chapter 9
best vocalists 💅
marlene💜: guys yk how dorcas has been FIENDING for a masc lesbian
sirius🖤: yes
remus❤️: Yeah
marlene💜: WHAT IF??
emmeline💛: FINALLY
remus❤️: Are you gonna ask her out?
marlene💜: WTF DO YOU MEAN FINALLY??
marlene💜: anyway i have a plan
remus❤️: Explain.
sirius🖤: I MEANNNNN you’ve been wanting her since FUCKING AUGUST
sirius🖤: everytime i talk to you its just dorcas this dorcas that blah blah blah
marlene💜: ft me i dont feel like typing
marlene💜: also fuck off sirius
Outgoing Call:
marlene💜 to best vocalists💅
remus❤️: Just give me one minute.
emmeline💛: I can’t. I have dance. ttyl
~~
Sirius answers the phone almost immediately, “Hey, bitch!”
“You are so gay.” Marlene has her camera set up on her desk and is taking off all of her jewelry.
“Tell me something I don’t know.” Sirius is laying in his bed, shirtless. “So… this plan you have…?”
“We have to wait for Remus.”
“Oh my God, I hate that gaybo,” Sirius whines.
“I hate you.”
"I didn't mean what I just said about Remus. Don't tell him I said that or he'll get those sad puppy dog eyes that make me want to kill myself."
Remus pops into the call. “Hey, bitches.”
“Remus,” Marlene starts, “You’re spending too much time with Sirius. It’s making you annoying.”
Sirius scoffs. “Oh sorry,” Remus apologizes.
“No, nothing is your fault, babe. I love you and I’m so sorry. It’s all Sirius’s fault.”
“What?”
Sirius bursts out laughing because he understands. Remus is the sweetest, most kind-hearted, could never do a bad thing, best person ever. Sirius and Marlene have talked about it many times. They would rather off themselves then be mean to Remus.
Of course, Remus has his moments. He has sass and sarcasm. And God forbid, you piss him off. But he’ll tell you to shut the fuck up with the kindest smile on his face that it’ll feel like a compliment.
Marlene will call Sirius a stupid motherfucker as a term of endearment and he will call her an annoying bitch back. However, if either of them said something like that to Remus, they would live a life of nothing but regret and guilt.
“Shut up,” Remus scowls. “Marlene, what's this plan?”
“Ok…” Marlene rushes into her idea. “So you know how we have Opera Scenes rehearsal next weekend?”
“Yes.” Remus sets up his phone on his keyboard.
“What are you doing,” Sirius asks.
“Practicing for my piano hearing tomorrow.”
“WE HAVE A PIANO HEARING TOMORROW? ON WHAT?”
“We’re in different piano classes, Sirius.”
“Oh, right. Ok carry on.”
“I’m trying,” Marlene drags. “to explain something.”
“Right, right,” Sirius shakes his head to clear his head. He kind of looks like a wet dog. “Sorry, Marls. Continue.”
“Thank you. Ok, so we have rehearsal next Saturday. I’m thinking of asking her if she wants to go to The Three Broomsticks afterwards.”
“Isn’t that where she went with Mary on their first date,” Remus reminds her.
“Oh shit. You’re right. Ok, we can go to R.B.’s.”
“Arby’s? Like We have the meats?” Sirius imitates the voice of the guy from the Arby’s commercial.
“No. R.B.’s. The Roasted Bean?” When Marlene gets no recognition from Sirius or Remus she keeps going. “The coffee shop? Down the street from the Hogs Head? Across the street from the thrift store?” Nothing. These two need to get out more. Everyone goes to R.B.’s. Marlene has a realization. “Oh, wait. You guys are new sophomores. You haven’t leveled up yet.”
“Leveled up?” Remus lifts his hands off his keyboard and slumps to look at her.
“Marlene, what the fuck are you talking about,” Sirius asks.
“You’re sophomores. Babies. I forget that you guys are a year younger than me. There’s a hierarchy of where different grade levels hang out after school. Freshman kind of wander around and eventually end up at the library. Sophomores discover Chance Street and go to R.B.’s. Juniors either go to R.B.’s still or they just go home. And Seniors go to C and C.”
“We’re sophomores. Why don’t we go to R.B.’s,” Remus asks.
"Also, what's C and C," Sirius adds.
“Mrs. Puttifoot's Coffee and Cookies. And you don't go to R.B.'s because you’re new sophomores. You haven’t yet discovered Chance, yet. Anyway, back to my plan.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Sirius agrees. “Go.”
“So we go to R.B.'s and then we go on a date and then we kiss like lesbians and then we live happily ever after. The end!”
“Umm,” Sirius starts laughing.
Remus glares at his boyfriend. “It’s… a plan?”
“You guys don’t think it’ll work?”
“The beginning is good,” Sirius gives her. “But you need to lower your expectations. You can’t expect her to just fall in love with you right away. It has to just happen naturally. And if she doesn’t like you, that’s okay, too. It doesn’t mean you’re unlovable (because I know that’s where your mind is going), it’s just how she feels towards you.”
“So you think I should just kill myself because I’ll be single forever.”
“You know what,” Sirius starts, annoyed. “Yes. That’s exactly what I said.”
Marlene gasps in faux hurt. “Remus,” she whines. “Your boyfriend is mean.”
“Ok, ok,” Remus interrupts. “Both of you, knock it off. Marlene, Sirius is right.” Sirius smiles smugly and Marlene huffs. “Listen, I think you should ask her out after rehearsal on Saturday. She’ll say yes but make sure she knows it’s a date and you’re not just hanging out as friends.”
“Ok, I’ll ask her next Thursday.”
“Great.”
“Great.”
“Great.”