lily and when James stopped their game, the girl decided to go now. `I am going, to Dorcas.’ The girl said, and made her way to James. She hit his head, laughing. Then kissed his forehead and whispered to his ear. `I am glad that you are happy, you stupid shit.’ And went towards the entrance.
James fixed his position, and smiled even more, getting Lily’s attention. He was thinking about Regulus, he couldn’t believe that Regulus was a real person and that James was able to live and be his companion; He knew that their relation was far from friends but at least Barty wasn’t with him romantically.
`You are blushing, Potter.’ She stated.
`I am not.’
`You definitely are.’ She punched his arm. The girl had more informations about Marcus’s state and Pandora asked her to pass it to James. The girl’s smile faded. `Sorry for interrupting your state, but the boy Regulus tortured is in the St. Mungo’s. He won’t die but the recovery will took a while.’
James smile also disappeared. `Oh.’ He remembered the boy’s action and the worry overwhelmed his body. `I didn’t know he could be so harsh.’ James admitted, he knew that it wouldn’t change his feelings towards the boy, but was worrying to him.
`I know. I’ve spoken to Pandora about it.’ The girl started. `It is connected to his childhood. He hates when someone is sexually assaulting someone.’
James wrinkled his eyes. The boy always knew that they had a tough childhood, that their mother tortured them, but in his wildest dreams he could not think that the boy had been involved with sexual violence. `What do you mean? In his childhood?’
`James just don’t do anything stupid.’ She warned the boy. `Pandora has told me this in secret.’
`Then why are you telling me?’
`Because I know you won’t say anyone.’ She shrugged. `He saw how someone was assaulting the girl. Not only in sexual way. He saw it, and he was ten.’ James’s eyes widened.
`Who did this?’ James asked.
Lily shocked his head. `I can’t tell you.’
`Lily you need to tell me.’
`No, because you will do something stupid.’ She argued, but James wasn’t listening.
`I won’t I promise.’ It was a big fat lie because James Potter was the last person to stick promises.
After seconds of thinking the girl gave up. `It was Lucius Malfoy.’ James’s blood boiled in him. How was this possible that this blonde leech was behind everything bad.
`What the fuck.’ James shouted. `I am going to kill this motherfucker.’ He said. It was the last year for Lucius Malfoy and James already knew that he will make sure it will be hell for him.
Lily stood up. `You can’t do anything. If Regulus wanted to do something he would, and you are aware of that.’ James agreed. The independence and power Regulus had was unbelievable for the Gryffindor boy.
`I know. Thank you for telling me.’ He thanked the girl and relaxed himself. He rested his head on the sofa immersing in his thoughts, when Lily violently moved.
`Changing topics.’ She said. `What were you doing with him at Hogsmeade?’ The girl asked looking suspiciously at James. She lifted her one brow and crossed her arms, while scanning the boy. She acknowledged that James was enchanted by Regulus’ person, but she wanted to hear it from him. No one knew it but she was their biggest fan, and she would do anything to clear them what they might feel.
`What?’
`You’ve heard me, James Potter.’ James sighed. `Explain yourself.’
`I was just going with him. Both of us were alone and—. I don’t know.’ He shrugged.
`Oh don’t lie to me.’
`I am not lying.’ The boy squealed.
The girl took the cushion, and with all her strength hit his head. `You do.’
`Are you crazy? I am not lying.’ He rubbed his head.
`Mhm. Then if you are not lying. Tell me why you wanted to spend time with him?’
The boy felt that this question is not so easy to answer. Remus told him that he doesn’t know how to lie and now he definitely must lie because the truth would sound mad. `That’s not that deep Lily.’ He tried to sound convincing.
`Oh so my assumptions were wrong.’ She shrugged.
`What were your assumptions?’ James asked, and tensed up.
`I thought you wanted to shag him.’ She said. James became air-locked. He quickly shocked his head and warned her with his finger.
`Don’t be ridiculous. That is the most stupid thing I’ve heard today.’
`Then you didn’t hear your explanations.’ The girl laughed. `I am not suggesting anything but—.’
`You literally told me that I want to shag him. And that is the last thing I want to do to him.’ The boy tried to defend himself but it did not go into right direction.
`So you want to do something to him. Do you want to wave your finger onto his hair, just to later touch his—.’
James opened his mouth. `LILY EVANS HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?’ He stopped the girl. `I do not want that.’
`You don’t sound convincing.’ She said and James laughed.
`Why does everyone today try to tell me that I want to do something with Regulus. In sexual way obviously. ’
`Who told you that?’
`This idiot, Barty.’ Lily slowly nodded.
`Maybe because you want it?’
`No. Lily no.’ He assured girl. `I don’t.’
The girl lifted her hands in the piece gesture. `What did he say?’
`That Regulus is my wet dream and that he is all mine.’ He whispered, beforehand looking around to see if someone was eavesdropping on them.
`Is he?’
`NO. STOP IT.’ James tried everything not to blush. The last person he wanted to talk to about his sexual desires was Lily Evans. The girl was sure that James lied, but she knew that it was the matter of time when they will start seeing each other. However the worrying though came to her mind revolving the James’s feelings. Perhaps the boy wasn’t aware of his feelings. She smiled maliciously at the idea forming in her mind. She was going to make James jealous about the boy.
`Okay. Sorry.’ She said, standing up. `I need to go to the library. Now.’ She needed to make the plan real. The girl accidentally bumped into Peter. `Oh, hi Pete.’ She said and run away.
`Where is she going?’ Peter asked. `It is dinner time, why is she going to library?’
`I don’t know, believe me. I don’t.’ James answered. `But I know where we will go.’
Peter smiled. `Where?’
`To eat something.’ He was really hungry. The whole situation with Slytherins had been exhausting for him. `Come on.’
`But where are Sirius and Remus?’
James shrugged. `I don’t know. They are probably at the great hall already.’ Peter agreed, while heading to the Great hall.
Meanwhile Remus was taking shower after the long day; He was exhausted, and the only thing he dreamed of was skipping dinner, going to bed earlier. He was aware that it had a connection to Sirius’s new relationship. The boy tried to accept it but something just stopped him from doing it. The other reason why he couldn’t stand this day, was his monthly problem and the fact that Regulus knew about it; The lack of confirmation about keeping it secret was what stressed Remus. The boy couldn’t be sure if the Slytherin wouldn’t tell anyone; He was glad that the French boy tried to help him, and was surprised by this fact but it didn’t change his worries. Distress he felt about it, was the obstacle in his normal days.
Forgetting his clothes also annoyed him, because it meant that he needed to go for them almost naked. He put the towel around his waist and opened the door to their dormitory. Remus was almost thousand percent sure that the person who was writing his life scenario was making fun of him. Sirius also thought that as he saw Remus wearing only towel; Black was aware that it would only take one move and it would be on the floor. The black-haired boy scanned the body of his friend and the dryness appeared in his mouth. Remus was reminding him of the Greek sculptures, he was admiring as a child. The desire overwhelmed Sirius’s body, not for the first time. It happened very often, especially when he couldn’t have Remus.
