Chapter 2
Remus was stressing out for absolutely no reason. He had cleaned the flat three times already, made sure his favourite candle was lit up, and had gone and bought enough coffee for an overworked teaching staff on a Thursday morning.
Someone knocked on the door. Remus stopped pacing. There was no going back now.
He slowly opened the door and was met with a grinning James.
‘Remus! I wasn’t sure it was the right flat!’
‘He knocked on the wrong door twice already.’ Lily sighed.
‘We met your downstairs neighbour, she is quite sweet.’ Peter added.
They were already wreaking havoc in his carefully constructed plan. They were not supposed to meet Ms Pomfrey. Remus was by no means a secretive person but he liked having order and separation in his life. The fact that his university friends were in his adult flat was ok, really, even if he would have preferred a two days notice at the very least. As far as he could remember, he had always been like this.
This had however been exacerbated when he started transitioning. Every social interaction needed to be thought out because he needed to constantly gauge how much people could know about him, about Remus. He was not mistrustful per se but the idea of being seen and known by other people made him uneasy. There were a few exceptions though. Sirius, for example. He had trusted him almost instantly. How nice it was to have such a friend.
‘Is Sirius there?’ James asked, as if he could read his mind. ‘Or were you just taking the piss last night?’
‘Yeah, we were,’ Remus deadpanned. ‘We needed the evening to transform the flat to make you think we actually live together, that is why we had to leave so suddenly.’
No one laughed. Remus did not know what it meant. Did they actually think they could do something like this? To be fair, this was the kind of prank they would pull. But didn’t they know them by now? Couldn’t they decipher the truth?
They just had to look around the flat to see it. It screamed Sirius’ name, with the MotoGP flags, the piles of DVDs composed mostly of gangster movies and sad animated movies, and the dozens of rock and rap vinyls carefully sorted. Mixed with these came Remus’ stuff, mostly numerous books on linguistics, two fluffy throw blankets settled on the couch and an impressive amount of postcards from every place he ever visited. Pictures of them together, as well as with family and friends, completed the homey feeling of their place. Their, yes. There was no doubt that they had built it together. Anyone could see it.
‘Do you fancy a flat tour?’ Remus asked his friends. Strangely, it was almost reluctantly.
They followed him to the kitchen. There was nothing particular to see here, at least not to them. Just fruits, empty coffee cups and random pictures on the fridge. But Remus had chosen each of these fruits himself, in an attempt to find a dessert that Sirius would enjoy. Apple pie was one of the only sugary things he would eat, and Remus’ sweet tooth desperately needed something new. He had made dozens of coffee pots since they moved in, sometimes at ungodly hours of the night when they would be fighting insomnia together in the kitchen, talking about the universe and their place in it. He had not taken the pictures though. The pictures were taken by friends and family. Sirius and him both featured on all of them, sometimes alone, sometimes with their university friends, sometimes with Regulus or Andromeda. On one, they were around a table with Hope and Lyall, playing board games. When they had chosen the pictures to put on display, Sirius had been adamant that this one needed to be printed. Remus had indulged him, of course.
But James, Lily and Peter did not know. They nodded politely, seeing a mere kitchen. They behaved in the same way in the living room. They did not know how many movies had been watched on this couch, Sirius’ and his limbs entangled under a blanket, with abandoned sushi on the coffee table. They did not know how it was Remus’ favourite place in the world, the place where he could read poetry while Sirius was playing video games very loudly next to him, the place where there was always music in the background, the place where he felt the safest.
The bathroom was the same affair. The toothbrushes in the same glass and the matching razors did not impress them. When Remus’ beard had started to grow after he had started taking testosterone, Sirius had taught him how to shave. He was so proud when they bought him his first razor, choosing the colour for Remus, because a man’s first razor was important, he had said. It was not Remus’ first razor at all, but he had liked the idea. He had also liked the fact that Sirius could teach him something like that. Gender was a tricky topic to tackle but it was always better with someone’s hand in yours. There was another example of that in the shower. When Remus was still trying to figure out how to lessen gender dysphoria, he had mimicked some of Sirius’ habits and started using some of the same products as him, mostly because they also made him feel safe. When they moved in together, they decided to share the same shampoo and shower gel. It was silly, perhaps, but it was one of these things that was theirs in the flat, and they both liked it quite a lot. For their friends, though, the razors were just blue, the shampoo only smelled like apples, and the shower gel was a random woody-scented one.
