Support.
It had been three days since Sirius had seen Remus. That was the longest he had gone without seeing him in all the time he'd known him—which wasn't a long time, but it sure felt like it.
After the phone call at the party, Lily politely asked them all to leave with a sad smile. Remus had been crying and Sirius didn't know why. The following day, Lily called their flat and told them what had happened. She continued to say that Remus had travelled to Windsor to visit their friend. Lily had to work, or otherwise, she would have gone with him.
Sirius had heard of AIDS, of course. Everyone had. Everyone was aware of the spreading virus, but until they stood face to face with it, it was just a word. Virus. AIDS. But then it became a reality for some people; it had become a reality for Remus. For his friend Dennis.
It was a reality for many queer men, and that thought scared Sirius. Sirius had never been with a man, but in his slowly unravelling life, that could be a reality at some point. With Remus, that was. If Sirius was ever going to be with anyone. It was going to be him. But what if Remus—
Sirius hadn't had three very restful days. At last, on Monday he stood outside Ink Deep, cigarette to his lips as he let the nicotine soothe his body. Just about a month ago, he'd been standing in this exact spot with James, smoking, not knowing that he was about to meet a person who would flip his world upside down simply by asking for Sirius's name.
The doors to the record shop opened, and a tall man stepped out. He wore a denim jacket over a jumper, had tousled short curls, and had a cane by his side.
"Moony," Sirius whispered. His heart sped up.
Remus made sure to check for cars and then made his way across the road. He wasn't using his cane, simply held it loosely between his fingers. Sirius smiled.
"Hi," Remus said as he stepped onto the pavement. "Have a fag?"
"Yeah," Sirius breathed and fumbled in his pocket for his lighter and cigarette pack. His fingers closed around the items and he handed them to Remus. "Here."
Remus took them silently and lit up a cigarette. He had a solemn look in his eyes.
"How are you?" Sirius asked.
"I'm alright," Remus muttered.
Hurt prickled Sirius's skin; Remus had never been this closed off with him before, but he tried to brush it off. This wasn't Remus being sad because of his injury; this was Remus being sad because his friend was going to die.
Sirius didn't know what to do with that. Sirius expressed comfort through touch; he'd never been the best with words. Remus was the poet. Had it been the other way around, he would probably have the exact right words to make Sirius feel better. Sirius had to work with what he had.
"Come with me," Sirius muttered lowly and started backing away from Remus.
"Where are we going?" Remus asked.
"Just come here, Moony," Sirius said and slipped into the small alleyway next to his building. It was where all their dumpsters were.
Remus followed, a confused look on his face. "I didn't bring any graffiti."
Sirius smiled softly, resting against the wall of the building next to his. He threw his cigarette on the ground and stubbed it out. He held open his arms. "Come here."
Remus's chin wobbled, and he mirrored Sirius's motion with the cigarette before taking the last two steps to Sirius. Remus fell into Sirius's arms. He was taller than Sirius, but he still tucked his face into Sirius's neck. Sirius felt wetness there, and when he placed one hand in Remus's hair and one on his upper back, he felt him shaking with silent sobs.
"I'm sorry about your friend," Sirius muttered.
"I-It wasn't even his fault," Remus hiccuped. "His boyfriend w-was cheating on him, and first found out he was positive two weeks ago, and then—then he told Dennis... And now Dennis is gonna—he's gonna—"
"I know, I know," Sirius said, trying to sound soothing. His nails scratched over Remus's scalp. "He'll still have years—Maybe they'll find a cure in that time."
Remus leaned back, sniffing. "Maybe."
Both of them looked down and Sirius's hands fell from Remus's body, hanging limply by his sides.
"You know, people who have a death sentence over their head are just walking corpses," Remus said lowly. "When I visisted him, I tried to tell him he could still have years to do things, to live his life, but he acts like he's already six feet under. And I get it, as much as I now can. I just wish I could do something to help him."
"I think being there for him is enough," Sirius muttered.
Remus sighed. "Yeah, maybe."
Sirius fiddled with his bottom lip. "Moony?"
