Is It Flammable?

Dark has a bone to pick with the person who invented picnic baskets. Why do they have to be so flammable? It has already caught on fire 17 times on their way to the picnic. Most of those times it was Cho’s fault, and Dark has decided that Cho had to be doing it on purpose at this point.

FWOOSH!

The basket caught on fire for the 18th time as they (ironically) passed the fire department. This time, it and its contents were nothing but ash.

Dark stopped in his tracks. “CHO! STOP DOING THAT! NOW WE NEED TO GET A NEW BASKET AND FOOD!” Dark yelled at him, his fist up in rage. A woman passing by jumped, startled at his sudden yelling.

“Whoops,” Cho said, shrugging his shoulders, “My bad.” To any other person, he looked not in the slightest bit sorry at destroying the basket, but Dark knew that he was hiding his shaking hands inside his hoodie pocket. Something is wrong.

Dark shifted his tone. “If you didn’t want to go to the picnic, you could have told me. I don’t want to go either. I’m only going because you wanted me to get to know Second better,” Dark told Cho, looking away from him and at a nearby shop. He then added, putting his hands behind his head in a relaxed manner, “Also, getting to meet Vic will be slightly interesting at least.”

Victim… Dark didn't know what to think of him. He is the eldest of the four, but Dark has never met him yet. He was still recovering from the injuries he received from Second’s attack. Chosen seems… off whenever he is mentioned. Something must have happened between the two, and he was going to find out what.

Dark opened one eye and looked at Cho, searching for his reaction. Chosen tensed up at the mention of Victim. So I was right. Something must have happened when he was captured. Detective Dark is on the case! (I wish I had a fedora and trenchcoat. Maybe also a magnifying glass… pay attention! He’s speaking!) Dark shook his head of his thoughts.

“... I want to go,” Cho told him, “Second will be there, I need to be there for him. He will be disappointed if we don’t show up…” He looked like he was contemplating something “... but, we could show up late and say we were delayed. Then we can still be there for Second, and spend less time with Vi- I mean, with an unproductive activity!”

Cho glanced at him with a look that screamed: please don’t ask! Fine. I won’t ask yet. 

Dark smirked and said, “Might as well do something ‘productive’ while we are delayed then, let's go get another picnic basket.” He made air quotes with his hands when he said productive, teasing Cho for his choice of words. 

“You’ll never let me have a second of peace for that, will you,” Cho murmured in embarrassment, as they started walking again, leaving the pile of ash on the sidewalk.

“Hmmm… that would be rather productive… I suppose I can add it to my schedule.” Dark teased again, skipping ahead of Cho, “Does every Friday work for you? Or would it be unproductive?”

“Kill me now,” Cho groaned.

Dark stopped and turned around “Oh~ I would! But that would be counterproductive…” he trailed off seeing Cho. He had stopped behind him and was staring at the building next to them as if it was the best thing he had ever seen.

Dark followed his gaze and found a two-story building with vines around the outside of the place. The wooden sign in the front read “The Curiosity Shop” The shop looked sketchy, with a broken window and tons of flowers decorating the outside (AN only Dark would see flowers and think the area looks sketchy because of them).  

“What a dump,” Dark said “I could never have a place so messy. It’s unproductive.” Chosen didn’t respond to his teasing and walked right inside.

“HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?” Dark yelled after him as he followed him into the shop.

The bell rang as he and Cho stepped inside. Cho immediately crossed the room and went to the far side of the store, dodging the piles upon piles of random objects lying around. Dark started following him, noticing that there was no one else in the store. Where does he think he’s going? We are supposed to find a picnic basket! Wait- is that a Druidic Dodecahedron? Dark stopped and stared at the golden object baffled at the preposterous notion that a Druidic Dodecahedron was in this ragged old shack right next to a teapot.

“The fuck!” Dark exclaimed, his jaw hitting the floor as he inspected it closer.

He jumped startled as the sound of a squeaky hinge hit his ears. He glanced over at Cho who was standing in front of an empty wardrobe, preparing to enter it.

This is sketchy as fuck. No way I’m letting him enter that thing.

Dark dashed forward, ducking under a rug hanging from the ceiling, and grabbing Cho’s arm.

“What are you- YELP!” Dark was surprised as Chosen grabbed his arm and threw him into a nearby shelf full of toy cars and typewriters. Something is definitely up, Dark thought as a toy car fell from the shelf and landed on his head (thank goodness it wasn’t a typewriter).

