Year 6
“Mr. Lupin, thank you for coming. Safe travels from Yorkshire, I assume?” Remus inhales deeply before nodding in agreement, ignoring the sudden pounding of his heart and heightened senses as he pushes away the distinct smell of another wolf, instead entering the Everest manor. He had received a carefully concealed look of disgust at the sad state of his clothing when the door first opened, Remus’s sharp eyes being able to detect any hidden or subtle indicators like that, leaving him aware of the falsely displayed charisma by the husband. His long light-brown coat is taken by a small and trembling house elf, him immediately feeling uncomfortable in such a sleek and extravagant home- though he knew what he was getting himself into. He had received a very vague letter requiring his presence as soon as possible, a velvet drawstring bag filled with various amounts of galleons and sickles being dropped by a snow-owl, who had keened happily under Remus’s astonished scritches.
While under normal circumstances he wouldn’t rush into something like this, times fell hard on him and funds were near to non-existent. Figuring one small meet wouldn’t do too much harm, he researched what he could on the family name before leaving his run-down tiny cottage. The family name Everest didn’t show much, the name only recently being brought into limelight with their sudden increase in popularity. A somewhat extensive family line that consisted of Slytherins and mainly Pure-Bloods, though inside the moderate manor had only a family of three resided. The father, Errol, his wife who had sent the message, Muriel, as well as their only daughter.
Errol and Muriel lead Remus through the cold corridors before stopping at a deep mahogany table, gesturing for him to take a seat as his wife whispers a command to the shaking house elf. “Tea, Mr. Lupin?” He nods carefully, posture awkward as he tries to not to shrink into himself- a feat already difficult with his tall stature. “Please.” The house elf has a tray ready immediately, Muriel offering Remus a cup as Errol begins. “Let me cut to the chase, here, Mr. Lupin. Me and Muriel are…” His eyes flick to his wife in consideration, before they focus back to Remus, “having an issue with our daughter. It is of high concern, and while we have many resources, we found…it may be helpful, to have your guidance.” Raising an eyebrow, Remus reaches for the porcelain cup with steaming tea as he drinks it, the warmth and taste soothing him easily. Seeing as they are straight to the point, obviously having done their own research, Remus sees no reason to sugar coat his words.
“Am I correct to assume this has to do with my lycanthropy?”
He catches the moment they both tense, covering it by adjusting their positions in their chairs as he gathers what this may be about. “While I can easily offer guidance, I’m not sure as to why you chose me when you appear to have better options at hand. How specifically can I assist you?” They spare a glance at each other, before Errol snaps his fingers at the elf and gestures to Remus. “Bitsy, if you will.” Bitsy vanishes before reappearing with a intricate metal case that she hands to Remus with trembling hands, before she is gone once again. He flips the clasp with his thumb before it is opened, his eyes widening at the abundance of gold coins glittering at him. “Mr. Lupin, while this conversation is not what he had in mind, the direness of it has us desperate. Our daughter can not remain here, but until her… problem , is manageable, there is no where else we can select to send her in right mind. If that is not enough, we can get you more.”
Remus places the box on the table before rubbing his eyes as he tries to process the information, his body still silently aching underneath the tension from the full moon that occurred a few weeks prior. His mustache is rough against his hand as he lowers, shaking his head in disbelief. The wealth they flaunt surely can help their daughter with whatever…situation she’s in, and though he’s now confident he knows the problem, he doesn’t want to confirm it until they do. “I am truly sorry, but I am in no fit to take care of anyone, nor have the means. Surely, there is somewhere you can send her-” “She goes back to Hogwarts in less than two weeks, and it would just be a temporary fix. Until we can find better,” Remus notes the increase of Errol’s heartbeat at the sentence, indicating a possible lie, “means in the future, you truly are the only hope we have.” Scarred hands tap at the table as Remus stays silent, gears in his head turning. “What exactly is the problem?” He already knows, but regardless he watches Errol’s and Muriel’s nonchalant faces break their stony expressions momentarily, struck momentarily by what Remus can only assume to be sorrow, before it’s concealed once more. “She was unfortunately attacked by a-a werewolf, disobeying curfew in a rebellious streak. We tried to help her through the transition process, but to no evail.”
Remus heart breaks for their daughter, a sadness that he has felt his entire life time, though he only sighs as he downs the rest of the tea. “Truly, I am deeply sorry to hear what happened to her, and wish her the best. However, as I stated, I really am in no place to offer that type of care-” He is standing up from his chair, sliding the box away guiltily before Muriel shoots up from her table in desperation. “ Please , just see her! If nothing else, please grant us that.” She looks taken aback by her outburst, though she’s quick to fix it as she slides the chair into the table. “I will go and reassure she’s in proper state for a visitor. We didn’t expect that it would be required of her.” Muriel’s heels clack against the ground as Remus waits, the air thick in tension as Errol says not a word. He stares at the table, hand clenched with white knuckles before Muriel steps back down the corridor. “Bitsy will lead you to her room.” Remus sends a hesitant reluctant nod, following the elf before glancing over his shoulder. Muriel has a hand on Errol’s shoulder, slightly trembling as he stares down in harsh silence. All Remus can smell from them is a overwhelming sense of guilt.
Bitsy begins to lead him through a few corridors before pausing as Remus steps falter, senses kicking into overdrive as his heart began to pound once more. While they had confirmed it, he tried to not think about the truth as it truly was devastating to consider- but there was no denying it now as his Wolf sensed another's presence nearby. Apologizing quietly to Bitsy, they continue before stopping at a slightly ajar door, Bitsy looking up at him with big watery eyes. “Sh-she’s right in there, sir!” Opening the door carefully as Bitsy disappears, Remus steps into the room before his senses sharpen. You’re propped up against pillows in a elegant bed, a black sweater covering your frame as you weakly acknowledge Remus. “Mother told me I’d have a visitor. To what do I owe the pleasure?” Your voice is weak, intensely strained as your eyes follow his movements, him sitting in the chair placed next to your bed. “My name is Remus Lupin. Can you sense what I am?”
Eyebrows pinching slightly, you slightly nod as you inhale sharply. “Knew the moment you stepped through the door, sir. Everything is so much more…” “Intense?” You weakly smile, his eyes narrowing as he assesses you. Your parents behavior has been nothing short of odd, though he has gathered many pieces, he can’t gather what-
As your head tilts, the lighting from your window shines against the revealed skin of your jaw down, Remus feeling himself pale. Oh. Oh. He has to tread carefully, here. “You’re name is Y/N, correct? I can tell you everything I know, but some aspects may be un-appealing for any over-hearers. Is there…” You understand his prompt, eyebrows pinching as you shake your head horizontally. He gets up, walking to the door is closing as slowly as possible, before he sits back down. “I,” you attempt to clear your dry throat as Remus graciously hands you the water next to your bed, you taking greedy sips before handing the glass back, “I put a counterspell to my room. They haven’t discovered yet.” He nods, before giving you a sympathetic look. “You do not have to, but I know there is a glamour on you. Y/N, are you safe here?”
Your face instantly pales, his ears detecting your heartbeat skyrocketing as you try and take deep and long breaths. He gives you a moment to collect yourself, before you give him a nod. “Go ahead. No use in hiding it then, huh?” Bringing out his wand, he whispers a spell you don’t recognize before horror replaces his calm expression. Your neck has purple splotches ontop of a red ring, dozens of pale scars covering the revealed skin your sweater doesn’t hide. There’s jagged, mini slashes on your neck above the thick red line and two, asymmetrical wide scars running down your cheeks to below your jaw. He connects the pieces, feeling very nauseous as your face ducks down in desolation. “They tried to chain you, didn’t they? The last full moon?” Chuckling humorlessly, it comes out in sharp breaths as tears well up in your eyes. “They-they didn’t anticipate it would happen that first moon. Attempted to, though that didn’t work well. Kept…kept me in a empty room, there was no-” you cover your mouth with your hands, tears spilling as Remus stands up, offering you the spare handkerchief next to the water as he places a comforting hand on your shoulder.
