Sirius coughed again as his lungs burned. He heard the sound of the zinnia and apple blossoms hitting the water in the toilet he had been hunched over. Wiping away the blood on his chin he groaned. Sirius slumped backward against the wall. His thoughts turned sour as he stared at the torture he had been enduring for the last 4 months. As much as Sirius hates the effects of the disease he can’t bear the thought of getting the cure from Pomfrey. The side effects of the petals hitting the water in the toilet along with a bit of blood. 4 months this had been going on for. Slumming back against the wall behind him Sirius glares at the petals. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand he lets out a groan taking a few slow deep breaths.
As much as Sirius hates the effects of the disease he can't bring himself to get the surgery. He can't lose his Moon.
A knock on the door pulls him from his thoughts. “Sirius, are you almost done in there? I need to get ready for class too.” Peter called out to him.
“Oh piss off wormy,” Sirius says standing up and flushing away the evidence of his emotions.
As soon as the bathroom door was opened Peter had pushed his way inside and Sirius out.
After Sirius finishes getting ready he heads down to the Great Hall and takes his seat with the rest of the Gryffindors.
Sirius settled into his seat at the Gryffindor table, feeling the familiar tension gnawing at his insides. He couldn't shake the feeling of unease that had been clinging to him for months, a shadow that never quite left his mind. The room buzzed with the usual chatter, but his thoughts were far away, consumed by the torment his body had been enduring and the dread of the only escape—one he couldn't bring himself to accept.
The petals. The blood. The sharp pain.
He hated himself for it, for the weakness he felt every time he retreated from the cure. It would save him, but it would cost him something he couldn’t bear to part with—his Moon. That was a part of him, and no matter how the disease ravaged his body, he wasn’t sure he could give that up.
"Mate, you alright?" James whispered, nudging him with his elbow. Sirius blinked, startled out of his spiraling thoughts.
"Yeah, fine," Sirius replied, offering a forced smile as he looked around the table, noticing his friends’ concerned glances.
"You don't look fine," James pressed, eyes narrowing. "You look like hell. Again."
Sirius glanced down at his plate, his appetite lost. The ache in his chest worsened, the unspoken tension hanging between him and his friends growing thicker. They knew something was wrong. They just didn’t know how bad it really was.
"Forget it," he muttered, shaking his head. He picked up his fork, forcing himself to eat a few bites. "I'm just tired."
James wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t push further. They all had their secrets, after all. Sirius could only hope that this one—his darkest—would stay hidden a little longer.
As he chewed in silence, the knot in his stomach grew tighter. The petals still haunted him, swirling in his mind like a never-ending nightmare. He couldn’t help but wonder how long he could keep this up before everything finally fell apart.
Time seemed to take forever to pass. Eventually, all the students started to head to their classes for the day. Sirius stayed seated having a free period first thing he didn’t feel the need to rush about. As his friends started to slip away his thoughts were interrupted by his brother coming over and tapping his shoulder.
“Sirius.” Regulus starts his expression neutral. Regulus had always been the better of the two when it came to hiding his emotions. “How have you been since Christmas?”
Sirius flinched slightly at the sound of his brother's voice. He hadn’t spoken much to Regulus since Christmas break, and their relationship had always been a complex tangle of rivalry and unspoken worry. He forced his features into something more neutral, trying to suppress the gnawing pain that lingered in his chest.
"Same as ever, Reg," Sirius replied, his voice a little too flat. "How about you? Mum still pinning all her hopes and dreams on you?"
Regulus’s expression remained unreadable, but there was something in his eyes, something like hesitation, that Sirius hadn’t seen before. "You should look after yourself, Sirius," Regulus said, his voice quieter than usual. “You don’t look... well.”
Sirius bristled at the comment, his usual sharp retort dying in his throat. Regulus had always been the one to toe the family line, the perfect son, the Black heir. But even now, there was something strange in his tone, something almost concerned. That was new.