"Yes, love?"
Fucking butterflies.
"Are you—I mean, you're safe, right?" Heat instantly crept up Sirius's neck as he asked the question.
"Are you asking if I'm wrapping it before I put it in?"
"Um—Well—I g-guess, yeah," Sirius spluttered.
For the first time since they reunited, Remus smiled. "Yeah, I do. I have made sure to be really careful since the first reported AIDS cases. I don't have sex with people outside of relationships and we both have been checked beforehand. So did Dennis. Look where he is now." He let out a dry, humourless chuckle.
"Alright." Sirius swallowed, and then because he couldn't help himself, "So, you're not, er, active at the moment?"
Remus looked close to laughing. "Is this your weird way of asking if I'm in a committed relationship?"
"No! I know you aren't. Right?"
"Nah, not yet," Remus smirked. "Maybe once I reach hell."
Sirius blushed even harder. "Um, I, okay. Yeah."
Remus was properly grinning now. "I did have a boyfriend before the accident, though. Andrew Williams. Proper fit, had a six-pack and all, was really good with his hips—"
"—I think I've already reached hell—"
"—but the cunt dumped me after the injury. 'Who would want to fuck someone whose legs barely work?' His words, not mine."
"I—I don't know what to say to that," Sirius said. A part of him wanted to scream, Me!
Remus chuckled. "Thank you, posh boy."
"Er, you're welcome? Can I ask why you're thanking me?"
"You just..." Remus looked around as if the words were perhaps hanging in the surrounding air, ready for him to grasp. Maybe Remus wasn't always good with words, either. Maybe no one truly was. "You make me laugh when I'm sad."
"Oh." Sirius fisted and unfisted his hands. "Okay."
The corner of Remus's mouth perked up. "Life sucks, hell is empty and all the devils are here, got another fag, posh boy?"
Sirius snorted and rifled through his pockets. "Of course I do, Shakespeare."
*
The rest of November passed them in a blur. James's hair had begun to stick in all directions, so Lily called him in for a haircut in her and Remus's bathroom. When he returned outside for the judges to see (Remus, Sirius, Peter, Marlene, Dorcas, and Mary) Remus swooned and declared loudly, "I would do you now, James Potter."
"As if you would do James now," Lily whispered later. "You and I both know you prefer them long-haired."
Remus cackled at that.
On a rainy Tuesday, Remus showed up at Sirius's and James's flat with a record clutched to his chest.
"Lily is out with James, so I figured, maybe you and could listen to this together. I just purchased it, and I know you like music so—"
"Of course, I want to," Sirius interrupted him softly. "Come in."
"Great!" Remus grinned and stepped inside the flat. "It's Hunting High and Low by a-ha."
"I've heard of that, think I've heard one of the songs on the radio. Take on Me."
"Yeah, me too."
"Let's see if the rest is just as good."
For a beat, they just looked at each other, but then Remus averted his eyes. He tugged on Sirius's sleeve and led him towards the record player.
Towards the end of November, Andy invited James, Sirius, and Peter over for dinner. And then James of course wanted Lily to join, too, and that led to Dora demanding that the zombie defeater also be invited. So, there they sat, all of them. Sirius and Remus across each other, and when their eyes met, Sirius felt heat rise in his cheeks every single time.
Maybe it was easy, as James had said. Sirius just had to allow it to be.
At last, Lily and James finally put a name to their relationship.
"She's my girlfriend," James giggled the evening of the day he asked her. "She's my fucking girlfriend, Padfoot."
"So you mentioned," Sirius chuckled and ruffled his friend's hair. "I'm happy for you."
Just before November morphed into December, Sirius and James finally threw the last box out of their flat, and could proudly look at the end result; their home. The couch, the record collection, the piano, the kitchen, the rugs, the books; all of it was now in order, and it was theirs.
All they needed now was Christmas decorations.
It was on Saturday the 7 of December that they decided to go. Mary, Lily, Peter, and Remus were coming along as well. It had got extremely cold outside by then (he'd have to give up on his leather jacket), and Sirius prayed that snow would fall soon.