Forcing the memories away as much as you can handle, you wipe the tears before blinking up at him with lethargy. “When…when I was healing, they talked about what they wanted. Can’t have me here, knowing what I am, with everyone coming in recently. The people- they aren’t good, Mr. Lupin. I know what they are now. I don’t know-” Remus mutters a spell, the glamour covering your wounds as he slips his wand into his pocket. “Here is what we’ll do. I was a student at Hogwarts myself, and Dumbledore helped me conceal my other part. I’ll page him and a few others when we take our leave. We’ll sort this out, but when we go downstairs, you were crying at the information I gave you and know nothing more. Can you do that for me?” Nodding, you take a few more sips of water before calling out weakly. “Bitsy, alert my parents. We’re off.”
~
Placing down your glass, you tiredly observe the surroundings of the wizard bar you had found as Remus fiddles with a spoon. On the way there, you didn’t say much about how the event took place, the memories too painful, but you gave bits and pieces, confirming facts to ease your mind. “I was meant to stay with some friends over the summer, the first half with twins named Fred-” “And George? Weasley’s, I knew of Arthur and Molly. They had just given birth to the twins when we still…years ago.” Your eyes light up a tad, finding comfort that he knows of your closest companions. “I was going to spend the other half with my friend Oliver, Oliver Wood.” You clarify his last name, Remus nodding in recognition but having no familiarity with his parents. “I said I’d stop by my parents before I went to the Weasley’s, after they went to sleep, but I…” You trail off, but Remus smiles reassuringly at you. “It’s alright, I understand. But, I do want to ask. Do you know the name of the wolf who turned you?”
Nodding grimly, you take another sip of your drink. “I have overheard the name, my parents being hosts of some of the gatherings between other family’s. I believe his name is Fenrir.” The way Remus’s body tenses and face darkens visibly, you frowning heavily as it clicks. “He…he turned you, didn’t he?” Remus sets down his now empty cup next to the spoon, a grim line where a smile used to be. “When I was five. Revenge on my father, came in in the middle of the night.”
Spending a moment in shared silence, you wring your hands under the table before wincing at a sudden sharp jolt of pain shoots through you, knocking you breathless. “I still feel the pains from the that night, sometimes phantom at just the memory, others from still feeling the effects. It…does it get better, Mr. Lupin?” Remus leans forward, expression suddenly serious. “Listen to me here. I can’t tell you it gets easier, the older you get the harder it is to cope after. But you learn to manage it, and overcome it. Don’t let it control you, dear. You’re more than your Wolf. And, please, Remus is just fine.” Smiling dimly, you nod as your leg slightly shakes before hearing a faint ‘hoot!’ over the various chatter. Looking around in confusion before smiling wildly, you beckon Remus to follow you outside as you drop various change on the table.
Pearl's talens wrap onto your sweater-cladded arm, your finger swiping at her chin as Remus smiles fondly. “I remember this one, your parents used her to deliver the letter summoning me.” Accepting the envelope from her beak, your eyebrows furrow as you see Dumbledore addressing you and Remus, the bar’s address listed under. “You sent the letter when we left the manor, how could he respond that quickly?” “He’s a man of many wonders, now, let’s see what it says, hm?”
The letter consists of Dumbledore, firstly, expressing his sadness that you were bitten and offers his sympathy for you. He continues by giving you an appointment time to meet him, Professor McGonagall, Snape and Madam Pomfrey where he will go over in detail with you of how to proceed the next two years, the letter ending with wishing you a safe transformation for the month’s full moon and a ‘yours sincerely, Albus Dumbledore.’
Putting the letter down, Remus places a hand on your shoulder in reassurance as it dawns on you that you have the full moon the same week school starts, your body screaming at you at the reminder. Nose scrunching, you re-read the letter as you remember that Dumbledore mentioned Snape. “Why is Snape going to be there? I’m a Gryffindor, maybe there was a mistake?” Remus’s eyes widen, seeming to remember something himself. “I apologize, I realize I have not mentioned. I am going to be the newest Defense Against the Dark Arts professor for this upcoming school year, under the guise I receive the a monthly dosage of Wolfsbane potion.” He notices your confusion at the potion, as well as the delight that you have someone like you for the year. “I imagine Sev- Snape, will be doubling it for your sake as well. Very fortunate you have him, the potion wasn’t available during my time at Hogwarts. What a peculiar predicament we’re in, you won’t be taking the class, will you?” Shaking your head, you inform him that you had taken the class your fourth year. He seems relieved that not all professionalism is lost, when you remember your other problem.
“I know my parents asked of you to keep me, not wanting me to transform on their estate. They didn’t know that you would be a teacher, already outrageous in itself that they asking that of you. School is in two weeks, I could see if the Molly will have me…” You glance up at him, nervous in your next ask. “I know I’ve taken so much of your time, but, I already don’t feel right being around others, especially around the moon…” “As odd as circumstances are, it is a one-time issue and I see no issue in having you in the same forest where I transform. We’ll go to Molly’s, and arrange you to arrive until it is over, where you can go back the following day.” Relieved that he understood, you are thankful only in that your parents picked him over any other solution.
~
“ Remus Lupin! It’s wonderful to see you, how are you?” “I’m alright, Arthur. I apologize for the short notice.” He sees Molly behind Arthur, who has a thick woven cardigan wrapped around her. “No worry, dear! We’re not upset at all, come in! Is everything alright?” Remus pauses at the Burrow’s doorstep, smiling kind as the grasshoppers and cicadas chirp in the background, the sky dark behind him. His body is slouched down slightly, the long day having finally caught up to him making his shoulders heavy. “Before I do, the children are asleep, correct? I’m afraid this conversation must be quiet- no, nothing dire. However, it is serious.” Molly nods, a hand moving to rest on her husband’s shoulder as Arthur's face pinches in concern. “Yes, even checked and made sure.” Remus steps to the side and Molly is instantly being brought to tears, pulling you into a deep hug as she kisses your head repeatedly.
“Oh, dear, we were so worried when you never showed! I had hoped you had stayed with your other friend, I had no idea what was going on! What happened, are you alright ?” Arthur looks grim, however, seemingly understanding the connection with Remus arriving with you. “Let’s move this to the dining room.” Remus has to cast a charm as Molly’s cries are harder to contain as you explain the situation, finally wiping them away as you finish with the idea you and Remus made. “Is it alright? I don’t know how you feel about me now, I know I’m a-” “Don’t you say it, dearie. You have a home here, you hear me? We will keep you safe, never fear that.” Tears fall down as you pull her into another hug, Arthur and Remus conversing to the side in quiet whispers.
As plans are finalized and you thank Remus tearfully for all of his help, Arthur hesitantly speaks out. “We won’t speak of this, your secret is safe with us. But, do you plan on telling anyone yourself?” Your heartbeat quickens, the fear you’ve been suppressing rising as you go to shake your head. “I don’t-, the twins-” “We heard.” Remus, Molly, Arthur and your heads snap to the side where the twins stand, adorning sorrowful expressions. Your heart swells at the sight of them, the twins even taller now with longer hair and faces slightly sunburnt. “We woke up when Mum started crying, didn’t know what was happening until we listened in.” “We’ll help you, you’re still our best friend! You can count on us.” “What Fred said!” Pulling them into the tightest hug you can manage as you sob in relief, body sagging in fatigue, Remus shares a few final words with Molly and Arthr before heading off with a heavy heart.
~
“Yeah, along with the dung beetles!” “Play nice, Weasley, or I’ll turn you into a dung beetle.” Hermoine grins excitedly as you carefully walk behind her, returning your hug with an arm before you sit beside her. “Merlin, you’ve all gotten so big. Make me feel like a proud parent.” Dramatically wiping a fake tear from your eye, you give Harry a tired smile, him returning one as the twins walk behind Ron. “You’re not flashing that clipping again, are you, Ron?” Ron scoffs, Scabbers still resting in his hands as you gently stroke the top of Crookshanks head in adoration. “I haven’t shown anyone!” “No, not a soul. Unless you count Tom..”