The bedroom, however, did make them react. Remus didn't quite know why. It was the least personal room of the whole house. It was tiny and they could only store part of their clothes in it. There were a few movie posters they had gotten from the nearby cinema, but that was about it. Their bedside tables were almost empty. Sirius’ had a childhood picture of Regulus and him, a teddy bear, and in the evenings, his AirPods. On Remus’, there was his current read and a glass of water. Nothing fancy, really.
‘So you do sleep together,’ James said finally.
Remus shrugged. ‘Yes, that’s what we told you.’
Lily grimaced. ‘We thought that perhaps it was a bit of wishful thinking. I mean, as we did not know whether it was real or not, it felt like some kind of a daydream. You know, given your crush on Sirius.’
Remus felt his cheeks growing redder. ‘This was years ago.’
Lily’s look told him that she did not believe him but he decided not to think about it. He did know better than her, seeing as he was the one involved in said non-existent crush.
They silently went back to the living room and settled down on the couch. Remus went to the kitchen to make tea and coffee for everyone. He could hear his friends whisper, which was ridiculous, really. Why would they feel the need to do that?
As he brought everything to the coffee table and sat on the floor, Peter said ‘We really missed you, you know. It feels a bit like university again.’
Oh, the everpresent guilt. And the overwhelming wave of nostalgia that came crashing in not long after.
‘It was grand, wasn’t it?’ Remus answered, not knowing what else he could say.
‘I was looking back through all of our pictures recently,’ James started. ‘Do you remember that trip we took to Bordeaux? We were so sleep-deprived.’
They talked and talked about past memories, bringing up half-forgotten classmates, terrible decisions and sleepless nights. Very few of it actually took place at the university, which was always a weird thing to realise. Calling people your university friends when so few of your shared experience was in this building felt wrong on many levels, but there were unfortunately no other words for them. They had started proper adult life together, had seen the others getting their first full-time jobs, had been there for the first decent flats and houses they had gotten, sometimes with their significant other. This had been so important to them back then. Today it was almost mundane. They had all moved on from everything that happened - except for Marlene, who was still with Dorcas, both still living in the flat they had found at the end of their degree. Their friendship was like the ship of Theseus - they were all friends, but what truly remained of who they were at the beginning?
Around 5:30pm, the concern of what to eat for dinner was raised. After a few unsuccessful suggestions, Remus mentioned pizza, for no reason at all, really.
‘It would be just like our first evening together,’ James exclaimed.
They all got ready and went to the grocery store. It had always been an adventure, an essential part of their parties. Remus had long known quality time was his love language when he had met them, but their grocery store trips truly was one of the highlights of their time together. They had made fun of him, at first. Eventually though, they had all started to enjoy it almost as much as him.
They had not been back for long when Sirius arrived. Remus was still working on the dough.
‘We are in the kitchen!’ Peter called when the door opened.
Keys noise. Jacket off. Shoes off. Slides on. Then the soft padding of feet towards the kitchen. Sirius was a creature of habit, and Remus liked to think he knew all of them.
‘Pizza!’ Sirius shrieked. ‘God, I've been wanting to eat some for days.’
Remus, of course, did not know this at all. Like James said, it had only been for old times’ sake. Weirdly, his friends did not seem to believe that, given the looks they gave him.
‘Hi guys,’ Sirius said, saving him. ‘How was your day? Did Remus treat you well?’
James started telling him about their day before asking him about his. Sirius excitedly talked about the children he had met that day, especially two mischievous seven-year olds whom he had to ‘punish’ and who therefore spent the entire visit holding his hands. They had talked about aliens, Egyptian mythology and their favourite dinosaurs, so this was really anything but a punishment. He then raved on and on about Molly and how pretty she was. It seemed to throw their friends out a bit, until Remus explained that it was the name of one of the giraffes at the London zoo. Sirius had started working there three months ago and he came home every day glowing with stars in his eyes. He was in charge of some tours and workshops with children there and it made him incredibly happy. Every night, Remus would settle on the couch with a hot cup of tea and listen to him describe what this kid said or what that animal did, sometimes for hours. He would not exchange that for anything in the world.
Tonight though, it was cut short by Sirius’ phone.
