3.
The plan was simple; Peter is guiding the entry to the dormitory and the rest of the boys are charming the Slytherin’s hairs. It was a longly wanted pleasure to the marauders, as it was the first prank of the year and they were already enthusiastic about the morning; When everyone wakes up and suddenly all of the people form the Snake house have red hairs with a massive Gryffindor crest. Remus worked on the spell for 3 weeks and he finally finished it, a week ago. To James’ advantage, his job was to charm the boys’ which included the greasy- haired boy; He couldn’t wait to see Snape furious, it will make him wash his hairs, so in marauders opinion they gave him a favour. However James’ job also included Regulus Black, and he couldn’t be cheerful about it. He liked the young boy and knowing how he reacts, he already knew that the young Black will kill him.
When he already charmed all the boys and the one room he left for the end, was his tutors’. He was under the invisibility cloak, but the voices in the room stopped him. He knew that he couldn’t go in when they weren’t asleep, but he wasn’t also surprised that they weren’t sleeping. Their voices were burked and the adrenalin increased in his blood.
People tends to be curious about things that, didn’t involve them, and James Potter was the great example for it. As he got the chance to listen to the conversation, without being caught, he didn’t need to think twice about it. He slowly draw closer to the surface of the doors and stained his ears.
`Give me a break.’ Regulus hissed to someone.
`No, for fucks sake, we won’t give you a break.’ Barty argued and Evan said something but the doors burked it.
`I don’t want to talk about it.’
`Everyone who has it, doesn’t want to talk about it. But it doesn’t mean I will accept it. You need to talk to us or someone.’ Barty exclaimed.
`It is not your business.’
James gasped as he heard a loud noise of something slamming against the floor, `I don’t want to be with someone who looks like a corpse.’
`I do not look like it. Fuck off, go and shag some guys. Just leave me alone.’ The doors opened and James saw Regulus’ without the shirt. His torso was covered in thin, almost white scars. The boy needed to move carefully, so his cloak wouldn’t move from his body. He scanned the young boy and the view, terrified him. The young Black was skinny, and his ribs were visible, in unhealthy way. James could easily count them, and the collarbones of the boy were emphasised to the point where on his arms there were visible the bones of collarbone. The Gryffindor boy have never seen someone that skinny.
Regulus showed the way to corridor. `Go to him, and leave me alone.’
`Close this fuckin doors, I am not going anywhere.’ Barty tore the handle from Regulus’ hand and closed the doors loudly.
James heartbeat was faster then ever and he couldn’t brush off, the French boys’ unhealthy figure. He also couldn’t deduct anything from their argument and it was pissing him off. He liked to know everything and now he couldn’t.
`Did you charmed every room?’ Remus snapped him out of his mind.
`Well, not really.’ Sirius looked at him questioningly. `I didn’t do your brothers’ room, they weren’t asleep.’ James explained. He chose not to tell Sirius about the argument, as he knew that his friend would get overprotective. He wasn’t sure what was it about, but somehow he felt that Barty could cheat on the young boy. He felt anger, he was mad that Barty could hurt the boy and that he couldn’t do anything with it. He didn’t even knew why he felt that way, he was sure that he wouldn’t cheat on someone like Regulus, and wanted to find out more. He knew that he will ask young boy about it, in truth or dare. However, he wasn’t really sure, what he could ask. Their argument wasn’t really clear and the fact that Evan didn’t say anything was even more strange.
The morning was really loud, Slytherins were pissed about the prank, and everyone looked strangely at Regulus’ for being the only one without the colourful hairs. People gossiped when they saw Regulus’ and he was mad at Marauders for it. He wasn’t mad that they omitted him and his friends, but he didn’t like to be in the centre of attention and it was obvious that when he is the only one who wasn’t the victim of Maraduers, people talked about it. They have assumed that it is because Regulus’ helps James’ with potions, and that James has a soft spot for Regulus; no one thought about the fact that they have omitted them, because Sirius, who was part of Marauders was his older brother.
`I agree with them.’ Barty stated, pointing at the group of girls.
Regulus crinkled his brows. `What? Why?’
`They say that we are the only one who doesn’t have a colourful hairs, because James has a soft spot for you.’ Barty smiled.
`Well, that is ridiculously impossible, and we don’t know who had to charm us, maybe it was Remus or Sirius or Peter.’ Regulus argued but he knew how he could find out about it. It was his turn to ask truth or dare and it was grate opportunity to ask about it. `I am going to find out about it.’
`Well good luck.’ Barty said and left Regulus with his own thoughts. He wanted to catch James after lessons, but he knew that James already planned when they will meet. It wasn’t clear for the French boy, but the latino boy always knew where Regulus is, and even if he tried to avoid him, somehow he always knew where to find him; It disturbed Regulus as he didn’t like not having control and in this circumstances, James clearly had control. Marlin blessed Regulus and James Potter wouldn’t miss playing game with Slytherin boy, so he didn’t need to worry about finding the latino boy.
Regulus headed to the library, so did James. `Hi, baby Black.’ The latino boy said and winked at the Regulus, which made the other boy roll his eyes.
`How many times do I need to tell you, to stop calling me baby Black.’
James grinned and shrugged. `I won’t listen to you, even if you would like me to.’ Regulus sighed. `What are you reading now, baby Black?’
After the quidditch game Regulus decided that he will keep the distance between him and James. `Potter, why do you care?’ Regulus stopped and looked at James with confusion. This day was getting good but his head felt dizzy, so he quickly rushed to the library as he knew that, he would collapse if he stood up longer.
`Well I want to know more `bout your book’s preferences.’ James said and grabbed Regulus’ bag, trying to stop the younger boy. `Why are you so fast? We are not racing, you can go slower.’
Regulus tried to wrestle his bag from James’ grip, but the corridor around him started spinning and his eyes hazed over. He knew what was happening to him and was mad at himself that it happened next to James. The boy prayed that James wouldn’t notice the weakness in him, and even if he would he won’t talk about it with Sirius.
`Whoa, Regulus are you okay?’ James asked worryingly. He let the others boy’ bag and grabbed his arm, so Regulus wouldn’t loose balance. `Well you are clearly not okay. You need to take a deep breathes.’
