It’s the christmas holidays so James is home as usual for the holidays and everyone in the Potter manor is asleep.
James is laying in bed wide awake in the middle of the night. He’s spiralling which isn’t unusual but it hasn’t happened in a good while. He rubs his eyes that lay open heavy from everything that had happened around him recently.
He finally gets up from his bed as quiet as possible, grabs his letters and puts one letter by Sirius’ room and one letter by his parents bedroom. He hopes this is it and that’s why he places the letters tonight.
He made a letter for Regulus, his crush for the past many years and his other friends too but they can get those from his parents as they are further away. He can’t shake the feeling of not texting regulus before he goes. So he does just that.
As James reaches the roof of the house he gets his phone out and finds Regulus’ contact name and since it is so late he doubts regulus will respond so he types out his apologies and thanks to him before he does anything else.
As he puts his phone down on the roof he makes sure it is silent so nobody can bother him in his last moments. He knows nobody will though since it is so late.
What James doesn’t know though is that Regulus is spam calling and texting his phone since he was awake just staring into his screen in the dark.
When Regulus can’t get hold of James he is scared but he makes the decision to call Effie since she said she will always answer his calls no matter what time or place and he needs someone to stop James.
As he calls James’ mom the noise of the ringing is all he can hear and Regulus feels sick to his stomach at the thought that James could leave him in this world alone.
After a moment Effie answers the phone and Regulus is frantic. Telling her she has to save James now and that he is on the roof and he is going to kill himself. Effie slightly screams through the line and from what he hears he drops the phone even though Regulus is on the phone.
He can hear her shakily waking up Fleamont and then he hears both of them running out of their room frantically going up to the roof as fast as possible.
He also drops his phone on the floor and without any thoughts Regulus put some shoes on in a rush and grabs the keys to his parents muggle car used for business runs but he doesn’t care. He’d drive all night if it meant James stayed.
James grabs the many pill bottles from his pocket and swallows as many of them as he can, there is tears in his eyes but he knows he has to do it now or never.
James is the most afraid he has ever been in this moment and he also fears he will never make it out of this darkness and once again he knows it has to be done.
James takes a shaky breath but struggles to do so. He walks out towards the edge of his roof and stands there just hesitating for a moment.
What he doesn’t know though is how his parents are running as fast as they can up the stairs and they are in pieces at the fact they have failed their son so much to attempt to take his own life. They wonder where they went wrong.
James closes his eyes and he feels so sick but so free and as he is about to step over the edge to his death he gets grabbed by multiple arms .
James screams and begs to be let go so he can finally be free but the people holding onto him don’t let him go. He can’t see who it is but he slowly realises it’s his parents and it pains him that they have to see him this way.
James doesn’t remember anything else because he passed out. His parents were screaming and crying and dialling the emergency line as quick as possible since they saw the mounds of empty pill bottles left on the roof.
Regulus is still driving as fast as he can as tears streams down his face. It felt like he was driving all night. He doesn’t want to drive another mile not knowing if James is breathing.
He makes it to the Potters just as he sees James being dragged into the back of the muggle ambulance and his heart drops into his stomach and he feels the tears welling up even more.
Regulus screams and cries while he begs to be let in the ambulance with James but they will only let one person. So Effie goes with him while they try and resuscitate James from his overdose in the van.
Fleamont is crying and so is Regulus and during all this Sirius woke up and came outside and his scream was deafening as he saw the last glimpse of James’ unconscious body as the muggle ambulance doors shut and it speeds away with the sirens.
Mr. Potter drags both of the boys into a quick hug as they weep together. Then he grabs his muggle keys and they all pile into the car to follow the ambulance while speeding as fast as they could.
They get into the hospital in a mad rush and it’s all a blur of time. They reluctantly went into the waiting room despite the anger and sadness they felt right now.
The waiting room had no space to stand so they were squished and absolute wrecks with tears continuing to poor down their faces the whole time waiting to hear if James is alive.
This is Regulus’ biggest fear. Losing James the brightest light in his life is his biggest fear.
He is wringing his hands around and around and the silence in the waiting room is the loudest, it is practically deafening.
Regulus knows he would have driven all night over and over just for James to be safe and alive.
He would call his mom over and over again no matter if James hates him for it every time.
After many moments of agony and waiting they were finally let into James’ room and they all practically ran to him. Even though he was barely alive he was still breathing. All of them were complete messes. Tears streaming down their faces.
Effie grabs Regulus and Sirius and crushes them into the most sad hug in the world. She continuously thanks him for calling her and saving James from actually ending his life.
For a while they all sit around James’ bed tears just staining their faces. Regulus stares at James and wishes James could see himself like this, so he’d never have tried it.
He wishes James would have not let this darkness fool him. He wishes James would realise all lights turned off can be turned on.
Regulus thinks again that he would have driven all night and he would’ve called James’ mom in every universe.
He wishes James would wake up so Regulus could tell him to not be discouraged as he has been exactly the way James is right now.
After agonising hours of waiting for James to wake up he is awake and breathing. We are all there and all crying tears of joy that he is still here. One by one to not overwhelm him we all give him sad hugs.
James is awake and he doesn’t know how to feel about it. He’s more angry it failed but he’s glad everyone is here. He feels guilty and he’s sure everyone can tell.
Tears prick his eyes as he watches all of his family and his crush in tears and realises he needs to get out of this darkness.
Regulus wants James to medicate or even meditate. He wants him to throw a punch or even fall in love even if it is not with him. He wants James to give himself a reason.
Regulus doesn’t wanna drive another mile wondering if he’s breathing. Won’t he stay? Won’t James stay with him?
He doesn’t want James to let this darkness fool him, he wants him to know that all lights turned off can be turned on.
He would drive, he would drive all night. He’d call his mom.
He wants to tell his dear James not to be discouraged. He wants to say he’s been exactly where he is.
Regulus would drive,
he’d drive all night for James to be safe.
He would call his mom.