Chapter 1
‘Fuck it’, Remus sighed. He grabbed his jacket and his earphones before he could change his mind and locked the door of his flat behind him. He skipped down the stairs, almost missing one when his downstairs neighbour opened her door. He managed to not fall on the poor lady, and kept on going, yelling ‘Sorry Ms Pomfrey! Have a good day!’
Her laugh followed him down to the ground floor and suddenly he was out in the great London air. He settled on a playlist to listen to and headed for the underground. As much as he despised being surrounded by people in tight spaces, the tube felt relaxing. The mind works in strange ways, sometimes. But when Remus felt the tube speeding towards the next station, it always gave him a little adrenaline rush. It also allowed him to indulge in some people watching, a guilty pleasure of his.
When he got off the tube, he let the tourists rush before him and took his time to climb the stairs back to the surface. It had been a long morning at work and he was grateful he got the afternoon off. He had a one-year contract as a teacher assistant in a private school and even if he loved his job, there were days during which he just could not deal with the entitled teenagers. The fact that some of them had enough pocket money each month to pay his rent was still something he struggled to get around. This morning, two of them had been disrupting his class talking about politics and he had to step up - something he absolutely hated - before the need to strangle the two young Tories became too urgent. He had spent the remainder of the class talking about fighting inequalities and prejudice and he could already hear the head of school calling him into his office on Monday morning.
Which is why he needed coffee. Urgently.
He forgot to buy some last time he went grocery shopping and really, who forgets coffee? He would have settled on a Red Bull instead but he was supposed to reduce his consumption. So here he was, in central London, heading to his favourite coffee shop. When he entered, the barista, a blonde woman with long blue, purple and pink locks, funky glasses and a septum ring, waved at him. Pandora started working here around the same time he moved to London, and they got on like a house on fire. She also happened to make the best coffee in the city.
‘Long day?’ she asked him while preparing his order. He almost always took the same thing - black coffee, no milk, no sugar - unless Pandora needed someone to try one of her new experiments. Growing up, he was more of a tea person but it switched quickly when he started working. Tea was now for relaxing at home, the way some would take a nice bubbly bath. Remus really could not afford a bathtub, so tea leaves were the best he could do.
‘You cannot even imagine.’
Pandora looked sympathetically at him. Remus shrugged and paid for his drink.
‘See you later in the week?’ she asked.
‘I’ll try to drop by on the weekend,’ Remus promised.
He settled on his usual table right by the window. It had unofficially been his since he started coming here six months ago. When Pandora learnt about his back pain, she made sure there would always be more cushions than necessary in this exact spot so that he could relax. She truly was the best.
Remus grabbed a book from the inside pocket of his jacket. He had found himself enjoying poetry more and more these last few months and always carried a small collection around. Today, it was some Carol Ann Duffy. He put his glasses on, the wretched things, and started reading.
His university friends had been horrified when they found out he wrote in his books. Truth is, at the beginning, he agreed with them. But after finding a few annotated books in his favourite second hand bookstore, he decided he too wanted to share his thoughts with the world. It was a tiny step forward for him, taking a bit more space than he thought he deserved, but it had been freeing. Now, his closest friends eagerly awaited Christmases and birthdays to get annotated copies of books that made him think about them.
‘Remus?’
‘Oh my God, guys, it’s Remus!’
He raised his head just in time to see a cheerful James Potter running towards him, bubble tea in hand. Remus barely got to see Lily and Peter behind him before he was engulfed in a big hug.
‘James, let the guy breathe for fuck’s sake.’
Remus smiled gratefully at Lily who embraced him quickly. Peter shook his hand awkwardly, trying not to drop his overfilled cup of the sugariest coffee you could imagine. Remus could smell the sweetness from his seat a good metre away.
James settled on the seat in front of him and started talking straight away, a gigantic smile shining on his face.
‘I am so glad we met you! We were actually in London trying to look for you and then we realised we did not even know your address and we were debating how weird it would be to ask for it and actually show up on your doorstep and then there you were! It must be fate.’
‘We all have the next three days off so we decided to come and see for ourselves how nice this place actually is.’ Lily added.
‘It’s only once we got here that we realised that nobody had thought about sending you a text.’ Peter explained. ‘And we were not even sure you would see it on time anyway, as you seem super busy these days.’