`Sorry.’ Remus said, smiling weakly. `I forgot my pyjama.’ Sirius nodded and cursed the day they have chosen their beds, and when having the bed next to Remus seemed to be good idea. Remus passed him and the scent of his hairs pinched Sirius’s nostrils. The black-haired boy without thinking much stood up and grabbed his friends arm, as he was passing to go back to the bathroom. Nothing mattered to him. James or anyone else could just walk in and Black couldn’t care less.
Remus’s breath shallowed, and the blush covered his neck. `What are you doing?’
`I always liked how your body reacts when I touch you.’ Sirius whispered almost touching Remus’s lips.
`You have a girlfriend.’ Remus argued, but was too weak to move away. His body wanted Sirius, but his mind knew that it is the worst that could happen.
`And I don’t care.’ The boy stated and kissed the honey-eyed boy. Remus gasped, when the other boy’s hands touched his waist. `I wanted to do it for so long.’ Sirius smiled and pushed Remus at his bed. He quickly kissed his neck, going down.
Remus couldn’t breathe. It was so unreal that he couldn’t think, about anything else then Sirius’s lips on his collarbones. He tried to stop it but his body was too pleased by Sirius’s actions. However the picture of Mary in his mind has given him the strength to stop the actions to go further. `No, Sirius. You are with Mary.’ He pushed him away. `You cheated on her with me.’
Sirius sat down, looking down. Realisation came to his mind and the guilt spread in his body. He loved Remus and not being able to be with him was pissing him off. Being with Mary was a springboard from his feelings to the boy. Sirius was aware that it was really cruel not only for Mary but to Remus and him too. `I am sorry.’
`You need to break up with her.’ Remus knew that it was bad to let Sirius kiss him, and the only thing he could do was make him break up with her.
`I—.’ Sirius was speechless. The boy wished he was raised in other family so being gay would be his nightmare. He remembered very well when his mother sat him down and tortured the other boy. She said that he would end worse if he ever liked a boy that way. The Black was four at this time at it was one of his biggest trauma. The feelings to Remus were unexpected and scared him. That is why before coming home he would break up with him so when his mother looked into his mind, she wouldn’t see him as a happiest memory.
`I don’t care. I am not one of your hoes, that you can kiss whenever you want. You don’t deserve her.’ Remus hissed. `I am going to act like nothing happened, just because of James. He should not be hurt by us again. But you are going to break up with Mary, because I swear to God that if you won’t break up with her, I am going to tell her that you have cheated on her.’
Sirius clenched his jaw. `I can’t.’
`Because?’
`Because if I am going to break up with her, nothing will stop me.’ Sirius whispered.
Remus rolled his eyes. The other boy was getting on his nerve. Sirius had no rights to kiss him or be mad at him for having a hook ups during summer but he was. Remus tried to move on however his friend was far from it and it boiled blood in Remus. `Okay. If this is how our talk is going to look like then I am going.’ He turned but Sirius cry stoped him.
`I just wish I was more like him.’
`What?’
`I wish I was more like my brother. I can’t believe that I am saying that but he is fucking brave.’ Sirius whispered, he wished Regulus wasn’t more brave then him but he couldn’t deny that the boy was in fact more brave then he was. Maybe Regulus couldn’t run away from their home or stand up to their mother but it didn’t completely ruined everything in his life. And now he was ruining his life and Remus’ because he couldn’t let the horrible feeling of doing something wrong.
`I don’t know what you are talking about.’ Remus said.
`He is able to show that he is queer or something, and I am not.’ The boy stood up. `That is the only thing my mother drilled in me. I am sorry. You don’t deserve this all.’
Remus felt pity. He knew that it was hard for the boy, but he wasn’t going to lose himself loving someone. `Sirius. Your mother is an awful person. But she can’t define you. You can—.’
`I tried. I just can’t.’ Sirius shouted. `You know how I feel, when I know that someone could take my place. That you can love someone else then me? That the person who I loved is sleeping in someone else arms. That your eyes are shining, but not because of me. I would give you everything and the feeling that someone else could give you this is destroying me.’ He stood up. `I feel shitty, because I am not brave enough to admit that I am in love with you, even in my head, OKAY?’
`You just did it.’ Remus smiled weakly.
Sirius hid his face in his hands. `What?’
`You just talked about your feelings towards me. See?’ Sirius opened his mouth slightly, breathing heavily.
`I—. I love you Remus. But I don’t know how to show it.’ Sirius cried.
`I know you love me. I love you too.’ Remus said and hugged the boy. `Remember that I am going to be your biggest supporter.’
`I’ve missed you.’
`I know.’ Remus whispered. ` I indeed missed you too. But I need to get dressed. Anyone can be here in minutes, and James would die from the heart attack.’
Sirius laughed. `I need to go.’
`Where?’
`To break up with Mary. She deserve to know the truth.’ He said and grabbed the door handle. `I am not going to spend another year trying to hide, the fact that your making me go crazy.’ Remus widened his eyes, and looked at the place where his friend was standing seconds ago. He relaxed his forehead on the wall and laughed. This year was definitely the craziest he has experienced.
***
The mornings were always crazy for the Marauders. James always woke his friends after the early training, and quickly occupied the bathroom, before Sirius could do it. Boy wasn’t bothered by making his uniform look perfect. He danced around and his ADHD was showing. It was the normal day in their life. They’ve waited for the girls to go for breakfast with them.
`It is lovely day, guys.’ James said during their walk to the great hall. He was the person who’s mood depended on the weather outside. The other reason behind it was of course Barty Crouch not being in relationship with Regulus . `So sunny.’ The boy jumped at Sirius and mussed the boy’s hair.
`Prongs, can you please, stop touching my hair?’ The boy asked.
`No sorry. Pads.’ James said and mussed Sirius’s head again. `I am making them look better.’ He said and winked at the boy. Sirius sticked his tongue.
Lily Evans who was the witness of good mood of James Potter smiled to herself. The boy was everyones sun and his happiness influenced their mood. James with dancing step entered the buzzing great hall. Every single student was talking about the upcoming match between Ravenclaw and Slytherin. `See? Everyone is in a good mood today.’
Marlene laughed. `How can anyone be in a bad mood when you are dancing and singing?’ James shrugged and took the girl’s hand making her spin.
The boy was beaming at everyone, complementing them. `Oh my god, Alice you look wonderful today.’ He said causing smile to grow on Frank’s face.
`Potter, it’s my girlfriend. Piss off.’
`Don’t worry. You look amazing too, Frank.’ He sat next to them and quickly grabbed a toast. `I can’t wait for the match.’ He uttered.