‘Reggie! Hey! How are you?’
One of the only things that could make Sirius’ smile brighter than his work was his baby brother. They had all learned early on in their friendship that Regulus was Sirius’ priority. He could be an overbearing older brother at times, but he just cared about him so much that no one really complained. Not even Regulus. Truth be told, he would probably miss it if Sirius stopped behaving like that. They usually called each other every few days and Remus knew that Sirius had not had the time in the last three days, which was probably why Regulus was calling right now.
‘Yes, he is next to me. OK, yes, I’ll let you talk to him.’
Sirius handed him the phone. Remus stared at it dumbfoundedly for a beat. Sirius raised an eyebrow.
‘For you,’ he said, as if it explained everything.
Remus took the phone. ‘Reg?’
‘Remus, hey,’ Regulus answered. ‘Are you free next weekend?’
‘Let me check the calendar,’ Remus said. He went to the fridge. ‘Yes, I think we are. Except if Sirius has an unexpected shift.’
He turned to his flatmate.
‘You’re free next weekend, right?’
Sirius nodded. ‘Yes. Why is he asking that though? Couldn’t he ask me directly?’
Regulus must have heard him because he laughed. ‘Tell him it’s because you are my favourite,’ he told Remus.
Remus complied too happily. Sirius looked at him in a way he probably intended as threatening but which was more ridiculous than anything. ‘Menaces, the both of you,’ he whispered.
‘Barty and I will come to see you then,’ Regulus told Remus. ‘We both have the weekend off and it’s been too long since we came to London.’
‘There is this play that I absolutely have to take you to,’ Remus said.
‘Do you think Sirius will want to come or should we let him with Barty for the evening? We could have fun, just the two of us.’ Regulus suggested slyly.
‘I don’t know, hold on.’ Remus looked at Sirius. ‘Would you rather come and see a play or babysit Barty for the evening?’
Both brothers spluttered indignantly.
‘Is that even a question? Are you trying to steal my brother?’
‘Barty does not need a babysitter. If someone does, it’s rather Sirius!’
Laughter overtook Remus and he doubled over. The siblings seemed however rather unimpressed with his attitude. Sirius looked at him in mock-distaste and went to join the others in the living room.
‘Sorry,’ he apologised, wiping away a tear. ‘We will all go, then. We also have a restaurant we have to bring you to, we found it last week. It’s a few streets from our place, and the food is incredible. It’s in Sirius’ top ten if not top five of all London.’
A muffled ‘top five’ came from the living room. Remus smiled.
‘Great. I’m sorry, I have to go. Barty is waiting for me.’ Regulus said. ‘Tell Sirius I will call him tomorrow to discuss Andromeda’s birthday present.’
‘Yeah, sure.’ Remus moved to the door of the living room. ‘Sirius, Reg will call you tomorrow to talk about Andromeda’s gift, so that you don’t buy her yet another perfume.’
‘That’s not what I said’, Regulus complained as Sirius protested that his gifts were always thoughtful, thank you very much.
‘That’s what you meant, though,’ Remus countered.
Regulus begrudgingly agreed. They said goodbye to each other and Regulus hung up. Remus handed Sirius’ phone back to him and sat next to him on the floor.
‘They are coming next weekend, then?’ Sirius asked.
‘Yup.’
‘Good. I like family time.’ Sirius smiled at him.
James, Lily and Peter stared at them.
The timer Remus had set for the pizza dough rang.
They all went back to the kitchen and chopped various ingredients to put on the pizzas. After a while though, Sirius pushed everyone out of his way because it was his kitchen and he did not like having other people next to him when he was cooking. They all lined up against the sink, trying to take as little space as possible. Remus indulged him as long as he could until Sirius took out the dough and looked at him with puppy eyes.
‘I know it’s your favourite part’, he said.
They started working on the pizzas together, entertaining their friends with tales of their life since they started living together. It had only been a few months but they would laugh about what seemed like insignificant details so much that by the time the pizzas were out of the oven, none of their friends’ questions were answered.
‘How did you end up living together though?’ Lily asked after yet another anecdote about a piece of furniture they had found at a flea market.
‘When Remus was living abroad, I went to see him and one night, we talked about the future and we realised we both wanted to move to London. So we made some kind of a pact to move here together.’