`I am okay Potter. You can let me go.’ Regulus argued but he almost lost balance again so he grabbed James’ arm. He tried to focus on James’ eyes so he wouldn’t fall. The lack of breakfast and any other food for the past two days, impacted him, it wasn’t the first time he almost fainted and focusing on one thing helped him to gather strength. This time he chose the other boy’s eyes. They were brown with golden spots, full of many emotions. The boy have never seen such beautiful eyes; in his opinion the brown eyes were always boring. However James’ eyes made his knees weak and made him question all his life choices. He wasn’t sure if it was true or his mind made it up but he felt the sparks the place he touched James’ arm. The world stopped around them and for Regulus, the other boys lips became a real desire. However intrusive thoughts swiftly stopped Regulus from admiring the boy’s face. He knew that he needed to disturb James from his state. Playing James’ game was the best option. `Truth or dare, Potter.’ He hoped that James would focus more on the game than his behaviour.
`Seriously? You are almost unconscious and you are asking me about the truth or dare?’ James commented. `Maybe we should go to the hospital wing? Or outside, so you could breathe.’
`No I am fine. I am better now.’ Regulus hissed and let James’ arm. `Truth or dare.’
James shook his head. `Truth.’
`Why did you stop at my room, when you did the prank.’
`How do you know it was me, huh?’ James asked chuckling.
`Intuition, Potter.’
James laughed and smiled jauntily. `Well, it was me, you are right here. I stopped because you weren’t asleep, and I couldn’t do it when you would see me. So I just left your room.’
Regulus nodded in understanding, even though the answer didn’t satisfy him but, he wasn’t a big keen of discussing with James Potter, so he just left the topic. `I am reading the Picture of Dorian Grey.’ Regulus answered the earlier question and disappeared. For James, Regulus was so unsolved that every interaction they had with each other made James wanting be around the young Black even more. Being friends with Sirius for five years confirmed his beliefs that Sirius was unique, but he never thought that his brother would be too.
James rushed towards his common room to find Remus or Lily, hoping they had ``The picture of Dorian Gray”, so he could read it for Regulus. He wasn’t sure why he wanted to read books, the younger boy read, but something attracted James to the Slytherin boy and he didn’t know what it was. He didn’t even know who to talk about it as everyone around him wouldn’t understand, what James felt; He himself couldn’t understand it, so how he could explain it to someone who’s not in his head. The behaviour of younger boy also was unexplained and he couldn’t find any reason for his doings. The argument between him and his friends, was unclear but James subconsciously felt that it connected to the boys’ state from today, and he felt that it wasn’t easy topic.
`Moony?’ James asked quietly entering their dormitory. `Do you have the book called ``The picture of Dorian Gray?’
Remus closed his book and made his way to his keister. `Yeah I do.’ Remus showed the book, when James was about to take it, Remus quickly moved his hand away. `Why, do you want it?’
James laughed. `To read it, why would I want to borrow a book if not for reading it?’
`James, you know what I am asking for. You don’t like classics and for sure you are not keen of reading that much amount of the books as you are reading now. Why?’
James nervously shifted and scratched his head. `Well, I just think that I like reading. Can’t I?’
Remus laughed. `Prongs, I know you for five year, we are sleeping in the same dormitory and spending ninety precent of time together. I couldn’t make you like books, so what happened now?’
`Moony, nothing happened. Can you just give me this book? Please.’ James tried to get the book from Remus’ hands but his friend was taller than him.
Remus narrowed his eyes. `Why are you so anxious and nervous about the answer? Just tell me, who are you trying to impress by reading?’
James took a deep breath. `No one. And I am not nervous.’
`If you want to lie, you need to learn how. I am not fucking believing you, in your sudden change. You hated books, you were reading Diune for two months and almost didn’t finish it, and suddenly you manage to read four books in two weeks?’ Remus was the one person who knew when James was lying, that is why James would rather do anything else then saying lies to Remus.
James pointed the finger at Remus and squinted . `Are you observing me?’
`For Marlin sake. James tell me why or I won’t give you cigarettes for month.’ James’ eyes widened as Remus was his supplier of cigarettes that he was addicted to. Remus got it from his cousins from Poland. The cigarettes there were much cheaper then in England, and he got it for free from his family.
`You won’t dare to do it, Moony.’ James threatened.
`You want to bet? Who is the person you want to impress? For who did you read ``Call me by your name’’ in one night?’ Remus didn’t gave James a win. He knew he needed to find out. `Where is this book?’ He moved to the direction of James keister, but James stopped him.
`Nowhere, I gave it back to someone.’ James answered evasively.
Remus pointed a finger at James and smiled deviously. `It belonged to the person you want to impress.’
`Moony, leave it. I do not want to impress anyone.’ James argued but Remus didn’t answered. He stayed quiet and tried to connect the dots. `Remus, I don’t—.’
`It’s Regulus, right? The day before your match, you read it, and then Regulus came here, you gave it back to him?’ James eyes’ widened and his posture softened. `It is Regulus. You want to impress him? Why?’ Big smile sprung on Remus’ face.
Panic took over his body, he didn’t even know why, he didn’t do anything forbidden with the Slytherin boy and he liked him like a friend. `Remus, it is not what you think. I do not want to impress him, in any way.’
`I don’t believe it, James. Do you like him?’
James shrugged. `Obviously I like him, he is not really ni—.’
`James I didn’t mean it that way. I mean are you in love with him? Do you want to shag him?’
James chocked. `What the hell, Remus? No obviously I do not want it, he is Sirius’ younger brother and I am reading to impress Lily not him.’ James lied because this argument was somehow reasonable for him. `Call me by your name’’, was from him but I read just out of curiosity.’
`So you are reading for Lily?’ Remus asked but his voice wasn’t sounding convincing. `Why?’
`Well, so she could think that I am ambitious, at something else then quidditch. I hoped for reading the same book as she so I could talk about it with her.’ James said. He felt bad for lying his friend but he couldn’t say the truth, he didn’t know what was the truth, but the fact that he could read the books for Lily was convincing. Remus’ words stuck in his mind, about being with Regulus, and what was worse for him, that James wasn’t sure about the answer.
`James, maybe you should stop doing everything for her?’ Remus looked at him and gave him the book. `You can read, for yourself not someone else, Prongs. You shouldn’t change for someone, believe me it is not worth it.’
