That fateful day
Chapter 4:
James Potter is fucked. Totally and utterly fucked. That’s the first thought that comes to his head when Sirius asks who his partner is for the extra credit project.
“You know it would’ve been you if it could, Pads. You’ll forever be my first love.” Is what he responds with, trying to redirect the conversation.
“They knew we would be too powerful if we were put in the same class, lucky bastards.” Sirius exclaimed in front of the dorm mirror, brushing out his shoulder length onyx hair.
“More like absolute menaces. Anytime you two are paired up chaos ensues.” Peter chimes in from his bed.
“It’s like you two are trying to break your own record for the most amount of consecutive detentions sometimes.” Remus pauses, “Wait are you genuinely trying to do that?”
“That’s absurd Moony, who wants detention?”
“After being friends with you for all these years I can’t put it past you!” Remus snorts and then gets up to help Sirius put up his half hair.
Sirius insists he can’t tie it as well as Remus does, which is an obvious lie. Remus always huffs and calls him an idiot but does it anyway. Even after all of these not-so-subtle acts of love those two can’t fathom the other wanting to be more than friends. Idiots. Both of them have some of the highest marks in their year, but their genius has never stopped them from being absolute fucking idiots.
Afterwards they are propped up on their respective beds. James thinks he’s successfully rerouted the conversation, avoiding Sirius’ previous question right when
“But seriously, haha, who is the lucky person that is paired up with the amazing James Potter?”
Shit.
James freezes for a moment. Knowing there’s no way he can avoid his best friend's inquiries again, he decides to just answer it as briefly as possible.
“Your cousin, actually. Anyways the first quidditch game hasn’t been scheduled yet but I’ve already come up with strategies-“
“My cousin?” Sirius is visibly puzzled. “All my cousins graduated years ago. You know this? Unless I have another family member I forgot about..”
James looks away, knowing he’ll realize in a second.
“Wait, are you talking about my brother?!”
James tries to sound casual, but ultimately fails.
“I mean, yeah technically he’s both so…”
This makes Sirius gag “Ugh, do not remind me of my parents being cousin-fuckers. I would say I can’t believe Reggie is in advanced potions, for 6th years nonetheless, but I’m not surprised at all. Mothers little overachiever.”
“It shouldn’t be too hard then, he’s probably halfway done with planning it already.” James tries to add a little humor to the situation, and fails miserably.
“Is that why you hung back after dinner?” Remus asks.
“Yeah, I just had to figure out what the plan would be to get this done. We decided on sharing schedules tomorrow at the library.” Intentionally leaving out the mentions of Sirius.
“Guys can we please just get some rest, I have to get up early to check on my Dittany for Herbology in the morning. I will not hesitate to feed you venomous tentacula if you cause me to sleep through my alarm.”
“Pete there’s no need for empty threats, we understand.”
“Who said they were empty?”
“Ok let’s just get in bed before Pete proves you morons wrong yet again.”
James is lying in his bed, staring at the dark ceiling of his bed when he hears some shuffling outside his bed curtains. He sits upright already knowing what it is. Sirius pulls the curtain back just enough to slip onto the end of his bed before closing them. James uses his wand to cast a silencing charm in fear of waking up his other dorm mates as well as using it to give a small source of light.
“What’s on your mind?” James starts off the conversation, knowing Sirius has a hard time initiating talking about his feelings.
“Did he seem okay? When you talked to him, did he seem any different?” The other boy asks with an urgency in his tone.
“Snarky as ever, but all in all he seemed normal.”
“Did he..” Sirius cleared his throat. “Did he ask about me at all?”
“I brought up how I didn’t want there to be any awkwardness regarding.. well… anyways he just said he didn’t want to talk about it.” He tries to say as gently as possible while messing with a blanket thread to avoid eye contact.
“Oh. I should’ve expected that, sorry I don’t know why I even asked.”
When James looks back up he doesn’t miss how his friends' gray eyes gloss over before he looks away.