“The day maid…” “The night maid…” “The cook…” “The bloke that came to fix the toilet…” “And the wizard from Belgium!”
When Arthur pulls Harry to the side to have a word, Ginny joins the table and you’re all chatting happily about their summer in Egypt and the up-coming year, ordering food for yourselves. It’s a stark contrast to how your family’s meals used to be, you thanking Percy as cheerfully as you can when he hands you a steaming cup of milky tea, the table’s energy warm and light hearted. When your stomach’s are full, Percy, the twins and Ron go to help Harry gather his items from his room as you all head out for the Burrow. You wait until everyone has got up before you go to stand, your right leg immediately flaring in pain as you let out a pained grunt, almost toppling back into the chair. “Oh! Are you alright?” Whipping your head up, you catch Hermoine’s worried look as a hand is held out in case you had fallen, Crookshanks blinking at you from her other arm. “Yes! Sorry, Mione’, hit the table.” Forcing yourself to bare through the pain, you force a carefree smile as you lead her out of the dining area, pretending you don’t notice her signature calculating glance.
~
Wiping a few stray tears from under your eyes, you watch from behind Ron who now holds his almost-forgotten rat, Scabbers, waving goodbye to a winded yet tearful Molly. Whacking Ron behind the head, you snicker as you slightly limp away from him, hearing him curse you from behind. Walking down past each compartment you wave at some familiar faces, playfully saluting Ginny, Luna and Neville in one and smirking at the twins with Lee Jordan in another, before you eventually frown when you don’t find Oliver. Your nose scrunches when you detect a familiar scent as you pass by another compartment, before it connects like a snap of a match. Remus!
Peering into the door’s window, you decide to continue searching as he looks to be asleep under his robe, continuing forward down the hall before stopping. Your right leg is really starting to hurt you, you disappointedly deciding to give up and possibly join the twins with Lee Jordan before someone nearly slams into you. “W oah!” You don’t fall like you fear you’re going to, Oliver keeping you upright as he digs his head into the crook of your neck, arms tugging you up slightly off the ground and into him. Wincing as the impact makes your body throb, you try to find the words as he’s pulling away, shocking you by holding your face in his hands tenderly. You panic only for a second, worried that the glamour that takes so much energy out of you each time you use it is gone, though it fades as his expression stays the same. His eyes assess over you in a look you’ve only ever seen when he’s in a Quidditch match against Slytherin, serious and focused in a way that has you weak in the knees.
He must find what he’s looking for, as he’s pulling you back in and says nothing. You can’t find any words, tears that you thought you’ve finally run out of gathering in your eyes before you hear a Percy call out. “Oliver, good to see you- but I must insist you find a compartment.” Oliver pulls away from you and shoots Percy a dangerous, withering look that nearly shocks you at it’s intensity, you turning and smiling weakly at Percy to try and save him. “Sorry, Percy, our bad. Glad to see your head boy pin being put to use!” Percy’s affronted look shifts to one of pride at you pointing out his achievement, the silver badge making you feel ill slightly. “Thank you, I’m very fortunate to be able to be of service to Hogwarts. Penelope obviously was made head girl, though I didn’t doubt that for a second. Incredible she is.” Nodding your head with a forced smile, you congratulate him once more before pulling Olivers sleeve, leading him down the train’s corridor.
Most of the compartments are full, so you slip into Fred and George’s who have a hysteric Lee Jordan leaning onto them, sitting on the plush with Oliver gripping your hand tightly. Fred and George must understand your predicament as they keep Lee Jordan entertained, you laying your head on Oliver’s shoulder, muttering into his ear ‘ after the sorting.’ He squeezes your hand in response, before you ask Lee Jordan how his summer was. Oliver and you laugh at a quip George makes when the train suddenly jolts, slowing down as the five of you look at each other in confusion. “Now, Fred, I don’t remember making any mischievous or cunning plans about stopping the train.” “Delightful, I don’t either.” Lee Jordan stands up, sliding the door open and peering out into the hall before the train suddenly jolts. You’re launched up slightly, wincing as you bump into Oliver who grabs your arm immediately, steadying you as the train stops. The compartment is silent when the lights go out, you growing anxious as you hear the other four’s heartbeats quicken with each moment. Leaning over Oliver, you look out the window that’s slightly fogged over before you scramble back. “There’s- there’s something out there.” “What? Let me look- bugger off , Fred, I said it first!” The twins nudge each other to look out the window, before the train jolts once more sending them both into a seated Lee Jordan. Grabbing onto Oliver’s arm for comfort, the five of you don’t make a sound as you glance up to Oliver, slightly shivering as the temperature seemingly drops every second. He’s looking at the window that has ice coating the surface, crinkles being the only sound as you tremble next to him. “Alright, I’ll admit, I’m a bit scared now. Hold me, Wood?” “Shut up , Fred.”
The train jolts again, your heart panging painfully as you can hear people in nearby’s compartments beating rapidly. How does Remus deal with this? It’s unbearable!
Going to stand, slightly shaking, you decide that you want to find Remus as Oliver grabs your sleeve with a sound of incredulity before you’re suddenly screaming out loud. You quickly step back into Oliver’s chest who is pushed backwards at the impact, bringing you down with him into the plush as you land on his chest with a ‘oof!’ The five of you stare in horror as a tall, black figure floats past your compartment door, tattered and frayed robes following it as it moves down. George and Fred break the unbearable silence after a few seconds at the exact same time. “What was that-?!” Lee Jordan huffs loudly, a fog forming from the chilled weather. “ A bloody dementor ! Haven’t you read the news, you two? It’s after Sirius Black!” “But why would it be on the train?!” “To maybe see if Sirius Black is on!” “Oh, yeah, maybe he’s disguised as the trolley lady-”
“How have ya lot’ managed ta’ graduate each year?”
You can’t help the small laugh that escapes you at Oliver’s quip, his frightened expression faltering at the sound. The lights flicker back on, the train jolting once more as it slowly moves back into course as the twins begin bickering with Lee once more. Looking down, you realize your still slightly on Oliver’s lap as you slide off quickly, face flushed as you lean your head back onto his shoulder. Eyes glancing down, you see his hand reach out for yours, you slipping yours under it before your fingers intertwine with his.
~
“ Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog… ”
Snickering into your hand, your head bobs from side to side slightly at the catchy tune from the Hogwarts choir, the twins themselves dancing a tad from their own seats. “ In the cauldron boil and bake, fillet of a fenny snake. Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,” you manage to hold back the want to tense at the sound, knowing how close Oliver is to you, “ Witches mummy maw and gulf!”
The song ends with a frog croak, you clapping delightfully with a wide grin as Dumbledore steps forward. As he firstly introduces the new teachers, you beam widely as Remus is mentioned, clapping enjoyed as he basks in approval. Dumbledore finishes on a grave note, treading caution about the dementors being stationed around Hogwarts before you’re dismissed.
You’re whispering to Oliver as you follow behind the golden trio up the stairs, Seamus ahead of all of you before you stop at the sound of Fat Lady attempting to sing Opera. “Fortuna Major!” Snorting as she pauses Seamus, she continues singing loudly at the glass in her hand, Oliver biting his lip to mask his smile at her shrieking. “Here, listen! She just won’t let me in.” “Fortuna Major!” You nearly buckle over in a fit of giggles as Harry is shushed, though it’s quickly outweighed by her sudden scream as she breaks the glass. “Amazing! Just with my voice!” “ Fortuna . Major !” Oliver and you are both still snickering as he helps you climb through the portrait, you smiling as someone groans in disgust as a ghost floats through them, passing by the incoming students without a care. Walking up the stairs, you mouth ‘see you later’ to Oliver who smirks at you, nudging you playfully before heading to his own dorm. You both had set a specific time to meet up in the common room, giving yourselves both time to settle in and sort through your items.