Remus felt shame slowly creep up his spine. He did indeed forget to answer his friends from time to time. Now that he thought about it, it must have been at least two weeks since he last replied to one of them. ‘Sorry about that.’
‘No need to apologise!’ James exclaimed. ‘Do you want to move this discussion to a pub, perhaps? I mean, unless you want some alone time right now.’
‘Don’t worry mate. Let’s go grab a drink.’ Remus burnt his tongue drinking his still-near-scorching coffee but for once his social battery was intact and, to be completely honest, he had missed his friends.
A few years back, they had spent their days attached at the hip, and the separation once university was over had been quite hard. But eventually everyone had gone on with their life and they did not text as often as before. However, the group chat was still active at least once a week, even if it was mostly James and Peter sharing bits and bobs of their lives. James was currently taking a break from work and studies and planned on travelling the world for the next six months. Peter was currently in between jobs and had found a temporary position as a receptionist in a fancy hotel down in Cornwall. Lily was the only one with a stable position, taking tourists on horseback riding tours in the Lake District.
All that, Remus already knew. He however humoured his friends around a bunch of cocktails. They explained their timetable, talked about their favourite clients and worst stories - an old American once proposed to Peter during a check-in - and talked about the future. One thing they all had in common was the hope of something greater. They all knew that they were destined for greatness, and even if it did not feel like it at times, the grandest life ever would eventually become reality for each and every one of them. For some sooner than others, Remus thought, seeing how Lily was talking about the farm she would like to buy with her colleague and best friend Mary. He did not know if they were just incredibly close, together or terribly oblivious. Knowing Lily, it was probably the last one. Since meeting her, it was obvious she was attracted to girls but he was not 100% sure that she knew that ‘preferring the aesthetic of female bodies compared to the vileness of cis male bodies’ was not a very heterosexual thing to say.
‘What about you, Remus? You never tell us anything about yourself. You work as a teacher assistant, right?’ Peter asked, sipping on his virgin G&T.
At this moment, Remus made the first mistake of the evening and looked at his watch.
‘Bored of us already?’ Lily joked.
‘No, sorry.’ Remus cringed a bit. He thought he had been sly. ‘I just have some place to be this evening, so I won’t be able to stay too long. But we will see each other tomorrow, promise. Now, about my job…’
It was extremely rewarding but at the same time it made him want to shoot himself in the face sometimes. But that is not something that he could say to his friends. No, he lied a bit, didn’t mention the political aspect, because as much as he loved them, politics was not a subject on the table with them. They were all leaning in the same direction, of course, but political discussions reminded Lily of her childhood and heated debates with her sister, and James and Peter had the luxury to be able to care from afar without getting too involved. So Remus simply told them about this kid who was passionate about history and learning but who was becoming an asshole because he had to raise himself as his parents were absent and he missed all of the big steps of childhood and human connection. He told them about the first time he made coffee in the staff room and it was so bad he pretended he did not know who had brewed it. He also wanted to tell them about this insufferable colleague of his but then -
‘Is that Sirius Black?’ Peter asked.
And -
‘Sirius! Come here!’ James yelled, waving him over.
There he was. The weather was not cold enough for him to be wearing his signature jacket, but the white jumper and black trousers were enough for a few people to turn around to look at him. He had let his beard grow a bit over the last few years and it suited him. His hair was shorter than it used to be but framed his face nicely.
At least, that is what a random person would think, Remus guessed. When he looked at Sirius Black, he only saw that: Sirius Black. Nothing else.
Sirius Black who was now coming towards them, one of his Airpods off. He smiled at them all and plopped down on the chair next to Remus, putting down the plastic bag he carried.
‘Hey guys, it’s been ages. How do you do?’
His nonchalance could have fooled a passer-by. It was as if he had just seen them the week before. But James, Peter and Lily knew better. They all started talking at the same time, everyone trying to be heard and ask the question they wanted to ask. ‘Where the hell have you been?’
Sirius shrugged. ‘Here and there, you know. And London, recently.’
‘Did you know that Remus lived in London?’ James asked. ‘What a coincidence, right guys?’
Sirius finally turned to Remus. He flashed him a small smile before looking at their friends.