`Moony, I love her, you don’t know how it feels to be not enough for someone you love, when I change everything in me and it is still not enough.’ James said and the pain grew over Remus’ face.
`James, that is because I won’t change for someone I love. Even if this person won’t accept me.’ Remus voice cracked, James saw that Remus was hurt for a really long time. And he wished that he could take his pain away from him. Not knowing why and what happened worried James. ` But you don’t need to worry about me.’ Remus said in harder voice. `Come on we need to find Sirius, and Peter and we will eat something.’ Without any strikes James opened the doors and headed down stairs. They both entered the common room and the view made both of the boys speechless. Sirius was sitting on the couch but not alone, he was sitting with Mary on his laps and they were eating their faces of. James looked at Remus to see the same confusion but he didn’t find it on his friends’ face, instead there was a pain and sorrow.
James touched Remus’ arm. `Moony, are you okay?’
He looked at James strangely, and cleared his throat. `Yeah but I don’t think that I am hungry, you can go with them. I need to go for a walk. Sorry.’ Remus answered and rushed towards the entry of common room, leaving James with even bigger shock. The latino boy wished he could know what is happening, and why Sirius’ making out with Mary impacted Remus this way. However he didn’t know how to ask Remus about is, as he saw it hurt him. The latino boy craved the ability to be more diplomatic then he is.
Remus stopped running away when he reached the lake, he liked water, it relaxed him. His eyes filled with tears. He couldn’t believe that Sirius was able to make out with Mary after the night with him. He knew that the Black wouldn’t accept the fact that he was a boy, and Sirius clearly ended up with him last night, but seeing him with their friend shattered his heart. He took a deep breaths, not letting the panic attack to occur. The feeling to Sirius overwhelmed him so much he couldn’t bare it, also seeing James that doesn’t know what is happening didn’t help as the pain and confusion in his eyes hurt him.
`If you want to drown yourself in this lake, then I would suggest you doing it at the other side, it is too shallow here, and someone could find you, Lupin.’ Remus quickly turned to the owner of the voice.
`Regulus, what are you doing here? It is quite late.’ Remus asked and Regulus smiled imperceptibly.
`I could ask you the same thing, but I am looking for presents for Evan.’
Remus frowned. `Presents? Here?’
`Yeah, full moon is in ten days and Evan needs some insects and dead animals to do something. I don’t know what exactly, but he asked me for spiders, frogs and birds.’ Regulus shrugged and showed the transparent box full, of spiders dead frogs and dead birds.
`That is fucked up.’ Remus laughed, he knew that Evan and Pandora were scary, their appearance and behaviour scared people away. Even if he was never involved in any situation with them, he knew how people reacted for them. How kids were scared when they saw the Rosiers’ twins. When he was at his first year he saw Evan killing some water-creature, but somehow Remus couldn’t think badly about Rosier’s twins.
`I know, but Evan likes those things, and he is my best friend so, I am just accepting it.’ Regulus refereed to their conversation during the quidditch and stood up next to the Gryffindor boy. ` So, what brings you here?’
`Trouble in the paradise.’ Regulus smiled.
`You don’t look like it is your day, Lupin.’
Remus sighed. `You are right, it is not my day.’
`Do you want some?’ Regulus asked taking out the pack of cigarettes.
`Of course.’
They smoked cigarettes in silence, and Remus was tempted to talk about Sirius with Regulus. He knew that the younger boy wouldn’t tell anyone, but he couldn’t also risk that someone could find out about his feeling to Sirius. About their connection, even after Sirius’ hurt him he couldn’t do anything against him, he loved him too much.
Regulus broke the silence between them. `I don’t know, Lupin what happened, not that I care about it, but I have a strange feeling that it has something to do with my brother.’ Regulus stopped and looked at Remus. `I don’t know what is happening between you two. Honestly I don’t really want to know but, you need to know something Lupin. Me and Sirius weren’t raised in friendly environment, any difference was a sin. Being other sexuality was the biggest sin, and accepting this difference in us is not really easy. Remember that.’
Remus’ eyes widened. `How do you know?’
`Maybe I do not look like I know Sirius, but I know him better then he wants me to. I see how you two look at each other, and for sure that is not friend-based.’ Remus wanted to stop Regulus’ talk. `I couldn’t care less about it, but I am just saying that it might be hard, and Sirius does not belong to easiest people. Give him a time.’
`Regulus, why are you telling me this?’
Regulus shrugged. `Well, to my surprise, you are not a bad companion. I know he hurt you, but he is hurting himself with it too. I think you deserve to know it. Night, Lupin.’ Regulus vanished in the darkness, and Remus felt that Regulus was honest with him. He saw the similarity between him and Sirius, and the guilt spread through his body. He didn’t think that Sirius’ behaviour could be birthed in his childhood by his parents. He didn’t expect the fact that the person who could acknowledge is Regulus. Remus tried not to judge the book by it’s cover, but Regulus never did anything that could change anyones perspective on him, he knew that his and Sirius’ childhood was not easy but Sirius never mentioned the details and everyone accepted it. He started to liking the young boy despite the fact Regulus wasn’t the nicest person, and now felt sorry for him.
He slowly went back to their dormitory, his eyes were burning and his chest was heavy. He couldn’t bare the fact that he couldn’t change anything between him and Sirius as he would rather die than do anything that could hurt Mary. He liked her, and just by smiling she could make Remus lighter. She was pure and just for now he needed to avoid his feelings to his friend.
James jumped to Remus the moment he entered the common room. `Moony, you are back, I was scared that something happened. Are you okay?’
Remus smiled weakly.`Yeah, I think you know. It starts, my head burns.’
Sirius heard that and no matter what happened between them to he wouldn’t let Remus be hurt. Both James and Sirius, were overprotective when it came to Remus especially around the full moon. They tried their best to protect their friend. `Moony, do you want something hot to drink? You weren’t at the dinner. I could bring you something.’
`No, thanks Pads, I think I am going to sleep.’ Remus answered and rushed to his dormitory. He tried to avoid looking at James’ eyes around full moon. James was a sunshine that tried to please everyone around him, the fact that Remus was in pain made the latino boy in pain, and Remus couldn’t do anything about it.