Once everything is organized and put away, you lay on your bed and watch the girls banter, occasionally throwing in your own quips before night falls and they each exhaustedly say ‘good night!’ Whispering a silencing charm to your feet, you slowly get out of bed before reinsuring your scars are still covered by the glamour, grabbing a fuzzy blanket and heading down the steps to the common room. As it gets darker, the lights having been turned off, you mutter ‘lumos’ before finding your way to the couch, joints popping angrily as you sit down. You nearly fall asleep after waiting a few minutes, eyes blinking dazedly, before Oliver calls out. “Lass?” Rubbing your eyes as you lean up from your laid down position, you beckon him over and hold open the blanket, him sliding under it with ease. “Are you too tired? We don’t have’ta do this now-” “No, it’s okay, Ollie. I made you wait all summer, it’s only fair.”
He shoves a pillow against the armrest of the couch, laying horizontally on the couch before an arm opens, the invitation welcome as you giddily sneak your way into his side. His arm pulls the blanket over the both of you before resting under his head, your head tucked into the crook of his neck and your hand fiddling with a thread of his jumper’s collar. Your mind scrambles as it tries to find the right words, but it comes empty as you realize…your hand instantly freezes at the though.
You don’t want to tell him.
The thought alone is enough to make you sick. You tell him anything and everything, he’s your bloody best friend! He tells you all of his secrets and more, what’s this one? What if he despises you ? No, he wouldn’t hate you. What if he tells? No, he would never, he- You’re a monster. How could he ever love someone like you now, especially after all this time? If he truly loved you, wouldn’t you be together? He just- No one will ever love you now. Did you forget? You’re a sodding werewolf. He’ll leave you, just like everyone else will-
“Lassie? If you aren’t able to yet…I don’t need to know, aye?” Blinking away a few stray tears, you nod in appreciation, stuffing your face further down and taking in his scent. Your Wolf is shockingly content, the smell of Oliver soothing her in a way that you can’t describe. Everything has been so overwhelming, the pain and sounds and scents driving you to the brink of insanity, but the scent of his cinnamon and mahogany musk is somehow able to numb the intensity of the new quirks you have. But that’s just it- you are a werewolf now. He has the Quidditch cup he needs to focus on, he has his N.E.W.T.s this year, he can’t spend the time worrying about poor, pathetic you. He doesn’t deserve that stress. Your heart cracks at the realization of what you have to do, so you give yourself this moment with Oliver, eyes closing as your breathing slows.
“Do you want ta’ call it a night?” Oliver quietly asks after several moments, adoration swelling in his chest as he figures out you’ve dozed off anyways. Smiling to himself, his head tilts to the side as he kisses the top of your head, before he eventually falls asleep himself. He’s fortunate he wakes up every day before dawn, his body’s natural response due to Quidditch, so he can excuse himself to save himself and you the embarrassment of being caught. He hates how long it takes him to leave your side, however, but eventually forces himself to leave when the sun comes up. You’re also fortunate he forgot to recast the silencing charm, his footsteps waking you up as you hurry to recast the glamour charm before the girls wake up. You told Pomfrey you’d stop using it this next full moon, though trying to find an excuse to explain the scars is harder than you thought it would be, thankful that the potion will keep you from making more.
~
Avoiding Oliver is much easier than you thought it would be. With his preparation for the upcoming Quidditch season, study sessions dedicated to the upcoming N.E.W.T.s and Hogwarts being under strict supervision because of Sirius black, you are able to avoid him- especially with the help of the Maurader’s map. You had slowly introduced the idea, making it seem like it was happening naturally, though you increased the gaps gradually as time progressed and the full moon drew nearer. You found that as the time grew closer, you became more irritable and lashed out easily, the guilt of it all weighing on you. While Remus was helpful during the process and you frequently caught him for a spot of tea during free times in both of your schedules, it only made you feel more alone when they ended.
The only times where it’s obvious you can’t avoid him is during meals as well as in between classes, where you have to save face and talk normally. It worked, at first, but you can tell he’s starting to notice your withdrawal. You can only hope he chalks it up to differences in scheduling. As you head from class to the Great Hall, the windows crash loudly as you scream, jumping out of the way as ghosts in knight garb on horses zoom past you, hollering. Gripping the fabric over your heart as it settles, you walk through the Great Hall before stopping adjacent to the twins, setting your books down as you raise an eyebrow at the Slytherin table. “What’s Mafloy on about?”
As the twins relay the story to you, Ron rolling his eyes at another comment Draco makes before Seamus runs through, shouting. “He’s been sighted! He’s been sighted!” “Who?!” “Sirius Black!” You’re leaning over with Neville next to you, observing the newsletter before Hermoine gasps. “Dufftown?! That’s not far from here!” Neville is trembling next to you, you hearing single-handedly how badly his heart is pounding. “Y-you don’t think he’d come to Hogwarts, do you?” “With dementors at every entrance?!” You sympathetically pat his shoulder as Seamus looks at Neville with astonishment. “He’s already slipped past them once, hasn’t he? Who is to say he won’t do it again?!” A student speaks up from the left of you. “That’s right. Black could be anywhere. It’s like trying to catch smoke- like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.” As you watch Sirius Black scream at the camera, the photo replaying in repeat, you smell the second Oliver enters the room and quickly gather your books. “I think I’m good here. Cheers, everyone.” The twins shoot up, grabbing their items in a fit of ‘wait for us!’ and ‘don’t leave us here all alone and stranded!’. You leave as Oliver walks down, offering him a friendly smile that fades once he stops in his tracks, seemingly wanting to talk to you. Holding up a book, you mouth ‘can’t’ before walking off, feeling as though you just made a grave mistake.
The twins follow after you in unnerving silence, you sighing as you gesture for them to go ahead as you know the reason for it. “While I understand where you’re coming from, are you sure it’s a good idea to ignore him?” “Downright devastated, each strategy meeting sounds more and more dreadful.” Covering your face in your hands, you inhale deeply before facing them with a downcasted frown. “Don’t imagine finding out what happened will help that front, either.” They obviously have more to say, but instead Fred puts an arm around your shoulders as George leads you to the common room, exasperatedly sighing. “Can’t wait for Hogsmeade, we’re running low on Stink Pellets.”
~
“Still on your retreat from Wood?” Jumping up from a hidden spot in the corner of the library with a yelp, your wand rolling somewhere after falling out of your hands, you proceed to frustratedly rub your temples as you attempt to soothe your irritation. “Yes. Just like I have been, every time you ask. Have you been confunded recently?” Your tone is bitter and sharp, enough so that you shrink in on yourself in guilt. “I’m sorry. It’s just hard, but you two don’t deserve that.” George smiles down at you, squatting as pulls you into his side. “Apology accepted, though you could make it better by finishing my transfiguration essay…” Snickering, you shove him away as Fred places a hand on his hip. “Actually, we were thinking…” “A dangerous past time. Continue.” Fred and George seem to talk telepathically, before they both face you again. “We were thinking, we know this school by heart, now.” “And while it would have a devastating effect on our plans…” “It’s for a good cause.”
You lean up, intrigued as you try to decipher what they are suggesting. “Go on?” “Harry can’t go to Hogsmeade, we know this. But what if he could?” “We’re still deciding, but you have the biggest say. Especially with…” You inhale deeply, head thumping back with thoughts running. “Poor boy, he deserves a break. I’m in. Though, it would be best to take me off the roster, wouldn’t it? Sure the spell can’t be hard, I’ll hand it back to you when I crack it.” “Perfect, a nice Christmas present!” “While we’ll miss the beauty, it’s going to a good home.” Kicking them with your foot, they hop from one leg to another to avoid your aim. “Now leave me, you tossers. But make sure Ollie has a good time, okay?” They salute you as they leave, though once out of sight, they frown at each other in slight guilt.
When you see that everyone has left for Hogsmeade, you briefly meet with Remus as you find taking the Wolfsbane potion with him helps making it go down easier, the two of you chatting before there’s a knock at his door. Bidding him a weak farewell, you squeeze Harry’s shoulder as he passes by before heading for the common room’s couch, aiming for a quick nap. Not only is your body aching from the phantom pains of the last transformation, that potion is utterly nasty.
