From a young age Regulus black's life has been a living hell.
He'd like to blame it on the abuse he suffered from his parents, blame the years of abuse for why he is the way he is. Or maybe its his relationship with his brother that ruined him but eve when they were conjoined at the hip he still felt like this. Perhaps its his full family and their weird traditions or maybe its the fact he's not into girls. Or maybe it might be because of the way he got treated at school, he wouldn't say he got bullied he was just treated different. Something deep inside him tells him non of that is relevant to how he feels and if he had a perfect life he would still feel like this. He doesn't quite know what this feeling is though. He was just born feeling this way.
It was his destiny. His destiny to feel like shit.
His destiny to feel like he's constantly drowning, constantly suffocating but the air he breaths isn't toxic it isn't poisoned. So why is he suffocating in it?
Why cant he shake the feeling of worry of him, part of him thinks he'll never not feel like this this, part him feels like he'll die feeling this way. Once he tried talking to Barty and Evan about this feeling hoping or dreaming they'd understand and tell him its normal, Barty and Evan can always relate to him as they've grew up in similar ways. This time they couldn't relate to one another though, this caused even more dread and a slight sicking feeling to rise in Regulus stomach.
Regulus likes to think of better or happier times, memories of the good parts of being a child, running freely in the summer air. Now hes running from monsters, not real monsters more the made up monsters the shadows that lurk and surround him, deep down he knows who these monster represent, or at least he thinks they represent his parents.
He used to suffer nightmares that'd cause him to jolt awake at night, his best friend's and roommates helped him through this in his earlier years at Hogwarts and before Hogwarts Sirius was always there. Now he lays awake unable to sleep at night. its not like he scared to go to sleep he just cant no matter how hard he try's or how tired he feels.
Barty found out about this and soon enough Evan knew, they tried to help and they did help. He got a good few nights where he slept over 4 hours with Bary and Evan at is side. It must be some childlike comfort he was craving because Regulus Black was not one for physical touch. If not for his friends he would be gone long ago. Part of wishes he got rid of this suffering long ago, before it could get worse.
He didn't think his suffering life could get worse, until James potter came along.
James potter was a spoiled rich boy with happily married parents who never felt any pain or sadness in life, he was a smart student but was a menace and was a pain in the arse to teachers who had to put up with his and his gangs pranks. His gang consisted of James Potter,Remus Lupin who often got called 'loony lupin', Peter Pettigrew and his infamous brother Sirius Black. Pettigrew and Lupin were the more quiet ones of the group but everyone knew it was Lupin who came up with all the plans.
The main reason Regulus blames James Potter for his misery is when he toke his brother away from him, practically adopted him. During 5th year after a bad run in with Walburger Sirius ran to the safety of James Potter leaving Regulus to deal with the aftermath of the destruction Sirius caused. Sure Sirius got it way worse he always did as he his destiny was to be a 'rebel' or a 'black sheep' and just not obey a single order giving to him. Of course that meant Regulus had to be the perfect child.
Another thing about James Potter is he's so perfect and attractive and Regulus really hates him for it. Except he doesn't hate him hes madly in love with him. He hates himself for not being able to hate James Potter. Seriously out of all people James Fleamont Potter s who Regulus ends up loving.
First of all Regulus is in love with a boy
Secondly they aren't related
last of all its his brother best friend
He cant tell what one is the worst, Probably the fact that James is a boy don't think Walburger and Orion will be to happy about that.
He doesn't tell anyone about this crush he has as he doesn't think anyone will understand. He thinks about Barty and Evan, who Regulus is convinced have slept together and in some secret relationship will even understand. He wonders if Pandora knows as she claims to see things or predict thing, Regulus still doesn't know how her visions work.
One time Pandora ran into their dorm at around 3 am bawling her eyes out saying how a star has fallen, she said a star has drowned. It was later revealed that this 'star' was Regulus, in Pandora's vision he drowned.
This being said made him think about that feeling he gets again the suffocating feeling, maybe he drowns in the feeling or maybe he actually drowns. Guess he'll never know or he will know one day as one or the other will happen.
Regulus wonders how he will ever get rid of this feeling, little did he know James potter might be the cure.
It September and school had just started back a few weeks ago, he was walking to his next class alone avoiding paper planes and panicked first years who ere desperately trying to get to their class. He spotted Sirius and is Sirius was there that meant his friends were too which meant James was there.
James who he made eye contact with, it felt weird but not a bad weird. James smiled at him like a genuine smile, Regulus doesn't think he has it in him to smile. It felt like one of they silly romance books and that made Regulus feel a little giddy. That was the first time Regulus really noticed James Potter and his true beauty, he really was falling in love.
After that day Regulus would purposely try find James in the corridors just to see him smile and after a while Regulus began to smile back. It was the first time he'd smiled in ages and it was to James Potter, god he was hopeless.
Soon enough the smiles in the hallways turned into small 'heys' or 'hows it going' just small talk but Regulus hadn't felt this noticed or felt this normal in ages. Even though having romantic feelings for a boy let alone James Potter is normal in any way it felt normal to Regulus.
Once quiditch started back this allowed more time for Regulus and James to talk and they did. Any opportunity they got they talk about school or quiditch sometime music or just general things going on in their life's. They started staying behind in the changing rooms to just sit and chat losing track of time in each overs presences. One day after Practice James admitted why he'd stay behind to chat to Regulus, It was so Sirius didn't see them together.
A part of Regulus was hurt badly but another part of him said he shouldn't care what his brother say's. Obviously Regulus questioned James on why he'd listen to Sirius and told him that he's his own person and can make choices on ho he talks to for himself and he was being childish listening to Sirius, accidentally starting an argument between the two. What Regulus didn't expect was to be snogging James Potter by the end of it.
He still doesn't quite remember what was said or how it happened but he can pacifically remember James getting frustrated and yelling out the exact words
'IM IN LOVE WITH YOU FOR FUCKS SAKE REGULUS'
Then after that Regulus not knowing how to respond just kissed him and kissed him and kissed him some more.
Since then they've been secretly dating sneaking out at night to make out and whisper meaningful words of love to each other. Regulus loves it he loves all the sneaking about he loves James and some times he just wants to scream it off the roof tops and let the full world know but he knows he cant.
Ever since him and James became a thing the feeling has gone not fully but its not as noticeable not as dreadful not as suffocating. He no longer felt like he was constantly drowning.
It was like James allowed him to breath for the first time in his life.