`Everyone can’t wait.’ Marlene said.
`Yeah. Your brother will play, right Sirius?’ Lily said smiling. It was part of her plan. Mentioning Regulus at every occasion she would get, so James would go crazy.
`Yefl.’ Said Sirius with mouth full of food.
`Oh. That is so cool. Then we need to sit closely to the field, to see everything, right?’ She suggested. `Dorcas is playing too.’
Marlene nodded. `Just don’t freak out, McKinnon. Seeing her in this tight attire, will for sure be exciting.’ She said, looking stealthily at James. He was drinking juice, when she said that, and his reaction was priceless. The boy never thought about it this way, and tried to recall if Regulus looked amazing or not. In fact he knew that Regulus looked fit in everything, aggravating peaceful life of James Potter. Latino boy swallowed the juice really loudly making Lily to give herself a high-five in her mind.
`Lily Evans, since when do you have such nasty thoughts in your mind?’ Sirius laughed.
Lily smiled, fixing her position. `Not your business, Black.’
`Well. Now I want to investigate your brain.’
`In your dreams.’
`I will, find out, truth about you, Lily Evans.’ He said. `See, Moony. I always knew that she is not so good.’ Remus smirked. It was funny to him, because he often witnessed Lily talking about boys, and it wasn’t even close to what she was able to say.
`That is not the worst she can say.’ Marlene added, making everyone to burst into laugh.
First lesson they had was transmutation, and their teacher already knew that this will be the hardest part of her day. She always prayed, for James to be less excited about matches, but the Marlin never heard her wishes. He was the best player she have ever seen, but also the hardest student to teach, the week before any events that involved quidditch.`Good Morning class.’ The professor said, as her students were taking places. Loud murmuring was interrupted by the marauders coming into the class. `Good to see, y’all on time.’
Sirius winked at her. `No problem Minni—.’ McGonagall, reprimanded the boy with her eyes. `Miss.’ James laughed at this.
`Black, Potter take a seat.’ She snapped.
`Professor, there is no need to get angry. Keep your hair on. How this Polish saying says?’ He asked Remus. `Oh. The anger takes from her beauty.’ The class tried not to laugh Sirius high-fived James.
The woman clinched her jaw. `I didn’t ask you for advice, Mr. Potter. Sit down.’ James only showed her hands in peace gesture. `Well. Lets start the lesson.’ The woman tried to ignore the laughs at the end of the classroom, that came from Marauders but it required a huge sources of patience and she was loosing it. `I see, you and Mr. Black have much to say along with Mr. Lupin and Mr. Pettigrew. Maybe you will share it with the rest of the class?’ She asked James. Sirius tried everything to not to laugh out loud.
`No. Sorry’ He said, but he was far from being sorry. The teacher just sighed and continued the lesson, without leaving any remarks.
`You should have seen, her face.’ Sirius said, amusing the other boy. Mary scanned them and quickly turned away, when her and French boy eyes formed an contact.
James right eyebrow shot up. `Is everything okey between you and Mary?’ He whispered.
Sirius rested his head on his hand. `We broke up.’
`WHAT?’ The boy yelled, focusing everyone’s attention on him.
`Mr. Potter, I have enough. One more word and you are getting detention. With you Mr. Black.’ The teacher warned them. James pursed his lips. `Please, at least pretend like you care about your grades. You have OWLS this year, I think it is time to be responsible.’
`Yes. Miss.’ The teacher went back to explaining the charm, and James pretended to take notes. `What do you mean, you broke up?’
`Well. I mean we are not together anymore.’
James vividly gesticulated. His brain couldn’t comprehend this; The boy was sure that everything was okay between them. Last weekend, they were on a date and now, they have broken up. `When? Why?’
`On Marlin’s beard, Prongs. I just didn’t feel it.’
James twisted; Did his friend really thought that he was so stupid? `Cut the bullshit. When did you break up, and why?’
Sirius knew that there was no way, to hide it from James. `Yesterday.’ James jaw dropped. `And I really didn’t feel it.’
`I don’t understand.’ James said.
`Prongs. I like someone else. Being with her, and having feelings to someone else, was unfair towards her.’ James’s heart dropped. He wanted to know more; The strange gut feeling was suggesting that it had something to do with Remus, because the boy was glowing today. However he didn’t want to praise the day before it’s end, so he decided that he will find out more about it, but in a sneaky way.
`Oh. Okay. I get it.’
The silence in class spread. `You are getting detention.’ McGonagall uttered. `You Mr. Potter are going to clean the potion class, and you Mr. Black, are going to clean the trophies, for two weeks, after lessons. Starting today.’
`No please.’ Sirius argued.
`I don’t care. And now get out of my class.’ The old woman pointed at the door. The boys quickly packed their things and left the classroom.
`Well.’ James started.
`We don’t have anything to do for the next half-hour.’ Sirius winked at him the moment he started running towards the commons. It was an perfect opportunity to do what they’ve loved to do. Smoke cigarettes. `Are we smoking yours or mine?’
James took out the cigarette from his bag. `We can smoke mine.’ Sirius treat with his best friends cigarette. The boy inhaled the smoke, and formed the circles while exhaling it. Latino boy relaxed his head on the trunk of the tree, closing his eyes.
His friend sat next to him. `Have you seen my brother?’ The boy quickly tensed up. Talking to Sirius about his younger brother wasn’t the nicest thing to do. The boys had a mixed relationship and James was in awkward position here; He loved Sirius, treated him like a brother and the worst thing was to betray him, but he also felt something unexplanatory to the boy’s brother and felt like being disloyal by it.
`Yes. Why?’
Sirius shrugged. `I know that something was wrong with him. I saw him two days ago and believe me that the last time I saw him in this state was when they’ve tortured him.’
James wasn’t sure if he should mention, that Regulus tortured the guy without feeling pity. `I saw him yesterday. I actually had an extra lesson with him.’
Sirius creased his forehead. `Why? You should have it today.’
James struggled to talk unemotionally about Regulus, but Sirius was stressing him out. `Yes, but he decided that I have too much energy before matches.’ Sirius nodded.
`Was he okay?’ James had an interior battle if he should say about yesterday or not. `Earth to prongs?’
`Okay, pads. I need to tell you something.’ Sirius stoped halfway with the cigarette next to his lips. `Well. Yesterday I was an witness of—. Well—.’
`Shit, prongs just tell me .’
`Yesterday, Regulus was in some kind of trance. He tortured a guy that have almost raped Pandora. This guy is at St. Mungo’s, I saw that with Lily and I totally understand him, because I would do it to. But you should’ve seen his face. The void in his eyes was bloodcurdling.’ Said James in a single breath.
Sirius’ face expressed pure shock, blinking fast. `Were you going to tell me about it? If I didn’t ask about it?’ James shook his head. `What the fuck?’