~
There’s a loud, startling noise from the common room’s entrance that wakes you up, fear shooting through you like ice as you wait until the noise stops. Reaching into your robe, your hands tremble as you try to reach for the map before your curse yourself, forgetting you left your wand in the library. Shoving it back into the pocket, you wait a few more minutes to see if the sound is gone, deciding it has been long enough for you to safely check it. Going to push it open, you find the hall empty as you peer around, before hearing the students entering from below. A multitude of scents hit you at once, nausea filling you again as you go to turn around, before your heart instantly sinks. Stepping backwards, your legs threaten to give out as a scream dies in your throat, tittering back shakily before two hands grab onto your shoulders instantly steadying you. “Lass, what- oh.” More students gather around as you silently observe the portrait in fear, Percy trying to find his way through the mass as even more students appear from the rotating staircase. Dumbledore and Filch race up the stairs, students parting to let them find way before the race to find Fat Lady begins. Leaning over the balcony’s ledge, you feel Olivers hand on your back, the other sweeping your loose hair over your shoulder.
“ Leannan, you didn’t see…?” Shaking your head no rapidly, you lean your head back and onto his chest, closing your eyes before Dumbledore calls for everyone to head to the Great Hall.
After Dumbledore sweeps the Great Hall’s tables and seating benches to the sides, creating blue sleeping bags for each house’s student, you know you should be avoiding him but easily find yourself following his lead. You’re still shaken, not quite feeling right as he lays facing you in the corner of the room. The lights are out, the room’s only lighting being the moon that used to be your best friend, now just being a reminder of all that you’e lost. Your eyes snap up as Oliver holds out his hand, eyebrows pinched in that serious look of his, you reaching out and grasping it. Scooting even closer to him, your hands intertwined between you, you fall asleep to the sound of his heart beating loud while everyone elses is faded out.
~
The Wolfsbane potion, Madam Pomfrey told you ecstatically, did absolute wonders as she leads you from the shrieking shack. It made your Wolf extremely docile, able to simply rest on the mattress in the room you resided in, your mind mush before waking up the next day. You’re overjoyed to feel the lack of nausea and flares of pain in your muscles, though Madam Pomfrey insists you take a sleeping draught in the medical wing.
“Ms. Everest, I must insist you stop casting these glamorous, I can’t imagine how much strain it causes you having to keep it up for so long- however much of a talented young witch you are!” You kindly ignore her comment, drinking the dosage she gives you before you’re out like a light, waking up several hours later while the storm still rages outside. You can’t begin to imagine how horrible the quidditch match tomorrow will be, though you know you’ll watch it anyways. As much as you try to avoid Oliver, you won’t ever miss a match when he’s in it.
By the time the match starts the next day, the downpour is nearly unbearable as the red poncho does nothing to conceal the rapid income of rain pouring over you. Nonetheless, you scream in cheers with Hermoine, quidditch players zooming past you in a hurried frenzy. You have to flip back a stray chunk of hair that sinks down into your face, blocking your already limited view, the water flattening the volume as you regret not wearing a beanie. Eyes widening as a player’s broom catches on fire from the various lightening strikes, you watch worriedly as she lowers to the ground with her broom being her cushion. Hermoine gasps next to you, heart rate suddenly increased as you try to see where she’s pointing before catching Harry and the Hufflepuff seeker flying up into the air. That’s not good. That’s not good at all. The remaining quidditch players resume with the quaffle, Oliver’s voice loud as he occasionally yells out against the harsh winds as you watch with Ron and Hermoine in a panic.
Harry hasn’t come back yet, why hasn’t he come back yet? Squinting against the harsh slashes of rain that almost hurt when they land on your face, you see a figure coming down before noticing there’s no broom. “ His broom! Harry!” Tears stream down your face as you sob in horror, Dumbledore standing in his section of the stands before calling out. “ Aresto Momentum!”
Harry’s body slows down, the impact of him hitting the ground weak before he’s being swarmed by the staff. Rushed onto a stretcher, students hurriedly leaving the stands to try and see Harry’s state, Dumbledore and other various staff lead the stretcher up to the school as you hug Hermoine tightly, her sobbing loudly in your arms. “He’s alright, Mione’, Dumbledore would never allow him to be harmed.” Leading her down the wooden stairs of the Gryffindor stand, you tell her she should head up with Ron to visit Harry in the medical wing, knowing that the team would follow after they freshened in the showers. Ron frowns, tilting his head at you. “Where are you going?” Glancing in the direction of the retreating Gryffindor quidditch players, you sigh heavily before rubbing your red and puffy eyes. “Harry will have everyone to support him, but I know Oliver won’t allow himself the same.”
You walk the group who wants to visit Harry up to the school before stopping mid-way as you figure you’ve given the players enough time, asking the group to update you on Harry’s condition before walking back down. Fred and George (as well as the rest of the team) are pale, though the twins offer you a reassuring smile as you stop your trek. Glancing around them, your lips fall into a worried line as you confirm your suspicion. “Is he-?” “Was still in the showers when we left, probably trying to drown himself still. Keep him safe, will you?” Nudging Fred as you walk past him, squeezing a slightly distraught Angelina’s shoulder who squeezes yours back, you find your way into the locker room, stepping through the muddy foot prints on the floor and various clutter.
Following the sound of the shower’s pitter-patter, you consider the approach you want to take as you find the row of cream colored shower curtains before your nose scrunches. Is he-? Face shifting to one of concerned sympathy, you catch his shoulders shaking from the crack of the locker room’s shower curtain, still in his quidditch uniform as water rains down onto him from the shower head. Quietly steeling your nerves, you slip off your poncho and place it on a bench neatly, carefully sliding open the curtain as you kneel over. He doesn’t hear you over his silent sobs, though he jolts as your back presses against his while you hug him from behind. “It’s me.” His hands shoot up, latching onto your arms as he sobs openly, you hugging him even tighter as your body warms up at the slightly lukewarm shower water. Your hair was already soaked, though your clothes quickly feel heavy on your frame as they drag down from the added weight.
As his sobs quiet down, you momentarily release your hold on him as you summon your wand into your hands, flicking it as the knob turns and effectively shuts the water off. Tilting your wand to Oliver, you mumble a drying spell before his quidditch robes are much lighter and his hair returns to it’s previous state, revealing it’s slightly longer crop. An arm still wrapped around him, you comb your fingers through the short locks, directing the strands to the side as he evens his breathing. “Is…is Potter alright?” “I’m not sure. The twins said they’d tell me later.”
He falls silent at that, your fingers continuing to comb through the strands before he makes the move to stand up. Following his lead to stand, he turns around as you wipe away the wet streaks under his closed eyes, his hands intertwining behind your neck as his forehead leans onto yours. “I don’t blame’im. I just…” “I know. I’m so sorry, Ollie. These losses don’t define your skill or the team, they were all under unfortunate circumstances that were- are- no one’s fault. Don’t lose hope yet, okay?” His eyes flicker open, his head pulling back as you smile at him. “What did I say when we first met?” He wetly laughs, his shoulders shaking with the sound as his hands rest on your shoulders. “That you don’t know what quidditch was. Aye, joking- that I’m playing-” “-for the both of us. Go visit Harry, he needs to you say you don’t blame him more than anyone. I believe in you, Ollie. You’ll win that cup.”
He stares at you, pure affection and adoration in his gaze as his eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips and back up, mouth opening to say something before you both hearing the locker room's door open. Your eyes widen as you withdraw from a dazed Oliver, squeezing his hand along with a look of comfort, before you run off to avoid being seen by the mystery intruder
Oliver takes your sopping poncho into his hands, the scent of vanilla lingering off of it, before closing his eyes. He’d win for you. He’d make sure of it.