Sirius woke up before James that morning and went into the bathroom. He took a shower, giving his hair a complete wash. Once he stepped out of the shower, dripping onto the floor, his gaze fell upon himself in the mirror.
He wondered, sometimes, what Remus thought when he looked at Sirius. Did he see something beautiful? Sirius hoped so, but it was hard to believe when all Sirius had ever been told was that he was wrong.
He didn't have that many tattoos for a tattoo artist, surprisingly. He had the Scorpio constellation on his arm. The first one he ever got. Along his left hip, a snake was implanted into his skin. On his left peck, he had the words TOUJOURS PUR written. Forever stuck on his skin; forever stuck in his mind.
For the first time, he found himself regretting it a bit.
A sword ran along the sides of his ribs, a red ruby glinting as the only source of colour in any of his markings. He wanted to get tattoos on his back; had since he was little, but that wasn't a reality any longer.
He would get some finger tattoos, though, soon, he reckoned. And more on his arms.
He walked over to the sink, resting his hands against it. He looked at himself in the mirror. It was time for his tradition. At first, it had only been in the evenings, but now he tried in the mornings, too.
He could already feel her words lure in the back of his mind.
He closed his eyes. Exhaled. Inhaled. Said, "I'm—"
Filthy scum.
He tightened his hold on the sink; opened his eyes. "I'm—"
Dirty queer.
He breathed heavily in and out. His reflection was shaking. "I—"
No son of mine!
"Would you just shut the fuck up?" he whispered.
How I could ever get a son like—
"I'm falling in love with Remus Lupin and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it, so fuck off!" he said loudly. He took a surprised step backwards, eyes wide when he met them in the mirror. "Holy shit."
He'd said it; in some variant, at least. The words had never dared to leave him before. With a grin, he went to dry and to get dressed.
*
"Lily, where's Moony?" Sirius asked when Lily walked across the road. She stopped in front of Ink Deep where Sirius and James were standing, sharing a cigarette.
James handed Sirius the cigarette and pulled Lily in to kiss her on the top of her head. "Hello, beautiful."
"Hi," she sighed happily.
"Lily, where's Remus?" Sirius demanded to know once again.
"And Mary," James added.
"Remus's leg is having a bit of an off day," Lily explained. "He has to use his crutches. I told him he should stay at home but he refused." She looked pointedly at Sirius. "Mary is helping him down the stairs, they told me to just go ahead, because I quote 'Couldn't stop fussing'."
"But he's okay, right?" Sirius asked, nibbling with his bottom lip. "He's not in pain?"
Lily shook her head. "No, his leg just can't hold his weight today. He can barely feel it."
"Alright." He took a drag of the cigarette and just as he pulled it away, Lily snatched it from him with a wink. "Hey!"
"Sorry, Black," she mused and took a puff. "Ah, that was needed."
"Wait, you smoke?" James asked.
"Occasionally."
"Same!"
"Liar," Sirius huffed.
James flipped him off.
Sirius rolled his eyes and scouted towards Lily's and Remus's building. Where were—
The door to the side opened and Remus made his way through, crutches under his arm. Mary followed behind him. A beam broke out on Sirius's face at the sight of them.
"There they are!" He inclined his head.
James and Lily followed his gaze, both smiling. Mary smiled back at them as they reached the pavement. "Hi! We're here."
"Hey," Remus grumbled. His injured foot on his injured leg was dragging around slightly.
Sirius knew Remus hated to be seen like this; seemingly vulnerable. It meant a lot to Sirius that he had decided to show anyway.
"It's not a long way there on foot," Lily said. "Peter will meet us there. He lives right next to it." She and Peter had become extremely good friends. They'd bonded over their shared love of arts.
"Or we can call a cab," James suggested. "If that would be—"
"No," Remus and Sirius said in unison. Their eyes met, and a smile traced Remus's lips.
"No cabs," Sirius said. "They're so bloody expensive."
"Like you can't afford it," Mary said teasingly. "James told me you come from ooooold money."
