Led Me to the Floor Even Though I'm Not a Dancer
PETER
October 4, 8:29 AM
Honestly these daily morning arguments were getting old.
“I’m just pointing out the obvious fact that he’s awful!” Sirius slams his closet closed.
“Mate, you’ve literally got no reason to dislike him, besides the fact that you’re a territorial asshole.” James runs his fingers through his hair, pulling it this way and that before he seems to decide that it was the best it was going to get and leaving it alone.
“I have plenty of reasons, one, um… uh- oh! He’s 6’2 and people that are six feet are always arrogant, incompetent idiots. Two, he-”
“Dude! I am over six feet tall!” James glares at him through the bathroom mirror.
“Case in-point.” Peter shrugs and tries to avoid the hand towel thrown at him from the bathroom. He doesn’t and it ends up splattering on his entire face.
“Thank you Pete! C’mon, up top!” Except Peter’s eyes are still covered by the towel so instead of smacking Sirius’ hand he hits him square in the jaw.
“Ooo, that looks like it hurts. Anyway, the car is going to be here in… six minutes so you guys have to hurry up” Pete looks very pointedly at Sirius on that last part.
They were meeting with Remus and their agent, Alice, to discuss the legal aspects of adding him as a member, and how they were going to announce to the public that Remus was the newest addition to the Marauders. Peter was actually relatively excited for the meeting, he liked Remus and Alice never made meetings last too long anyway so he wasn’t too worried.
Peter is a great judge of character, he can tell your intentions in a nanosecond and hide his quite well, not that he needs to anymore but the option is always there.
That is the very reason he can tell that Remus is going to be a very good thing. For the band. For them. He can feel it.
*******
Alice pulls out a creme folder with a multitude of documents inside.
From across the table Remus raises his eyebrows at the heavy stack. Peter gives him a small smile of understanding and a tilt of his head. He turns to find Sirius full-on eyeing Remus with disdain of all things. Ugh, he needs to buck up– seriously.
“So Mr. Lupin–” Alice starts clicking her ballpoint pen and flips the pages.
“Uh- just Remus is fine.”
Alice softens just a bit “Remus, you need to sign this, it basically says that you will not leak any information about future albums, music or any projects without discussing with our team, you won’t converse with any of the Blacks without Sirius’ consent, and you have to be at all rehearsals, recordings and other events with the band unless you discuss prior why you cannot make it.”
“Sounds good. Do you have a pen?” Remus asks and James hands him a blue ballpoint pen.
The rest of the meeting is just filling Remus in on certain rules and him signing forms so Peter zones out for the rest of it, nothing catching his attention.
Soon enough Alice was closing her folder and shaking Remus’ hand. “It was great to meet you, I can’t wait to get started on some new projects together, but I got to run, see you Remus” She nods goodbye to the rest of them before making a swift exit.
“She seems nice, very determined though.” Remus seems a little… shifty? Peter doesn’t really know how to explain it but his eyes keep shifting between the three of them and he won’t stop twisting his silver rings.
Huh.
Remus doesn’t really strike Peter as the nervous-type, honestly. He’s tall, broad shouldered, although his posture could use some work but that wasn’t abnormal, Sirius has unusually good posture because of all the etiquette lessons the Blacks bestowed on him, so everyone looked like a sloucher next to him. Remus has tawny curly hair that sat atop his head and a moon shaped scar on his left eyelid.
Oh shoot. Peter was staring and probably looked like a maniac.
Well, he couldn’t look down super fast without drawing attention so…
“So Remus, have you ever recorded a song?” Thank god for James really. The miracle-worker had shifted the attention away from Peter so he wouldn’t look like an absolute idiot.
“I’ve written some, but I’ve never recorded, no.”
“We’ve been trying to get something recorded for a couple weeks, do you want to go today?” James asks.
“Like right now?”
“Like right now, Remus.”
A soft smile takes over Remus’ face when he says, “Let’s do it.”
******
REMUS
October 4, 11:49 AM
It’s not what Remus expected.
The studio isn’t all glitz and glamour, there’s no blacktop desk with a man in a tux waiting for them when they enter.
It’s not what Remus expected.
Instead of the aforementioned man in a tux waiting behind a desk, there’s a woman with wild curls and at least six necklaces on.
“Hey boys, Peter. Are you recording something today?”
“Hey Syb, this is Remus. He’s our new bassist so we’re going to see if he wants to show us some of his own songs.” Peter claps Remus on the back.
“Cool, nice to meet you Remus. I’ll get the booth ready.” She offers him a warm smile before wandering through the back hallway.
Remus takes a look around, the place feels loved. Posters hang on the walls, some names he recognizes, some he doesn’t. The walls are a dusty blue, and the furniture are all warm browns and reds.