~
The rest of the year goes by, and you somehow manage to pull further and further away from Oliver. The only reason he isn’t suspicious is due to you still attending each of the meals, though you know it hurts him. You reason to yourself, blinking away tears as you shoulder off another attempt of him reaching out to you, that it would hurt him more to find out what you are. The Weasley’s were accepting- but what if he wasn’t? You wouldn’t be able to handle it. You couldn’t handle it. Oliver can only watch in silent agony as you shove him off for the umpteenth time, but is able to ignore the hurt by distracting himself with the goal of winning the quidditch cup. He hopes it’ll be enough to get you back.
You spend christmas at Hogwarts, spending all of your time joking around with the twins and plotting a revenge prank on Filch (he had given Fred a detention, and that just wouldn’t do), relieved that you don’t have to constantly be on the look out for Oliver. You had also decided over the holidays that you no longer want to use glamour, the only remainders from the two transformations without Wolfsbane being the scars stretching from your cheeks to your jaw, the small ones on your neck and the ones covering your arms and torso. When people return from their home and see the pale scars that your school clothes don’t cover, questions being thrown at you with a tone of shock and horror, the twins help you cover it up by saying it was from ‘a failed attempt to find the Weasley’s car’ which people believed effortlessly, not wanting to consider the implications of the horrors being in the forbidden forest. It’s at this time that you avoid Oliver like the plague, wishing that you could’ve had another copy of the Maurader’s map so he doesn’t see a single one. Harry and Ron had bickered over it, demanding details which George and Fred pretended they were too young to know about as you ignore Hermoine’s calculated stare.
You manage it all easily as the second term goes by, all up until the Gryffindor’s win the Quidditch cup and the biggest celebration is thrown at the Gryffindor common room. It’s the biggest one that you’ve seen yet, the sheer amount of cheering and bottles of butterbeer being shared between each of the houses that somehow fit into the room making you impressed. You’re glad you had made it to your dormitory before the quidditch team showed up, you slipping on your black sweater, before you sneak into the crowd. Easily spotting Fred who is pouring himself a drink, you tug his sleeve before he grins wickedly at you. “Enjoying the party? I know George is, have you seen him talking to Angelina-?” “Leave him alone you twat, you’re just jealous. I’m going to head to the astronomy tower, too many sounds and scents.” Giving him a congratulatory hug, you wave at him before sneaking out of the portrait and through the corridors.
The moon peers at you from above as you peer over from the safety rails, your sweater keeping you warm against the chilled breeze. The brightness of the stars contrast the deep blue’s and navy-black hues of the night sky, you wishing your perception of the moon never had to be changed. You wish you never had to change.
You hate every single transformation, even if it is easier now because of the potion. You hate having to see Snape’s perceptive glare as you recieve the potion from the cauldron he makes, you hate the overstimulation at hearing and smelling at a high frequency, you hate the scars that cover your body so much that you haven’t worn anything but long sleeves and turtlenecks, you hate the concerned and worried looks from the twins every time you cry at memories of that night, you hate your parents who let this happen and the man who did this to you to begin with, you hate the fear of Oliver seeing you for who you truly are now and most of all you hate yourself. How could you ever let him love you, when you can’t even love yourself anymore? Have you ever to begin with?
Wiping away the endless tears that you’re at this point shocked you can still have, you can’t help but wonder what you’re even doing. No where will ever hire you now, regardless of your family name or your marks. You have the inheritance, but you don’t want to live off of that. The fear of the unknown scares you more than anything, and not having your best friend to help you is more than you can handle. Sitting down, you mournfully stare at the moon that will become full within the next two weeks before drying your eyes. It’s not the moon’s fault, it’s no ones fault except Fenrir Greyback and you will be damned if you spend one more second crying over it.
You hear shoes shuffling behind you, you huffing in acknowledgment as your head leans forward into a safety rail bar. “Party too boring for you, Fred?” “Every party is without you, Leannan.” Blood running cold, you head whips around as a downcasted Oliver looks down at you, quidditch jumper and plaid pants being the only bright colors in the night. Forgetting that your glamour is off, you look back forward before he’s lurching forward and instantly taking your face into his hands. Hot shame washes over you as his face pales in the moonlight, alarm in his eyes as his jaw drops. “I didn’t- I heard…the forbidden forest?” Wincing, you bite your lip as you weakly nudge his arms away, wrapping your arms around your legs. “...Yes.” He stays still on one knee next to you, not making a sound as he suddenly scoffs incredulously. “No.”
“What?” Your voice is pathetically small in comparison to his suddenly deep one, frustration creeping up as he visibly trembles. “Forbidden forest, lass? You expect me’ta believe that? I haven’t talked to you in proper months, and I hoped it was because’a schedules, but that’s not it!” You feel sick, so insanely sick as you watch your best friend tremble as he tries to collect himself but loses with each admission. “Oliver-” “You haven’t talked to me since last year! Was it- was it something I did? Did I-” “ No, please, Oliver-”
His hands grip your shoulders, brown eyes glossy as you try to hold back your sobs. “ Please. Don’t push me away, just talk to me. You- you said it yourself, I ride for the both of us, and I did! You, we, can do anything, just let me help you. Talk to me.” He looks so hopeful, so willing to do anything for you that it crushes you. He just won the house cup for Gryffindor, he’s going to join a real quidditch team outside of Hogwarts, he’s going to have a life, he doesn’t need to have you and your transformations weighing him down, he doesn’t need your irritability and mood swings because of the moon, he deserves better. Your resolve crumbling, you stand up before stepping backwards. “How can I when all you care about is quidditch?”
His unruly eyebrows pinch as he blinks at you, recoling at your harsh tone. “Leannan, I-” “You pushed me to the side so many times for those games, you didn’t care to talk to me because you were too worried about the bloody Hufflepuffs seeker!” That’s not true. “You want me to talk to you? About what! All we ever did talk about was those stupid gameplans,” you loved hearing him talk about each one, “you’re future plans about making a real team,” you planned on buying whatever team he made it on’s jersey , “and only quidditch. You only kept me around, the poor little Slytherin who got stuck in Gryffindor just to help you look better.” His face crumples at each sentence, agony twisting in his expression. “That’s not true, don’t say that-” I’m sorry, Ollie. “No, on top of it all? This entire year, I realized I am so glad I didn’t have to see you, because I realized how much I hate quidditch because of your idiotic rambles and- quite honestly- lackluster skills, and hope I never have to see another stupid game, especially one with you in it. I lied in the locker rooms, the losses being no ones fault? Well, I was wrong. Maybe Charlie should’ve made someone else captain.”
He stares at you, stunned, as tears start to slip down his face. You’re crying yourself, the scowl on your face taking every ounce of energy you have to keep it as you feel your world shatter. He looks down, looking hollow and dead, giving you a sharp nod before walking to the stairs. As his footsteps fade, you let yourself finally crumble to the ground and incoherently sob. As the twins find you and immediately console you, attempts to calm you down failing, you feel as though you’ll never love yourself now.
~
Telling Madam Pomfrey that you will be fine going alone, her only accepting your request as the Wolfsbane potion has consistently kept your Wolf at bay, you numbly walk to the shrieking shack as the grey skies darken, the sun lowering. You hadn’t been in the right headspace, classes and the year passing in a blur as your friends try to get you back into your right self. Hermoine and the girls do their best to include you when the twins can’t, though it feels in vain- they all know Oliver was your right hand man. He hasn’t told anyone a word from what you’ve heard, the both of you tight lipped as everyone assumes it’ll be a temporary departure. “ They’ll sort it out! I mean, It’s Wood and Everest we’re talking about !”
Swallowing the hurt, you follow the steps in a daze, knowing the path by heart- though you don’t expect this. “ After you.” You give one glance at Remus who nods at you, you whipping out your wand before shouting “ Expelliarmus!” Snape shoots into the bed you have been laying on each transformation, the frame breaking under his weight and collapsing over him. Ron, Harry and Hermoine stare at you in shock before Ron stutters. “Wha- Y/N?! What did you just do?!” With your eyes wide, you lower your wand before looking to Remus. “What is going on ? I don’t-” Eyes locking onto Sirius Black, you creep back to the golden trio in fear, though Remus sends you a look that makes you feel calmer, somehow. Harry snatches Hermoine’s wand, pointing it at Sirius Black. “Tell me about Peter Pettigrew!” Remus leans forward. “He was at school with us, we thought he was our friend.”