The boy’s night wasn’t easy. Rather exhausting. The pictures of Sirius attacked his mind, Regulus also happened to appear in his dream saying ``Suffering is a part of loving Blacks.’’ He woke up, breathing heavily and groaned, the sun was up already, James and Sirius were getting ready.
`Moony, you are awake. How did you sleep?’ Sirius asked, tying his tie.
`Not well. My head hurts, but it could be worse.’ Remus smiled. `Can you wait for me, it is not going to last long.’ James nodded and Sirius sat on the verge of his bed. There was uncomfortable silence between them all and Remus was mad at himself for letting it be. He took the pillow and throw it at Pete to wake him up. It caused a laugh of others boys and Remus felt much better.
The way through the school was peaceful, until they’ve entered the great hall, and some boy from the Slytherin house accidentally run into Remus, and causing a lot of aggression especially, from Sirius.
`Watch, how you fucking walk, you little—.’ Sirius pushed the boy, and James didn’t bother to do anything about it.
Remus stopped him. `Sirius, fuck, it is just a child.’ Grabbed Sirius’ arm and his friend focused his undivided attention. The Black didn’t expect the touch from Remus and it disturbed his attention from younger boy. The tension between them was real and their friends felt it. `Come on, everyone is hungry.’
Sirius cleared his throat. `But this little —.’ Remus’ stare stopped Sirius.
`I am not from the glass, you don’t need to be my bodyguard.’
This whole situation was observed by a Slytherin’ favourite trio.
`Why do you think your brother got so overprotective?’ Barty asked, and Regulus shrugged. He couldn’t tell them what he knows about Sirius’ and Remus’ relationship, but for him there was a more interesting facts. He saw Remus yesterday and he looked way better, than today. The young Black, tried to connect the dots, but something was missing. Weird behaviour of Marauders once a month and the look Lupin have him when he mentioned the full moon.
`Evan, why do you need dead animals, now?’ Regulus asked out of nowhere.
`It is full moon, and I need to do the potion for my cousin, who is a werewolf. It helps him, his transformation after this potion is less painful.’ Evan answered, and for Regulus everything cleared out. Remus was a werewolf, and full moon is happening soon, that is why they got so overprotective, it was also a reason why Remus looked worse than normally.
`How did you find the recipe?’ Regulus asked.
`It was in my family’s things, my great-grandfather was a potion master and I found it.’ Evan said with an excitement, he loved talking about his passions. Barty also loved when Evan expressed his mind, even when it was scary sometimes. He looked at him, the way anyone could wish for someone who looked with that kind of love. The love Barty had for Evan was visible from far away.
Regulus kicked Barty under the table with the look `Stop staring at him so much.’
`Mhm.’ The young Black answered to Evan’s statement, and changed topic. `Do you know where is Pandora?’
`Nah, why?’ Rosier shrugged. `She is probably waiting for you, it is full moon soon, and it is the best moment to do her divination thing. The tarots card.’ Regulus let a sigh and Barty laughed.
`She won’t give you a win, today.’ Evan nudged Regulus’ ribs. `She waited too long to see your future.’ The boy mocked his sister, causing the others boy laugh. They all loved Pandora, especially Regulus, but her ridiculous belief in divination caused the amusement and she knew about it. No one wanted to admit it but they believed in her clairvoyance, and were scared to ask her what she saw. That is why they have avoided, and laughed at it, so their fear wouldn’t overcome their body. The young Black, avoided it because there was an another reason for that. Since he remembered he felt that he will die young, it feared him, to the point where he got the panic attacks from it, and he was scared that Pandora might see it in prophecy. If he was about to die, he’d rather not to know it.
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They sat in Pandora’ dormitory, with Dorcas and Barty, as Evan needed to do the potion. Regulus loved spending time here, he loved Pandora’ smile and her attitude towards life. He couldn’t imagine living without her and one of his biggest fears was loosing her. Regulus would sacrifice everything for The Rosier’s twins, especially for Pandora; She wasn’t the toughest person, and Regulus was ready to burn the world for her. Her pure soul healed everyone and Regulus couldn’t imagine someone hurting this pure and innocent soul.
`Regulus, sit here please.’ She showed the small pinkish pillow in front of her. He rolled his eyes and placed himself on the pillow. Barty and Dorcas were eating popcorn and watched the whole ritual. Pandora shuffled the cards and then put them in front of the boy. She spilled the tea from the cup to see the prophecy in tea leaves. She also took his hand for palmistry. She analysed everything in silence, and no one disturbed her. She was in a trance and they tried not to derange her. Regulus’ heart stopped when she let a loud squeak, signalising something dreadful will happen. Barty froze with his hand next to his mouth, and Dorcas fixed her position; The silence in the room was unbearable.
`What?’ Regulus’ voice cracked. `What did you see?’ He hoped she wouldn’t see the death in his near future.
Pandora grinned and jumped in act of happiness, confusing her companions. `There is a big, true, love coming this year.’ She screamed and the weight fell from Regulus’ chest fell, Barty burst out laughing.
`I feel that the big love is irritating, casanova of Gryffindor tower. His name starts with J and is best friend of his brother’ Barty chuckled and Regulus threw a pillow at him, leading to knocking of the bowl with popcorn.
`Shut up, Crouch.’ He hissed. `Potter is not going to be my big love. He is in love with Evans’ Dorcas send him the amused look and laughed.
`You can’t be so sure about it, honey. You can’t predict love, it will came when you are not expecting it. Do you think I predicted, falling in love with Marlene McKinnon?’ Regulus shrugged, and rolled his eyes. He didn’t want to believe in such things, he’d rather not to have hopes and expectations towards James; He knew that having expectations, is the only thing that could hurt him, therefore he tried to avoid doing it. He expected that Sirius would stay or come back for him eventually, and he let him down.
Barty narrowed his eyes and hit Dorcas with the pillow Regulus threw at him.`Well about you and Marlene McKinnon, why didn’t you tell us?’ He raised his brow.
`We wanted to keep it a secret, and James Potter found out, so I had a right to tell you.’
`I should be mad at you, that James was first to know.’ Barty pretended to be mad, moved away from Dorcas and turned his head the opposite way, beforehand folding his arms.
`Don’t be a drama queen, Crouch.’ Dorcas nudged his ribs.