“I’m fine,” Sirius lied, brushing off his brother’s words. He didn’t need pity, not from Regulus, not from anyone. “Why do you care, anyway?”
Regulus looked away for a moment, his jaw tightening. “Just take care of yourself, alright?”
Before Sirius could reply, Regulus turned and walked away, his robes trailing behind him as he disappeared into the crowd of students leaving the hall and meeting up with a group of Slytherins. Several of them were laughing amongst themselves including Snape. Sirius stared after him for a long moment, his mind swirling with confusion. Regulus never said things like that. They barely even spoke these days.
His chest felt heavy again, and not just from the disease. He let out a shaky breath and leaned back in his seat, his thoughts returning to the petals and blood that haunted him. The way his body seemed to betray him more each day, and the unyielding truth that he couldn’t—wouldn’t—take the cure. He couldn’t lose Remus, not even if it meant saving himself.
Sirius wasn’t sure how much longer he could pretend everything was fine, but for now, he’d keep lying. To his friends, to his brother, and to himself.
With a deep breath, Sirius chugged the rest of his drink before he stood, pushing the thoughts away. He had to keep going. He always did.
Wandering the halls normally helped clear his head but not when he was being followed. Sirius turned the corner and after a few steps the person behind him did too. Getting fed up with the person following him he stops and turns to face the person behind him.
Snape stood there with a smug smirk on his face.
“Oh, what do you want Snivilus?” Sirius asks the annoyance clear in his voice.
“I just wanted to know where Lupin goes every month?” Snape asks his smirk growing.
Like Sirius would ever say anything about Remus’s condition. “He goes to the Shrieking Shack.” The words left his mouth on their own.
Sirius would rather die than betray his friends, especially his moon. Why had he told Snape? His mind was a mess until Snape asked a second question.
“How does he get there?” The words leave Snape’s mouth and sound like poison in Sirius’s ears.
“The Whomping Willow. There’s a knot on the trunk that if you press it makes it so you can get passed.” Again the words spilled from Sirius’s mouth as though he couldn’t say otherwise.
Veritaserum. Snape had to have snuck it into his cup this morning when Regulus was talking to him.
“Great now I don’t want you telling anyone about this conversation so…” Snape pulled out his wand and cast a spell before Sirius could comprehend what had happened. His eyes went dark and the next thing he knew he was in the Gryffindor common room sitting on a couch as the sun came up.
The memories came rushing back to him and he froze. How could he have lost so much time? His hands shook as he stood up and ran to the Hospital Wing. He felt his chest burn as he ran trying to ignore the pain he kept running until he burst through the doors. Snape lay on one bed a bandage on his arm speaking to Dumbledor. Sirius’s eyes continued to scan the room until he found the bed containing his Moon.
“Moony. I am so so sorry.” He started as he gripped the rails of the bed Remus was on to keep himself standing. He never got to finish explaining though.
Remus sat there staring at his hands in horror. “What did you do Black? I trusted you!” He yelled his voice shaking slightly as did his hands.
“Moony. Please let me explain.” Sirius desperately pleaded with Remus trying to explain and apologise.
“What is there to explain? I can’t trust you and it’s clear as shit you see me as a monster. You claim to be different from your family but clearly, you are still just a branch on a sick tree.” Remus says glaring at Sirius.
Madame Pomfrey ussers Sirius out of the room under the guize of letting her patients rest but Sirius knows it’s just to get him away from Remus. He doesn’t blame anyone he doesn’t feel like he is worthy of being in the same room as Remus.
As he starts to walk away from the hospital wing he starts coughing. Dropping to the ground Sirius catches himself from falling on his face as he coughs violently. Blood and flowers come out of his lungs the feeling causing his chest to burn. Wiping the blood from his chin he looked and where he had come to expect the apple blossoms and zinnia they had been replaced with asphodel, basil, and lavender.