Chosen then jumped into the wardrobe, trying to close the door behind him. Dark leaped forward and jumped inside, trying to keep the door from closing but was too late as it shut behind them.

“WHAT THE FUCK! SNAP OUT OF IT CHO!” Dark screamed as he took Cho by the collar and shook him. Cho had to have something controlling him. But why would the person doing this want them to get into a cabinet?

“What just happened…?” Chosen asked him groggily, “Why is it dark…?”

“BECAUSE YOU SHUT US IN A WARDROBE, THAT’S WHY!” Dark yelled again, he then took a deep breath and opened the wardrobe door, grumbling under his breath “I should have known something like this would-”. He cut himself short as the place they just entered was entirely different from the store they just left. Dark shut the door again and reopened it hoping that it might take them back to that musty store. Nothing happened. Fuck.

“Guess we’re not going to that picnic,” Chosen said, jumping out and looking around at the place where they just arrived. Dark followed suit. They are in a large room with huge pillars that reach the ceiling far above. There are mountains of junk everywhere: a couch, lots of books, diadems, jewelry, and love letters that will never reach their desired recipient stacked everywhere. They can not see the walls over the junk that goes on for what seems like forever. A maze of random objects was not on Dark’s list of ways he could possibly kill someone. He should add that.

“Where are we? What happened?” Dark asked himself a lot calmer than he thought possible. He picked up a book that was resting on a nearby table labeled Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them authored by Newt Scamander.

“I have no idea but we should go that way,” Cho tells Dark “I am having sudden urges to go that direction and I don’t know why. Maybe we can find out where we are and the culprit to our sudden appearance here. It could be a trap though.” 

Sudden urges? What in the main character ass response is that? Dark was not having it. He knows his brother is The Chosen One but he never really spoke like a cringy main character. He was always the cool kind. Dark then decided that he didn’t care as long as he (The Dark Lord) didn’t start saying things like: ‘We are not so different: you and I’ or ‘[Insert evil laughter here] You didn’t think that would actually work, did you?’.

Dark grinned, showing off his jagged teeth, putting his thoughts behind him. “It’s better than spending my last moments here with you! Let’s go!” He set down the book on the table.

They then started their journey to get outside of this winding maze, Dark following Cho directly to two large double doors. It was a short five-minute walk. It could have taken less time if they flew but Chosen told him he didn’t want to set all the junk on fire. Lame.

It took no time for Cho to open the door and for them both to step out. What Dark saw made him catch his breath.

The light of the setting sun was pooled into the hallway they walked into, the multicolored light filtering through the stained glass windows and illuminating the paintings on the other side of the hallway with their different colors. The back of Cho’s head was illuminated with a splash of red from the stained windows, making him look bathed in blood. 

Chosen’s head was bleeding, Dark stood over him preparing to strike.

Dark shook his head and closed the door behind him. As soon as Dark closed them, the doors disappeared and changed into a wall, as if they were never there at all.

“Looks like we are not going back the way we came,” Dark announced to Cho.

Cho wasn’t listening, however, as he had spotted something else.

“That person in the painting just moved,” he explained to Dark calmly, pointing at a gentleman in the nearest painting.

As they both approached the painting carefully, the man in the painting looked at them and said to them, “Of course I do, kind sir! I am not some sort of primitive muggle painting!” He seemed quite offended that Chosen thought he shouldn’t be moving. Dark immediately had two thoughts at the same time: What is a muggle? and THE PAINTING CAN TALK?

The woman in the next painting berated the man “George, be nice to these young guests!” she waived the yellow fan in her hand and smiled at them, “Sorry about him, I’m Isabella, are you lost? Hogwarts doesn’t usually have students over the summer.”

Dark shook off his surprise. How do these paintings work? Is it an illusion? Does someone have the power to turn people into paintings? Is that why they were here? Or is this all some sort of advanced technology? He walked up and closely inspected the painting for any sort of gadget or clue.

Cho pulled him away from the painting and told the woman “I’m sorry about him. Say, Miss Isabella, can you help us find the person in charge of this place? It would be rather helpful.” Dark hated that Cho had dragged him away and twisted out from his grasp, now crossing his arms and sulking. Why can't I look at the paintings? I can take care of myself, I’ve been doing it for-

A transparent figure appeared through the wall and Cho jumped in front of Dark. Dark got ready for a fight. Such weird things were happening in this place.

