Chapter 10
"Remus?" Regulus asked, after opening the door to him.
"Padfoot found out that Prongs and Lils aren't dating, so now he's trying to figure out who he's actually dating," Remus told him, quickly.
"This isn't going to go well," Regulus replied, and motioned for Remus to lead the way.
They hurried to the Gryffindor dorms, and Remus went in first, in case they could avoid letting Sirius find out.
"I'm not dating anyone, Padfoot," James sighed, again.
Sirius demanded, "You expect me to believe that? Why won't you just tell me who the girl is, Prongs? What are you hiding?"
"It's not a girl. Okay? It's not a fucking girl," James blurted out, kicking the floor.
Sirius was shocked, and took a moment to process that. While he was doing that, Remus came over and stood almost between them. Sirius looked over and greeted, "Hi, Moony." He turned back to James, and asked, "Then who's the guy?"
James looked at him, and replied, "You don't wanna know."
"Why are you acting like you have something to hide? Unless it's my brother, you have nothing to worry about," Sirius joked. James froze, and Remus prepared to stand between them. Sirius' smile slowly fell, and his eyebrows furrowed. He questioned, "Did you not hear me, Prongs? I said-"
While steeling himself to get punched, James interrupted, "I'm sorry."
Sirius balled his hands into fists, and looked away from James. Through clenched teeth, he slowly demanded, "You're dating my brother? My baby brother?!"
Regulus decided that it would be a good time to intervene, so he opened the door and walked in, stating, "I have a name, you know."
"What are you doing here?" Sirius asked, almost angrier than he already was.
Regulus stepped towards him, and replied, "I wanted to ask you a question, but apparently you're in the middle of something."
"If you're going to lie, make it believable."
"My apologies, I didn't realize that it was a crime to want to talk to my brother, once in a while."
"Fine, then, what do you want?" Sirius queried impatiently.
James and Remus were both shocked that Regulus had managed to distract him, but they just stayed in place, worried that moving would bring attention back to James.
"I'd rather talk without an audience," Regulus responded, looking at James and Remus.
Sirius declared, "We aren't done here, James." He jerked his head towards the corner of the room, and walked there. Regulus rolled his eyes, but followed. "So?"
"I need help getting someone to leave me alone," Regulus quietly confessed, though he was obviously annoyed. Sirius turned his head towards James, so Regulus hit his arm, saying, "Not him, you moron!"
"Who, then? And why didn't you talk to him, since you're... dating?" Sirius demanded, trying not to gag as he said the last word.
Regulus rolled his eyes, and told him, "I'm not going to tell you who; you'd kill them. And I won't talk to him, because he'd figure out a way to make me tell him who it was, and then he'd kill them. I just need advice."
Sirius thought for a moment, then said, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but the most foolproof way would be to publicly say that you're dating him."
"How would that help?"
"No one will touch anything that-" Sirius gagged a little- "belongs to James Potter."
Regulus looked over at James, smirked a bit, and looked back to Sirius. James was confused by that, under the circumstances, but that didn't stop him from blushing slightly. Regulus asked, "And if, for whatever reason, I can't do that?"
Sirius thought for several moments, then instructed, "Tell them that you'll tell me. Maybe with a little reminder that I'd be more than happy to rip their throat out."
Regulus glanced down, then back up, and quietly said, "Thanks." Sirius opened his mouth, but Regulus quickly told him, "If you say anything, I'm taking it back."
Sirius smiled a bit, then brushed his hair back and glared at James, questioning Regulus, "Does he treat you well, at least?"
“I have standards, Sirius, unlike you. I wouldn’t stay with someone who didn’t treat me like a princess,” he stated with a smirk.
Sirius rolled his eyes, and walked back to James with his arms crossed. "How long has this been going on?" he demanded.
Regulus walked over, and answered for James, "A year."
James turned to him, worriedly asking, "I missed our anniversary?" He then thought for a second, and answered his own question, "No, it'll be a year next week."
Regulus was quick to retort, "I was giving a generalization, you twit."