‘Yeah, we have actually seen each other a few times already.’
‘So you have seen each other’s flat?’ Peter asked, always keen on knowing every single detail. ‘You are both always so secretive about that.’
Remus could not help and laughed. ‘I even met his flatmate, you know.’
‘You? Sirius Black? You have a flatmate?’ Lily asked, disbelievingly.
‘Yup,’ Sirius said. He showed the bag on the floor. ‘It’s takeaway ramen for him, actually. His favourite.’
‘You are such a perfect flatmate,’ Remus mock-sighed.
Sirius grinned. ‘I hope you are not regretting your flatmate choice.’
James, Peter and Lily turned to Remus.
‘You have a flatmate?’ Lily asked.
‘I thought you lived in a one-bedroom flat.’ Peter added.
‘Did you move without telling us?’ James said sadly.
Remus sighed. How could he explain it to them?
‘OK. So. Bear with me. I do live in a one-bedroom flat and I do have a flatmate.’
‘And you managed to get two beds in the room?’ James asked, genuine.
Remus’ silence was louder than anything he could have said. Lily doubled over in laughter. Sirius wolf-whistled, the bastard. Peter gauged him, unsure of what to say. ‘So does that mean that you have a boyfriend?’ he finally asked.
‘Of course not.’
‘Oh Remus, is it because your flatmate doesn’t satisfy you in bed?’ Sirius leaned over the chair, eager to see the torment in his friend’s eyes. With everyone else, Remus would have shrunk on his seat, but not with Sirius, never with Sirius. The game was on.
‘I don’t know. Does yours do? Is that why you buy him his favourite food?’ Remus asked nonchalantly.
The others had stopped and watched them warily. Remus however could not see that because he was entrapped into Sirius’ gaze. James tried to diffuse the tension - ‘You do seem whipped, Sirius.’ - to no avail. Remus tried very hard to resist the urge to lick his lips. He knew how that would look. Especially to his friends.
When they were at university together, Remus had a massive crush on Sirius. He remembers the day he realised it, it was at a party. They had been talking together, in their own bubble, for the past three hours and when Sirius stood up and his jumper lifted slightly to show pale skin, Remus’ brain short circuited. It was purely because of the intellectual stimuli of their discussion, he tried to tell himself. Really, how hot the guy he was talking to was not a factor in that at all. He was probably too tired. But then the attraction never disappeared. And Remus could not deny Sirius any discussion. They had grown closer and closer. Their friend group even thought that they were together at some point. But no, it had just been Remus pining silently, stupidly, for the guy who was becoming one of his closest friends. He tried to tell him, once. He did not even know if Sirius had realised. They had never talked about it afterwards.
But he was over all that. Once university was over, he had moved abroad for a year. The official reason was to master new language skills. The less official one was to put some distance between Sirius and him, just enough for his heart to heal properly.
‘I am not whipped,’ Sirius said to James while still looking at Remus.
Suddenly, their game did not seem as funny anymore. ‘Sorry about that comment,’ Remus apologised. ‘It was a bit insensitive.’
If he had been more focused, he would have realised that this was not the end of the game. That was his second mistake of the night. However, his attention was kept elsewhere, somewhere like Sirius’ right knee, where his hand had wandered on its own while he was talking. Why did he do it? Seriously?
‘No worries, Remus. I mean, I am not the one who told their landlord they were in a relationship with their flatmate.’
Peter choked on his G&T.
‘You what?’ Lily almost screamed.
Remus tried to defend himself. ‘The housing market is a nightmare in London, and I knew the guy before, so we decided to pretend to be a couple to have better chances for the flat. That’s all.’
‘Wait a minute,’ James laughed. ‘You are in a fake relationship with your flatmate with whom you share a bed?’
Sirius was looking far too proud over on his chair. Remus wanted to wipe that grin from his face.
‘Are you sure you are not with him?’ Peter asked.
‘A hundred percent sure.’
Sirius was about to argue with him when Peter turned to him. ‘What about you Sirius? Are you going out with your flatmate?’
‘Of course not,’ Sirius scoffed.
Remus rolled his eyes at that and Sirius slapped his arm.
‘Is it because you are together?’ Lily asked suddenly.