Remus is lucky he carries his notebook everywhere, he pulls it out of his pocket. It’s not big, about four inches long and a light shade of green.
“I’ve got a couple in here, if I can find ‘em.” He flips through the worn pages until he finds what he’s looking for.
The View Between Villages
“Ah, here. This is called ‘The View Between Villages’ and I wrote it a couple months ago. I wrote it with a more acoustic style in mind rather than electric though so beware.” The girl from the lobby– Syb?— hands him a guitar.
“Sorry, we would’ve brought our own but this trip was kinda unexpected” James apologizes to her with a bashful look on his face.
“S’alright, wasn’t expecting you either so it’ll be fine just this once.” She gives him a wink and then turns to Remus. “Let’s see what you’ve got kid.”
He takes a breath and starts strumming.
“Air in my lungs
Til the road begins
As the last of the bugs
Leave their homes again
And I’m splitting the road down the middle
For a minute the world seemed so simple
Feel the rush of my blood
I’m seventeen again
I am not scared of death
I’ve got dreams again
It’s just me and the curve of the valley
And there is meaning on Earth, I am happy
Oh, Oh,
Oh, Oh,
Passed Algerbrook road
I’m over the bridge
A minute from home, but I feel so far from it
The death of my dog, the stretch of my skin
It’s all washing over me, I’m angry again
The things that I lost here the people I knew
They got me surrounded for a mile or two
The car’s in reverse, I’m grippin the wheel
I’m between villages and everything’s still”
The strings of the guitar quiet down and he opens his eyes to find silver ones staring back at him. The same silver eyes that have been glaring at him for the past three weeks, look… almost sad? He startles and his silver eyes return to harsh glares.
No, come back.
He saw it though.
There's Something more.
Sirius is hiding something and Remus is going to figure it out.
*******
MARLENE
October 6, 1:12 PM
Before Marlene even knocks, Sirius opens the door. “Hi Marley! C’mon in, James has some cookies that Effie made in the kitchen. I need to eat before spending two hours near chemicals.” Sirius has an old band t-shirt on and the top half of his hair tied up into a loose bun.
They sit down at the kitchen island and eat their respective cookies. Effie always sends James home with some sort of food when he visits and that woman’s cooking is heaven on Earth. Like seriously, maybe it’s just because Marlene never had cookies from her own mom before, but these were the best she’s ever tasted.
They clean up their mess and walk to the bathroom. Once they’re inside, Sirius starts grabbing towels and a few bowls from under the sink.
“Alright so what are we doing today?” Sirius starts running the faucet and fills a spray bottle with water.
Marlene toys with the ends of her hair “I was thinking maybe a re-bleach and then dye my tips again?”
Sirius hums and then looks at her through the mirror, “We’re not cutting anything today, right?”
“No, I don’t think it’s long enough for that yet.”
“Good, because I don’t have my hair scissors in here and I don’t want to have to run and get them. First we’ll re-bleach your roots, m’kay?” He grabs a bottle of bleach and starts mixing it into the stained bowl (which he hasn’t scrubbed the leftover dye off of in years).
Marlene simply hums in response as he sits behind her in the bathtub and starts separating foils.
All that’s on her mind is Dorcas.
Dorcas. Dorcas. Dorcas.
dorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorcasdorc—
“What is up with you today? You’ve been pretty much silent the whole time you’ve been here and normally I can’t get you to shut up. What’s going on Marls?” Sirius breaks her overwhelming thoughts and she realizes he’s almost done with the bleach already. That usually takes about forty minutes but it felt like two. Had she really been so spaced out for that long.
God, Dorcas is going to be the death of her.
“Ugh, I’m sorry I know. It’s just this– girl…” She trails off.
“The same one from the premiere back in September?” Sirius grabs a piece of foil and wraps a bleach-covered piece of hair in it.
“Yeah, she just… ugh I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s like– I think we’re doing well and then she’ll just go cold and mean again.”
“Maybe she’s just awkward or nervous around you and being mean is her way of covering it up, I don’t know. Romantic advice is not my forté."
“Trust me, she’s not nervous. She hates me, like if I got into a car accident and died she might throw a party.”
“Remind me again why you like this girl if she wants you dead?” He pauses with the bleach and takes a second to raise his eyebrows at her in the mirror.
“But when it’s good, it’s so good. She’s amazing when she forgets about whatever vendetta she has against me. Like the photoshoot! After a little while we were just talking and flirting and it was nice. She was being nice to me. I think she actually blushed one time when I smiled. Blushed. Sirius, that's huge!” She turns her head to look at him but Sirius moves her head back to where it was before, grumbling about ‘never stays still’ and being too antsy.
“God, you’re so whipped. Was she nice the whole day then?”
