september 2nd 1974.
19:49. September 2nd, 1974.
Remus had a bad full moon, he isn't allowed to leave the infirmary until Friday, it's Monday. Sirius is trying (and failing) to convince Pomfrey to let more than one of us in. I'm so worried about him, he hasn't woken up yet and it's been almost twenty four hours. I don't want him to be alone when he wakes up so I'm sat next to him right now but when Sirius stops shouting I'll swap with him. Moony probably wants him more than me right now and that's fair. He' s gonna be okay, surely he's had worse than this. He has to be okay.
If I'm being honest I don't think moony would be the first of us to go. It's a bit morbid but sometimes you need to think about those things. But I don't think it'll be me either? I hope we all grow up to be old and live in a nice house together but the world is cruel and realistically I don't know what's going to happen. Nobody does. I guess that's part of the adventure, we just live until something horrific happens that finally finishes us off because bad things happen in life all the time but they don't kill us. A morbid death is like a finishing touch to pain and torture. Like overdosing.
I'm worried about moony.
Sirius got all of us in the infirmary.
***
22:00?
There's no clock in here. Pomfrey said Remus is stable and that he will be fine. Apparently he has been through worse but I don't remember it. Why don't I remember the stress of my friend almost dying?
This is too scary and teachers are piling homework on me, it's been one day of classes and I already have 8 pages of potions reading and charms spells to practice. I need to stay on top of it because I cannot lose my place on the quidditch team, that would be my finish. Quidditch makes people proud of me even when my grades are. Not the best. They're passing, sure, but they're average. At quidditch I'm not average. Sirius also told me Regulus is the seeker on the Slytherin and we are playing them next week. As chaser, he probably won't bother me but the way Regulus looks at me I wouldn't be surprised if he tried knocking me off my broom at any chance he got. Regulus is small. Like tiny. He'd probably be a good seeker. I tried asking padfoot about his brother's skills but he seemed even more clueless than me.
The way Regulus is so closed off honestly annoys me. Very rarely he comes to my house with pads and I will always welcome him but he always seems like something is troubling. But he won't open up, won't get help. Obviously with his parents, something is probably always troubling him. Though Sirius opened up to me easily, I want to help Regulus but I don't know how. Sometimes I'll catch his cold glance and smile yet see nothing but an empty gaze in response or if I wave he just rolls his eyes. I guess at least he knows I exist.
Lily freaking Evans is going to my quidditch match. I mean everyone goes but that's not the point. I need to be absolutely amazing and crush Slytherin's asses because maybe she would even bat an eye to me if I won for Gryffindor. I just want her to notice me she doesn't necessarily have to love me. Sometimes I want harsh rejection for her, just to move on but she's so beautiful. Her hair literally shimmers. I need to ask for her hair care routine. Anyway, she's much too kind for harsh rejection but I wish she wasn't, Remus thinks my "obsession" with her is too much but Sirius helps me get the girl and maybe one day I will.