`Excuse me? Me drama queen?’ The boy snorted. Pandora laughed and Regulus raised the corner of his mouth. Happiness captured his body, he couldn’t imagine their friends being more close to each other. The boy couldn’t imagine better friend group; Before he came to Hogwarts, he thought that he won’t find friends like Sirius did, he always imagined himself alone and was glad that even when his wasn’t the nicest person, they loved him unconditionally.
`You are the biggest drama queen I have ever met.’ Regulus stated and Barty waded into him in order to tickle him. The Black tried to knock his friend off him, but he was much stronger than Regulus. He let a loud chortle, and his friends smiled, including Barty. They looked at Regulus laying on the floor and Pandora’s eyes filled with tears. `What?’
`It is the first time, since last year that I have heard your true laugh, Reggie.’ Regulus smiled and hugged her. He didn’t meant to hurt his friends by his depression, he tried to do everything not to let them notice it, but since last year it get worse than normally. They all struggled with their own problems, and he didn’t want to burden them with his own mess. ` I am happy that we are getting our bitter-sweet Regulus, back.’ She stood up and cleared the mess with her wand. `It is your turn, Dorcas. Barty is next.’ She winked at them and started to shuffle the tarot cards in front of the girl.
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The next day was the best day for Regulus. The leaves fell of the trees and it added him the will to life. He loved autumn, the dark and gloomy autumn, not sunny and cozy. He hated the warm months, and the fact that it finally ended assembled a positive attitude in him. His friends couldn’t understand why he was happy for the shorter days, but he didn’t even tried to explain it.
Pandora was sharing the enthusiasm. `You are totally right, Reggie. Autumn is the best season.’ They were going to the library to study and later James would join Regulus for the potions lesson. `You know, I am meeting someone. I have a date with him and I don’t know what to do.’ Regulus narrowed his eyes. He was happy that Pandora was happy, but he was suspicious about the boy she dated. His intuition suggested him that something about this mysterious guy was wrong, and the last thing he wished was Pandora to be hurt.
`Pandora, you can tell me, what is his name.’ The boy tried to convince her to reveal his identity. But the girl just shook her head.
`No, because you, my brother and Barty would talk to him, and I don’t want him to get scared away.’
Regulus snorted .`If he leaves you because he was scared of us, then he doesn’t deserve to breath near you.’
`Oh, stop exaggerating, Regulus. Anyone would leave, if you, Evan and Barty did the talk. People fear you. You are the most talented and intelligent student at Hogwarts and—.’
Regulus stopped his friend’s monologue. `Stop flattering me. If someone cares they won’t fear me, nor Barty, nor Evan. Remember, If he will hurt you or do anything that bothers you, I am going to find his identity and nothing will stop me from showing him why you didn’t want us to meet him.’ He announced and both of them knew that Regulus will keep his promise.
The loud sobbing interrupted their talk, it came from the read-headed girl. Lily Evans was on the floor and cried. Pandora rushed to the girl and hugged her.
`What happened, Lily?’ The girl looked at Regulus and her green eyes were full of pain, even if Regulus noticed it his face reminded emotionless.
The Gryffindor girl took a deep breath. `I had an argument with Severus. I don’t know what happened to him. He was cruel and —.’ She cried loudly again and Regulus clinched his jaw.
`You ought not to cry because of him.’ Pandora said, squeezing her arm. She gave Regulus the look, signalising that he should say something. Before saying something he rolled his eyes.
`I will talk to him, Evans.’ Regulus stated. `Don’t worry. You will make up soon.’ Pandora thanked him with her smile. `I need to go, now. I have extra lessons with Potter.’ He turned and went to the library, leaving Pandora with Lily. To his surprise James was already sitting at their table.
James, waved at him and smiled. `I am the first one. You are late, now.’
Regulus rolled his eyes and looked at his watch. `You are before time, Potter and I am on time.’
`You know, that if you roll your eyes, it will stay like that?’ James commented.
`Don’t care, Potter.’ Regulus replied. `What are you doing now, during potions?’
`Draught of Peace. We started it today but will do it in two weeks.’ Regulus nodded.
`I will ask, Slughorn for the classroom, and we will brew it.’ French boy stated. `Today, we will focus on the theory.’
They opened their books, and Regulus begin to explaining James the process of making the potion along with the ingredients. The latino boy was focused on the Slytherin’s boy calming voice, more then usually. He was absorbing the knowledge from other boy’s, and understood everything, which was a new thing for him. During explaining the stages of brewing the potion, Regulus felt the warm attacking his head and before he could feel anything, the notebook on the desk was stained with the blood. It slowly dried form the Regulus’ nose. James eyes widened and Regulus swiftly pulled his sleeve to his nose, trying to stop the bleeding.
`Regulus, can I help you?’ James stood up and moved closer to Regulus.
The younger boy tilted his head, still pulling his sleeve against his nose. `No, just pack my things, please.’ James quickly did what the boy asked for. Regulus grabbed his packed bag and stood up. `I need to go, sorry.’
`Maybe you should go to the hospital wing?’ James worryingly asked.
`No. I need to go to my dorm. It is fine.’ James crinkled his eyes and looked at the receding figure. He was worried about the young boy, he looked unhealthy like he did not eat for the couple of days. His swoons and nose bleeds, along with his look suggested the only thing. Regulus could have eating disorders. James recalled the argument between the boys and his heart stopped. His friends knew and tried to stop Regulus, or budge the boy to talk about it. He knew that Regulus won’t say about the nose bleed to his friends, so James decided to find the Slytherin’ boys and tell them, himself.
James searched in his bag for the Marauders Map, that showed everyone in the Hogwarts. He took out his wand and put it against the empty, old parchment. `I solemnly swear, I’am up to no good.’ His eyes searched for the surnames of the boys and when he found them, he rushed to the place when they were, hoping they won’t vanish somewhere. James sprinted, and accidentally bumped into group of third year girls, making them excited that Casanova of Gryffindor tower run into them. When he reached his destiny he stoped. `Rosier, Crouch. Wait.’ He shouted and he run towards them. Evan slowly turned into the direction of James, and held Barty back.
`What do you want, Potter?’ Barty asked looking coldly at James. Evan pierced James with his sight. The boys’ attitude was intimidating for James. `Shouldn’t you be at the lesson, right know?’
