New and Old
Dearest Hermione,
I was very pleased to receive your owl. I hope you are alright and all is well at Hogwarts. I know sixth year can be rather taxing preparing for N.E.W.T.S but don’t hesitate to write to me anytime you need help with anything. Regarding your parents, myself along with other members of the order have made a trip to Chipping Norton to place protective charms on your home. I can assure you that your parents will be very safe. In my opinion, the death eaters would have no desire to track them down anyway, but you can never be too careful these days. And as for your tutoring sessions with the Malfoy boy, I am rather proud of you for stepping up and offering help where help is needed. Do not worry about what the rest of the castle thinks about you tutoring Draco, including Harry and Ron. I ran a study group myself when I was in school and everyone was welcome. In fact it was that study group that ignited my passion for teaching. You’re a brilliant witch, Hermione. The best of your age. I have often remarked at how much you remind me of Lily. Perhaps I will see you lot over the holidays.
Give my best to Harry and Ron
Sincerely,
Remus Lupin
Hermione felt an enormous rush of relief reading this letter from Professor Lupin. At least for now she could feel better about her parents' wellbeing. Lupin had always been her favorite professor at Hogwarts and someone she felt she could go to. She knew he would ease her concerns about her parents’ safety. She was sitting by the fire in the Gryffindor common room as she finished reading his letter and then folded it up in her bag along with her school books. Harry and Ron walked down from the boy’s dormitory talking earnestly about Cormac McLaggen demanding another Quidditch tryout.
“It’s mental!” Ron was saying, “I beat him out fair and square, and the git thinks he deserves a second try”
“He doesn’t know what it’s like not getting his way, I’ve told you that,” Harry said pushing his glasses up his nose.
“Mione, did you hear McLaggen thinks I beat him out unfairly?” Ron laughed
Harry and Hermione shared a secret look, only Harry knowing that Hermione confunded him.
“Oh Ron, you just have to ignore him,” Hermione said stifling a giggle.
She pushed Lupin’s letter further down in her bag. For some reason she didn’t want Harry and Ron to know she had written to him. Hermione often felt like she spent most of her life keeping secrets she didn’t want to keep from Harry and Ron.
“Are you tutoring Malfoy this week?” Harry asked, changing the subject
“Yes, only once though,”
“Mm. I believe I have another pensive session with Dumbledore this week. You know, diving into Voldemort’s past and all that,”
“More Marvolo Gaunt stuff?” Hermione asked
“Don’t know, it was really disturbing last time. All of his descendants were awful prejudiced wizards. Well except for his father- Tom Riddle Snr.- who was a muggle that his mother was mad for,”
“She used a love potion on him, didn’t she?” Hermione asked
Harry nodded. This made Hermione think about the love potions they were learning about with Slughorn. Wizards often discounted love potions as serious magic, but when put in the wrong hands they could be very powerful. Completely sane people had been driven to madness, forgotten who they were, and where they came from all because of a love potion. Obsessed with infatuation. Hermione shuddered just thinking about it.
***
It was a Monday afternoon and she was posted in the library writing her essay on amortentia for Slughorn. The room was uncomfortably warm and students around her seemed to be talking entirely too loud, but she had to get away from the Gryffindor common room. Harry and Ron were driving her mad. Harry spent all of his time discussing what Draco was doing and how it connected back to Harry’s theory about him being a death eater. How he’s on some mission for Voldemort. Ron spent all of his time swearing up and down that he can't stand Lavender Brown. He would take any given opportunity to talk about how annoying he thinks she is, and yet Hermione always saw him wave at her across the common room or slow down in the corridors to walk next to her. It was infuriating how he couldn’t just admit he liked her. And then there was Lavender herself who was up into the early hours of the morning every night giggling about him to Pavarti and Padma.
Hermione needed a break so she went to the library; which was not proving to be a good place to go for a break. Agitated, she collected all of her books and stomped out into the corridor. She walked through multiple corridors to the Ravenclaw side of the castle and found one of her favorite hiding places. Fred and George weren’t the only ones who knew how to use that bloody map. Hermione used her wand to unlock an abandoned classroom in the Ravenclaw corridor and made herself comfortable. She didn’t know who it had belonged to or what class it was used for, but she came here whenever she really needed a break.