`Pads. I am sorry. I just didn’t think it was important to you.’
`Prongs. If someone finds out about, he could be expelled from school. He is my brother.’
`I know. I am sorry.’ The boy really felt embarrassment by hiding this.
Sirius sighed. `It is okay. I couldn’t be mad at you. But—. I knew something was wrong.’ The boy took another cigarette from the pack. `I am not surprised that he did it.’
`Same. Lily mentioned that he is harsh when it comes to sexual assaults.’
The French boy closed his eyes. `Did she tell you why?’
`No. She just mentioned that it has something to do with Lucius Malfoy.’
`Okay. But you can’t say anyone.’ James nodded. `Our parents had a sick way to show us how others should be treated. You are aware of it. I wasn’t there gladly I stayed at Hogwarts, but I really regret it now because I would stop it. Or at least not let Regulus watch it.’ The boy stopped, holding back tears. `They’ve found some girl, she was a hooker and was muggle born. She was working that night on the street. Our uncle took her to our house, to show us what should happen to the girls when they are working as prostitutes. Also they wanted to show them what muggles deserve. They bade Malfoy to rape her. In front of everyone, and ordered Regulus and other kids to watch it. Then they’ve beat her till she was dead.’ The tears were glooming on his cheeks. `He was ten. I wish I could’ve go back in time to stop it. That is why he hates when someone assault someone.’
James was speechless, he couldn’t understand what was wrong with those people. `Oh my god.’
`I found out about it by accident, I was a little shit, and wanted to read his dairy for fun to piss him off.’ The boy smiled weakly. ` It was there. He descried it, and the last sentence was that he won’t let it happen around him. That he will defend people who can’t do it by themselves.’ James looked down at his legs. He knew that he needed to take the young boy out of this place. The amount of horrible things that they have survived was unacceptable, no one should have seen or go through it. `I am not surprised he did it.’
`I am not too. After what you’ve told me.’ James cut in the middle of the sentence. `Malfoy doesn’t deserve to live.’ Sirius agreed. `I want to kill him. I am going to beat him at any occasion I will get.’
`Believe me. I will help you.’
Suddenly James felt even bigger guilt, after the situation in train when he judged the boy, saying that he is the same as his parents. He was so wrong; The boy knew that he will need to apologise for it. However he decided to do it after getting closer to the boy.
`Prongs, we need to go back. Next lesson is starting.’ James agreed, and the both boys headed to the school.
***
James hated missing trainings, but there was an outright ban to be next to the pitch before matches in case someone would want to charm something to interrupt the match and score. The boy couldn’t sleep for the whole night, overthinking and analysing the things Sirius has told him. Regulus wasn’t as bad as everyone thought he was. To be honest, after the events he witnessed, James was surprised that Regulus is able to have some sanity in him. The boy was sure that, he would give up right away, eventually ending up with suicide. Regulus became even more admirable in his eyes, because he wanted to change things. Help weak people.
Remus pulled James out from his thought. `Why are you not sleeping?’
`I just can’t.’ James whispered. `Excitement.’ The boy wasn’t lying, Slytherin against Ravenclaw was really important to him, because both teams were amazing and the score, could change the chances to win the quidditch cup; James was not only excited for the match, but also for the party after. `And you?’
`I don’t know.’
`Moony?’
`Yes?’
`I hope you are going to drink with me, right?’
Remus chuckled. `Seriously? It is four in the morning and you are worried about drinking alcohol?’ James rolled his eyes. `But yes. I will. Good night.’
`Thanks. Good night.’ The boy said and went to sleep right away. Latino boy had never slept so well and for so long, especially before quidditch match.
Sirius squinted his eyes, taking the pillow from under James’ head, hitting the boy with it. `Prongs.’
James jumped out from his bed. `I am not sleeping.’
`We are waiting for you.’ Remus said, as James scanned the room. His friends were ready to go out.
`Wait, you did wake me up? What time is it?’
`It is almost nine.’
James grabbed his clothes in hurry. `I hate you guys.’ He yelled through the bathroom doors. He has never got ready so fast. `I am not going for the breakfast. You can. I won’t.’
Remus sighed. `Do we have the option to say no?’
James only shook his head, and swiftly rushed towards the stadium. The eagerness to run rapidly overwhelmed the boy, so people won’t take the best places. His friends run after him, but they hadn’t so much will and energy as latino boy. The boy missed a few steps at the stadium, and searched for Lily and girls. `EVANS YOU ARE THE BEST.’ The girl saved the sits for marauders. `LOVE YOU.’
Lily smirked. She didn’t do it for them to have the best view, but because she wanted James to freak out, at the sight of young boy. `No problem, James.’ The boy was too focused on the pitch to notice that Barty Crouch Jr. wasn’t playing, and that was sitting close to them.
James fixed his sweatshirt and waited for the match to start.
`HELLO EVERYONE, WELCOME TO THE SECOND QUDDITCH MATCH THIS YEAR. SLYTHERIN IS PLAYING AGAINST RAVENCLAW.’ The fourth year boy from Huffelpuff commented through the microphone. `I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK. LET THE GAME BEGIN.’
Madame Hooch threw the quaffle and let out the bludgers and a golden snitch, which James immediately noticed. The crowd was yelling, along with the marauders. They were pretending to root for Ravenclaw team but deep in their heart they wanted Slytherin to win.
`REGULUS BLACK HAS NOTICED THE GOLDEN SNITCH.’ James has heard and tried to seek Regulus in the air. He did, and that was his bane. The boy’s hands were holding the broom, his rings were shining in the sun, the green attire was fit snugly to his body featuring the best parts of it. The hairs were messy and his jaw was clinched; James noticed that the boy’s jaw could cut the paper. `Sadly the snitched flee away!’ James sat down from the overwhelming feeling of warmth.
Remus wrinkled his eyebrows. `Prongs, are you okay?’
James looked at him, and cleared his throat. `Yes. I think that it is because I didn’t eat breakfast. It will go away in a second.’ But it didn’t, the this just got worse. James’ body couldn’t help itself so the boy started blushing. The Slytherin boy scored a point. `YES!’
Lily sat down. `James do you want to eat something?’ The girl asked and from far away they’ve heard Barty’s voice yelling `him’.
`No. I am fine.’ The boy stood up and started chanting. The blush covered his neck, when James decided to take off his sweatshirt.
`Prongs, you are going to be sick.’ Peter argued, and gave him a scarf.
`No. Don’t worry about me.’ The boy in trance, because Regulus was really closely to them. The boy smirked at Barty and the sudden envy attacked the latino boy. Despite that Barty not being with Regulus, James felt a big jealous as he couldn’t do anything romantically to the boy; That he and Italian boy can flirt and he couldn’t. The Ravenclaw team-player clogged Regulus, almost throwing him off the broom. Sirius got mad, along with Barty.