‘When my application as a teacher assistant was accepted, I rang him and he finally applied to the London zoo. Honestly, I still don’t understand why you hadn’t done it before, it has been your dream for years,’ Remus told Sirius.
‘I was just waiting for the right moment,’ Sirius grinned. ‘When we both had secured jobs here, we needed to find a flat and as you all know, it’s a nightmare to find decent housing in London.’
‘After a while, we realised that people were nicer to us if they thought we were a couple. It must seem more stable or something.’
‘Yes,’ Sirius added, ‘I guess they think it will last longer than two friends. Anyway, we ended up pretending we were together, and when we found this flat, we knew it was the one. At first, one of us was supposed to sleep on the couch, but it was truly uncomfortable. Then we said that we could share the bed until we found a better one and we just got accustomed to it.’
‘So are you together?’ James asked.
‘Legally? Yes.’ Remus answered. ‘Officially? Wait, I guess that’s the same thing. No, we are not really together. But if anyone asks, the answer is yes.’
‘Are the pictures on the fridge also for tax purposes?’ Lily deadpanned.
‘Why would there be?’ Sirius asked, confused. ‘It’s just pictures of us. We live together, it’s only normal.’
‘There is a picture of Remus with his arm around Narcissa,’ Peter said. ‘I did not know they were so close.’
‘It was just a family dinner here,’ Sirius explained. ‘Why do you have to make it weird? Remus being close to my family is normal, we’re flatmates.’
‘Yes, I don’t know why it would be weird for me to see his family when he comes and sees mine with me during the holidays,’ Remus added.
‘Why don’t you-’ James started but Lily shushed him. ‘It’s not worth it’, she whispered to him.
‘So,’ she turned to everyone. ‘Shall we go out tonight?’
‘Have you been to HEAVEN?’ Sirius asked.
‘A bit early to know’, James laughed. Then, more seriously ‘No, never.’
‘Oh, we should definitely go then. Do you have any party clothes?’
‘Back at the hotel, yes,’ Lily said. ‘But if you don’t take too long, perhaps you could get dressed while we wait for you, and then we do the same at the hotel? I have a bottle there so we could pre-game a bit.’
Remus quickly abandoned his friends to go take a shower while Sirius was choosing his clothes. He knew his flatmate would take ages in front of their closet. He had personally settled on one type of outfit he would wear to go out when he arrived in London and never bothered changing it. He looked good in it, and that was it.
The hot water splashed his face and for the first time of the evening, he paused and thought for a bit. The feeling of unease that arrived with his friends had dimmed but was still lingering. The perspective of going out strangely made him less anxious, perhaps because they were going to a neutral place. But now was not the time to overthink. He finished washing himself and stepped out of the shower.
His black silk shirt was half buttoned when Sirius started banging on the door. ‘Remus, hurry up!’
Remus rolled his eyes and opened the door. ‘Can’t you wait a bit?’
‘Come on, you’re already dressed,’ Sirius sighed, pushing him out of the bathroom.
Remus rolled his eyes once again at his flatmate’s antics and went to their room to get his rings. He slid them carefully on his fingers, then put on a small silver chain. If he had time, he would have painted his nails, but he wasn’t so sure his friends would appreciate the delay.
By the time he was ready, the water had stopped running in the bathroom. Once again, Sirius called his name. Rather, he screamed his name through the flat.
Remus went to the door. ‘What?’
Sirius silently opened it and let him in. He was only wearing pants and Remus was trying so hard not to look at him. Or at least to only look him in the eyes. Fuck.
‘Do you need help to get dressed?’ Remus joked, trying to defuse the tension, or at least the one between his brain and his rapidly warming cheeks.
Three synchronised sighs came from the living room.
‘Of course not.’
Sirius grabbed a pair of black trousers and put them on. Remus did not really know what to do and started playing with the hem of the silk shirt waiting next to the sink. It was matching his. Did Sirius do it on purpose? Probably not, it was just a basic outfit. Nothing to do with him.
‘Could you do my makeup?’ Sirius asks.
Remus just shrugged. He had never been too fond of make-up pre-transition so he had found himself learning along with Sirius when his friend had expressed an interest in eyeliner. These days, they only wore some when they went out, sometimes paired with glitter and lipstick.
This seemed like one of these nights.