"Damn right I do, Macdonald," Sirius said, "and I bet you'd love it if I spend it on you."
"Ha, you wish."
"And what if I did?" Sirius asked.
"Then I would tell you I don't like boys who can't grow a beard."
"Oi! I can—"
Remus cackled. "Sure thing, posh boy."
"Stay out of this, Moony. Macdonald, that was a low blow."
She sent him an air kiss.
James cleared his throat, laughter bubbling beneath his words, "Shall we get going?"
Remus lacked behind while they walked, so, of course, Sirius lacked behind with him, hands in his pockets.
"You don't have to walk with me," Remus said lowly. "I'm not exactly moving fast."
"We have all the time in the world, Moony," Sirius said softly.
"Lily and I are gonna order a Christmas tree, too," Remus said. "We have a bunch of decorations we put up every year."
"That's nice," Sirius said with a smile. "How long is it you've been living together, now?"
"Three years," Remus grinned. "Now, let me ask you, how rich exactly are you?"
"Me or my family?" Sirius mused.
"Both."
Sirius clicked his tongue. "Well, I've got about a million euros to my name."
Remus choked on the air. "Jesus Christ. You could live on that forever—Why even have a job?"
"Because I enjoy it," Sirius said. "Now, my family has money all the way back from the time they dealt with slaves—"
"Damn."
"Yup. After they had to drop that, they went into business. They are rich rich. How much by now, who knows? Who cares?" He spat the last words.
"How did you get your money, then?" Remus asked. "I figured they didn't give it to you."
"My Uncle Alphard left me everything," Sirius said. "Didn't have access to it until I was twenty-one, though."
"So, I was right about the posh boy allegations."
"When are you ever wrong about anything?"
"I don't know—Want me to check if I am?" He had raised an eyebrow in challenge, and Sirius was never one to back down from a challenge.
"Okay," Sirius agreed. He scouted ahead. James and the girls were walking far ahead of them, but still in sight. "Fire away, Moons."
"You're good at ballroom dancing, but you hate it. Correct?"
"Yes."
"You hate it because it ties you to them."
Damn. He was good.
"Okay, you win that one. What else?"
Remus wet his lips. "You being disowned has something to do with your sexuality."
Sirius's steps halted for a second. "Damn, Moony, I thought this would be silly questions—Not anything that deep."
"You don't have to reply," Remus said honestly. "I can come up with another one. A silly one."
"No, it's fine," Sirius rushed. "I—Yeah, it was. I've... I've never said that out loud to anyone before. I just told James and his family that they had got sick of all my rebellion. Guess that was true in some way. No true Black is—is—" Why was it so hard to say? He wanted to scream it.
I'm—
I am—
I AM—
Not my son. No son of mine is a filthy queer. You hear me, Sirius? No one!
Mum, p-please st-top.
No one! Filthy scum.
Sirius could still feel the marks she left on his body with each lift of the belt. He could still feel the blood trickle down his back. He could still see his brother's pale face as he just watched.
All because he was—
"Hey," Remus said softly. He'd stopped walking and without realising, Sirius had stopped walking, too. "You with me? You got that faraway look in your eyes."
"Yeah, I'm fine," Sirius muttered. "Just thinking about that night."
"Well, don't right now, please? I'm sorry I brought it up. Let's make today a good day, yeah? I'll even do a silly one next."
Sirius sighed with a smile. "Fine."
A smirk crept onto Remus's face. "I bet you've thought about me naked."
"What!" Sirius erupted, quickly slapping his hands over his mouth.
His shout had made James turn his head. "You guys okay back there?" he called. "Want us to wait?"
"Nah, it's fine," Remus called, struggling not to laugh.
James shrugged and returned to his conversation with Lily. He placed his arm around her and pulled her to his side.
"That was uncalled for," Sirius hissed as they began to move again.
"But it's true, isn't it?"
Sirius's face heated. "I'll not comment."
"So it is true!"
"No! It's not!"
"Whatever, posh boy. You look lovely when you blush."
Sirius blushed harder.