James tried to slow his breath. `I was with Regulus, and I know he won’t say the truth to you, but he had a nose bleed and left.’ Barty looked at Evan and they have exchanged glances.
`Thanks for telling this, Potter. We need to go.’ Evan replied and grabbed Barty’s arm.
`When was the last time he ate something?’ Barty whispered but James heard it, and for him everything was clear. Regulus must have an eating disorders. James heart stopped, he couldn’t do anything to help the boy. The Black didn’t trust him, he wasn’t even keen of talking to him and for sure didn’t want his help.
Distraught James took his broom and run towards the quidditch pitch. Flying helped him collect his thoughts. It was getting dark and cold. He tried to come up with the plan to help the boy, but nothing came to his mind. The boy flew down, as he saw the figure moving on the pitch. He knew who was it. Remus.
`I thought maybe you might need it.’ Remus gave the sweatshirt to James, when he landed. `It is cold, are you trying to be freakin’ sick? Going out for flying in T-shirt, have you lost your mind?’
James took the cloth from his friend and put it on.`Thanks, Moony.’
Remus smiled and pulled the pack of cigarettes from his jacket. `What troubles you, prongs?’
`What? Nothing.’ James tried to sound convincing but Remus was the person he couldn’t lie to. He didn’t know how to. His friend was always the one who knew when James lied. It was impressing for the latino boy that Remus could alway look through him. `Moony, seriously. Nothing. It is nothing important.’
`James, you are flying, on the Friday evening. You always do that when something is up.’
James looked at his friend. He knew that he should be more honest with his friend. `I don’t want to talk about it. Sorry.’
`It’s okay, but remember that you can always tell me, everything James.’ Remus took out the lighter and smoked his cigarette. `You want?’ James nodded and also lightened his cigarette.
James wanted to bring up Remus’ behaviour and relationship with Sirius but didn’t want to upset him before full moon. James always believed that he was the most diplomatic out of his group, he always knew what to say, but this year something changed; He didn’t know how to raise the topic and talk about baffling things. `How about you, Moony? You act differently lately, is everything okay?’
Remus let a loud sigh, sat down on the field and pat the place next to him, signalising to James that he want him to sit down too. `Do you like looking at stars?’
James crinkled his brows. `What?’
`I do like looking at stars, you know James. Especially the brightest one, but it doesn’t want to look at me the way I look at it.’ Remus said, and James’ brain worked hard to understand what his friend tried to imply. James tried to understand who Remus meant by the brightest star, but couldn’t match anyone to the description. `The stars are pretty but if they don’t want you to catch it, they will run away as far as it is possible. Have you ever thought, how lucky we are to have it around us?’ Remus’ eyes filled with sorrow. `It choose us, to brighten our days. Not anyone else, just ours, but the way it shines makes me go crazy, for not being able to love it the way I want it to love.’
James looked at Remus, and suddenly he understood what his friend tried to imply. Sirius’ name came from the brightest star, and the weird atmosphere between them two immediately became clear to James. `You love, Sirius. Don’t you?’ He whispered.
`But, he doesn’t love me, not the way I love him.’ James stood up, and grabbed his head.
`You, two became so distant, why?’ James shouted quietly. `Have you spoke to him about it?’
`James, we became distant because, we spoke about it.’ The boy stood up, briskly gesticulating. `It started at the beginning of fourth year. But Sirius clearly ended the things between us at the end of the school year.’ James froze. `I had a boyfriend during summer, and he found out about it. He was jealous, that is why the atmosphere became so tensed. A few days ago, he broke up with me, and the next day he was making out with Mary. That happened James. I am trying to not care about him, the way I do but I can’t.’ His voice cracked and the tears filled his eyes. `We didn’t want to tell anyone but you deserve to know what is happening. I don’t want to ruin our friend group because of my love to him. I’ve told Sirius that I am going to tell you. He didn’t argue. I am so sorry James. I regret telling him because if I didn’t, everything would be normal.’
James hugged the boy. `Remus, you don’t need to be sorry. I am not mad at you. Have you lost your mind? Please remember, that love is worthy every feeling.You shouldn’t regret any of it.’ James pushed the boy and looked in his eyes. `Moony, I don’t know why Sirius, is acting this way, but I can assure you that he cares about you, more then you think he does.’ Remus smiled weakly and wiped his tears. `I can talk to him.’
`No, don’t do this.’ Remus argued. `Don’t try to persuade him into loving me, James.’
`Moony, I didn’t mean it—.’
`I know you didn’t mean it that way. I just don’t want to reopen the old wounds. I will try to move on, but I just wanted to tell you this, so you wouldn’t worry, that something is wrong. I feel bad that I didn’t tell you, earlier. ’
James pulled the boy into the hug again. `You don’t need to feel bad, Moony. You can always talk to me. Keep that in mind.’ James nudged Remus’ ribs and smiled. `One more cigarette and we need to go back, before they will start search for us.’
Meanwhile, Regulus sat in his dormitory with his friends. They forced him to eat something, Regulus argued with them but him against two, was impossible to win; Especially when their argument was his premature death. After a exhausting discussion, he agreed to eat. The atmosphere between boys was unbearable before Pandora and Dorcas joined them. It was Friday night, the girls decided to do the spa, and paint their nails, which attracted Barty. He loved experimenting with his appearance, the amount of colours freed his undecided nature.
`Do the colourful nails.’ Suggested Pandora. `Each finger, other colour.’ Barty nodded, the girls started.
Dorcas choose the dark red for her as Marlene loved this colour. `Regulus, do you want us to paint your nails?’
Regulus shook his head. `I will pass today.’
The Black was sitting on the floor at the other side of the room.`Are you feeling better?’ Evan asked, sitting down next to Regulus . `We are worried about you.’
`I know you are but, I am okay.’ Regulus argued, he wasn’t completely fine and he acknowledged it. His problems with eating were birthed in his childhood; It gave him the feeling of having control. He couldn’t be mad at his mates for worrying about him, it was the most valuable, value in friendship. The uncomfortable silence sprung between them. Regulus didn’t use to apologise for any of his action, even if they hurt people, he also wasn’t going to ask for forgiveness.
Evan stoped the silence. `How did you find out?’