“Ugh, no. I wish. It was so weird. She was literally laughing not even a second prior and then my phone rings, she chucks it at me and it’s like she suddenly remembered she hated me.” As Marlene recounts the memory she suddenly remembered the person that had called her.
The same person who was slathering bleach all over her scalp, currently.
“Sirius…” Marlene starts tentatively.
“Hmm?” He replies, distracted with distributing all the bleach evenly.
“Have you ever met Dorcas? As soon as she saw your name she went back to her usual scowling self. And, come to think of it, she only was rude to me at the premiere after I had spoken to you…” Marlene tries to think of a time where she met Dorcas at a public event that didn’t also involve Sirius. She comes up with nothing.
“Can’t say that I have, why– are you accusing me of ruining your chances with a pretty girl who wants nothing to do with you?”
“Hey! Sorry, I was just saying anytime that you're not around and I’ve spoken with Dorcas, it's gone pretty smoothly. Maybe you’re bad luck or something”
“Me? Bad luck! As if. If anything, I would think that I’d help you get girls; what with my amazing wingman skills and ethereal beauty.” He draws out the last two words and she knows he’s quoting an article that blew up a few months ago which said: ‘Sirius has such ethereal beauty and confidence that it has fans swooning. His charm and charisma shines onstage as he performed his latest hit single, Bourgeoisieses a play on the word…’ Marlene had stopped reading after a bit but she remembers Sirius running around the flat and making up random dances in the kitchen with James, the night after the article was released and Sirius had read it.
“Ugh, shut up. I swear that article gave you too much confidence, now you’re just cocky and unlikeable.” Marlene grumbles.
“Hah, I think you’re just salty that you didn’t get called ethereal and charismatic” Sirius waggles his eyebrows on the last one and Marlene playfully knocks his hand away.
Sirius turns on the faucet and flicks his hand under the water a few times to make sure it’s warm enough. “Marley, tilt your head back. Good, now I have a secret to tell you but if you get all marbly about it then I won’t tell you.”
“Okay I promise I won’t get all ‘marbly’ about it, hurry up and tell me.” She uses air-quotes around the word Marbly, which Sirius rolls his eyes at.
He turns the faucet off but makes sure her head stays over the tub ‘So you don’t get water all over the damn tiles’ he had said a while back when she’d asked.
“So… d'you remember that guy that we were going to look into after Frank left?” Sirius fills his cheeks with air and then lets out a raspberry blow.
“Hm, oh yeah! Remus, right?”
“Yeah,” Sirius lets out a tired sigh. “Remus.”
“What’s up, is he an ass or no?” Marlene’s hair is still damp but dry enough to not drip everywhere, so she sits up and moves her hair to her right side, so she doesn’t get yelled at by Sirius for dripping all over him.
“It’s uh… complicated he’s just–”
“New? Shy? Hot? I can’t read your mind dude, that’s James’ job.” Marlene cuts Sirius off and tries to study his face, he’s unfortunately better at hiding his emotions than the average joe, but if you look hard enough you can usually spot something that gives him away.
He speaks before she can find anything worth mentioning.
“All of the above, unfortunately.” He sets the applicator down on some foil and moves to grab a bottle of shampoo.
“Do you have a photo?”
“You haven’t met him? I thought he was supposed to be Lily’s ‘soulmate’ or whatever.” Sirius rolls his eyes and motions for her to tilt her head back again so he can rinse the bleach out.
“I mean yeah, but she said he was at school all last year for music so we never really met him.” Marlene’s hair is short but the water makes it feel like it weighs a million pounds.
“I think James gave me his insta I’ll show you in a sec,” Sirius says, too focused on getting all the soap and leftover bleach that didn’t stick out of her hair.
He turns the faucet off and throws a towel at Marlene so she can wrap her hair up. “Uh… oh! Here it is.” He gives Marlene his phone.
Now mind you, Marlene is the most lesbian a girl can get but…
Remus is not an average looking guy and she can see the reason for Sirius’... dilemma.
“Woah, he’s fucking hot.”
“I know! That’s my whole predicament. He’s hot but a total prick.” Sirius flings open his cabinet and starts rummaging for what she presumes is dye.
“Okay… what’d he say?” From what Marlene knows about Remus (via Lily’s stories) he’s an awkward, musically gifted, book addict nerd. He doesn’t really strike her as someone who’s particularly asshole-ry.
“He didn’t have to say anything, it was the way he acted, he just seemed like he was somewhere else, like he wasn’t fully focused and that pissed me off.” Sirius sighs and drops seven bottles of dye on the counter.
“Sounds like you’re just looking for reasons to not like him. He’s actually really nice from what I hear from Lily and he’s also fucking hot. At least try to be friends with him if you’re not gonna shoot your shot.” Marlene ruffles her hair with the towel, trying to get most of the water to stop dripping.