*
At last, they reached the Christmas tree sales market where Peter greeted them all with hugs, except for Remus who he gave a pat on the back—hugging someone who used their arms to hold crutches turned out to not be easy.
James and Sirius walked around together, inspecting the trees from all angles.
"We need to get a perfect one, Padfoot!" James declared.
"I strongly agree, Prongs. One that's tall and thick!" he agreed.
"That's what she said."
"Good one, Prongs. Good one."
Remus and Lily were also looking at trees. Mary and Peter had decided that it would be their job to get them all hot chocolate and by the time they returned with it, only Remus and Lily had managed to find a tree they were happy with.
"It's just—none of them are right!" James exclaimed as Lily told them to get a move on. "This is our first Christmas together—Well, that's a lie, and we won't even be spending Christmas in the flat, but still, it's important!"
"How about Remus, Mary, Peter, and I find one for you while you enjoy your hot chocolate on a bench."
"But—"
"Fucks sake, sit down, Potter. The same goes for you, Black."
"Yes, ma'am!" they both said in unison.
So, they sat on a bench by the outskirts of the market; hot chocolates in hand.
"Padfoot, can I ask you a question?" James said.
"Fire away," Sirius muttered. His eyes were focused on Remus and Mary. They were having a conversation about something. Mary threw her head back in a laugh. Remus smiled softly. Lily and Peter were in the midst of inspecting a tree.
"You know, when you asked me how I knew I was falling in love?"
Sirius hummed.
"Okay, so, were you, er, thinking about Mary when you asked me that?"
Sirius's eyebrows shot up. "What?"
"Just, you know, you match each other's energy, and you were looking at her just now, so I just thought... Well, it would be nice to see you with someone."
I was looking at Remus, lay on the tip of Sirius's tongue.
"I don't need anyone to be happy," Sirius said.
"I didn't say that," James said. "I was happy before I met Lily, but it's nice to be able to share that happiness with someone."
"Maybe," Sirius mused, eyes locked on where Remus was now comparing his height to a tree. "But it won't be Mary."
"Alright, Padfoot."
"Hey, Prongs?"
"Yes?"
"I love you."
James grinned around his cup of hot chocolate, "I love you too, Padfoot."
"You'll always love me, right?" Sirius asked and looked at James.
Even if I'm—
"Of course I will, Pads. You're my brother. Nothing could ever change that."
Sirius looked down. "Thank you."
*
Remus slowly regained feeling in his leg as they made their way back to their buildings. Mary and Peter had left them to go home after they ate dinner. Unfortunately for him, it was the unbearable kind of pain.
"It's okay, Rem, we're almost there," Lily rushed.
Remus, using his crutches, could now finally lift his foot off the ground, but the strain made the nerves in his thighs scream.
Sirius looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. "You sure you'll make your way up all those stairs, Moons?"
"I'm fine!"
Fuck, he hated feeling like this. Like an invalid.
"Maybe you can stay over at ours tonight, Remus," James said. "You can stay in my room. I was planning to stay over at yours anyway with Lily for a bit. I can just sleep over there, right, Lily?"
"Of course," Lily said. "I think that sounds like a great plan."
"I don't need—"
"Oh, shut up, Moony, and be happy we'll be having a sleepover," Sirius said.
A new flare of pain made its way up Remus's leg. "Fine, okay, fine. But, my cream for the pa—"
"I have some extra," Sirius cut him off. Remus sent him a confused look. That lovely shade of red spread on Sirius's cheekbones. "Well, in case you were at ours and you'd need it. Just looking out for you."
"I can see our buildings now," James said. "Almost there, Remus."
"I've been able to see our buildings for ten blocks, Prongs. Get your glasses checked again," Sirius tsked.
Remus snorted, forever thankful for Sirius Black.
Sirius didn't try to help Remus up the stairs to their flat. He let Remus do it on his own—one arm with a crutch, the other hand on the railing. Sirius had taken his other crutch and now stood with it at the top of the stairs while talking animatedly about how excited he was for when their Christmas tree would be delivered.
It took time; Remus had to stop every now and then (every single step) to take a breather. But at last, Remus had made his way up, panting.