"Well then say that. I was worried," James replied, unconsciously grabbing his hand. Sirius just silently watched them, seeing how they interacted.
"For two seconds. I'm sure you'll get over it," Regulus answered, and leaned over slightly to kiss him.
Sirius gagged and protested, "I did not want to see that!"
Out of spite, Regulus pulled James in by his tie to kiss him, and flipped Sirius off with his other hand. James, although unable to forget that Sirius and Remus were in the room, quickly melted into the kiss, letting Regulus do whatever he wanted. When Regulus finally pulled away, James panted quietly, his face quite red from embarrassment.
Sirius gagged again after they finished and he finally looked back at them. He then demanded, “Can we get back to the topic of you’ve been dating my little brother for a year and didn’t tell me?”
“You’re super protective, I expected you to get mad. Admittedly, you've handled this better than I expected you to, but was I wrong?”
“I also wasn’t exactly a fan of you finding out. You’re so proud of your title as the ‘Black family disappointment,’ I didn’t want to threaten your crown,” Regulus added snarkily, still holding James’ tie loosely.
Sirius scoffed and ran his fingers through his hair. It was unclear to James who he was speaking to when he questioned, “He's good to you?”
Regulus looked at James, and James was still looking at him, as his tie had not been released from the other’s hand yet (not that he had many complaints). Regulus let go of it and whispered, “He's asking you, darling.” James nodded and tugged his tie back into place. Reggie took the opportunity to offer a little more snark, saying, “I would never hurt Jamie.”
James elbowed Regulus in the side, finished fixing his tie, and finally responded, “Yes, Sirius, he’s nice to me. He’s a prick, but he’d bend over backwards for me.” That earned him a jab in the side for more than one reason.
"So you're not going to kill them, right, love?" Remus urged Sirius, not even realizing that the pet name had slipped out under the tension.
James looked at Sirius with a questioning expression. He opened and shut his mouth a few times, then answered, “So about that, Prongs… Uh, we might be dating.” Remus hit his shoulder with a book and he quickly corrected, “Are. Uh- are dating.”
James nearly choked on air, then remarked, "So we both had secrets."
"Yours is way worse, though. Dating my baby brother, of all people!"
"Again, Sirius, I have a name," Regulussighed.
"You're one of my best friends, dating my other best mate. And you don't even have an excuse for not telling me. At least I have a half excuse of not wanting to piss you off," James defended.
"I would've been less pissed if you came to me first, instead of having to corner you a year later!"
"You didn't even know how long we'd been dati-"
Sirius interrupted him, "That time that you showed up to breakfast with your neck marked up was in May."
James went dead silent, but a smirk grew on Regulus’ face, and he just confirmed, "Oui c'était." *Yes, it was.* Sirius was speechless, and Regulus chuckled. James shrugged, a bit embarrassed. With surprising sincerity, Regulus started, "Merci pour le conseil, Sirius. Je vais aller en parler à mon copain." He then bowed dramatically, and motioned for James to follow him. *Thanks for the advice, Sirius. I'm going to go talk to my boyfriend about it.*
James shrugged again, waved awkwardly, and followed him. Sirius sat down to process all of that, and Remus started petting his hair. James followed Regulus all the way to his dorm, confused, but not bothering to question it. Regulus sat down on his bed, and had James sit next to him. "That went better than expected, hm?" he asked. James nodded, smiling a bit. He questioned, "I was wondering, does Lily still need you to hide her relationship?"
"I think they’re both out, but I can ask her. Why?" James inquired, more confused than before.
"We'd have nothing to lose by going public, anymore."
"I guess you're right. Why do you want to, though?"
Regulus cautiously skirted the real reason, answering, "Because no one's going to touch James Potter's boyfriend, and I won't have my brother's insanity to prevent harrassment next year. While I can deal with them myself, it would be easier if they just stayed away."
James thought for a few moments, and inquired, "Got any ideas for coming out?"
"Not really. Why, do you?"
"Next week's our anniversary. It's also the spring party. I'm doing a show, as per usual," James stated. Regulus nodded for him to go on, so he did, "We could come out at the end of my performance. I have two ideas, but they'd both require you to sing with me a little."
