Alice Mc.Garden was once again in the training room. It had become a habit, a kind of ritual that took place whenever she couldn't find sleep. She would grab her wand, lock herself in the room where she found refuge, and unleash all sorts of spells, hoping to regain her former strength… or at least what had felt like not so long ago to her. This night’s training was particularly grueling. The stiffness in her legs made it difficult to maintain her stance, and she often lost her balance, causing her spells to become increasingly unstable.
In this state, Alice seemed unshakable, trapped in a demanding world where only the strongest survived. And that world judged her harshly.
Deep in her thoughts, Alice didn’t hear the door unlock or the person entering. The dark silhouette of Severus Snape slipped into the room silently. He watched with a sense of dread the scene before him—the exhausted body of Alice Mc.Garden, driven only by her own self-loathing. The young woman was casting spells faster and faster, becoming breathless within moments as they took a toll on her. She was drenched in sweat, and her legs trembled from the strain. Severus stood frozen for a moment, stunned by the tragic and terrifying sight. He knew he had to stop her.
“That’s enough! Alice, stop—put down your wand!” he ordered.
Finally noticing his presence, she snapped out of her frenzied trance, initially pointing her wand at him, not fully aware of who was speaking to her. When she finally recognized him, she lowered her wand, and Severus could see the bitterness etched across her face.
“You’re talking to me?” Her exhausted body finally overpowered her mind, and she sat down on the floor with difficulty.
“You're not well, Alice… You should—” He was cut off before he could finish.
“Go away, Severus. Surely, you must have… a thousand things to do.” She paused briefly. “More important things…” Finally, she lay down on the floor, her tone softening as she spoke.
“I... I’m sorry, Alice… Truly.”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve heard you apologize…” She turned her back on him, rolling to her side.
“You don’t even have the strength to hate me anymore…” he whispered, moving cautiously closer to her.
She seemed so fragile to him, like she might shatter into thousands of pieces with the slightest misstep.
She remained silent, her gaze lost in the void.
“Alice…” he called softly.
“You haven’t spoken to me… Not a sentence, not a word, no letters, no glances—nothing. And now that I’m pathetic, you come to pity me? I knew you were cruel, Sev’, but this…”
He looked out the window for a moment. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words out loud, but the thoughts swirled in his mind. Alice… I became what you hate most in the world—a Death Eater. How could you understand? I didn’t ignore you out of indifference. I couldn’t choose between hurting you with the truth or betraying you with a lie. This dilemma had consumed him, driving away one of the few people who had shown the patience required to be his friend.
“And what now?” Alice's voice cut through his thoughts. “Do I have to throw myself out of this window for you to finally tell me what’s going on with you?”
“Would you really be so foolish as to take your life over such a trivial matter? Why do you do all that nonsence ?" he shot back.
Alice flinched, and Severus took a step back. A heavy silence fell between them.
“You don’t understand… You don’t understand…” she began softly. “I want to get better. I want to live like I did before. I don’t want all these problems… my body, my mind… But I can’t. I try to rest, I try to stay still and wait for the recovery to effect, but it doesn't , and everything moves forward without me...And the one thing I thought was still intact after all of this... isn’t really intact!”
“Alice, talking to me won’t make you better. You know better than anyone that I’m not capable of helping anyone heal.”
“Do you really think you know better than I do what will help me get better? I know exactly what kind of person you are, Severus, and I expect nothing more…” She paused. “But if you truly don’t want to speak to me anymore, I want to know why…”
Severus was pained to realize that his indecision had only worsened the situation. What if he had simply lied to her from the beginning? Could he still lie now??
“It’s a mission for Dumbledore… I… I can’t tell you more than that,” he finally said, his voice tentative.
Alice immediately turned to face him.
“We’re investigating a group of Death Eaters... and we didn’t want you to get involved. Some members of the Ministry are part of the suspects... they could think you’re connected to it.”
“But there were ways to talk to me despite that…”
“Alice, they told me you could barely stand, that it took you weeks to regain all your memories. And look at you now, lying on the floor like you’re dying. Do you really think we wanted to add even the smallest burden to you?”
“You could have.”
“I would have—to the Alice you were before.”
“You’re cruel.”
“And you’re sick.”
“I’ve become so weak... you all don’t even trust me, pathétique” she murmured.
If there was one thing Severus Snape was completely ignorant about, it was how to comfort someone. Of course, it would have been easier if there had been any form of comfort that could help Alice, but he knew all too well that none existed. And he couldn't contradict her—she looked pathetic. But it was none her fault. He stood a few steps away, stoic, unable to come any closer.
“Things were supposed to change, Severus…” Tears began to roll down her cheeks as she took a deep breath. “They had changed.”
“Had they really?” he asked.
Severus couldn’t see Alice’s face, but he felt the deep wave of sorrow radiating from her. He prepared to leave; his words seemed to have done nothing but make things worse, and he felt profoundly uneasy.
“You were there that night, weren’t you?” she asked, her voice weary, but there was a heaviness to the question.
The Potions Master seemed caught off guard, his face troubled, his mouth slightly open, ready to speak—but no words came out.
“My memories are scattered, but I remember you very clearly…” She turned, now lying on her back, staring at the ceiling. “I haven’t told anybody… I wanted… us to talk first.”
“I… I had to intervene…”
“You saved me…” She turned toward him now. “I’m alive because of you, Severus.”
He averted his gaze.
“Look at you—I wouldn’t call this being saved.”
“I could have died.”
“I thought you had.”
“But I’m here.”
“That’s true,” he admitted. “Lying on the floor because you’re just as much a danger to yourself as you were 11 years ago... But yes, you’re here.”
She managed a faint, but sincere smile. The heaviness that had weighed down both their hearts lightened just a little.
Alice felt a sense of relief that something, at least, seemed to return to how it used to be, even if she still struggled to understand what had driven them apart in the first place.
“Are you going to ignore me again once we leave this room?” she asked.
“That depends… on whether you’re better.”
“So it’s all on me, then?”
“No... This investigation shouldn’t stop us from simply talking. I’ll discuss it with Dumbledore…” He lied, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth—that he was simply indecisive and had entangled himself in a sordid mess of his own making. But he needed to stop that without making it even more suspectful than before.
“That’s really the only reason you haven’t spoken to me since I woke up?” she pressed.
Severus nodded. Alice had always been perceptive, with a knack for sniffing out small lies, and he feared she would see through him. He desperately wished for her to let it go and for this conversation to end.
“I find it hard to believe that’s all… You’d tell me if you had any resentment towards me, or if there was something else, right?”
“I won’t ignore you anymore, Alice. Don’t worry.”
“But you’re still hiding things…” She turned away from him once more.
“You need to rest, Alice.”
She heard his footsteps moving toward her, but then they paused. A moment later, they retreated as he left the room.
“Goodnight, Severus,” she called softly.
“Goodnight, Alice,” he replied, his voice barely audible as he departed.
Alice knew that things wouldn’t mend as quickly as they had broken, so she settled for this small step toward reconciliation. She understood that it would take time and effort to learn more, and even though the prospect was already exhausting, it was necessary.
She lay there for a while, staring at the ceiling and gathering her strength to get up. It took her half an hour to finally rise and return to her bed, where she would remain for the next few days. Severus had asked her to rest, and she would try, at least, to fulfill that simple request.