Toujours is not always pure
He sits on the stall. He is not nervous.
“Well, Hello again Mister Potter” greets the Hat. “Or should I say welcome, mister Price?”
“I’m Price, now”
“You are you, mister Price. I see that you have lived an eventful life. Curious alliances you are making. Two order members, one of them who first decided to be a death eater. And a squib who hated you”
“They are my friends now. There will be no order members or death eaters or squibs that change that.”
“An interesting life, indeed. Let’s see, mister Price. Where can I place an old, young fellow as you? What are you planning?”
“I’m going to kill Voldemort”
“Somethings never change”
“I changed. I’m not going to join the order, nor fight death eater, nor try to convince Tom to repent. I’m going to kill him. I’m going to protect my friends. No one who I hold dear is going to die at his hand.”
“That’s some strong ambition you’re displaying. Care to know where I’m thinking of placing you?”
“I’ll let you decide this time. Put me in the house where it will be easier to achieve my goals”
“I would not deem it easy, but useful. I hope this new life turns a new leaf for an old, young fellow”
The sun is setting and all three of them are enjoying the weather by the river. Harry has his eyes closed, blissfully passing a hand through the uneven grass blades. Severus has a gigantic book from his mum and is passing page after page at a rapid pace, reading at par with Lily.
“You really think we will be able to brew the Draught of living dead?”
“I could use some. I have problems sleeping” Harry intervenes, stretching his arms and laying on the grass.
“Shut it Price”
“I think we will but not in second year Lils”
“Let’s try to float again!”
Severus sighs. “We can’t use our wands here, you know that. Do you want to get an admonition letter from the Ministry? You can only get three before you’re expelled. And you could be expelled anyway if a muggle sees you”
“Not with our wands, duncehead”
Lily clicks her tongue. “My accidental magic is not like that. Why is my accidental magic not like that?”
“It’s because you whine too much”
Lily flicks him in the forehead.
“Ow! Stop, red headed beast! And well, is like, accidental magic but on purpose? I feel like the only way to explain it is experiencing it. Like, you want something so much that it just happens. Stop trying to regulate it, I don’t want you to think ‘wow it would be brill if I floated exactly 2 meters in the air’ it should be more like ‘float, NOW!’”
They study and they play and Lily makes a light ball appear.
“That is new” she says.
They all look at each other smiling and start to play catch with the ball.
“Sev said he would come. It’s late”
It is late. In one hour, Harry is expected to be home. The sky is almost dark before they notice a figure limping towards them.
“Sev!”
“I’m fine”
“You’re not, look at you!”
Severus comes in with a puffy swollen red chek. He looks at Harry but it’s not necessary. The three of them know what happened.
“I was being too loud”
“Severus” says Harry, staring into his eyes “Do you hate him?”
It feels like something is shifting. Sev looks at Lilly who looks uneasy at both of them.
“Do you want to never see him again?”
He swallows a lump. He thinks about his mother, who is special but is caged into a marriage she no longer wants to be part of. He thinks about himself and all the times he has needed to be quiet to avoid his father. He thinks about his father who once loved him, who he once loved. That man doesn’t exist anymore. He is going to keep pushing and pushing his mum until she breaks.
“Yes” he says, and shudders at the feeling. Something just happened. But Harry is his friend.
“I’m… Pet is waiting for me to watch rocko on the telly. I’ll see you guys tomorrow!”
Harry begins to show up later some days. He tells them it’s because he has been trying to spend a bit more time with the other children. Severus has to pretend he’s not jealous.
He also starts insisting on practicing their ‘accidental’ magic. He and Lily butt heads.
“I’m not an idiot! You don’t have to explain things as if I can’t understand you!”
“I’m trying to explain it in a different way to see if you get it!”
“Then you’re the worst teacher!”
“You’re an awful student”
Sev clicks his tongue and sighs. Sometimes he doesn’t know if he wants summer to last forever or just a few seconds.
“Maybe this type of magic is simply not your thing!
“I told you I’m not an id-”
“No! I mean, there are different kinds of magic, right?”
Severus perks up.
“It’s not about kinds of magic” he starts, trying to remember everything he has read “It’s not like, light magic and dark magic. There are different branches that depend on intent, objectives and resources.”