Watching as Harry and Remus banter, you watch in worried confusion until perking up. “Map? Do you mean the Mauraders map? It hasn’t lied once this entire year.” Remus sends you a shocked look, Sirius pointing at Ron. “Pettigrew is alive! And he’s right there !” Ron looks at them incredulously, still holding his rat. “Me?! He’s mental!” “No, not you- your rat!” Nose scrunching, you look at Scabbers who has been a part of your life ever since you befriended the Weasleys, though…”A curiously long life for a common garden rat! He’s missing a toe, isn’t he?!”
“Show me.” Sirius wrestles with Ron, tugging his rat away as you step behind Hermoine in wariness of Sirius being close, her holding onto Ron as Scabbers is pulled away. You watch in horror as the rat transforms into a ugly looking man who lands between the wall, Remus and Sirius pulling him out. Not even wanting to think about the implications of how disturbing that idea is, you and Hermoine watch the scene as Remus and Sirius interrogate Peter, him trying to escape several times. Harry prevents them from killing Peter, before Sirius and Harry lead an injured Ron down the steps. Hermoine glances back at you before your urge her to continue you, electing to help him with Peter. “Remus, I have not have the slightest of a clue what’s happening, but-” “I’ll explain it later, grab his arm, but tell me- how do you know about the map?” Weakly grinning at him, you groan as you help him carry Peter out who whines the entire time.
“A dungbeetle! A worm!” You aggressively shush him again, a headache brewing as you shove him forward before catching your breath. Growling as Peter begins to plead to Ron and Hermoine, you pull him back as Remus grabs hold off him, you standing up in discomfort. “ Godric, he’s heavy.” Looking over Hermoine’s shoulder, you watch her patch up Ron before she glances at you, curiously. “Y/N, why are you here? If you didn’t have the map…”
Your stomach drops, eyes widening as you scramble back. Oh no. Oh no, no no, you- Spinning around, you nearly cry out as you see a glimpse of the light moon through the blue’s of the sky, bile nearly rising up. “Harry!” You scramble to Remus, hands hovering as you watch him stare in sudden pain before the transformation truly sets in. “It’s okay! You took your potion, right?” He didn’t. Sirius runs up and grabs hold of his friend, you only being able to watch terror as you nearly collapse over. “Y/N! What-” You fall to the ground, nails that slowly grow into sharp edges digging into the ground below you as the bones under your skin shift uncomfortably, you nearly retching as your transformation sets in.
The potion makes it better, easier to handle as your conscious stays in tact- but it’s muddied, you find, before your body finally clicks into it’s new place after several nauseating shifts. Eyes blinking, your Wolf tiredly looks around, before looking at Peter who transforms infront of you, scampering off as Harry holds a wand out. Oh. Harry, Ron and Hermoine look at you with looks impossible to decipher, you whimpering as you attempt to gather on your now clawed, long fingered hands. Remus’s screams has your head turning, Wolf whining as you watch him shift, Sirius yelling ‘Run !’. Slowly swaying as you gather up, the potion making your Wolf sleepy beyond belief, you jump in horror as Sirius is tossed away by a now fully transformed wolf. Protect them! Jumping infront of the trio, you bare your teeth at Remus, thoughts racing though all of them shouting ‘protect’. His yellow eyes blink at you, whimpering as he breathes in the familiar scent of your Wolf, before his head tilts up in a high pitched howl. Your ears perk up as you detect Snape’s scent, relief flooding your changed form as you realize he’ll protect them as Remus growls at Snape.
You swipe at him, teeth baring in a protective snarl before a dog launches itself at Remus. The two of them go at it, you launching forward as you change the direction of course- get away! Get away from them! Sprinting down the hill, you and Sirius attempt to keep Remus distracted as Remus slams him away. Remus shifts to you, you tiredly swiping at him before your ears perk up at the sound of footsteps. Whining in a plead, you push Remus back before you’re picked up by the arm and slung to the side, you howling in pain. Forcing yourself to ignore the pain, get up GET UP! , you watch Remus howl at Harry-
Arooooo!
Glancing at the forest, you and Remus hear another howl before you’re sprinting forward. Another packmate! Follow me, you idiot! Remus chases after you as you sprint further into the forest, body screaming at you to stop and rest as fatigue plagues you. Ceasing your moments, Remus pushes past you as you drag your body forward, exhaustion making your Wolf cry quietly. Falling to your knees, your Wolf winces at the pain on your side from Remus’s tosses, though you imagine you didn’t remember it when you transformed without the potions back then. Hearing rustling, you force yourself to get back up as your nose scrunches, you following the unfamiliar scent before finding Buckbeak screeching at Remus. Get him away! Rushing past Hermoine and Harry, you howl as you continue to lead Remus’s wolf away from the two, leading him further into the forest. Now that there is no other distractions to interrupt, you’re able to get Remus’s wolf to follow you around, only occasionally getting tossed around as you lead him closer and closer to the shack as the moon lowers gradually. You’re tossed onto your back once more by a now calmer Remus, skin shifting against the jaunt bone as your Wolf groans.
This’ll hurt tomorrow.
~
Oliver abstentmindely moves the food on his plate around with his fork, not having eaten a single bite before glancing at the collection of green apples on the table. Stabbing a sausage link hard, he jolts as a hand grabs his shoulder before he’s spinning around in his seat. Seeing Fred and George instead of who he truly wanted to see, his face slightly falls before noticing their serious expressions, eyebrows furrowing. “Hospital wing. It’s been long enough, and she needs you. We’ve distracted Pomfrey for you, make it count.” Oliver is instantly shooting up from his seat, sprinting past the twins and leaving the students at the table behind in confusion as he speeds through the corridors. His heart is racing as he pushes his legs past the limit, nearly falling over at the speed before reaching the hospital wing’s entrance. Hesitating, he exhales deeply before entering the wing, the twins true to their word as Madam Pomfrey is not in sight. All the mint green curtains are open, the beds empty except for one in the furthest left. He walks up to the curtain with slow and careful steps, preparing for the worst before his hand reaches out and slides the fabric to the side.
You had noticed his scent when he entered the wing, but it still overpowers you as the curtain is pulled open. Wincing as you finish leaning forward from your previous position on the bed, the movement sending a flare of pain up your side, you can only send him a look that can only be described as shame and pure exhuastion. He stares at you with wide eyes, shock evident in his features as he carefully assesses you.
Your shirt is raised slightly from the leaned up position, revealing the large purple and green bruises that adorn your side from the previous night. His eyes trace the bruise to the new scratches across your collarbone and the left side of your neck and cheek, the assessment making him pale in terror. Biting your lip, tears prick at the corner of your eyes as you decide there’s no reason to keep it anymore. Tilting your head down, you wring your hands as you hide from his still pained gaze as you explain.
“Y-...you’re right. My…my parents had a guest, over, when I arrived for a minute back in the summer. He- Fenrir Greyback, thought I was an intruder and pinned me down, my parents coming when I yelled out. He…-” your voice chokes up, the memory still to real, “he told them he could make me learn my lesson, make me docile. They- they let him-” Wiping away the tears, you continue through the choked, wet gasps that interrupt the sentences. “I saw them, they went to stop him, they could’ve, but they let him.”