‘What?’ they both asked at the same time.
Lily sighed. ‘I mean, you are always quite physical with each other when you usually despise human contact. We more often than not feel like we are interrupting something private when you are engrossed in a discussion together.’
‘Bullshit,’ both of them said, rolling their eyes.
‘And you are always so in sync,’ James added. ‘You truly are on the same wavelength.’
They both scoffed and their friends looked at them as if it explained everything. It did not.
‘Why would we even go out together?’ Sirius finally wondered.
‘Remus had such a massive crush on…’ Peter started.
‘Thank you Peter.’ Remus interrupted. He looked hurriedly at his watch and added: ‘Sorry guys, I have to go.’
He stood up and gathered his belongings.
‘Do you want us to walk you home?’ Peter asked.
‘I will walk him home, don’t worry. I have to go too. I would not want my flatmate to wait too much for me.’
They all say goodbye and hug each other. Remus and Sirius exchange a look, eyebrows raised, head tilted. Sirius nods.
‘You should come by my place tomorrow.’ Remus suggests. ‘I will text you the address.’
‘Will we get to meet your flatmate?’ James asked.
‘About that…’ Remus started.
‘He’s fake, isn’t he? You live alone.’ Lily interrupted him. ‘There is no way you could get yourself in such a situationship without combusting.’
‘Oh no, he is very real.’ Sirius barged in, grinning widely. ‘And he is absolutely wonderful.’
Remus sighed and rolled his eyes. ‘It’s Sirius. Sirius is the flatmate.’
They all started shouting but Remus stopped them. ‘We won’t answer any questions. You can ask them tomorrow. Now we really have to go. Enjoy your first evening in London!’
‘Bye!’ Sirius yelled.
One second later, they fled the pub to avoid the wrath of their friends. A double decker bus almost crashed into them but they ran past it, high on adrenaline and laughter. They only calmed down once in the tube, unshed tears of laughter at the corner of their eyes.
‘Fuck, did you see their faces?’ Sirius exclaimed, sounding a little prouder than he should. ‘They never saw it coming.’
‘Why did you need to say we told the landlord we were together?’ Remus asked, a smile tugging at his lips. ‘They are going to be insufferable tomorrow, and you will be at work.’
‘Sorry, Remus’ Sirius said, not looking sorry at all. ‘You can wait for me to explain, if you want. I will defend you against the big bad friends.’
Remus punched him softly in the arm. ‘You are an idiot.’
‘An idiot who bought ramen for you.’ Sirius reminded him.
‘An idiot who knows me well, then.’
They smiled softly at each other. Ramen was their go-to food whenever there was a special event in their life, be it good or bad. They had started the tradition while at university and carried on as often as was reasonable. At least, that is what they told themselves. A new ramen restaurant had opened near Sirius’ job a few weeks ago and it was already their third time buying some ramen from them.
Tonight, however, it was for good luck. Since moving to London, Sirius had been obsessed with going to see Chelsea play, and they went every time they could. The last time they went and did not eat ramen before, they had lost to Arsenal and Sirius was very determined in not letting that happen again.
When they reached their flat, Remus went to heat the ramen while Sirius went to get their kits out of their shared closet. He was nothing but dedicated once he decided he liked something, which was touching more often than not. Remus liked being pulled along to go to matches, to visits, or to special walks around the city. In exchange, Sirius listened to him ramble on about the latest book he read, the linguistic theories he was fascinated by or the thorough analysis of the play they had gone to see the night prior.
This is why two hours later Remus found himself in Stamford Bridge, blue paint smearing his cheeks, yelling at the referee. Sirius was next to him, enthralled by the game, providing a play-by-play commentary of the game under his breath. The paint he had on his face was now mostly on his hands, seeing how often he dropped his head in them. Under the spotlight, with his hair all over the place, his messy face and his feral attitude, he looked like a war god. Remus pulled out his phone and swiftly took a picture to remember this moment.
Not so swiftly, apparently. ‘Taking a picture?’ Sirius asked, raising his eyebrow.
‘Blackmail material,’ Remus tried.
Sirius nodded as if it explained everything, before jumping and screaming because they had just scored and he missed it.
All in all, Remus thought, it had been a good day, entitled kids be damned.