They spend the whole afternoon talking, until Petunia comes in to call them for dinner.
“Wait, me too?” Harry asks
“You’re a bit dull sometimes, Price. I said the three of you, so obviously you too! Dad cooked tonight one thing he saw on Mrs. Snape recipe books!”
Lily makes fun of Harry for how fast he is stuffing his mouth and they forget about their fight.
He brings up a book about runes for Lily.
“This branch of magic relies a lot on the process. You always want to understand where things come from and how they happen”
“Oh! That could work Lils! You are great with languages and math. I think this is a bit like that”
Lily flushes and thanks them both.
She is great with runes, of course.
The four of them go to Diagon to get their books, accompanied by Eileen.
“Oh, I wish Honeydukes was closer. It was one of my favorite stores when I was in Hogwarts” she says with a dreamful and distant look.
“Where is it?” he asks, excitedly.
“Oh love, you won’t be able to go until you’re in your third year. They will give you permission slips for the parents” she doesn’t miss the pinched look in Petunia’s nor Harry’s faces.
“I’m sure there’s a floo connection where you can go Petunia, and Harry, I’m sure Mrs. Davies will sign for you, but if she doesn’t, I can sign your slip.
“Really?” he says, overjoyed
“Of course, darling”
He is unable to hold himself from giving her a tight hug.
Harry is sitting by the lake with a concentrated look. Robert is there too, basking in the sun.
“What are you doing?” Severus asks.
“Practicing” he responds, intently looking at the mouse he has in front of him who sits immobile. Robert launches himself and goes for the mouse.
“Robert! No!”
I think he didn’t understand you” Severus deadpans.
Before they know it, they are boarding the train, ready for their second year. They sit in the same stall as last year, and welcome both Dorcas and Pandora. Remus goes to say hi and Severus sends him a sour look.
“Still haven’t forgotten that incident, uh?’ Remus says, laughing uncomfortably.
“Not likely” he responds.
Him and Harry also go walking compartment by compartment until they find who they’re looking for.
“Narcissa!”
The girl laughs at the boastful way Harry greets her and smiles at Severus and his calm demeanor. They greet her and her sisters too, Andromeda, who gives them a cold nod and Bellatrix, who sneers at them.
“How was your summer? You’re so pale! Spent the whole time cooped up, right?”
“It was uneventful. I attended some balls and saw Lucius too. Oh!” she interrupts and directs her hand to the only boy in the compartment seating with them. “This is Regulus Black, our cousin. These, Reggie” she says, now extending her hand to them “Are Harry and Severus.” she doesn’t provide their last names, which they notice but ignore. Severus gives the boy a nod and Harry smiles at him and extends his hand. Regulus hesitantly takes it. “You look like a Quidditch player”
Narcissa laughs again and tell her cousin “He might not look like so but he’s also a Slytherin. Regulus nods to her without saying a word and reclines back in his seat.
They get back to Lily and stay until the train arrives.
Second year is easier and harder at the same time. Easier because he already knows the castle and most people, who to avoid and who to side along with. Harder because Lily is away all the time with her Gryffindor friends and Harry begins disappearing at night.
“Where are you going anyway?”
“I want to practice for something and I can’t on the dorms. I promise I’ll tell you as soon as I can, okay?”
He nods but has an ominous feeling he is not going to like it at all.
It’s still the three of them in Potions.
“Price, don’t even try to look at the board, just look at my notes” he says, biting a more scalding retort. He, for the love of Salazar, can’t understand how Harry was able to spot the golden snitch from kilometers away to win the position of Slytherin seeker but is still blind as a mole in potions.
“Sorry Sev. But your handwriting is just so much easier to understand!”
Harry and Severus are in their common room. Robert is in his lap. He has grown a few inches.
“Ssoon I’ll be no longer able to carry you around my neck. You’re getting fat”
“I am not fat. I’m preparing to hibernate”
They stop on their tracks when they hear a hitch in someone's breath.
“You’re a parselmouth” Regulus says, after dissolving his Disillusionment charm.
Severus feels all blood leave his face. He knows what is said about parselmouth and he told Harry to be careful!