Sirius grabbed his shirt and put it on, unbuttoned. He leaned against the sink and handed a dark red lipstick to Remus.
‘I think I want to have fun tonight,’ he said, as if it justified everything.
Remus leaned against him. Focused on Sirius’ mouth only because of the make-up session. He was almost done applying the lipstick when Sirius giggled, causing him to paint a big red mark across his friend’s face.
‘Shit, Sirius. I have to clean you up now.’
Remus grabbed some wipes from the shelf above Sirius’ head and tried to remove the lipstick. It usually would have taken him thirty seconds, but Sirius could not stop moving that night.
‘Come on, let me do it.’ Remus sighed, grabbing his friend’s chin to prevent him from moving.
It seemed to work, as Sirius completely stopped moving. Fucking finally. If he had known that a desperate sigh worked this well, Remus would have used it years ago. The man was only playing with his bracelet the same way he always did when he tried to canalise his nervous energy.
Sirius was still strangely calm when Remus finished his make-up. He slowly pushed him away and went to look at his face in the mirror.
‘Good job,’ Sirius said, what seemed like a genuine smile grazing his lips.
Perhaps Remus was just imagining things.
‘Your turn, now,’ Sirius exclaimed, pushing Remus against the sink. ‘Lipstick too?’
‘I heard somewhere that it’s lipstick night tonight,’ Remus answered, his breath a bit short. Sirius’ knee had parted his legs and settled nicely against him. He felt lightheaded for a moment. This was really not the time for his raging hormones to wake up.
Instead, he focused on the texture of the lipstick against his lips, the thick coat of red tasting faintly like cherries and a probable mistake. He revelled in the warmth of Sirius’ body so close to him, especially when his friend put glitter on his cheekbones. When Sirius pulled away to get the eyeliner, it was as if they were suddenly an ocean away and he could not breathe anymore, drowning in an empty space without his oxygen.
He would definitely need a drink at the hotel.
The moment Sirius finished the second wing, Remus’ whole body tensed. It was a lipstick night. At their place, it mostly meant one thing.
Sirius’ shaky breath had been caressing his cheek just a moment before, but it was now going down, down to his neck. There, he left a kiss, at the junction between neck and shoulder, then another one, a bit higher.
‘You’re ready to go,’ Sirius joked, moving away from him.
‘Your turn,’ Remus answered, dragging him towards him once again.
He settled in the curve of Sirius’ neck and kissed the tender skin once, twice. He was about to let his friend go when he decided to add another lipstick mark right in the middle of his chest.
Sirius started to protest but Remus cut him off, smiling. ‘You should have buttoned your shirt if you did not want that.’
On that note, he ran away to the living room. The living room in which Peter, James and Lily were seated. The one from which he wanted to run away for the first time since he moved in with Sirius.
‘What the fuck Remus,’ Lily said, pointing at the bathroom. ‘What was going on in there?’
‘We always do that so that nobody comes to flirt with us when we are not in the mood,’ Sirius explained, leaving the bathroom just in time.
This did not seem to satisfy their friends but as they still had to go to the hotel, they let it slide. Remus was sure they would hear about it again, though. Why couldn’t they understand that Sirius and him had a different relationship than what they imagined? All of their questioning looks were slowly getting to his head, which is probably why he reacted so much to Sirius’ proximity in the bathroom. It never happened before, not like that.
Sirius, however, did not seem to notice anything wrong and they spent half an hour chatting around a glass of whiskey while waiting for their friends. Sirius was lying down on James’ bed, talking animatedly about his predictions for the next grand prix. Remus was sitting next to him, his right leg touching Sirius’ left. He was not hyper aware of that, thankfully.
Soon their friends joined them and off they went to HEAVEN. Lily went straight to get a table while they got the drinks. As usual, Sirius bought Remus’ first drink. As far as he remembered, they had always paid for each other’s stuff, and Sirius always paid for the first round whenever they went out.
Remus did not get to enjoy his drink for a long time, though, because as soon as he sat down, Sirius grabbed his hand.
‘Remus, it’s our song!’
Remus could not hear the song very well, but it did ring a bell. He apologetically looked at his friends and abandoned them to join Sirius on the dancefloor, despite Peter’s protest - ‘Both of you don’t even like dancing, even less in front of people!’