`What the fuck, it was a foul.’ Sirius yelled.
`YEAH, HE FOULED HIM!’ James joined Sirius.
`GRYFFINDOR BOY’S DESPITE THE RIVLRY BETWEEN THERI HOUSES, DEFENDS THE SLYTHERIN’S SEEKER.’
Marlene snorted. `AS THEY SHOULD. FUCK YOU LOCKHART.’ The girl defended Regulus.
Dorcas as a chaser of Slytherin team, flew into Lockhart. `Watch who you are trying to foul.’
The blonde, Gryffindor girl applauded. `GO, HONEY GO.’
Everyone was tensed, but Regulus couldn’t care less, he wasn’t going to let Ravenclaw win. Fouling him motivated the Slytherin team, to play better and harshly.
Sirius laughed. `This fucker is going to win.’ Said to James. `Fuck him, this little shit is going to catch the snitch.’ James agreed in his mind, he wished to fuck him, but the only thing he could say was yes, to the fact that the boy is going to win.
Lily moved closer to James. `You wish, right?’
James jaw dropped. `What?’
`You wish he caught the snitch.’ Lily bursted into laugh. `James what were you thinking about?’
`Nothing, I just wasn’t sure what I’ve heard.’ The girl shook her head; She knew what he was thinking about, because she intentionally said that.
`Oh. Okay.’
Meantime Remus eavesdropped their talk. He indeed noticed James’ behaviour but he would have never suspect that it had something to do with Regulus . The boy tried to recall, if James acted odd, after or before seeing the Slytherin boy but it wasn’t making any sense to him. James assured him that he does not have feelings to Regulus but it was quite a while ago and it could changed. The only way to find out was to ask the red-head about it.
`Regulus, END IT.’ Barty yelled out. `Why is he still playing?’ The game was getting cruel then usually, two chasers from Ravenclaw’s team was already on their way to the Hospital wing. Students begin to be inpatient especially the younger one. However Regulus was feeling better then never; Flying relaxed him, and all worries seemed to disappear. His eyesight searched for the latino boy; The need to see if he was there hit Regulus really suddenly, however it turned into the biggest mistake. The boy was talking to Lily Evans and Regulus has never felt such a need to win the match. He hated the jealousy he felt when Lily was talking to James; Yesterday he was sure he didn’t care, but it was incorrect thought. The anger pulsed in his body. How was this possible that one good-hearted girl could activate such a negative feelings. It lasted seconds when the snitch appeared in his view; It was a few meters from him. He leaned so he could catch the snitch faster; The air was pinching his already red from anger cheeks. The boy deftly bypassed the other players, he wasn’t aware of how fast he was going till he didn’t catch the snitch and couldn’t slow down. The boy stopped just next to the commentator, lifting his hand with the golden snitch. The stands were silent from the astonishment. However the view of the small ball in his hand caused the whole school to yell, one from excitement and the others from the grief.
`REGULUS BLACK CAUGHT THE GOLDEN SNITCH. SLYTHERIN WINS.’ The boy grinned at the sight of his friends running to the pitch. As he stood up his friend pushed him.
`Are you mad? I thought you are going to crash.’ Barty reprimanded the boy.
`You wish. Not today Crouch.’
Evan waggled his finger. `Do not do it again.’ Regulus smirked.
`Okay. Don't worry.’ Regulus agreed. `Trust me the last possible way of seeing me dying is while I am playing quidditch.’
`I hope I will never see you die.’ Barty stated. `How did you fly so fast?’
`I don’t know. I think that anger motivated me.’ The boy admitted.
`Why were you angry?’
Regulus shook his head. `Not here.’ His friends agreed, and headed with him to the changing rooms. The latino boy wished to be there too, he have never seen someone fly that fast; Everyone was scared that the boy will crash himself, Sirius even took out his wand in case the boy fall of his broom. Latino boy also prayed to the Marlin for Regulus to slow down. Even the professional quidditch players never stopped at so much speed; James was marvelled by it as he has never noticed Regulus’s skills, in fact he never cared about it; When Sirius was saying that his brother is good at quidditch James never expected the boy to be that good.
`Sirius, you’ve never mentioned that he is as good as this.’ The boy gesticulated.
`I wasn’t aware of it.’ Sirius said. `I didn’t know he could be so fast.’
`He beat the records with this.’ Lily added. The boy indeed did beat the records; That was not possible to fly at so much speed without crashing into something and Regulus not only did that but also caught the snitch.
`Yes he did.’ Sirius agreed.
The Gryffindor students headed to their dormitories to get ready for the Huffelpuff’s party; As it was the most objective Hogwart’s house, they’ve always hosted the parties. Today was the day they did it and everyone couldn’t wait for time to get drunk. One of this people was James Potter that loved to get drunk with his friends. The boy loved parties, it was like his spirit animal.
James took the shower and got ready before Sirius, as it took the long for the other boy. `What do you think about me getting tattoo? Or a new piercing.’ Sirius asked out of nowhere walking out with only trousers on. The boy pointed on the arm. `Maybe here?’
James nodded. `Well. It would match you. What would you do?’
`Don’t know yet.’ Shrugged the dark haired boy. `But I have a brilliant idea. We should do the matching tattoos.’ He knew that the boys would do the matching tattoos but it needed to planned really well.
Remus lifted his brow. `Well, what would it be?’
Sirius shrugged. `I don’t know.’ The silence spread between them. `Something about our friendship.’
Peter twisted his face; His mother wasn’t the fan of doing anything to his body and sadly he had his brainwashed too. `I am not keen of this idea.’
The dark haired boy rolled his eyes. `You are wooden as it gets.’ James laughed under his nose. `Even my brother, Barty and Evan have matching tattoos.’ Latino boy got air-locked, he was surprised that Regulus was able to do a tattoo. It was a new thing he learned about the boy.
`What? Where?’ Remus asked before James could do it.
`On his lower back.’ James’s heart fastened. `It is symbols, I saw it and it is looking well.’
Remus nodded. `Well. I think it is a good idea for us.’ James agreed. He wished he could see Regulus’ tattoo. He couldn’t imagine the boy doing it; It just didn’t stick to him. Going to the tattooist, then lying and doing the tattoo.
`He went to the same tattooist as you?’ James asked.
`No. Barty did it for him. He was doing it at my house during summer holidays. He does it very often. And Regulus often does the piercings for them.’ Sirius mentioned. `But he doesn’t have one.’
James imagined Regulus half-naked, covered in tattoos. He couldn’t sit still, and suddenly the need to drink alcohol was huge and overwhelming. `When are we going to the party?’
`Well I am ready.’ Sirius said and put his shirt on. The boy sprayed himself with the perfumes when the girls entered their room.