Harry, to his surprise, doesn’t startle. Or maybe not to his surprise. Harry seems to startle only at the most menial things and keep calm during really important things.
“You can keep a secret, can you Regulus?”
The other boy narrows his eyes. “What's in it for me?”
Severus stands up, with his wand ready, but Harry places a hand on his wrist.
“Nothing” he says, laughing. “You can tell everyone if you like. I’ll be known as Slytherin heir and probably gain respect and fear in our House” he stares at the other boy and with a side glance and a grin “But that’s not how I want to gain respect. Or fear”
The other boy blinks. “And what are your plans then?”
“We’re going to unite Slytherin. Magic is might, isn’t it? All magic should be respected. We shouldn’t have to decide only between following Dumbledore or doing the magic we want.”
Severus gawks. Where did that come from?
“Don’t leave alone, Regulus. Always travel in groups”
Harry summons them.
“I have something to show you” he says to Lily. “Meet us by the second set of stairs”
“Are you going to show us where you go at night?”
“Yes” he says.
“I didn’t know you went out at night” Lily responds with a pout.
“That’s because you’re always busy”
“What in the holy Mary”
“This is the Room of requirement” he says, chirpy, with jazz hands.
Severus recalls everything he read about it.
“The Room of requirement, also known as the Come and Go Room that only appears when a person is in great need of it.”
“Or when you ask a nice house elf about it”
“This is the place you go at night to practice? Can we go in?”
They enter and it immediately transforms into a drawing room, with comfy settees and and chimney.
“Any other secret you may want to share?” Severus asks, is his dullest voice.
“I also found the Chamber of secrets”
Lily gawks.
“It has a Basilisk”
“I want to see!”
“We’re not going to see a Basilisk!”
“We told you not to go alone” he tells Regulus, sprawled on the floor and with a hand on his nose. Bats stopped coming out, but the sensation was still there.
Harry extends a hand and Regulus takes it and clicks his tongue.
“I didn’t know that my house was enough incentive to attack me”
“Why not?” asks Harry “Even one’s blood seems like a good incentive to attack anyone in Hogwarts”
Regulus dusts his robe with an uncomfortable face. “One comes from fear to lose our traditions and backlash from the muggilization of our festivities and the other comes from the color of your tie”
“And both are trash.”
Regulus seems like he wants to retort some more but Severus turns around because he is not having this discussion and Harry follows close behind. Before doing anything to avoid it, Regulus is behind them.
“What are you doing?” he asks the boy. He knows what some slytherins think and while he can be cordial, he will not become friends with people who think his other best friend is trash, or him, for having a muggle father.
“You told me to go out with a group. This is a group”
He rolls his eyes and Harry grins.
They see Lily during the day less and less, but potions is always their time, as well as the meetings they have in the Room of requirement at midnight
They sit at lunch with Regulus and Narcissa, who is followed by her sisters and Lucius.
“How are you acclimating to Hogwarts, Reggie?” asks Narcissa
“Surely well enough as I see he has latched to these two mudblood lovers” Bellatrix snaps ins whisper-yell
“Bella!”
Harry laughs “Bella, are you always so charming? Or only when your hair looks shite?” he asks. He hear that Potions didn’t go well for Bellatrix
She gets closer to him with her unhinged looks “I can crush you at any time you like, trash”
“That’s rich, considering you couldn’t even crush a sopophorous bean”
She raises her wand but lowers it after taking a look at the table with all eyes on her.
“I’m not wasting my time” she says, grabs he bag and leaves, fuming.
“Ignore her” says Regulus to Harry “That’s what I do”
Severus rolls his eyes again. One can barely have a civil conversation with Bellatrix around before she starts spewing nonsense. He feels a prick and raises his gaze.
Lily is staring to them with a void expression.
Severus shifts in his place.
They go for their first Quidditch match of the season. Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. Lily is seated with him in the Slytherin stands, but wearing red and gold. A compromise of sorts. He pretends he feels okay with her not fully supporting Harry and also pretends he feels okay with the quiet murmurs around.
Harry flattens to his broomstick, flying down completely perpendicular to the ground with the Gryffindor seeker following close behind.
“He is accelerating too fast!” says Lily “He is going to crash!”