“Okay we’re not talking about this anymore. You are not helping my case.” Sirius rolls his eyes and then turns towards her, “Alright we’ve got to figure out a color. I’ve got red, maroon, teal, purple, light pink, hot pink, and neon green. Take your pick.”
“How about the purple and teal? Like we highlight the ends of my hair with both colors?” She grabs both of the tubs of dye off the counter and flips them over so she could see the label. Voodoo Blue and Electric Amethyst. Both of the bottles were about ¾ full.
“Yeah we could do a split dye? Or like both colors blended on both sides, like alternating each piece?” Sirius grabs black gloves from under the sink and slips them on.
“Ooo, definitely the second one, I’ll look so cool on tour. Do you think Dorcas will say anything?” Marlene bites her lip, she really hopes Dorcas will at least notice.
“About you changing your entire look? Probably, but she might be too busy eye-goggling you to say anything…”
“Ugh! She does not eye-goggle me!” She whips him on the shoulder with a towel. “She doesn’t even like me!”
“She doesn’t have to like you to acknowledge the fact that she thinks you’re fit.” Sirius shrugs and starts sectioning off her hair.
“Oh, and you would know all about that…” Marlene rolls her eyes and Sirius starts to apply dye on a strand of platinum blonde hair.
*******
Regulus
October 8th 11:19 PM
Regulus knocks lightly on Pan’s door. He’s met with silence and he knows that’s not good.
“Pan? Can I come in?” He tries to make his voice soft and he waits for an answer.
The only one he gets is her creaking open the door a smidge. He carefully pushes it open and finds Pandora sitting on her rug. She’s staring straight at the wall and doesn’t bother to acknowledge him when he sits next to her. He knows she’s not being rude, she just needs to be on something else so things don’t come crashing down on her. The wall is her focus point and is she looks away things will go awry. He’s not saying it’s logical, sometimes things to have to be to offer comfort– sort of why kids will have imaginary friends; they likely know it won’t do anyhting if their pretend best friend is there or not but it makes them feel safe and who is he to question it? He would absolutely hate it if someone started questioning why he still writes the letters. He may not understand it, but he respects it and Pandora does the same for him.
“Pan? You’re kind of scaring me. What’s going on?” He’s careful to make his voice quiet, having some small notion that if he speaks too loudly or too forward she’ll kick him out.
“Do you ever feel empty?” She looks so still that if he hadn’t heard her speak he would’ve thought she hadn’t heard him after all.
“Empty?”
“Like… like you’re floating outside of your body and nothing is real.” Her voice is hoarse, like she hasn’t used it in a while.
He doesn’t answer her. What would he even reply? Sometimes people aren’t looking for advice or even for you to understand. They just want to be listened to. They just want to be heard.
“Sometimes I feel like none of this is real.”
“This?” Regulus repeats. She could mean a lot of things; life, their careers, anything really.
“Life. Existing. I mean, I–” She pauses and tries to stifle a sob, takes a shaky breath and continues, “Everything feels scripted. Like all of it is fake and it just doesn’t matter. I feel stuck.” She never tears her eyes away from the wall.
“It feels like I’m watching someone else live their life. Like I’m just a spectator from outside the glass.”
It’s a few moments before she speaks again. “And then other times, I feel like I could never live any other way. I’m so happy I can’t imagine anything else. I don’t remember any of the floating. I feel stable. I don’t know which version is the real me and that’s scary.”
“Can’t you be both?” He hasn’t spoken for a few moments and her expression changes to surprise– like she almost forgot he was there.
“What?” She doesn’t turn towards him. Doesn’t look at anything except The Spot. Her eyebrows have smoothed back out and she looks eerily similar to her twin brother in this moment.
“Can’t you be both?” He repeats, “Can’t the real you be floating and also stable? People aren’t just monotonous, no one can be the same all the time, it’s statistically impossible.”
“I know that. It’s just– why can’t I be here all the time?” Her question is rhetorical, she’s not looking for an answer. “I’m not asking to be happy all the time. I’m asking to feel conscious and in control of my life. I feel like I’m spiraling out of control. Like I’m in a car and the steering wheel doesn’t work anymore, I’ll just go wherever and I can’t stop the inevitable crash. I can only watch it happen and brace for it.” Tears start streaming down her face and if Regulus wasn’t staring directly at her and searching for any microexpression she lets through, he wouldn’t have noticed them. She’s a silent crier.
Regulus doesn’t respond and he knows that Pandora is waiting for one.
In the end, he holds her. He carefully hugs her and cards his fingers through her blonde hair. She lets the hot tears run down and face and her body goes limp, like all the fight left in her goes out and she collapses into Regulus.
She never looks away from that spot on the wall.