It was a rather small classroom and surely wouldn’t fit over twenty students. The walls were all made of stone, and one of them had a tapestry of Rowena Ravenclaw hanging from the ceiling. The desks were piled in the corner of the room, but Hermione never used them anyway. She preferred to sit on the floor with her books sprawled out so she could see all of them.
She worked quietly on her essay for awhile until she heard footsteps outside the door, then someone whisper “Alohoramora!” before opening the heavy door. She looked up quickly, hoping not to see a teacher, since she was not entirely sure she was allowed to be in there. But who she saw standing in the doorway was much more surprising than any Hogwarts professor.
It was Draco Malfoy.
He started to turn around, “I’ll just go,” he said.
“No! Draco, stay here. You can stay here, if you want. Only if you want of course,” Hermione said suddenly feeling very shy.
He didn’t say anything, just walked in the room and sat down on the floor next to her and opened up his textbook.
“Working on potions?” she asked
He nodded and continued to work silently.
“It was too loud in the common room. Milicent Bulstrode was in a fight with her stupid Ravenclaw boyfriend. I couldn’t hear myself think,” he said.
“Not at all surprised,” Hermione said, having always had a certain dislike for Milicent.
Draco hesitated for a minute and then turned to Hermione, a question written on his face.
“What do the roots of the word Amortentia mean?”
“Amor is a roman God of love and the word amour in french also means love,” Hermione explained
“Blimey, nothing gets past you, does it?”
Hermione looked at him and smiled. He held her gaze and then dropped it very slowly, smile still on his face.
“I’ve never been a fan of love potions,”- he began- “wizards in my family, they uh, well they abuse it. They use the love potion to make someone infatuated with them, give them all of their money, hand over their estate, and what not. And then by the time the potion wears off there’s nothing left. It’s quite cruel actually,” he said.
Hermione had never heard anything so horrifying. Was this how all the old pure blood wizarding families got their money?
“Draco, that’s-”
“..Dishonest. Yeah I know. That’s why I hate learning about this bloody potion,”
“Forgive me for asking, but your parents?”
“No, that's real love. Well as real as love can be in my family,”
“Mm,” Hermione didn’t know what to say.
“I love my parents but there’s a lot that comes with having a pureblood family,” he said
“Oh right, and I’m just so lucky to be a filthy little mudblood,” Hermione said sarcastically
Draco's face turned red even though the room was quite cold, “I shouldn’t have called you that. I shouldn’t have ever called you that. I used to be jealous because you were smarter than me and I knew it, so in my head it made sense to say stupid shit like that,” He paused…. “I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I’m sorry.... for how I've acted all these years.”
Hermione didn’t know what to say or what to think. Draco Malfoy had apologized to her. It didn’t erase all of the times he had made her feel small, or all of the times she had cried in her dorm late at night, questioning her value as a witch. But Draco had apologized. Maybe it didn’t do anybody good to hold grudges, especially in these dark times.
“It’s okay,” she started but then stopped herself. “Well it’s not okay, but it’s forgiven. You’re forgiven,” she smiled.
He smiled back at her and they continued working quietly on their potions essay.
***
“I’m telling you the house elves have been on top of their game lately,” Ron said through a mouthful of sausages.
“Never stops eating,” Hermione tutted
“Blimey, how could you stop with food like this?”
Hermione laughed, but Lavender practically roared as if Ron had just said the world’s funniest thing.
Hermione and Harry shared a look which made Hermione laugh even harder.
At that moment Thedore Nott walked by the Gryffindor table and said “I wouldn’t be laughing so hard, Mudblood. There won’t be much for you to laugh about for long,” he chuckled.
Hermione felt everything go cold and all of the eyes of the Gryffindor students on her. She felt as if she was transported back to second year again when she felt like she had to prove her ability as a witch and constantly defend her parentage to snobby pureblood supremacists.
Harry stood up, ready to defend her, but somebody had beat him to it.
Draco grabbed Theodore’s shoulder, and Theodore smirked expecting Draco to add to the humiliation. Harry and Ron were both standing now, along with Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas- who were clearly all expecting trouble now that Draco was involved.