It had been true at one point, yes. It still mostly was. But at the beginning of the night, when Remus was not completely overwhelmed, when he needed something to hold onto before slipping away, he danced. He danced with Sirius’ hands in his, on him, a tether to reality in the middle of the throbbing lights. Sirius did not like dancing either, but he found that if he did so once or twice, it would help his anxiety.
And how little anxious he seemed right now. The song was still mostly unrecognisable but Sirius’ head bobbed along to the beat, his arms around Remus’ neck. His eyes were closed, a picture of carelessness that Remus could only envy.
Then the song changed to another which name Remus had completely forgotten. This time, however, he was extremely conscious of the lyrics, and so was Sirius if his grin was any indication.
‘Let’s get dirty,’ Sirius whispered in his ear.
They danced as close to each other as was humanly possible, mock-grinding together on the dancefloor. Sirius’ hair was everywhere in Remus’ face but he didn’t care. At this moment, he felt incredibly free, his best friend in his arms, it was them against the world, their little bubble against the stroboscopic lights.
At one point in the song, Remus dropped to his knees in front of Sirius. The man simply smiled down at him and cupped his cheek with his hand. Remus leaned against it, looking Sirius in the eyes.
Time froze for a moment. It was not the first time that something like that happened, even though Sirius was usually the one dramatically falling to his knees. But for once it was less playful than usual. Remus thought back to Sirius’ lips on his neck in their bathroom, his hot breath against his skin, his hair caressing his cheek. Nothing had really been out of the ordinary, except their friends’ presence, but it was mostly what happened when they were together at home. They were just being silly together in a safe place.
For whatever reason, this felt slightly less safe than usual. Sirius’ hair was sticking to his forehead and Remus resisted the urge to rise up and gently brush it away. They made eye contact and Remus hoped that Sirius could not magically read his mind. His friend seemed however lost in thoughts of his own, his eyes glazing over Remus’ face. Perhaps drinking before coming wasn't such a good idea. Remus himself was a bit lightheaded.
He slowly rose, Sirius’ arms snaking around his hips to stabilise him. They were close. Very close. Sirius smelt like cheap beer and perfume and in this moment it was as if there had never been a better smell. Remus wanted to lick it out of his skin.
And then the song was over.
Remus looked away. What the hell had he been thinking? Before it got too awkward, Sirius grabbed his hand to lead them out of the dancefloor. They went back to the table and drank their cocktails silently, Remus’ head leaning against Sirius’ shoulder. James and Peter were off in the distance, dancing with strangers. At least, Remus thought they were. He would not put it past them to actually meet people they knew so far from their home. Lily, however, was still at the table, looking at them in this interrogating look she has been sporting since the day before.
By the time James and Peter came back, Sirius and Remus were already finishing their second drink - Remus had paid, this time, as is customary for the second drink.
As soon as everyone was settled around the table, Lily started talking. ‘Can we talk about it?’
The boys exchanged a look, not seeing where she was going. ‘Talk about what?’ Sirius answered.
Lily sighed and took another sip for a drink. With her straw, she pointed at Sirius and Remus. ‘Did you ever sleep together?’
Remus choked on his cocktail. Sirius choked on his beer. The others stared at them, waiting for a proper answer.
‘Nope, never,’ Remus finally said.
‘Why?’ Lily asked, starting to get frustrated by what she probably took as lack of cooperation but which was actually just them not understanding why this kept being brought up.
‘Well, what if it’s terrible?’ Remus answered.
‘Then it would never happen again,’ James said, ‘But you would still remain friends in exactly the same way.’
Sirius and Remus both pondered on it. It was probably true, seeing how they had remained friends even when Remus had had his embarrassing crush on Sirius. Their friendship could be strong enough to handle it.
‘And you’re not scared of what would happen if it’s good?’ Peter asked.
‘Not really. I guess we would just do it again’ Sirius shrugged, while playing with his bracelet.
He looked at Remus as if he waited for his approval. The man nodded. ‘Yeah, I reckon we would.’
‘That would be like being in a relationship, right?’ Peter carried on. ‘I mean, you’re already living together and sleeping in the same bed’
Sirius laughed at that. ‘Oh Pete, you can be in a relationship without having sex.’