Legs curling up, you wrap an arm around them as you choke on your words. You refuse to look at him yet, you know if you do you won’t be able to continue. “I didn’t want anyone to know, the twins only found out because their mum and dad helped me. I stayed with them, and v-visited Rem- Professor Lupin during full moons. I didn’t want anyone to be near me, especially you.” The trembles won’t stop wracking through your body, an year’s worth if built up anger and sadness finally being released as you cry out. “How could I ruin your life? You want to be on a big league’s quidditch team, you had just won the cup, you had a life, Ollie. You’re my best friend , my first crush and love, how could I make you deal with my transformations? With my recoveries? What if you- what if you hated me? What if you hated me as much as I hate myself? I’m-I’m a monster, Ollie-, I figured if you hated me, it would’ve been the same, but it hurt so much, and I lost you-”
Oliver suddenly shoots forward, a knee bending onto the bed as you peer up at him through tears. “Wha-” You watch in tears as his hands slip into the hair at your neck, tugging you forward with tears falling from his eyes as he kisses you deep and hard. The force of it pushes you back into the bed, him leaning further into you as he pulls you further into him making you whimper. He pulls away, a sob wracking through him as he cups your face with his hands, eyes intensely staring into yours as he tries to convey years of affection and adoration through them. “ I love you.”
You search his face, his words rendering you breathless before you’re sobbing again, wrapping your arms around him as he spins you around, pulling you into his chest as he leans into the pillows behind him. A hand holds your head into him as the other presses against your back, him kissing your head as you cry into his neck. “ I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean any of it, I love you, please forgive me, please pleaseplease-” He’s tilting your head before bringing you in for another wet kiss, you bringing your legs up as he immediately loops an arm under them, securing them against his abdomen as the other tightens around your back.
When your cries settle down, you point to the vial next to the bed as Oliver instantly reaches out and grabs it for you, handing it to you with gentle care. “W-was about to take it when you came in…but I-I don’t want you to-” “I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you, go on.” He kisses your head tenderly as you take the draught, his warmth and scent making you instantly succumb to sleep as Oliver settles into the pillows behind him. Madam Pomfrey returns later, quietly mumbling about ‘those twins’ before Oliver looks up at her, a finger over his lips as you sleep against his chest. She gapes at him in disbelief, about to make him leave the hospital wing before looking at you. The fight instantly dies on her tongue as she looks at you with endearment, mumbling to herself in defeat as she walks away. Oliver reaches into his robe and flicks his wand, closing the curtain before pulling you further into his embrace. He bends his head down and kisses the top of your head, making a vow to himself he’ll never let you go again.
~
“Oh, godric, how bad are the N.E.W.T.s, Oliver? Should I be afraid?” Your head rests on his shoulder as you flip through the notes he took for his exams, nose scrunching at the mass amount of scribbles that reside on the sheets. “You’ll do just fine, Leannan. Only thing you should worry about is not getting int’a any detentions, those twins terrible on’ya.” Sighing dramatically as the train lurches forward, you set the papers down before tilting your head. “Now wait a minute. You never told me what that means.” Oliver smirks as you look up at him, snickering to himself in amusement. “Don’t tell me ya’ forgot what detentions are, what, been in too many ta’ remember?” Wacking his arm at the stupid attempt of a lame joke, you spin your body so you face him directly. “Very funny. You keep saying it, what does ‘Leannan’ mean?” His smirk fades as his cheeks and ears grow dark, you cheekily smiling at him in victory. “Come on, what does it mean? It must be good if you’re red.” You’re busy poking his shoulder, repeating ‘tell me tell me tell me’ in a teasing tone, him considering your words carefully before his smirk returns.
His hands close around your moving wrists before tugging them, your body quickly being pulled into a straddling position over him making you instantly flush. Your hands find place on his shoulders while one of his hands presses your back into him, the other slipping around your neck and into your hair before he’s carding his fingers through the strands slowly. “If you truly want ta’ know…could be two things.” His fingers drop the strand of hair that was previously being held, gliding up to your neck in feather-like touch as he grabs holds the side of your jaw. “One meaning is sweetheart…, ” He leans forward as his hand pulls your head closer, lips grazing your ear as his hand slips behind to hold your head in place, breath tingling against your neck “...though the other is darling. Which one do you like more?” He waits a beat before leaning back, smiling smugly at your deepened flush, mouth forming around words that just won’t come out. There’s a bang against the door that makes you jolt, pushing away from Oliver as you sit down quickly as a exasperated Lee Jordan steps into the compartment. “Since all the others are taken, it was a unanimous decision to invade yours. Cheers!” Fred shoves Lee in as George follows behind, the three of them knocking into each other before slumping into the seat across from you, Lee suddenly frowning. “Er, need a cooling charm? You’re looking a bit red there, Y/N.” You hide your face into your hands embarrassedly, slumping into the plush as Oliver beams wickedly next to you.
~
Oliver flicks his wand at the lamp in his room, the only light now being the moon shining through the slightly ajar curtains. Dropping it unceremoniously next to him, his hand is placed back onto your cheek, cupping it as you tilt your head to kiss his palm. You’d been staying with the Weasley’s since school ended, though when the full moon hit you had gone to the forest by Grimmauld Place where you got to transform with Remus’s Wolf, as well as your newfound companion, Sirius Black. The three of you had talked afterwards over tea about their history, Sirius having to summon tissues for you as you couldn’t stop weeping at their story. “ Merlin, 12 years, I can’t imagine…but really? Remu? ” When you eventually bid them both a goodbye, you made your way to the Wood’s where you’d spend the rest of the summer with them until school started. Mrs. Wood had instantly wept as she held you tightly in her arms, Mr. Wood secretly wiping away a few tears that he couldn’t contain once you had landed in a heap on their floor from the fireplace, face slightly green from the floo. They had promised you that you were still one of their own after you tearily told them your story, Mr. Wood proudly (and still hiding rogue tears) emphasizing that part as they had figured you and Oliver were now together. Mr. Wood heartily cheered at the triumph at that, telling his wife ‘ I told ya’ so!’, you and Oliver saying nothing in return with red faces. They even pretended not to notice how you’d end up in Oliver’s after heading to the guest room for the night, which you were very thankful for.
“Should…we talk about it?” He doesn’t look up as he continues watching his thumb trace circles on your cheek, his now long-lengthed hair almost covering his eyes. He only hums in acknowledgment, his hand sliding back as he smoothes a stray hair down before he finally looks up at you. “Hm?” “Us. We never…talked about it, after everything.” His fingers stop trying to detangle a strand of your hair as he blinks at you, mouth forming an ‘o’ before frowning. “You’re right. What do you think?” Biting your lip, you lean up from your side and wring your hands over your lap, Oliver moving to sit up as well. “I don’t want to make that call. It’s your choice, Ollie.” His hand reaches out and gently squeezes yours, eyebrows furrowed in bewilderment. “What? No, Y/N, It’s both of us. It always has been.”
Turning your hand under his, you intertwine your fingers through his as you look up to him. “You know how I feel about you, Oliver. My feelings haven’t changed, nor will they ever. I understand if yours have, but I can’t make that call- it’s your life that’s changing by being with me, not the other way around.” He looks as though your words intentionally harmed him, a pained expression forming on his face as his hands go to cup your face. He pulls you into a soft kiss, lips lingering against yours when you both pull away. “You changed my life for the better, darling. I don’t want to be in a world that doesn’t have you in it, it would mean nothing if you weren’t here with me.” He grips your hand as places it over his heart, the steady beat soothing you as his eyes turn glossy. “My heart is yours. Everything I own, and am- it’s all yours. I love you, darling, and nothing will change that. I should’ve asked before, but’cha know me- I’m a downright tosser.” You laugh with newly formed tears as he pulls you into his lap, hands resuming their favorite place as they cup your cheeks tenderly. “Please, be my girlfriend, be with me, you are the real prize over any quidditch cup. Charlie said it before and I was a utter fool to not to realize it sooner. You’re the real keeper, not me- I love you, all of you, and I always will.” You’re immediately pulling him into an intense kiss, holding onto each other with a sense of safety and comfort that you’ve only ever felt with him since you first met him on the train all those years ago, laughing wetly as you nod happily. “Yes, you big oaf.” He’s kissing each tear away as you pull him back down onto the bed with you, the both of you whispering to each other in delight under the moonlight before falling asleep to the sound of each others heartbeat, tangled together tightly.
You’d endure everything all over again if it meant you get to be as loved by him as you are.