Sirius beamed at him and handed him his other crutch. "Here you go. Let's get you inside, yeah?" He went over to their front door and got his keys from his pockets. He unlocked the door and held it open for Remus.
Remus smiled softly as he made his way inside.
"Get on the couch," Sirius said, closing the door behind them. "I'll get the cream."
Remus did as instructed, gently sitting down on the couch. Even that movement made pain flare in all of his legs. "Fuck sake," he muttered.
Sirius came back from the bathroom, the box in his hands. "Get your trousers down and apply," he said happily and put the box on the table. Remus snorted. Sirius's eyes twinkled. "I'll go do a bit of cleaning in the kitchen, okay?"
Remus hummed and unbuckled his belt. Sirius hadn't moved away.
"Posh boy," Remus said teasingly. "Hoping for a sneak peek?"
"No!" Sirius turned on his heel and went to the kitchen.
Remus burst into a fit of silent giggles.
*
Remus had fallen asleep on the couch almost immediately after he'd been able to relax enough. He was coiled into a tight ball on the cushions, hugging a pillow to his chest.
Sirius didn't dare wake him up, so he just got a blanket, tucked it around Remus's body, and, just for good measure, let his lips brush over Remus's forehead. Tingles soared through his whole body.
I'm falling in love with Remus Lupin and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it, so fuck off!
Sirius smiled softly and brushed a few curls away from Remus's eyes. Remus's lips twitched in his sleep.
Sirius went to bed after that, undressing until he was in nothing but his pants. He got into the bed, dragging the duvet up to his chin. He fell asleep, still feeling Remus's skin against his lips.
He woke up hours later, in the midst of the night, to the sound of a thump and a cry of pain. Sirius bolted upright. "Remus?" he called out. No reply. Fear spiked in his chest and he quickly got out of the bed, left his room, and went into the living room.
Remus was no longer on the couch. Instead, he was on the floor by it, blanket underneath him, his whole body shaking. He was sniffing.
"Oh." Sirius quickly went to Remus's side who was sitting up; knees drawn to his chest. He looked a Sirius, chin trembling.
"S-Sirius," Remus sobbed. "I—I'm sorry for w-waking you up." He was hiccuping.
"It's okay," Sirius whispered. He reached up to cup Remus's face, brushing away the tears that fell with his thumbs. "It's okay. Did you have a nightmare?"
"I think I have to start calling them night terrors," Remus whispered. "It's always the same again and again."
"What is it, Moony?" Sirius asked softly.
"It's just that fucking car all over again," Remus sobbed. "I can't—I'm always stuck in it. Stuck at that moment."
Sirius brushed some hair strands away from Remus's forehead only for them to fall back into place. "You're here with me, now, Moony. You're here and you're safe."
Remus nodded rapidly, eyes downcast. "I know. It's silly."
"It's not silly," Sirius said sternly. "Night terrors aren't silly."
"It makes me feel silly," Remus whispered. "It was months ago."
"Well, you are silly," Sirius said. "You're so silly that it—it makes me swoon a bit."
Remus let out a soft chuckle, eyes shining when they met Sirius's.
"But this isn't silly," Sirius continued. "Night terrors aren't silly, Remus."
"Thank you, Sirius," Remus whispered.
Sirius fiddled with his bottom lip. "Do you—do you wanna sleep in my bed the rest of the night?
Remus's eyes widened. "With you?"
Sirius gave him a short nod and said with an exhale, "Yeah. I don't want you to be alone right now."
"Are you sure? I don't wanna intrude—"
"Remus, it's fine," Sirius soothed. "It's just sleep, yeah?"
"But it's not, though. Not really."
Sirius shrugged sheepishly, averting his eyes. "Can't help that I like you. So, yeah, not really."
Remus's breath hitched. "W-what?"
Sirius wet his lips. "I'm getting there, Moony, quicker than I thought I would. It's scary and overwhelming in some ways. I have some way to go, I'm shit scared to tell James, to tell anyone—God, I can't even tell myself. Not properly. Every time I try, she's just there in my head."