Remus whispered ‘What a sad socially-preconceived notion of a relationship he lived by’ in his friend’ ear and Sirius laughed again. This was his real laugh, the one that only appeared at the end of the day when he was tired. Every time Remus managed to get it out of him, it was like winning the lottery.
Lily was not impressed at all by their antics. ‘So you agree that you can be in a loving relationship with someone without having sex ever?’
‘Of course’, Remus said.
‘You are never obligated to have sex with your partner’ Sirius added. ‘Or with anyone for that matter.’
Their friends nodded before looking at each other. Remus did not like it one bit. It was as if they had walked right into a trap. But which one?
James put his empty glass on the table and followed up with another question. ‘And did you ever kiss each other?’
At that, Sirius and Remus looked at each other and hesitated for a bit.
‘I don’t think we ever did,’ Remus finally said, looking Sirius in the eyes. When they were this close, he could see how the light reflected in them, highlighting tiny spots of colour as if he was looking at a nebula.
‘Would you?’ James asked, cutting his intrusive thoughts short.
A beat. ‘Like right now?’ Remus laughed, desperately trying to turn all this into a joke.
Lily looked at them weirdly. ‘Yeah, like right now.’
Sirius looked at Remus. ‘I guess we could.’ Remus looked back at him, trying very hard to hear something else than his beating heart.
‘It would not be weird?’ Peter asked.
Remus willed his cheeks to remain their normal colour when he answered : ‘Well, it’s not as if it would be a real kiss.’ Because it wouldn’t. Right?
‘What do you mean?’ James asked, curious.
Sirius answered for him. ‘I mean, it’s just us.’ Remus agreed quickly. That was exactly what he was thinking. Nothing weird with kissing your friend.
‘Do it, then,’ Lily said.
Sirius stretched slightly and deftly pulled Remus onto his lap. ‘Come here, big guy,’ he whispered in his ear before wrapping his arms around him as Remus wrapped his arms around his neck. They breathed in together, breathed out together, their alcohol-filled breaths mixing in the space between them.
Remus’ hands found Sirius’ jaw while Sirius’ tangled in Remus’ hair. They leaned in. There was no going back. They were so close to each other, so conscious of where their body stopped and the other started. Remus could feel every single strand of Sirius’ hair against the tip of his fingers and he resisted the urge to play with them. It would only show how nervous he actually was. And for no reason at all!
And suddenly there it was. Sirius moved forward and their mouths met. It was soft. Just lips on lips. Nothing out of the ordinary, it was just a kiss after all. What if it seemed like hours? It also seemed like barely a nanosecond. More than anything, it did not feel like fireworks, which was a clear indication that nothing peculiar was happening.
When they stopped kissing, Remus looked at Sirius and whispered ‘You drool’. It was mainly to avoid thinking about the fact that Sirius had lipstick all around his mouth, and it shouldn't look this good, really, it shouldn’t.
‘Shut up, I do not!’ Sirius answered, trying not to laugh. He pushed him away from his lap and Remus dropped back on the couch next to him. ‘The nerve of you, really!’ Sirius added.
‘So?’ The three others asked, waiting eagerly. For a moment, Remus had completely forgotten they had an audience.
‘So what?’ they said at the same time, in such a bored manner a passer-by would have probably thought they were talking about the weather. On Remus’ side, it was hiding the fact that he had not been kissed in so long that his lips still tingled from it. He wondered if Sirius felt the same. To be fair, Sirius probably got kissed more often than him. It wouldn’t be a surprise, the guy was handsome.
Peter grinned, barely containing his glee. It was as if he had been the one being kissed, as if he had just proposed to the love of his life. Remus thought it was a bit too much for such a tiny peck. ‘How was it?’
‘It was just normal,’ Remus answered, shrugging, trying to be as casual as possible. Next to him, Sirius stretched and changed position. His leg was now against Remus’.
‘Yeah,’ Sirius added. ‘I mean it’s just Remus, it was not gonna be weird anyway.’ He grabbed his pint and downed the remaining beer.
Lily, James and Peter sighed and exchanged meaningful looks. There was no reason to act like that. They were the ones being weird and then the ones being disappointed? That was just stupid. Sirius seemed to agree with him because he pulled on his sleeve and pointed to the dancefloor. Alright. Remus finished his drink and followed him into the sweaty crowd. There, perhaps, the music would be loud enough to cover his confusing thoughts.