Dorcas and Marlene were holding the small bottles of vodka. `I’ve got one for everyone.’ Marlene yelled.`Here.’ She gave it to the boys and them without thinking much drunk the whole of it. Alcohol started floating in James body causing the boy to be calmed and chill.
`Okay we should go.’ The boy shouted and grabbed Marlene and Dorcas under his arms. `Let the part begin.’
The Hufflepuff’s common room was full of shouting and drunk students. The scent of alcohol pinched James’ nostrils, he also smelled the cigarettes’s smoke. `Wait. How are they smoking in here?’
Remus bent next to his friend ear. `With the charm.’ James nodded. His sight was blocked by someone’s hands.
`Guess who’s this.’ Lily whispered to his ear.
James bursted into laugh. `Have no clue.’ The girl also laughed and hugged him for the welcome. The boy could scan her; She was wearing the green minidress that really matched her. Her hair a curly on the ends. The girl looked hot but James couldn’t care more about it. He wished to see Regulus right now. He needed it like an air. `Lily you look, wow.’ James said and Lily just smirked.
`Thank you. James.’ The boy smiled and his eyes started to scan the whole room. He saw the boy he was looking for; The boy for sure was drunk as hell. He was sitting on the couch, on his laps was sitting Pandora, next to him on the left was Barty. The Italian boy’s arm was around Regulus. The Black boy was wearing the black shirt and black jeans. In his right hand was a bottle of alcohol and in his left hand was cigarette. The boy shared it with Barty and James didn’t like this view. He was jealous and being aware of it pissed him off. However the view of Barty dragging the smoke form cigarette and then exhaling into Regulus’ lips made him being white from the anger. This whole situation was unfunny to him. Latino boy clinched his fists. He couldn’t bare it anymore.
`Okay I need to drink.’
Lily nodded. `Come to Pandora. They have alcohol.’ The girl said and pulled James into direction of the them. He tried to argue but Lily was steely. `James. Chill.’ She winked at him when they stood up next to the couch. `I am back. I have my dear companion with me.’
James smiled at them. Regulus just looked at him and quickly closed his eyes, resting his head on the Barty’s arm. `Well. I have an idea.’ Barty said. `We should play a bottle or a strip poker.’ Evan snorted.
`No. It is for kids.’ Pandora argued. `I can agree for bottle not strip poker.’
`Why?’
`I know you want to see Regulus naked this night but the party has just started.’ Dorcas mentioned behind them. `Bottle seems nice, right?’ James agreed. He knew that he is going to be blackout drunk. Imagining Regulus with Barty was like a torture. The worst part is that he knew how they have ended together after last party. He remembered it with every detail; When they started kissing, and Barty’s hands were under Regulus’s shirt. Then they have disappeared but the outcome of the night wasn’t hard to calculate. He couldn’t believe that he cared about it. That he wished to be on Barty’s place. The boy shocked his head.
`Maybe truth or dare would be better?’ Regulus snorted but no one could hear it as the music was really loud. It was obvious that James would do everything to play this game.
`I agree with James.’ Lily stated.’
Evan shrugged. `I don’t think I care. Barty is that okay?’ The Italian boy nodded and they have started playing. The game was going and everyone were getting much drunker with every second. Regulus wasn’t talking. He was just drinking when it was his turn. He seemed so nonchalant that James couldn’t bare it. Latino boy squinted his eyes; Something was happening to the boy but he didn’t know what it was.
`Okay wait.’ Barty stopped the game. `Reggie. Move.’ He said and fixed his position. Italian boy took out of his pocket the transparent pouch with a pills in it.
Pandora grabbed the boys hand. `Barty, not here.’
`Why not?’
`You know why.’
`I don’t care. It only gives a hallucinations, it is not that bad.’ Barty argued, but James felt the tension between them all. `Ask Regulus what he see.’ The latino boy’s heart skipped a bit. Regulus was drugged now, that is why he acted this way. James wished Sirius was here, so he could talk to him.
Barty shrugged at the silence and crushed the pill, then put it into the line and sniffed it. Regulus opened his eyes. `What the fuck. You can’t do it in here.’ Pandora stood up and sat next to the James. The French boy stood up, but his shirt was rolled up James could see the small part of his lower back tattoos.
`You want some?’ Barty asked and Regulus rolled his eyes.
`I am not taking this shit again.’ Regulus said. `I need to go to the toilet. Excuse me.’
James rushed after the boy; His excuse was to see Sirius but he wanted to talk to Regulus. The boy was waiting next to the toilets. His breath was shallow, he was worried about the other boy. Latino boy knew that Barty was crazy and irresponsible but he would never think that he would drug Regulus. When the doors opened James quickly grabbed the other boy’s arm.
`What now. Potter?’
`Are you okay?’ He asked.
`Yes. Now let me go.’ The boy was weak and couldn’t fight James.
`See. You can’t even snatch away from me.’ Regulus laughed.
`Potter. I am tired after match.’
`Cut the bullshit. He drugged you.’
Regulus shocked his head. `No Potter, I drugged myself. It is not your business anyway. I am okay now. I am sober.’
`Don’t lie.’ James was getting angry. Why the boy couldn’t see the problem? `Why did you take this shit? Do you even know what it was?’
`Yes. It is not a regular drug. It is a pill Barty is taking. For his mental health, and when it is crushed and sniffed in, it gives hallucinations. Only of course in reaction with alcohol. You don’t need to pretend you care.’
`I am not pretending.’ James whispered getting close to Regulus.
`I do not recall saying I care.’ Regulus snorted. ` I am not high anymore, alright? Potter chill.’
James rolled his eyes. ` Promise you won’t take this shit again.’
`Why would I do this?’
`Because if you are not going to promise it, I will go to Barty right now, and take it. If it is so cool. I want to feel this way too.’ James in fact hated drugs. His tolerance ended on weed, he couldn’t bare that people were killing themselves just to have some hallucinations.
`You are bluffing.’ Regulus snorted but James wasn’t lying.
James rushed towards Barty and yelled to the French boy. `You will see.’
Regulus clinched his jaw. He took this pill so he won’t feel any stronger emotion; But he wouldn’t let James take it. It wasn’t into his business to take care of James Potter however letting him take a drug wasn’t the nicest thought he had. Leaving the boy drunk wasn’t the best idea. `Potter I won’t let you.’
`How? You have no fucking strength to walk and you want to stop me?’ James said angry. He couldn’t really understand why Regulus took the drug and now pretended that it is not a bad thing to do. It was hypocrisy as the boy took the shit by himself but wouldn’t let him do it.
Latino boy was about to move towards the couch but the invisible strength stopped him. `See? You won’t go anywhere.’
`That feels weird. Why are you charming me with your brain?’
`Because you are stronger then me. And I won’t let you take this shit from Barty.’ James smiled, because he underestimated the younger boy. `I won.’
`We were playing something?’
