Damn My Big Mouth! (NEW VERSION)

Now, I'm going to assume you've read the title of the chapter, and I confirm; yes, I'm dead, why "too early", I don't know, so I'm gonna wait for that guy over there to be done reading the papers so that I can ask them.

...They're still reading (and scribbling notes now!), so I'm gonna assume this is going to take some time. While I'm waiting, I guess I can introduce myself and explain what happened: my name is Audrée Faure, pronouns are she/they (for now, I’m not too sure yet), and I am 19 years old. Well, was. I died, as stated previously. I fell down the stairs, hit my head and passed out away.

…

I'm currently floating (?) in the middle of what I assume is some kind of void, considering there's nothing but darkness as far as I can see. The person I mentioned earlier ─ whom I suppose is my, or the Ferryman to the other side ─ has been grumbling some thing or other under their breath for the past few minutes. Well, since I have nothing to do and I don’t want to interrupt them, I guess I can… describe them? Lord, this narrating thing is weird.

So this guy looks kinda male, but I'm not sure if that is the case. They're wearing baggy pants and a sleeveless shirt. They don't seem to have a face, I think? They’re not facing my way and I can’t move for some reason. I only noticed a pair of entirely white eyes that glow in the dark. Uh, they have long black hair that would fall on their shoulders if it wasn't floating around their head. They have… lean and… well-toned… arms. Which is hot, but not in a sexy kinda way. In a ‘I want to draw them’ kinda way, is what I mean. Aesthetic way! That’s a better explanation.

“Hello.”

"Wo- Geez! You scared me!" I try to clutch my hand over my chest, which is when I realize I can’t feel anything. I bend my neck(?) to look at my body. There is no body. I don’t have a body.

…Ok I’ll freak out about that later. More concerningly, I didn't notice them move? Should I freak out about that? Probably not. "Are you- are you my ferryman to the other side?" Oh damn, I stuttered, that’s a bit embarrassing.

"Not exactly; in fact, we have a small issue..."

"Who is-? Nevermind, what's the problem?"

"Well, ah, you died earlier than what we predicted because of a miscalculation by one of our students, which means you get to be reincarnated with all of your memories from this life. We will additionally grant you three wishes to aid you in your next life."

Oh wow ok that’s a lot. I've read enough fanfiction to know where this is going, but I still have a lot of questions. Like, who's 'we'? Students? They said 'miscalculation' and 'predicted' in the same sentence, they're doing this with what, mathematical probabilities? I haven’t done those in a while. What does me dying early have anything to do with keeping my memories? At least I get reincarnated instead of disappearing in the void, living is kinda great. Wait what were my other death options?

"We are, depending on who you ask, Death, Absence, Nothing, Void, or Darkness, among other names. We have existed well before this Universe and many others before. We are not eternal, simply long-lived, hence the students, who will take up our mantle once they are ready. I cannot answer the next question without wasting time, and I don’t want to bother answering the one after. You won’t need to worry about it. Yes, living is great. What was the most likely way you would have died –that we miscalculated–  would have been a heart-attack, or your organs loss of function due to old age."

Oh. Did I say that out loud? Or is this a mind reading kinda deal? I hope they didn’t hear me say they were hot, that would be mortifying.

"While I am flattered, appearance does not mean much to me. This form is not permanent. As your spirit is not contained by a physical body, I can hear all your thoughts. What you see is simply a projection made by your mind. "

Huh. Well ok. I don’t have much to say about that. So what’s this thing about keeping my memories and granting me three wishes?

"As it is forbidden to reincarnate someone in their original world with knowledge of their previous life, I will be sending you to another universe, considering this rule does not apply to dimensions other than your original."

So your saying that I'm gonna be reincarnated in another world? Do fictional universes exist? Like, the ones in comics and stuff?

"They do. I can send you to one, but I will decide which one it will be."

Cool. Cool. How long does this take?

"I have already decided. It is one of your favorites, I believe. Does the name One Piece ring a bell?"

!!! I'm going to One Piece?!

Void Guy (that’s their name now) seems pretty amused by my reaction, his eyes (?) are doing that thing when you smile… Crinkling! It’s called crinkling! I'm projecting sparkles of excitement. Literally. ‘projection made by my mind’ or something. Who can blame me, it might be a really dangerous world – what with all the pirates, corrupt marines and an authoritarian government – but there's also so much to explore! It's not every day that you visit a sky island or a country on top of a giant elephant!

"Ahem." Oh right, I forgot Void Guy was here.

"Will you make your wishes?"

Uuhh... Do I have a time limit? I'd like to think these through, if possible. Are there things that are off limits?

"Take all the time that you want, we are not in a hurry. It is, once again, my decision whether or not your wish is approved. "

Cool. Okay, what would be an advantage in the One Piece world? A devil fruit? No, I'd rather be able to take a bath without fainting, and I like swimming, so no, I won't have any awesome powers, even if it's very tempting. Maybe mastering the basics of Haki? Knowing how to navigate at sea? Wait, am I reincarnated with a fully adult body or am I literally reborn as a baby?

"I am afraid you will have to go the long way."

Reborn as a baby it is, I see. Well, I hope I have cool parents that will teach me at least some navigation, I do not want to pull either a Luffy (caught in a whirlpool on his first day at sea) nor a Zoro (chronically lost dumbass who will go backwards if you tell him to turn right). Honestly, I think I'll manage to learn the necessary stuff as I grow up. No smartphones though, but I think I'll get used to it. I mean, I can still read books, do some drawing or solve puzzles, but I'm gonna miss the Internet and my near instantaneous access to information and music... Ooooh, I know what I want now! Can I keep my phone and headphones, but only to listen to music? Can you adapt it so that I can transfer the recordings and photos from those snail thingies onto it too? Wait, do those count as two different wishes?

"That is all possible and yes, those are two different wishes."

Hm. Well, I don't know what I want for my last wish; could you, like, send me in now and I decide on that wish later in my next life? That’s possible, right?

"Yes, that is also feasible. Would you like to go, now that you have decided your wishes?"

Uh, sure. Let's go.

"Farewell, Audrée Faure. I hope you enjoy your new life."