"Who?"
"My mother," Sirius whispered. "But I don't think you'll have to wait till we reach hell to be with me. Just—patience, yeah?"
A smile broke out on Remus's face. "Yeah, okay. You still sure you want me to sle—"
"For the love of something, yes!" Sirius laughed. "C'mon, let me help you up."
They made their way to Sirius's room; Remus's arm around Sirius's shoulders and Sirius's around his waist. Once there, Remus got out of the clothes he'd slept in, leaving him in his pants, and for a brief moment, they just looked at each other. Shamelessly. Remus was sitting on the edge of Sirius's bed; Sirius was standing by his desk.
"You can borrow a T-shirt if you like," Sirius said.
"I'm fine if that's okay," Remus said. "I tend to get hot in the night. Just sleeping on the couch had me sweating."
Sirius chuckled and walked over to the bed. He sat down next to Remus. It was dark in the room; the only light came from the moon through the window.
"Let's sleep, yeah?" Sirius said.
Remus nodded, and as if on cue, yawned. "Yes. Let's."
They got under the bed covers. They faced each other. Remus's dark brown eyes were fixated on Sirius, his brows knitted together.
"What?" Sirius breathed.
"Nothing," Remus whispered. "You're just... really beautiful."
Heat crept over Sirius's cheeks and neck.
*
Remus woke up before Sirius in the morning. During the night, Sirius had turned to lay on his stomach (how that was comfortable, Remus had no idea) and now the sun was hitting his back through the window.
Remus had a while ago, by then, figured that Sirius had scars, but he hadn't imagined it to be anything like this. The raw, jagged lines formed a map of pain on Sirius's back. They were old; the lines thin and white. Some had healed nicely; some hadn't.
When Remus had first woken up, he'd let out a low gasp. It had been too dark for him to notice the night before, but now he had simply laid back down, eyes instead on Sirius's peaceful sleeping face.
He wondered, of course, but he didn't want to pry. Remus didn't know if he had the right to.
It took a while for Sirius to stir and when he did, Remus was sure that any other beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on were nothing compared to the sight that was Sirius Black waking up.
His eyes fluttered open. His mouth opened and closed. His tongue darted out to wet his lips. He rolled his shoulders before moving onto his side to face Remus.
"Morning," he grunted. He had a pillowmark on his cheek.
Beautiful.
"Hi," Remus murmured. "Slept okay?"
"Like a dream. Wait, can I say I slept like a dream? Does that make any sense?"
Remus snorted. "I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. You never really make sense, posh boy."
"I'll take that as a complement. Sirius snuggled his face into his pillow. "I don't wanna wake up."
"I'll have to get up soon," Remus said. "I don't know when James will be back, but I don't wanna risk getting caught."
"Shit. Yeah." Sirius propped himself up on his elbow, craning his neck to look at the clock on the wall. Just then, he seemed to realise that he was half-naked. "Um."
"Um?" Remus raised an eyebrow, smiling softly.
"I didn't think about it last night because it was dark," Sirius said. "Hadn't really thought about this morning, but did—did you see?"
The questions of Seen what? didn't need to be asked; they both knew what Sirius meant.
Remus could lie; could say he had no idea what Sirius was referring to, but he didn't want to. "Yeah," he said on an exhalation.
"Sorry you had to see that," Sirius muttered. "I know it's not exactly a pretty sight—"
Remus snorted. "You think I would have anything against scars?"
"Well, no." Sirius looked sheepish.
Remus swallowed. "Do they ache?"
"In winter, yeah." Sirius nodded. He was fiddling with the duvet.
"That's why you buy the cream."
It wasn't a question but Sirius still said, "Yeah, it is."
"You also have more tattoos," Remus mumbled, eyes raking over Sirius's upper body.
"Wait—Aren't you even gonna ask about them? The scars?" Sirius asked.
Remus raised his eyebrows. "Are you ready to talk about it?"
"No." It was a blunt statement.
"I figured. Everything at your time, love."
Something switched in Sirius's eyes; something that made butterflies bask in Remus's stomach.