`About?’
`About liking boys. How did you accepted it?’ The Rosier whispered and Regulus glanced at him. Regulus thought that their homophobic parents were a master in instilling the erroneous habits and ideas.
`Evan for me it could be different then it could be for you. Sadly my gay awaking was, Potter and I just couldn’t omit the fact that seeing him, made me crazy. I tried to avoid it but this came back like a boomerang and I just accepted that it is a part of me. Of who I am.’ Evan nodded and looked at Barty.
`I love him.’
`I know, you don’t need to force yourself to coming out.’ Regulus assured his best friend. `You will feel when it is the right time.’
`Thanks, Reggie.’ Regulus smiled weakly and took his book out. He didn’t know how to help his friend, feeling for James grew and his parents’ thoughts about it were the last he cared about.
`Remember, that you will always have support in me.’ Regulus stated. Evan nodded and squished Regulus’ arm.
`Forgive me, but I am going to read.’
`Boring.’ Dorcas shouted and Regulus sticked a middle finger to her. `Ouch, mean.’ She put her hand on her chest.
`Get used to it.’ She laughed.
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James sat down on his bed and let a loud groan. Sirius was somewhere, making out with Mary and Remus tried not to think about it, probably with Marlene and Lily. The latino boy thought about joining them, but hadn’t energy for it. He opened the window and took his cigarette.
`James, it is bad for your health.’ Peter muttered, James rapidly put down the cigarette. Peter was the only one in their friend group who didn’t smoke. He didn’t like when they were doing it and was anxious about their health.
`Sorry, Pete.’ James smiled weakly.
Peter shrugged. `You will do it anyways. I just don’t want to find you, dead on the floor, because of some illness.’ His mother was a health freak and Peter constantly remembered the boys about, effects of smoking cigarettes.
`Don’t worry, about me Pete.’ James moved towards his friend. `Better tell me about your secret girl.’
Peter blushed and grinned. `I can’t tell you her name.’
`Pete, I obviously want to know her name, but I will respect your choice to keep it a secret. I want to know, how you feel about her, do I need to find a nice suit for your wedding? I hope you consider me as your wing male.’ James rested on the bed pillar.
`I love everything about her.’ The chubby boy dreamed away. `The way she makes me feel. My heartbeat fasten, and the butterflies dance in my stomach, but I don’t feel embarrassed, when I am around her, it makes me want to spend every moment of the free time with her. I feel excitement every time I know I will see her. I would do anything to be reason of her smile, I want to be her support, I love the way she acts, and when she speaks about her hobbies. She never makes me feel unworthy.’ James listened to his friend monologue and he realised that he have never felt that way about Lily. He felt not enough and he never had those emotions towards her. `She is so pretty, I could stare at her for hours.’ He stopped and looked at James. `Sorry, am I boring? I didn’t mean to.’
`No Pete, I am happy for you.’ James hugged the boy. `I hope I will meet her soon.’
`I am going shower, tomorrow I have a date with her. I need to rest.’ The boy disappeared behind the wooden doors.
James took a deep breath and begin to think about his feelings to Lily. He wasn’t sure if it was real, and it bothered him. The boy planned the whole life with her, and the sudden change of his feeling, disturbed him. He didn’t know what changed and what was the reason for it. The boy was worried, and felt uncomfortable, Lily was supposed to be the love of his life. He didn’t feel special around her, rather unworthy, but it never occurred him to mind. With this thoughts James fell asleep.
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The dazzling, rising sun woke up the latino boy. Silence around him indicated the early hours; His friends were sleeping. The insufferable thoughts about his best friend’s brother attacked him. He wished, the boy was more opened, but Regulus was the type of person who would rather die than ask for help. The brain of latino boy worked harder then he imagined and the idea come to his mind. He could ask Regulus in truth or dare about his problems and how he could help him. The boy quickly grabbed the marauders map and search for the French boy; To his luckiness he found him next to the astronomy tower. The boy not thinking much left his room in his pyjamas.
He run fast and thought how he could ask the young boy about his problem. When he saw Regulus on the horizon he tried to calm his breath. The Slytherin boy saw him and rolled his eyes.
`What do you want, Potter? It’s five am.’
James stood next to the boy, and scanned him.`I want to ask you about truth or dare.’ Regulus nodded. `But you need to answer honestly.’
`Okay, truth.’
James tried to breath deeply, but the stress couldn’t let him. `Do you have eating disorders?’ The boy narrowed his eyes.
`Dare.’ Regulus hissed changing the topic quickly. The heartbeat of two boys was faster then usual.
`Tell me how can I help you.’ James breathes loudly and Regulus’ body tensed. Young Black took out his wand and with the almost not existent strength pushed the latino boy into the wall, holding him by his shirt. He put the wand to James’ throat.
`The fuck is wrong with you, Potter.’ The boy hissed and his eyes became empty. `I don’t have problems and even if I had, I guess it is non of your business. You are not my friend, and the game is over. Don’t ever fuckin’, think that you can get involve in my fuckin’ life, because you can’t. I suggest you to go before I hex the life out of you, you bloody tr—.’ He let James shirt and calmly went away. He knew that he was quite too harsh and probably ended the good terms between them, but he couldn’t understand why James cared about him, and it boiled blood in him. He breathed heavily and went to his dormitory.
On the other hand, it didn’t scare James’s away, he knew that he could make Regulus mad, but he didn’t know that the boy could be so harsh. The boy realised that he shouldn’t ask him about it out of nowhere. The latino boy didn’t know what to do, and talking about it with Remus, before Sirius comes back was the best idea.
Remus was reading his book and James sat next to him, on his bed.
`Would you tell me, where have you been?’ Remus asked from his book.
James took a deep breath and put Remus’ bed sheets on his legs. Remus fixed his position and put his book down. `I think that Regulus might have problems. Don’t tell anyone. It doesn’t really matters but have you seen the weird behaviour, when you were with Sirius? Did he have strange relationship with food? Or something?’
Remus sighed.`No, Sirius does not have eating disorders if you are talking about it. Does Regulus have?’
James nodded. `Well, I asked him about it but—.’ The boy stopped because Sirius opened the doors. Both boys looked at his friend, and the atmosphere tensed.