“Good day! Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington at your service! I heard that you want to see the Headmaster. I’ll take you there right away! Pardon me, Isabella for the interruption.” He bowed to the painting, his head accidentally falling off his neck, being attached by only a bit of skin.

Dark peered at him behind Cho, then, realizing what he was doing, pushed Chosen away from him. He didn’t need to be protected. He was strong! He crossed his arms over his chest, for the second time rather annoyed.

Cho shot Dark a questioning look and told the ghost “Thank you?” 

The ghost pulled his head back on his neck. “No need for that! Although I must say, I haven't seen the two of you here before, are you new students?” Sir Nicholas inquired as he led them down the hallway.

“YES!” Dark yelled, cutting off what Cho was going to say, “I mean, yes! We are new exchange students!” Dark added rubbing his nose in embarrassment. He didn’t believe in ghosts. This must be an advanced projection of some kind. He did not believe what Nicholas was saying either. His words could not be trusted. He just hoped they weren’t getting led into a trap.

“Ah- you must be American, I can tell by your accents. Hogwarts has never, in all the years I have been here, had exchange students. Did you go to Ilvermorny before coming here?” Sir Nicholas asked, now intrigued.

“No,” Chosen responded, as they entered through a gateway, “We were homeschooled.” 

Dark almost died and went to heaven as they entered a giant room (would he go to heaven if he died? He didn’t know nor did he care at the moment). There were moving staircases and paintings everywhere. How did the staircases move? Dark wanted to look at the mechanism that moved the staircases as he crossed one. He didn’t see anything. It must be very advanced then. Dark would find out how these work so he could build one of his own in the new evil lair extremely normal fort he was working on.

He saw that Cho and that guy had left him behind to marvel at the staircases, so he ran up the stairs to catch up. He can't leave Cho alone in this unfamiliar place with that guy.

“How extraordinary! Well, I hope the two of you get sorted into Gryffindor. I am the Ghost of that house you see, and you do seem like the brave type!” He told Chosen, who grinned at him.

“I don’t know what house I would like to be in,” Chosen improvised, as they left the area and into another hallway lit by torches lining the wall, “Although, Gryffindor does sound quite nice.”

“It is! But never mind that, we have arrived!” Sir Nicholas announced as they approached a statue of a gargoyle, “I bid you farewell!” He then disappeared through the floor.

“That motherfucker didn’t take us to the right location!” Dark exclaimed. A nearby painting gasped at his language and he heard a “Well I’ll never!” from down the hallway.

Chosen disagreed with him, “I think he did. This statue is a door.” 

Dark then watched as Cho closed his eyes like he was concentrating on something. Again with the cringy main character vibes! What’s up with Cho? Whatever was going on, Dark was left in the dark…

Cho opened his eyes and then his mouth, hesitating before he let out, “...Lemon drop…” 

Dark knew right then that Cho had lost it. What the fuck is a lemon drop?

There was a rumbling sound as the gargoyle leaped to the side and a winding staircase was revealed behind it. Dark immediately ran to the gargoyle, checking to find the speaker that made the gargoyle move out of the way and triggered the door's opening. He NEEDED this for his secret layer.

“How did I know what to say? This is weird.” Chosen murmured to himself as Dark joined him up the staircase and to the door that it led to.

“I don’t know, but be prepared for what’s behind the door,” Dark started “The person is probably the reason why we are-”

Knock. Knock. Knock-Knock!

Chosen knocked on the door.

Dark whispered angrily “Why the fuck did you knock! We could have had a sneak attack!” Dark got ready for a fight. Cho remained calm and unfazed, seemingly not bothered at all by what Dark had said. Almost like he didn’t hear him at all.

The door swung open revealing an old man with a long silver beard and spectacles. His blue ROBES were flowing around him.

“Why did you summon us here?” Cho asked him immediately, seemingly instinctual. 

The old man laughs heartily and responds “What a surprise! I can assure you that if I did summon you two here, it was merely an accident. Come in and sit down!” He ushered them into the room, and Dark glared at the old man but sat down in the chair provided anyway. A quick glance around the room and Dark saw a bird perch, lots of paintings, a raggedy hat, lots of books, and a staircase that led into what Dark had suspected to be another room. He didn’t buy his innocent old man look. This guy had to be messing with Cho’s mind, Cho had been acting very weird. “Now who do I have the pleasure of addressing?”

