Âme brisée
After twenty two days without Evan, Felix was running low on sanity and his parents out of patience.
Felix tried to behave better, to be better, to be someone his brother could stay for, but he was loosing his sanity. Evan was all Felix had, his only real family and Felix didn't really have anything materialistic to his own name, only things Evan had given him.
They continued on with the regular nobel family things, attending meetings for death eater families and preachings about the nobel ways. It was wartime after all, they needed to make sure they would have all the soldiers it took to take control, even if that ment child soldiers, they really didn't care.
They would say you have to be eighteen like a large amount of pureblood families didn't make their kids take the mark at sixteen. They would say that it was a choice like they wouldn't loose everything if they didn't join. They would say they were protecting themselves like they weren't killing innocent people.
His parents acted as if they had some humanity and let Felix leave events a few minutes earlier than they intended to stay for when he was on the verge of a breakdown but eventually they got tired of it.
Felix broke down in the middle of a meeting with his father's side of the family, he saw his father and his big sister, Narcissa and hers and started crying and even screaming when his parents yelled for him to stop.
Felix backed against a wall and lent on it, slowly sliding downwards until he was crouched down.
His parents were so embarrassed they tried to pick him up and take him out the room but Narcissa got there first. She got onto her knees next to him. "Félix? Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?" (Felix? What's wrong?) She reminded him of Evan and Felix couldn't help crying more. "Chut, tout va bien." (Hush it's okay.)
Felix grabbed her and hid his face in her shoulder trying to calm himself, this was the kind of behaviour that made Evan leave, he needed to stop it. He had to stop but every thought telling him to be better quickened his breath and made it harder to breathe. It felt as if his throat was closing up, he could feel the stretching inwards. He clutched his throat with his hand and took his head off of Narcissa's shoulder, he lent back and Narcissa had to stop him from slamming his head against the wall.
Evan was out there somewhere, possibly injured, possibly without shelter, possibly starving, possibly dead. Felix screamed and made Narcissa jump.
"Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?" (What's wrong?)
Felix stared her in her eyes, he pleaded without words, hoping maybe somehow she'd be able to understand him anyway. The look was familiar, Narcissa knew it well but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Felix looked away and muttered something.
"Pardon, c'était quoi ça?" (Excuse me, what was that?)
Through sharp breaths the word "Evan" was spoken.
Narcissa understood, it's terrifying having your older sibling run away, pureblood parents are famous for their dramatic retellings of the world outside their bubble and it's terrifying having the one person who was always there for you leave you in a instant.
Narcissa wasn't comfortable speaking on the subject infront of her parents but the kid needed her. She whispered "Il ira bien, crois-moi, je sais mieux que quiconque." (He'll be fine, trust me, I know better than anyone.) Of course she couldn't promise that but the likely hood was that he was and Felix just needed to hear those words.
His breath slowed a bit and Narcissa was able to wipe some of the tears off his face. Felix wanted to ask how she knew he'd be okay but she told him to trust her and she reminded him so much of Evan he couldn't help but trust her blindly.
Narcissa turned to Bellatrix. "Peux-tu m'apporter de l'eau, s'il te plaît?" (Can you bring me some water, please?)
Bellatrix scoffed. "Non." (No.)
Narcissa glared at her in a way that would unsettle even the strongest soldiers. Bellatrix looked at her with a mix of surprise and disgust. "D'accord." (All right)
There were comments from Narcissa's grandparents about what a good mother she would make, a strange mother, but with a good, strict father, then a wonderful mother, if she hadn't gotten herself "cursed" that was.
She wasn't cursed, she was just facing fertility issues but as far as they were concerned it was all her fault. Her parents had caught her kissing a girl once, they had gotten her married as soon as they found out, to "stop her from leading a life of sin". Everyone knows magic is also a sin but they were the kind of people that hated on everyone else to try and convince others and themselves they weren't one of the bad ones.
They were convinced the fertility issues were a result of her selling her right to reproduction off to the devil by giving in to temptation.
Narcissa was so desperate for a child of her own, it was the only reason she could stand her marriage to Lucius, they both wanted children more than anything, they were getting impatient, Lucius was starting to stop talking to her and Narcissa was praying to every god she could find.
Félix closed his eyes and started breathing long, shaking breaths. He felt like he was going to throw up, there was a kind of pressure under his tongue and at the back of his throat.
Félix pulled out the necklace from under his shirt and clutched it like there was someone trying to take it from him. The necklace had a regular silver chain, then a small bone, part of a rib, that Evan had put on there when the crystal that was originally on the chain fell off and was lost in the French countryside. They had found a dead deer and Evan took the body to dissect and experiment on, and to take some of it to Hogwarts to do some of that with Pandora.
Evan didn't want Félix to know why he wanted the body so he told him he was taking it to fix and save, of course Félix believed him, Félix adored Evan, he saved him all the time, it made sense he'd save others as well. When Evan came back to Felix with a chunk of rib with a hole in to put on his necklace of course Félix questioned a little bit but Evan told him that that was what was causing problems and that he had made the deer a new one and set them free, Félix took this as just another reason to adore him and another reason not question him.
Félix was starting to cry again but he told himself not to question Evan and that he knew Evan was strong enough to make it fine out there, it still hurt that he wasn't there with him but if Evan was okay then Felix could come second for a little while.
He steadied himself and started to get up, Narcissa put her hand on his arm to make sure he didn't fall. What if Evan was back home and looking for him?
Narcissa backed up a bit, trying to give him some space to breathe.
Félix rubbed his reddend eyes. "Pouvons-nous rentrer à la maison maintenant?" (Can we go home now?)
"Excusez-moi?" (Excuse me?) Axel asked very clearly pissed he would suggest such a thing but Félix didn't care.
"S'il te plaît." (Please.) Félix was practically begging, his voice was shaking and he was speaking several octaves higher than usual.
Adelia didn't care. "Non, nous venons juste d'arriver, vous pouvez faire face à tout ce qui vous contrarie." (No, we just arrived, you can deal with whatever upsets you.)
"Votre famille a pris le temps de vous voir et vous souhaitez partir? À quel point pouvez-vous être égoïste?" (Your family took time to see you and you want to leave? How selfish can you be?) Axel added.
Félix burst out crying and Adelia simply walked over to him and slapped the back of her hand over his face.
Narcissa held her breath, not sure whether her saying anything would help or make it worse. Bellatrix looked over at her from the place in the doorway and started laughing so hard she dropped the glass she had grabbed, throwing it forward in her bend.
The glass shattered and some shards hit Adelia's sleeved arms, piercing through the expensive material but doing little damage to her. Félix was also hit but his arms were sleeveless and much closer to the area the glass was dropped, recieving much more damage from larger pieces, his face was also much closer to the ground and he received a vertical cut along the left side of his jaw.
Blood dripped down Félix's neck and left arm as a single tear dripped down his face. He stared up at his mother with utter hatred in his eyes but an otherwise neutral expression. Evan never would have let this happen to him and if she cared a fraction of the amount Evan did then she wouldn't have either.
Both of his parents were really into guilt tripping, they often used Félix to get Evan to behave and Evan for Félix, the problem was they didn't have any control over Evan now, so they had no control over Félix and they were now starting to realise that.
Because Félix was different without Evan... Broken even, broken down into his very soul, maybe he was already broken, maybe he'd always be broken, all Félix knew was that it all felt okay with Evan there and without him he really didn't care.