6.2
Study Date-
The library is quiet. The natural light from the windows in front of us illuminates our papers as we work. However, my attention is more on the boy next to me than my work. I watch from the corner of my eye as he writes an essay for a class we share. In fact, I'm working on the same essay.
I watch the light follow his hands as he glides them across the textbook beside his essay. The scars that litter his hands catch the light, giving them depth and interest. All I would want to do is hold them in my grasp. What?
I move my attention from Remus to the paper in front of me. Staring at the half-filled paper, I start to analyze my thoughts. I shouldn't be thinking about one of my closest friends like this. I'm Leon Atlus Ansley; I shouldn't be thinking about anyone like that. I don't hold hands; I'm above that.
My eyes dart back to Remus as I watch him run his hands through his hair. I watch him do so without a thought in my mind other than how soft his hair looks. Oh, fuck me.
I turn to my other side and to my bag, which sits on the chair beside me. I go straight for my phone, click it open, and go to the group chat named "Bird Of A Feather." I quickly start to type.
"Meet me in The Room ASAP." Is all I put. Sliding my phone back into my bag, I looked back to Remus. I find that he is already looking at me. His eyes show concern while his face is relaxed. I start to bullshit myself out of this situation.
"The girls need me for something." His brows raise, as do the corners of his lips. He leans back in his chair, looking at me with warmth in his eyes. I try not to overthink his gaze as I gather my things and put everything into my bag.
"Go ahead. We can continue another time." I fight the urge to tell him I would drop anything to simply sit in silence with him. I push in my chair and start to the third floor. I put my phone in my pocket to feel the vibrations of the girls responding to me. I place my bag on the armchair nearest to the door before sitting down. I don't check my phone until I'm on the couch in The Room. Each girl sent multiple texts questioning whether I was okay. I sent them a message telling them that I was alright. I just need them to get to The Room.
They arrive at the same time. Both girls rush in and sit beside me on the plush couch. Elle starts to look me over while Jo begins to question me. I calm them down the best I can before I drop this bomb on them. Leaning back, I cross both my arms and my legs. I take in a deep breath before sighing it out.
"I think I may fancy Remus." I talk fast, trying to get it out as fast as possible. My tone is shaky as I see both girls look at each other before responding. Jo bursts out in laughter while Elle looks at me and then touches my shoulder.
"Tell us something we don't know, Eon." Jo gets out between laughter. I furrow my brows while looking between the girls on both sides of me.
"What do you mean?" I lower my chin and straighten my back.
"You've liked him since fourth year, mate." It's Elle who speaks this time. I blink at her without saying anything. Jo starts to laugh again as I maintain eye contact with the blonde, who narrows her eyes at me.
"I have?" Looking down, I watch as I start to spin my family ring. I focus solely on the green emerald set in the middle of the pure silver band. I feel the etchings that make up the ravens on each side of the gem. The girls are silent as I do so, Jo no longer laughing at me. I feel Elle place a hand on my shoulder, getting me to look back at her. Her features are relaxed yet worried.
"How do you feel about this? About having feelings for Remus?" This question stumps me. How do I feel? I've never liked someone like this before—well, other than that one time, but we don't talk about that. The only thing I feel when I think about Remus is warmth in my chest. I start to fidget with my ring again.
"I-I don't know. I've never had to deal with this before. I've slept around, sure, but I have never had feelings for someone." My voice shakes as I speak. I start to retreat into myself as I focus solely on my ring. It's the one thing that has never changed since I got it from my father. I hear my girls take deep breaths before I feel both place a hand on my shoulders.
"You're going to have to figure it out if you want to move forward, Eon." Comes from Jo on my right side. She begins to rub my back to try and comfort me as best as she knows. It's always been me comforting them, not the other way around.
Straightening my back, both girls let their hands fall from my shoulders. I let out a sigh before standing. I round the coffee table and pace in front of the couch. My thoughts are racing. Going from how I feel about Remus, the signs of it, and the different ways this could go forward. I don't know how to deal with fancying someone. I haven't done so since I was a child. How do I act around him? Do I ignore him? Or should I act as if nothing is wrong? So many questions that don't have answers.
I continue to pace as Jo and Elle watch. Jo gets up and goes to the snack bar. I don't pay attention to what she is doing, focusing only on the thoughts in my mind. I start to spin my ring as fast as I can while muttering under my breath.
Then suddenly, as I pace, I almost run into Jo. I manage to flinch backward before I run into her. She is holding a cup and a protein bar. She holds the two items out towards me. I slowly reach for them, taking them from her. She leads me back to the couch, where I start drinking the peppermint tea she made for me.
Neither girl speaks as I slowly drink the tea. They're waiting for me to speak, but I don't know what to say. I give a deep chuckle and put the cup on the coffee table.
"I'm the Pure-Blood Beauty, and I'm freaking out about having feelings for a boy." I chuckle once again before putting my face in my hands. I close my eyes and focus on my hearing. I can hear the two girls almost completely silently motioning with their hands. Not even they know how to deal with this situation that I'm in. I hear Elle sigh before speaking.
"It's therapy time." Shit. Not this.
Jo gets up and starts to move the furniture around. I don't look up from my hands. She puts the two armchairs on the other side of the coffee table to face the couch. Elle gets up from her spot, and they both take their seats in the armchairs before me.
Looking up from my hands, I see the serious faces of my girls, who are looking back at me. I lean back onto the couch, not speaking. If they want to do this, then they have to be the ones who start it. We sit silently for a while as I watch Elle get impatient.
"Look back. When do you think this crush started?" I sit there in silence momentarily as I try to recall how this all started. Jo was right; I think it began in the fourth year.
"Fourth year, after he helped me with a charm that I just couldn't figure out." My face is blank, and so is my voice. I'm more focused on unpacking my hidden feelings for Remus Lupin. I can't believe that I never realized that I felt this way. All I want to do is hold his hand. Watch as he studies. Steal some of his jumpers when he's not looking. Bloody Hell, I'm in deep.
"I can't believe I'm just now realizing this."
"It's because you don't let yourself have feelings." Elle's tone is blank, but she's right, I don't. I sigh, running a hand across my face as I lean forward again. I lean my elbows onto my thighs and look to the girls for answers. Answers I know they don't have.
I'm fucked.
-1,494 Words-