“You weren’t at the final battle were you?”
“No, my uncle shipped me off to America after sixth year.”
“That's nice.”
“Is it? Most people call it cowardly”
“Nah, you were the smartest one of our lot. I think if I wasn’t born into this war I would’ve left too”
Harry took another drag of the joint still training his eyes on the stars above. He could feel Nott's eyes staring at him but his head was too heavy to bother moving.
“No, you wouldn’t have, you have too much of a saviour complex”
He couldn’t help but release a quiet snort at that. So few people spoke candidly to him now besides his close mates it was refreshing, even coming from a Slytherin.
“Yeah, maybe you’re right. It's nice to think about though. A world where I was taught to value my life over others.”
Nott took a few long moments to respond to that. Harry took the opportunity to take another drag. The smoke filled his lungs and he held the sensation until it started to burn.
“Whatever you're smoking makes you very honest.”
“I’ve always tried to be honest, not my fault people ask questions that don’t let me. Want a hit? It’s an Indica strain”
Finally, Harry let his head turn to look at the other boy who was mirroring his position against the wall. Harry's head was still pushing against the concrete and he could vaguely feel the cold seep into his skull.
“Hypothetically speaking what the hell would those words mean to a non-smoker.”
At this, Harry couldn’t stop himself from letting out a full chuckle. Causing a faint rose to make itself known on Nott's cheeks.
“Hypothetically, it wouldn’t have helped that I’m using the muggle terms. It's a strain of marijuana, which… fuck what's the wizard term, green… greenfire or something”
A look of recognition passed over Notts face, “Greenlight?”
Harry snapped and pointed his finger to the brunette “That's it! The offers still there, you want some?”
Holding the joint between them Harry watched Nott's eyes jump between the door and the smoking object. Whatever internal debate he was having was alleviated soon enough when he responded “Yeah fuck it, can’t pass up the opportunity to get high for the first time with the chosen one.”
Their hands grazed each other as Nott took the joint from Harry's outstretched hand, a flurry of movement erupted in Harry's stomach and he pointedly decided not to look into what caused that feeling.
“Just breathe in, hold it for a few seconds and breathe out. You’ll probably cough the first time.”
Following his instructions Harry watched as the other boy took a drag, the joint hanging loosely in his fingers. They were long fingers, with no calluses or scars to be seen. So different from his own, Harry wondered what it would be like to live a life that allowed him to have perfect hands.
The corner of Harry's mouth quirked up as Nott did in fact have a coughing fit.
He handed the joint back to Harry after taking one more drag which had significantly less coughing following it. Realizing he’d been staring at the other boy just a bit too long when he met Nott's eyes, Harry forced his head to fall back to stare at the sky.
Whenever someone asked why he started smoking he always said he never had the chance to have a rebellious teenage phase, might as well try some things while he still could. But really he smoked for this feeling. The feeling of being too heavy, for once actually grounded to the earth and not floating away like he had been for months.
He imagined it had something to do with surviving when he shouldn’t have. He was a dead boy walking and the earth knew that, it was trying to push him away and sometimes he didn’t have the strength to dig his nails in and demand he stays put.
So he smoked.
A long moment of silence passed between the two where Harry finished the joint.
“Can I ask you something?”
If it wasn’t for the warmth Nott was emitting he would have forgotten he was there until his mouth opened. He was quiet.
“Sure”
“Why aren’t you down at the party?”
The words lingered in the air as Harry debated how honest he really wanted to be with the boy. His presence was comforting, which shocked Harry. The past few months had been too loud, too much, especially after living in a forest for the better part of the year, so whenever he sneaked off to smoke, he normally preferred to be alone—just him, his thoughts, and the stars.
But Nott's presence was nice. He was warm.
A reminder he was alive.
It's not like anyone would believe him if he told others anyway.
“Too many people. Everyone down there keeps demanding more and more things from me. To be fine or to be happy, to finally act like a person and not a weapon but I don’t know how. I don’t know how to give them what they want.”
Wishing desperately he still had the joint to occupy his hands Harry settled for picking at the loose thread on his jumper.
“You don’t owe them anything. You could go down there and be a moody bitch in the corner and nobody should demand anything else from you. You already gave enough”
“Tell that to the saviour complex”
Harry tensed as he felt something touch his hand before he realized the warmth that had been just sitting beside him was now holding his hand.
He forced his head over to the other boy who was still staring at the sky, Harry couldn’t tell if the pink on his cheeks was from the action or the temperature.
Sitting like this Harry realized he had never looked at the boy before, not like this.
He had a sharp jawline and dark eyes. His magic though, is what really intrigued Harry. The best he could describe it was the calm before the storm. Something ominous and powerful but not in the way Harry’s was.
Where Harry’s magic was fire and destruction, this boys was a quiet strength, a promise that if needed it could be an immovable force, but only when needed.
Urging the flutters in his stomach to stop, Harry returned to looking at the sky.
They stayed like that for a long time. Long after the warming charms faded and the noise in the background dulled and then ceased altogether.
And for the first time in months, Harry was sure that even if he didn’t have any pot flowing through him he would still feel grounded. And for the first time possibly ever, Harry didn’t feel like the future was so unattainable, that maybe he was more human than he thought.