"I don't sing."
"Yes, you do. I hear it when you forget that I'm here. You sing really well, Reggie. Come on, doesn't coming out on a stage appeal to your tendency towards drama?" James coerced.
Regulus tilted his head back and laughed a bit, before inquiring, "Why would I let you convince me to sing, on stage, in front of most or all of the fifth, sixth, and seventh years?"
"Because it's dramatic, and it would work. Everyone who'll be a sixth or seventh year next year will know you're off limits, and I've met some cocky fifth years- you, last year, were at the top of the list- but I've never met one who was confident enough to hit on a seventh year."
"Yes you have. He didn't know I was in fifth, but I shagged someone in seventh, last year. The guy nearly suffocated in the mattress."
"Regulus Arcturus Black, I do not want the bloody details of you fucking other people," James hissed.
"That's hardly the details. Details would be telling you that he came off while choking on my dick and begged me to fuck him dry-"
James looked away from him, and crossed his arms, warning, "Reg, I'm already on edge because of Sirius. I would suggest that you shut up."
"Are you getting upset about the fact that I've fucked other people before, Jamie?" Regulus patronizingly inquired.
James glanced back, and rolled his eyes, before questioning, "Are you trying to get me to fuck you? Because if so, that's not the way to do it."
Reggie grinned, but said, "No, it's just cute that you're jealous about something that happened a year and a half ago."
"Either I forgot to mention it, or you're more of an arse than I thought, but I usually think in pictures, Reggie. When you talk about someone else 'choking on your dick,' I have to picture it. And the fact that it happened a long time ago does not help," James hissed.
Regulus couldn't stop himself from laughing a little at James' quiet outburst, but he replied, "No, you did not tell me that. I'll try to remember that next time I want to piss you off."
James shook his head and scoffed, but cracked a smile as he responded, "I am so done with you and your bullshit." Regulus started laughing again, softly, and James couldn't hold back a chuckle, asking, "Why do I even put up with you?"
"We've been asking ourselves that the entire time you've been dating," Evan stated, walking in with Barty.
"Rosier. Crouch," Regulus greeted, though he was still smiling.
They both did a double take, then Barty questioned, "What are you on?"
James answered for him, "I think he just wants to piss people off. He did it with Sirius earlier, then me, and now you two."
Regulus didn't deny it, so Barty laughed and Evan just rolled his eyes. After a few seconds of thought, Evan asked, "You two were both with his brother at the same time?"
"Lupin came to get me, actually. Sirius was trying to figure out who Jamie's dating," Regulus told him.
"You're both alive, so I'm guessing he was unsuccessful?"
"No, actually. I just distracted him so he'd cool down a little before he punched anyone."
"Really? So he knows?"
"Yeah. We'll find out later if I live to tomorrow, after all Reggie did," James replied, glaring a little.
"Oh, you want me to apologize for kissing you, now?" Regulus teased, a grin forming on his face again.
"You did it in front of your brother. While flipping him off. And you didn't let go of my tie for a full minute. In front of both of my best mates!"
"I thought you liked pda."
"Just stop talking."
"Or what?"
"Or I'll pin you to your bed and tickle you until you beg."
Regulus lost the grin, widened his eyes, and didn't say anything. Evan had to try not to laugh, and so did Barty, but the latter failed. Regulus struggled to stay silent when his friend laughed, but he'd made the mistake of thinking that James was bluffing before, and it did not go well for him.
"That's what I thought," James remarked, a little smug.
Regulus fought with himself for a bit. He didn't want to let James tell him what to do, but he also did not want to be embarrassed in front of his friends like that. He settled for just glaring at him.
"You look like a pouting child," James whispered. Regulus rolled his eyes and sneered, blushing a little. "You can talk," James told him, quietly.
"You're an arsehole," Regulus whispered back, looking away.
"I know," James chuckled. Regulus decided to risk poking him. He realized very quickly that it was a bad idea, when James took his shirt to hold him in place while mercilessly drilling into his side.