“I’m terrified for him, I’m so fucking terrified everytime I think about how he’s alone in that house now. We haven’t been a team for a long time but at least we knew the other was alive. He’s going to give them exactly what they want even if it destroys him and I can’t do anything about it.” His face crumbles as he starts sobbing. James pulls him close and holds him as Sirius cries. Eventually Sirius falls asleep next to him, leaving James alone with his thoughts.
James doesn’t hate anyone. It’s just not something he does. He doesn’t even hate Severus, severely dislikes him for sure, but not hate. But when it comes to Walburga and Orion Black, it’s something entirely new. Hate isn’t even a fraction of what he feels towards them. He remembers every time Sirius would come to school with new scars or bruises. Every howler that caused him to quake with fear. He remembers that horrific night in the second week of the previous Summer.
His best friend's unconscious body falling through the floo, trunk in hand. James remembers screaming for his parents and rushing over to his friend's limp body expecting the worst. He used a muggle method to check if the boy's heartbeat was still alive before surveying where the cuts he expected were. Except, there weren’t any. James was momentarily relieved before Sirius twitched, still unconscious. Then it dawned on him. It wasn’t just any curse. The Cruciatus Curse. If James had to guess, it probably wasn’t the first time they used it on him. He felt nauseous. His parents rushed into the room and took control of the situation by bringing him to St. Mungos after asking James what happened. Then James remembers being alone, unable to comprehend what just happened. He took a seat and attempted to regulate his breathing. All of a sudden James Potter could only think about one thing, and one thing only. Murdering Walburga and Orion Black. It was beyond him how it hadn’t happened yet. For years he’s seen how they’ve ruined his platonic soulmate, but now something has changed. His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden urgent knocking on his door. He answers it with shaking hands, still not completely calm. He sees Peter out of breathe, his aqua blue eyes widening with a hopeful smile on his face. He clearly just ran here, sandy blonde hair sticking to his forehead.
“My mum said something happened with Sirius, that he was here. Did he do it, finally leave? I’m so bloody proud of him, we should celebrate. I can’t wait till Moony hears-“
Peter stops his rambling when he sees James expression, the other boy's face grows dim. “James? Why aren’t you celebrating, Sirius got out… didn’t he?”
“Not without a fight.” Despair dripping from his voice.
The color drained from Peter’s face within seconds. James didn’t blame him, as he was fighting waves of nausea.
Sirius was in a coma for the next two weeks, the healers doing everything they could to ensure he would be restored to full health. James was there with Peter and Remus everyday. Some days they would talk to him as if he could hear, they even decided to play exploding snaps sometimes to pass the time. Some days it was quiet filled with sorrowful looks.
When Sirius did wake up and get the strength to tell them what happened, James had to walk for 20 minutes straight before gaining control of his nausea.
Sirius had packed up his trunk in preparation to leave a couple days prior. Apparently Walburga found out about it, but waited until the moment was right to strike. As he prepared to sneak out of the house and call the night bus his mother barged into his room, his father following behind. They confronted him, and things just escalated from there. He stormed past them with his trunk and made it all the way to the hallway in front of his fathers study when the first hex’s came at him. Nothing he hasn’t dealt with in the past, but still enough for him to stumble. Before he could draw his wand to defend himself he was hit by a body binding curse. Walburga advanced towards him and emphasized how much of a filthy blood traitor he was, an embarrassment to the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black. Orion just watched with a look of utter disgust. Then his mother broke the binding curse right before immediately using the Cruciatus curse. He says he can’t remember much other than stumbling into the floo and waking up in the hospital.
What he didn’t tell anyone other than James is that he begged Regulus to join him, pleading that he would realize that the Potters would take care of the both of them. And how much it hurt when Regulus refused.
James didn’t sleep much that night. Replaying that day over and over again in his head, wondering if somehow he could’ve done something different. Wondering what would’ve happened if Regulus came with his brother.
It’s not until Sirius moves closer that James finally gives into sleep, knowing his best friend is safe in his arms. Knowing that he won’t have to face anything alone from now on.