He narrowed his eyes and raised his one brow. `Why are you so quiet? Am I disturbing you?’
James didn’t know how to raise the topic, not mentioning the Regulus’ situation. He looked at Remus and Sirius sat next to them.
`Well Sirius.’ Remus started and James bit his tongue. `You have never mentioned, your childhood, especially how they treated you and your brother.’ James tried to stop his friend. `I think that your brother could have complicated relationship with food. Me and James are worried that you might have it too.’ Sirius closed his eyes and grabbed his nose, then covered his eyes in act of worry.
He let a loud sigh and opened his eyes.` My mother is sick as you know. She had many unconventional ways to punish me and Regulus. One of it was starving us, for many days until we learnt how to behave.’ He stopped as his eyes filled with tears and James grabbed his hand. `I ate the sweets or food I’ve hidden but Regulus didn’t want to make her angry. One time she starved him for a week. She always complains about his figure and she is body-shaming him. I think that not eating makes him feel like he has a control over something in his life. I noticed that he is much skinnier then he was when I left. My dad often tried to tell her that Regulus is too skinny but she likes it; When her precious boy, doesn’t have a strength to do anything other then learning.’ James pushed Sirius into the hug. `It didn’t have much impact on me, I eat normally but he doesn’t. I don’t know how to help him.’ He cried and James understood why Regulus acted like that.
`Don’t worry, his friends know.’ James whispered.`They will help him.’
Sirius nodded. They were sitting in silence, every boy was trying to think of original way to help the younger boy with his eating disorders. Sirius’ face lightened when in his mind sprung the perfect idea. `Prongs, do you know how to do the tacos, your grandma made?’
`Yes, I like making them, why?’
`I am assuming you asked my brother about his problem. He was probably aggressive, but I know that tacos are his favourite food. Can you do it for him?’ Sirius asked and James nodded. He wasn’t sure that Regulus would agree for eating it, but James was the person who wouldn’t stop until he tried.
The boys rushed to the kitchen and asked the house-elves for the possibility to cook. The creatures tried to fight but James was steely. He loved cooking and he often helped his grandma or mom in the kitchen. It took him a while to cook the tacos, and he put his whole heart into it.
When he finished he went for the search of the young Black. The boy was sitting with his friends on the grass next to the lake and when the Evan saw, James felt that he was shivering. The Rosier boy, terrified James, especially in those kind of situations. He stood next to them and scratched his neck.
`Regulus, can we talk?’ Regulus turned around and scanned the boy.
`No.’ The boy answered and turned to his friends. James suddenly started to feel the stress. Barty smiled awkwardly to James and hit the Regulus head. The young Black sighed. `Okay, you have five minutes.’
They went away from his friends. `I am so sorry Regulus. I shouldn’t have asked you about it.’ James apologised.
Regulus shrugged. `My brother told you, right?’
The latino boy nodded. `I am so, so, sorry. But I want help you Regulus —. I know you probably don’t want my help, but—. I’ve made you a tacos.’ He swiftly showed him a box full of the dish. His words were awkward and he have never felt that nervous around anyone.
Regulus’s eyes widened and the corner of his mouth raised a bit. `You’ve made it?’
`Yes It took me a bit, because the elves didn’t want to give me a space to cook, but I finally argued with them. Sirius have told me that you love tacos, and it is Mexican food so, I did it for you.’
`You made it by yourself?’ Regulus asked unbelievably.
James crinkled his eyebrows. `Yes?’
The young boy smiled weakly. `Thank you, Potter. I will eat it for sure.’ Regulus eyes were weirdly glassy and it confused James.
`Did I do something bad?’
`No, just I didn’t expect you to be nice for me especially after today.’ Regulus whispered. `You are the first person to care about me. Thank you.’ He took the box full of tacos from James, and went to his friends beforehand squeezing James arm. The latino boy stood there and looked at the figure of the young boy, befuddled and joyful. He walked to the common room in trance; Marlene who was the only one in the room looked at James with confusion. He was touching his arm where five minutes earlier Regulus put his hand. The young boy could try to be mean and push James away, but he was gentle spirit and James couldn’t stop his feelings to him. The smile Regulus gave him wasn’t the normal smile. Also the young boy have never touched him and the fact that he initiated something between them made his heartbeat faster.
`Dude, why is your face so red?’ Marlene asked him and touched his arm. James smiled, pulling her into the hug. `James what is happening?’
`I am not sure. I think I like someone, romantically.’ Marlene smiled.
`May I know who?’ James shook his head.
`No. Sorry.’
`Do they make you happy?’
`They don’t know I like them.’
`It doesn’t matter, Jamie. I hope you will be with her.’ Marlene said and James looked at her snapping out of trance. He liked Regulus, and he shouldn’t have. The boy was with Barty and Sirius would kill him. He didn’t want to let Marlene know, he is not talking about the girl.
`Yeah. I need to go.’ James smiled and run to his dormitory.
He looked in the mirror and took the deep breath. The realisation was harsh to James. He didn’t want to let the fact that he might like Regulus, romantically. He shook his head and looked into his eyes. `No one will find out.’ He whispered.
His friends entered the room, they all laughed and James joined them, deciding that he will never let anyone to find out about his attraction to the Regulus. He didn’t want to go between Barty and Regulus. He also knew that the young boy wasn’t sure to like James as a friend, so he could never like him romantically.
`How about we make a party?’ James asked. `I think I want to get drunk.’ He wanted to let his feelings away, he couldn’t even name the feelings he had towards Regulus. He wasn’t in love with him, that’s for sure, but his heartbeat was faster then usual when he was with the French boy. Regulus also became weirdly attractive to him and it was all strange. James never thought he wasn’t heterosexual. In fact he have never thought if he might like the same gender, for him Lily Evans was the love of life and other options were impossible; Liking the boy was a new for him and it wasn’t on his bucket list this year. That is why he decided he wouldn’t do anything about it.
`But in two weeks there is a match between Ravenclaw and Slytherin. They will throw a party.’ Remus argued.
`Yeah you are right.’ James agreed because the didn’t have any arguments against it.
`Regulus will play, he is actually good.’ Sirius stated and in James chest formed a big unmatched emotion. He hoped that the boy wouldn’t looked attractive. Because if he will, James will loose, the battle in his head. And he doesn’t want to.