Sev agrees but can’t make himself say it, his heart is beating too fast and he’s grabbing the seat edge with white knuckles.
Harry swerves to the right, letting the other seeker crash and flies, arrow straight to the snitch. He catches it, but loses himself with the momentum and falls three meters high to the ground.
“Was that wronski feint? A second year?”
“He caught it! He caught it!” Lily yells
“He fell!”
The Slytherins in the stands cheer at the victory and Regulus takes Severus hand to pull him towards Harry, who is being carried by his team with a grimace. They laugh and mock at the Gryffindors who are looking at them with frustrated looks.
They three get to Harry and Severus hugs him “I thought you were going to die!”
“On my first match? Nah!”
Lily flicks him for risking his life over a game and then hugs him. Regulus just stands there until Harry pulls him for a hug and a clap on the shoulder.
“Who brought the mudblood?” someone yells in the middle of the celebration and Lily stills. Severus looks at her, pained, and begins to try to reassure her when she turns around and socks the offender in the eye. A brawl ensures but Harry stops it with another yell.
“Are you okay?” he asks her. She a messy hair and a smudge of blood in the face, but she seems unharmed.
“I’m alright. You on the other hand, fell funny on your arm”
“Now that you mention it…” he pales.
Slytherin wins their first match 20 - 180 with a broken arm and a reprimand form the school nurse.
He knew better. He knew not to act like his father.
But he was tired from sleepless nights studying and practicing. Exams were close and the library was crowded and Bellatrix was grating on his nerves with the jabs. So when Lily started nagging, he saw red.
“I don’t think you should be getting so chummy with the Black kid”
“Who?” asked him
“Regulus?” Harry interjects “Why not? He is an okay bloke”
“He is a blood purist. You guys have been getting friendly with that bad crowd”
Even Harry seemed a bit irritated. “We hang with Reggie sometimes because he’s cool and he says hi to his family. Bellatrix is the only one who is a pain. And we don’t spend time with her.”
“Even so, you shouldn’t be friends with him! Sirius says-
“Sirius says?” he starts. “So you’re friends with Sirius, who is also a Black and has the same family but we can’t be friends with Regulus?”
“It’s different!”
“Why?” says Harry “Because he is in Gryffindor?”
She looks about to start heaving, looking at them both with disappointment.
“Sirius is different from his family!”
“And how do you know Regulus isn’t?” he raises his voice “You don’t even spend time with us anymore, how do you know how Regulus is?” Severus says
Lily hasn’t been known for keeping composure. She stands up and gets on Severus’s face.
“He and the lot of the Slytherins are blood purists and death eaters!”
And soon, this is more than about Bellatrix, more than about Regulus.
“We are Slytherins too!”
Madam Pince stands up from her seat and walks directly to them.
“What, do you think I’m going to suddenly start calling you a mud-
“Sev!”
He is heaving for breath and notices he just publicly got into a screaming match in the library.
“Severus” says Harry under his breath “Don’t say something you will regret”
But he is regretting already having even started the conversation. Lily looks at him with narrowed eyes and a grimace of disgust.
“What about your crowd, Lily?” asks Harry, a bit calmer. “Sirius and James, they always mock us and try to bully us. Lots of Gryffindor too, actually. That’s how we became friends with Regulus in the first place. Do you also call them off?”
She gets flustered.
“It is not the same. Bullying is not comparable to genocide.”
With that, she turns around and leaves the library.
And they have to leave too because the three of them get thrown from the library for screaming, so they uncomfortably part ways after exiting.
All the castle know by then that the trio separated momentarily.
They see Lily hanging with Dorcas, Remus and Sirius and she sees them with Regulus. Christmas comes and goes with Lily leaving the castle to be with her family. She still hands them their gifts.
They try to hug it off and still meet in the Room, but they can tell it’s not the same.
“I’m sorry” says Regulus with an uncomfortable look
“Not your fault” says Harry and pat him on the head, even if he has to be on his toes to do so.
They end up gifting him science books they found in the room of lost things.
“What do you mean muggles went to the moon?”
“Just as you heard”
“And how do I know it is not nonsense? Anyone can write a book!”
“Then we find you more books!”
“Read the Biology one too. Pay attention to the section ‘Endogamy’”
Severus bumps into Remus and Dorcas in the library.