Chosen told him “People call me Chosen and him Dark. We are not supposed to be here, but we are and we want to know why.” 

Dark chimed in, his irritation growing at the man’s large smile, “Answer me correctly old man or I’ll break your kneecaps!” He stood up in what he hoped was a threatening manner “Do you trap people in paintings? We saw multiple people in paintings all around this so-called ‘school’!” Dark saw Cho roll his eyes at him. He got even more angry.

The old man did not seem frightened by his threat and instead told him quite calmly, “I have done nothing of the sort, those are just regular wizard paintings,” He then added cheerfully, “Although I have heard an interesting story about an Algerian witch who trapped their Aunt in a painting once because she talked too much… but that is irrelevant to the matter at hand, I suppose.” He shook his head and then continued, “As for why you two are here, I need more information. Where did you come from?” the headmaster asked them, still quite calm. 

Dark plopped back down on his chair and huffed loudly, crossing his arms. He started breathing in and out slowly, finally calming himself down at how mad he was at the calmness of the other two in the room. Why are they so calm?

“It was a big room full of junk, once we left the room the door turned into a wall, and we couldn't go back inside,” Cho told the old man. So he did hear me back there. Dark was glad that Cho heard him because it seemed rather important.

The man’s eyes lit up in recognition. “Ah! The room of requirement. I must have accidentally summoned both of you here when I asked the room for help! I was searching for something to help protect one of my students, but I thought it did not work. It seems the room brought both of you here to help me, I do apologize, it was not my intention.” His calm demeanor was still pissing Dark off.

“Protect a student?” Chosen asked, seemingly intrigued.

“I almost forgot to tell you where you are! How rude of me. Welcome to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! I am Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster. There is a student of mine who is in danger and I fear for his future.”

Dark immediately thought Great. This place is actually a school. Dark and Chosen has never been to school before and Dark wanted to keep it that way. School sounded boring. But wizard school sounded slightly intriguing, so he decided that he would consider the notion.

Chosen asked him “Witchcraft and wizardry? Wizards exist?”

Dumbledore seemed surprised by Chosen’s question, “The two of you are unaware of magic? That is odd, I sense that both of you have plenty of magical energy emanating from you.”

“Pfsh! What! There is no such thing as magic,” Dark exclaimed (he was in denial), “You must be lying.” Chosen was giving him a look like: you have no problem with our powers, but you don't believe in magic?

“How exactly do you think the paintings move, Mr. Dark?” Dumbledore asked him, and without waiting for Dark’s answer (Dark was planning on launching into multiple rants about different technologies that could be implemented to get the same effects), the old man continued, “Here I’ll prove it to you.” He took out a stick from his robes and said calmly “Aquimente!” Water shoots from the wand and dissipates before it touches the ground. All Dark could think was How the fuck is he doing that?

Dark paused for a moment taking that information in. Then he slowly asked “Can we learn magic then” as he looked at a golden object on the headmaster's desk. It was, ironically, a Druidic Dodecahedron.

“Of course! But I am afraid we will need a cover story for both of you. Unfortunately, I doubt the room will let you leave until you finish your task, so the two of you will be stuck here even if you want to leave,” Dumbledore told the both of them, “So I will ask of both of you to help protect a student named Harry while you learn magic, and you will not be charged for any of your school supplies”

Chosen immediately responded, “I will help you, but don't expect my brother to do anything.” Dark nodded in agreement. He didn’t want to help this man who forced them to be there. He will only look out for his own interests. He glanced at Cho who was seemingly not phased about this.

“I would not ask for anything else,” Dumbledore said, his blue eyes twinkling, “Now I will fill you in with what is going on in the world of wizardry and we will construct a backstory. I know someone who can help us with that. Afterward, I will have Severus take the both of you to get your school supplies and the both of you will need to learn rather quickly from the other professors the correct amount of schoolwork before school starts to get the both of you caught up to your grade level. How old are you?”

Dark huffed out “12” and Chosen “16”

“Excellent! Dark will be in second year and Chosen in fifth year, to be closer to Harry who is also a fifth year.”

The brothers looked at each other and then nodded in agreement.

The Headmaster clapped his hands together, “Well, now that we all agree, let’s get started! We do want to be productive after all.”