`Well. I like be right. And I am now so I won.’
In James’s mind formed an clever idea. `Okay. You did. I won’t take anything from Barty but under one condition.’
Regulus lifted his brows, signalising to James that he can continue. `Are you blackmailing me?’
`No. I am just offering you that we should go outside.’ The French boy stopped the charm; He haven’t better things to do. Sitting with hallucinating Barty was left for Evan.
`Okay.’ The boy said and headed towards the fields. The cold air pinched his chicks and skin. He smiled and leaned his head back. The boy liked feeling relaxed, he loved cold air. Winter was his month despite being born in summer.
James noticed that the boy relaxed himself. `You like cold weather, don’t you?’
`Mhm.’ The boy’s head begin to spin loosing his balance and making him fell to the ground. He laughed out loud. The latino boy’s eyes widened the boy tried to catch Regulus but it happened to fast and James was too drunk.
`Are you okay?’
`Yes. I like laying on the ground.’
`Okay I think you are a bit high.’ James sat next to the boy.
`No, I am just drunk.’ The boy closed his eyes. `Stop looking at me.’ James blushed. He didn’t realise that he was staring at the young boy.
`Sorry.’ Regulus sighed. The silence spread between them. James’s thoughts were loud and he couldn’t stop them. `Baby Black?’
`What?’
James wanted to ask every question he could. `Why didn’t you sleep since Saturday?’
The young Black opened his eyes and sighed. `Why are you still asking?’
`Because I am curious.’
`If I am going to tell you that it is not you business, will you stop?’
`Never.’
The French boy took a deep breath. He knew that James wouldn’t stop asking. `I have insomnia.’
`What? I didn’t know.’
`No one knows. Except my friends and Sirius.’
`I am so sorry.’ James felt bad for the boy. Regulus was bearing a huge amount of pain and no one deserved it.
`I am used to it. There are phases I don’t have it. But after what he did to Pandora. I couldn’t sleep. I was daydreaming. I don’t even remember what I did.’
James sat in silence. He didn’t know what to say. The whole life he was living in a big lie. He used to think that Regulus was spoiled pure-blood kid, that he didn’t have any problems except grades and parties. James wasn’t sure how the boy endured all of it. `I am sorry.’
`For what?’
`Well. Many things.’
`Potter you don’t need to apologise. You don’t even have and reason to do it.’ Regulus argued. `If you have. I don’t care about it right now.’
`Okay. Sorry.’
`Why are you sorry? Potter please relax. Say sorry once again and I am going to make sure you will be staying in hospital wing.’ The boy warned James. `You know you can’t be sorry for everything in your life? Or someones? You don’t have a impact on it.’
`You know what? You are really nice when you are high.’ James stated.
Regulus rolled his eyes. `Don’t get used to it.’
`Why?’
`Because I am saying so.’
James shocked his head; The boy had so many versions of himself that James wasn’t sure if it was normal. He wished to know every version of the boy, but also was aware that it wasn’t possible because Regulus was off his limits. The boy was younger and definitely not into him. Sirius also was huge obstacle. He wouldn’t approve their relationship, in every aspect. James felt guilt that he was getting closer to the boy more than it was necessary. Sirius didn’t know that latino boy followed his brother everywhere he could.
Suddenly the heavy emotion fell on James’s chest and stomach. It was a beginning of a panic attack. His head started to spin and he couldn’t take a breath; Latino boy was sure he is going to pass out. The boy swiftly stood up, focusing Regulus’s attention on him. His vision was smudged and James was sure he is going to throw up; It happened very often when he was drunk. His panic attack’s weren’t rare; When he was drunk everything was more serious to him and his mental health wasn’t well.
Regulus opened his eyes and sat. `Potter are you okay?’
James just shocked his head. The boy did everything to take a breath but he couldn’t. `No. I am going to throw up. I have panic attack.’
The young boy widened his head and quickly stood up. `Okay. Potter look at me.’ James looked at him but it wasn’t helping. `You need to sit down.’ The boy listened. Regulus grabbed his arm. `Look around and tell me what you see.’
`No I can’t.’ James uttered. `I can’t see anything.’
It wasn’t the first time when Regulus was the witness of panic attacks. It happened often in their circles and he himself had them often. `Potter.’
James started to panic even more, he was looking down at the grass. `I can’t. Find Sirius.’
`Shit. James focus.’ Regulus shouted and the boy, bringing the boy’s attention. He didn’t encode that he called the boy by his name; And for sure wasn’t aware of the fact that it was what calmed latino boy. James never heard Regulus saying his name. The boy looked at French boy and his vision started to be clear. `Look around. What do you see?’
The Gryffindor boy scanned his surrounding. `The trees.’ The other boy nodded. `The light at Hogwarts. The lake. The contours of the quidditch pitch.’ James’s breath started to be deeper and the boy begin to relax. He looked into Regulus’s eyes. The time around them stopped. For James’ looking into boy’s eyes was a eternity. `You, and a lot of stars. I mean technically you are one of them. I know your names are from stars.’ Regulus thanked Marlin that they were outside because he was as red as a tomato. No one before said that he was a star. The boy acknowledged that James was drunk so he in fact didn’t mean it.
The boy sat next to the latino boy. `How did you know how to calm me? I mean you could’ve just ask me to breath.’ James asked after a silence.
`But it wouldn’t help.’ Regulus shrugged. `You are not the first person who has panic attacks in front of me.’
James blushed. `Sorry.’
`Oh for Marlin’s sake.’ Regulus punched James’s arm. `Stop apologising to me.’
`Yeah. So—.’
`Do you wanna die?’ Regulus said making James burst into laugh.
The great idea sprung in the older boy’s head. He wanted to know more about his constellation. James knew that Black liked to talk about it. `No. But do you want to know what I want?’
`Not really?’ Regulus twisted his face.
`I want to see where you are. On the sky. Sirius doesn’t like to talk about it.’ It wasn’t true but James could never ask Sirius for showing him the Regulus on the sky.
`Mhm.’ The boy pointed his sky on the starry sky. `See? The constellation of the lion?’ It took a while for James to see it. ` There is the brightest star, and that is mine.’
`So you are the brightest star in constellation of the symbol of bravery?’ James laughed. `That is ironic. You are the brightest star in lions `life’.’ The boy did the quotation marks from his fingers. `And you are from Slytherin.’ It was very amusing for the boy.
Regulus wrinkled his eyebrows. `I am sorry, what does it have to do with me being Slytherin?’
`Okay.’ James fixed his position looking at the boy. `You are the Slytherin and your literal opposite is lion. And you were named after the brightest star in the lion constellation which is really ironic because it is your opposite.’
`Well I don’t think that my parents were thinking about it when they were naming me.’ Regulus argued. It was ridiculous for him.