“Hi” Remus says, awkwardly. Severus only stares.
“Stop it” says Dorcas, with whom he at least has had positive interactions in the past. “We don’t believe you’re a death eater and Lily doesn’t either. She’s just being bull headed”
“Your friends are arseholes” he tells Remus, before he can stop himself.
“Yeah” he laughs “but you’re kind of one, too”
He nods and turns around to leave. Someone pulls on his sleeve.
“Wait there a moment you delicate prick”
“I’m not delicate and neither is my- what?”
Remus is laughing and covering his mouth with the back of his hand.
“Geez, I just wanted to ask if you finished with your transfiguration essay”
“I have and you’re not going to copy”
“We just want some help studying, I hear you and Harry are regulars in the library.”
More of, I’m a regular and I make Harry try to concentrate on more than his evil plans and quidditch, he thinks.
What is his life? He all of a sudden asks himself while sharing a table with Harry (expected), Regulus (expected), Dorcas and Remus (resigned).
“You’re not bad,” she tells him. “Just prickly”
“I think you’re fixated” he finds himself saying and laughs at her.
Summer finally comes and the atmosphere is cordial between them.
Three days after he gets home, he goes by the lake where Lily and Harry are waiting.
“What?” she asks, but he looks at Harry who has a small smile.
“My dad” he starts and Lily stands up to look for injuries.
“What is it!?”
“He left us. He signed divorce papers, left money and the house. My- My mum is going to change her last name to Prince again.”
“That means you’re the half blood Prince” Harry says, laughing.
He feels tears sliding through his face and an exhilarating emotion on his chest! It’s them! He has his friends, his mum, his dad left.
But first he has to know.
“How?” he asks Harry.
Lily stills. “How what?”
“How did you do it, Harry?”
A silence fell between them. Harry is not smiling anymore, and neither are them.
“I Imperioed him”
“What?” she asks “Harry, that’s- That’s evil magic! That’s illegal! You’re going to get expelled, or worse, in Azkaban!”
“I didn’t use my wand. I’ve been practicing all year. I only tried with animals first”
“Harry! That’s… you can’t do that! It’s an Unforgivable! Sev! Why are you not saying anything?”
Severus grabs a hold of Harry’s shoulders and stares into his eyes with the most grave look he can manage.
“Thank you” and he hugs him. His friend. His best friend, who made a promise that he didn’t know was a promise and kept it.
“None of you understand how serious is the situation” intervenes Lily. “If anyone finds out you’re going to get into trouble! You used dark magic!”
“Lily” says Harry and looks at her. Severus feels like those green eyes are hiding more than a few dark secrets. “I was going to kill him”
“What?”
“I was going to kill him because he was going to end up killing Sev and Eileen”
“You don’t know that! He is still a person, how can you, how can you just manipulate him like that as if he was a puppet? Are you going to do the same to me the next time we fight?”
“I do know, Lily. I didn’t kill him, I just prompted him to leave them alone.”
“You took away his will and made him do so, you mean”
Severus swallows the lump on his throat “I know it’s hard to understand. Because you have loving parents, Lils. But not everyone else does. Harry did something drastic to help me and my mum.”
“I can’t with this. This… this is evil, dark magic. I can’t be okay with it. And I can’t be okay with you being okay with it.” She shudders and her eyes are brimming with tears “I’m going home”
She walks off and leaves something void in her pace.
“I’m sorry” he tells Harry.
“I’m not. She…will come around. I hope”
“Why is my sister moping? What did you do to her?” asks Petunia, with crossed arms.
“I used a dark curse to illegally convince Sev’s dad to divorce Sev’s mum and leave them the house”
“Why are you telling her?” he bites under his breath.
“Pet can keep a secret, right, Pet?”
She narrows her eyes. “Did you hurt him or threaten him any other way?”
“I took away his will in the matter. He can make his life. But away from Eileen or Sev.”
She snorts and sighs “My little sister, always the correct one. Good riddance. Okay geeks, show me your potions book. I want to see your annotations, my potions are not up to standard. Wait, does this mean we can go to your so-called lab? You did mention you had a lab in Spinner’s end. Wait but is it clean?
“Shut up Tuna”