“Nott! Stop wasting your time with the bloody Gryffindors and mind your own damn business,” he said through clenched teeth.
Theodore paled. All of the Slytherins knew that whatever Draco said went. He just nodded solemnly.
Hermione looked at Draco, shocked.
“Granger,” he said, nodding his head, as if he were just merely addressing her.
“Malfoy,” she replied back in the same tone.
Draco walked confidently out of the Great Hall, followed closely by Pansy Parkinson, who was always closely following Draco around.
“What the bloody hell was that all about?” Ron said bewildered
“Your guess is as good as mine,” Hermione said
But she knew. There was a newfound truce unlocked between her and Draco. Not quite friendship, but on the brink of it. Hermione wasn’t stupid though, she knew that Draco Malfoy was a very thin piece of ice and if she cracked it too soon she could go falling into freezing cold water with nobody to get her out.
All of the Gryffindors whispered amongst themselves. Everyone was used to Draco adding to the taunting not dispelling it. Ginny winked at Hermione playfully and Hermione's face blushed a deeper red than the Gryffindor banner.
She was zoned out for so long that she didn’t realize Harry had picked up her school bag looking for her Transfiguration notes. He accidentally picked up her letter to Professor Lupin and read it curiously.
“Mione, what’s this?” he asked
Oh great now Harry and Ron are going to know I felt so scared I had to go write to Lupin!
She opened her mouth to start explaining, “It’s nothing- it’s just, well you see I was so worried about my parents and I knew that Lupin could contact some aurors to make sure they stay well protected so I wrote to him. I would’ve talked to the two of you, I really would have but I just didn’t want you to think I was too weak to handle the war,” she said in a quick breath of air.
There she had finally said it. The real, true reason why she didn't want her friends to know she had written to Lupin about her concerns. It wasn't because she didn't want to bother them. Or because Lupin was the only person she trusted- although she did trust him a great deal. It was because if she voiced how concerned she was, how scared she was about the foreboding wizarding war; what would everyone think? It would be one thing for a pureblood to be worried, but for a muggleborn to be scared... that was just embarrassing. She didn't want anyone to think she was weak, and she certainly didn't want anyone to think that she couldn't handle this war.
“Hermione,” Harry said gently, “We would never think that you’re too weak to handle the war. You’re the strongest, brightest, most talented witch I know. We would’ve been dead first year without you. And if you’re seriously worried about what we think of you tutoring Draco-well personally I wouldn’t lock myself in a room with the git- but it really doesn’t matter what I think, or what Ron thinks,” Harry nudged Ron as he said this who quickly sat up straight and swallowed his food.
“Yeah yeah, blimey if it was weighing on ya that much I could’ve asked my dad to send someone over to your parents’ house,” he said
“I know, I know, I just didn’t want to be a burden,” she said sheepishly
“You’re never a burden,” Harry said firmly
The three of them looked at each other and grinned, and Hermione felt very secure. The two of them were her best friends. They knew her better than anyone in the castle, and they would do anything for her.
Ron swallowed another bite of pudding and said, “Although I do think you’d be best off to avoid Malfoy,”
Hermione gave him a sharp look, "and I think you'd be best off to avoid Lavender! I'm afraid all this talk of love potions in Slughorn's class might be giving her some bright ideas," Hermione laughed.
"Well at least she'd only be plotting to make me fall in love with her, and not torture me to death," Ron chided
"Ron-"
He threw his hands up in defeat and said “I know, I know! He's not as bad as you thought he would be,” in a mocking tone.
Hermione rolled her eyes and laughed.
As the three of them walked back to Gryffindor tower, laughing and teasing each other, Hermione’s thoughts were elsewhere. She couldn’t help but glance down at the entrance to the dungeons and think about Draco. Was Draco laughing, red faced, happy, and giggling with three of his closest friends right now? Was Draco looking forward to a comfortable couch and a welcoming fireplace in the common room? Was Draco playing chess with his housemates and placing bets on the first years playing exploding snap? Was Draco’s life full of half the love and happiness that her’s was? Probably not, she thought to herself sadly.
But she was determined to inflict it upon him, whether he liked it or not.