`Well I don’t think your parents were thinking anytime in their lives.’ James whispered but the boy heard it.
Regulus lifted the corner of his mouth. `You know what? Potter. I am impressed. You can be mean.’
`Oh so you think I am a cunt that can’t bite back?’ Regulus agreed and James snorted at it. `Well. Good that at least you can be a mean bitch.’
`I am glad that we have the same opinion on this.’ Regulus stated.
`Bullshit.’ James said and shivered which didn’t go unnoticed for the Slytherin boy.
`Are you cold?’ The boy shocked his head. `Oh that’s bullshit. Come on we need to go back.’ Said Regulus and headed to the castle without waiting for James.
####
The mornings after parties were always hard for James. Especially when he had panic attacks after thinking too much. It was one of these mornings. The boy woke up and wanted to go to sleep again despite hating sleeping. He recalled the last night and wished to give his possibility to sleep to Regulus. Seeing the young Black drugged, wasn’t the nice thing for him and it definitely left a mark on his view on the boy. He couldn’t understand why Barty agreed to give the boy the pills and why Regulus agreed; But the biggest mystery for James was that Regulus acted totally different around him. James wasn’t sure if it was only because he was drunk or also because the young Slytherin is like that. Latino boy never had an opportunity to meet his best friend’s brother closely.
James didn’t know what to feel. It was a new thing for him, new emotions and new people. He wasn’t sure if he liked Lily. Especially after he saw her. But also the boy wasn’t sure if he like Regulus romantically. Because how was this possible? He never thought he was into boys and the fact that his gay awake was his best friends younger brother was unbearable. How could he be into Regulus? It wasn’t possible at all. The boy should be with Barty even if they are not together, James couldn’t take the boy’s place.
`What time is it?’ Sirius whispered.
James looked at the clock and sighed. `Shit. It is one p.m.’ Remus snorted, not caring about his pulsing head.
`That was the best sleep I’ve head since I finished five years.’ Remus laughed.
`It couldn’t be because I wasn’t next to you.’ Sirius argued, James widened his eyes, opened his mouth and jumped out of the bed. The boy looked at his friends and squinted his eyes pointing his fingers at them. That was the reason why Sirius broke up with Mary.
`You two stupid fucks. How much long would you keep that in secret?’ James yelled. `I don’t wanna hear that your head hurts.’ The boy said before his friends could react.
`Prongs. We wanted to tell you but yesterday you disappeared somewhere, with no one knows who.’ Sirius argued.
`I doesn’t change anything.’ James said. He couldn’t believe that he didn’t see it coming. `THAT IS WHY YOU BROKE UP WITH MARY.’ James jumped. `I KNEW I WAS GOING TO FIND OUT THE REASON.’
Remus snorted. `Prongs. He told you that. You didn’t need to do a crazy amount of investigations.’
James laughed. `Of course. You always underestimate my investigating skills. I would find out.’ The boy stuck middle finger, and started to wag it in front of them. `You are so stupid. You think I didn’t know that it was because of Remus?’ Sirius lifted his brow. `I knew it was because of you two. From the beginning when you’ve told me that you broke up with Mary.’
`Then why didn’t you tell us?’
James shrugged. `I don’t know. I didn’t want to cause unnecessary pressure.’
`Prongs, you wouldn’t believe me.’
`Well. I knew that padfoot would screw up and tell me even if it was a secret.’
Sirius twisted his face. `Well. I hope that you would tell me too if you were in love right?’
James heart skipped a bit. He was lying to his friend and that is why he had panic attack during party. The boy looked at Sirius unsurely as he didn’t know if the feelings to Regulus should be revealed. However the feelings weren’t mutual. `Of course I would. You know that.’
`Good. If you two have your deep promises done, James you need to go and take a shower because remember you promised me your help during the patrol.’
Latino boy took a deep breath. `Do I need to?’
`Yes.’ James rolled his eyes and went straight to the shower. `DON’T DO ANYTHING I WOULDN’T.’ The boy shouted as he closed his doors, so he would avoid the uncomfortable walk in on his friends.
`WE WON’T.’ Sirius answered causing smile on James’ face.
~££~£~£££
The patrol was exhausting for James; Nothing happened, every student had hungover and were staying in their dormitory. Remus also felt that. It was the longest patrol he had ever had and James wasn’t helping. He was acting fussily and it was irritating every inch of Remus’s body.
`Prongs, please go and check these classrooms.’ Remus ordered pointing on three classes; The boy wished to focus attention of other boy on something else then himself.
`Okay.’ James was so bored that he didn’t even had need to protest. He just did what the other boy ordered so this tortures would end faster. As James begin to check the classes his friend took the other classes. James’ head was full of thoughts about Regulus and Lily. The boy was battling himself and it was pissing him off. Two classes were empty and the boy was ready for not to check the last one but something smashed the surface of the door, and it brung James’s attention. The boy was sure that it was young student that was hiding because of them but the view the latino boy saw was far from his wildest dreams.
Barty Crouch Jr was sitting on the desk without the shirt on him. However he wasn’t alone. Evan Rosier was kissing his torso making a hickey and the Italian boy’s fingers were in the other boy’s hairs. Both of the boys were half-naked and on Evan’s neck loomed a massive hickey. Barty’s lips were red and they were clearly bitten by the other boy.
James widened his eyes. `What the fuck.’
Evan quickly let the other boy. `Potter —.’ James wasn’t listening as he decided to run away. He sprinted to Regulus. He felt bad for the boy as his friends were having a romance and he wasn’t aware of it. James needed to find him and tell him what he saw. He knew where to find him. Astronomy tower. When James was already there and on his horizon appeared Regulus he stopped.
`Regulus .’
The Slytherin scanned him. `What now?’
`I need to tell you something.’ James said and Regulus nodded. `I don’t know how to tell you that but I just walked in on—. Evan and Barty. I thought that you need to know that they are together or something. I know you had something with Barty but I didn’t know that he would now jump to Evan.’ The boy breathed and waited for Regulus’ reaction but it surprised him even more. The boy bursted into laugh. `You knew?’
`Of course I did. I wasn’t with Barty. He was with me because he was in love with Evan since I remember. I was just his treat. And he was mine. I’ve told them to be more careful.’
`So you are not mad?’ Regulus shocked his head. James remembered that Rosier begin to say something but he was quicker. `Okay. So basically he wanted to say something but I run here so I didn’t let him finish.’
`He wanted you to keep it a secret.’
`Well. That is obvious.’
Regulus stood up.`Good. Then I don’t need to tell you what I would do to you if you didn’t keep it a secret right?’ James agreed. `Then night. Potter.’ Said the boy and walked down the stairs.
James still was red from his run and couldn’t process what happened; Also being called Potter again not James disappointed the boy. That was when he knew that being named James by Lily didn’t have an impact on him because, it was Regulus who he wanted to hear it from.