fuck it if I can't have him.

Regulus had known for some time that he had no plans of going back to Grimmauld Place, but the last Christmas holidays he’d spent there had sealed the deal. His mother had started hinting that it was time to start looking for a wife. A wife. And while he wasn’t opposed to the idea of getting married to someone, one day, in theory, he was seventeen and had zero intentions of continuing the Black family name any time soon. When he’d expressed these feelings to Walburga and Orion in a weak moment of believing maybe they would support the only child that they still claimed, they’d managed to blame his views on Sirius’ influence and threatened him at wand point. When he snuck out to meet up with Sirius, he’d been nothing but supportive and it had been the final straw.

Barty’s dad was a control freak. He wanted a clone for a son, and anything less just wasn’t good enough. When he chose to study different subjects to OWL level, he’d been a disappointment, even when he’d received O grades in every single one. All twelve of them. He hadn’t bothered talking to his dad about his NEWTs at all. When he didn’t want to join the quidditch team, he was letting the family down. When he told his dad he might be gay, he was told to not bother coming back.

Finding a place to live right out of Hogwarts hadn’t been easy, but Alphard and Andromeda had helped a lot and when they apparated away from Kings Cross straight to their new home, dragging their trunks through the narrow front door, it felt like a brand new start for both of them.

Regulus had sent an owl to Remus inviting him round for a cuppa and a catch-up the day after they’d moved in. In Remus’ last two years at Hogwarts, they’d become good friends, much to Sirius’ annoyance at first, but without their friendship, the brothers might not have rekindled their relationship. Regulus suspected something was going on between his brother and Remus for years, despite their denials, so when he heard that Sirius was dating Edgar Bones, he needed the gossip from Remus, because if anyone had the gossip about it, it would be him.

He’d barely poured the tea when he got right into it. “Edgar Bones?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “You’ve heard then.”

“Yeah, his sister’s in our year and was bragging about it. Which, why would you brag about your brother dating someone that you think is hot? I’m missing something there I’m sure.”

“Maybe she’s hoping he’ll share.” Remus said with a chuckle as Reg looked scandalised, “I assume you want details.”

“Well yes, but I also wanted to see how you’re doing with it all.” Reg looked at him closely.

“It’s a long story that I still think I’m missing parts of, but I think as of last weekend I got most of it.” He paused, “I’m doing alright. I’ve been embracing it, honestly.”

“Is that code for sleeping around?” Regulus laughed as Remus nodded. “Fair enough. How’s he been coping with that?”

“Haven't really talked about it much. Haven’t talked about much at all for a while, honestly.” He frowned, “We’re supposed to be having a movie night later but I don’t know if that’s going to happen after Friday. I think he'd tell me if it wasn't, right?”

Regulus leaned back in his chair and just stared at Remus until he told him the whole story, from James putting pressure on both of them, to Mary, and Davey, to Edgar’s comments, at which point Regulus’ face was unreadable, to Benjy and then Friday night’s almost kiss and James’ revelations. Regulus seemed to be holding something back. When Edgar was mentioned, especially his behaviour towards Remus, he couldn’t meet Remus’ eye.

“So, essentially, Sirius has taken something way too far and messed up everything along the way? Shocker.” Reg said. “Do you think it’s salvageable?”

“Probably? It’s Sirius.” Remus shrugged.

“Yeah, I thought as much.” Reg sighed, “The two of you are… something.” He waved his hand vaguely.

“You should come to the pub next Friday,” Remus said, not really wanting to talk about Sirius anymore. “I’ll teach you how to play pool, and tell Pads he’s not allowed to laugh at you.”

“Actually, Barty and I had plans to go to this underground bar in Birmingham that his friend works at. You should come!” Reg smiled. “Bring everyone, it’ll be better than spending the night on my own watching Barty flirt with everything with a pulse until he inevitably gets in a fight for hitting on the wrong person.”

“Spoken from experience.” Remus laughed, “Yeah, I don’t see why not. I’ll see if they’re up for it. I’m game.”

Regulus nodded but before he could reply, the fireplace roared and out stepped Barty. “Honey! I’m ho— oh!” He grinned when he saw Remus. “Lupin. What a lovely surprise.”

“Crouch,” Remus replied. “Congrats on the new place. It’s nice.”

“Thanks.” Barty sat on the arm of Regulus’ chair and studied Remus. The way his hair was no longer neatly styled, the light stubble on his jaw and his easy smile. “You look good. Sirius finally come to his senses then?”

Remus rolled his eyes, “Nah, he’s with Edgar Bones.” The look that passed between Reg and Barty didn’t escape him, “You know him?”

“Our paths have crossed,” Reg said.

“Unfortunately.” Barty leaned back, eyes still roving up and down Remus' body, “So you’re not seeing anyone?”

“Barty, shut up.” Reg glared at him.

“I was just asking a question, Reg!” Barty’s cockiness reminded Remus of Sirius, and he had to admit, with his short dark curls, dark eyes and rakish smile, Barty was very attractive. Remus was suddenly very keen to go to this bar the following Friday.

“I’m not seeing anyone, no,” Remus said calmly. He heard Reg sigh. “I’m not!”

“I know you’re not. I just have some regrets right now.” He looked up at Barty. “I invited all of them out with us next Friday.”

Barty’s tongue flickered out to wet his lips as he grinned, “Well, that’s exciting.” He grinned. “My mate works there. They play good music and the beer is cheap enough. He’ll sort us a few freebies too, if he can.”

“The floor is sticky, Remus.” Reg said, scrunching his nose. “Sticky!”

“That’s part of the draw!” Barty said. “Authentic muggle night out.”

“Sounds fun.” Remus looked from Barty to Reg who was giving him a withering look. “Charm your shoes so they don’t stick if it bothers you so much.”

“I thought Reg was exaggerating how smart you are, but wow.” Barty looked genuinely impressed. “Why did we never think of that?”

“You’ve been talking me up, Reg?” Remus teased.

“I may have said one or two nice things when you helped me with the defence homework last year.” Reg pouted, it was the most he ever looked like Sirius.

“Yeah, he—” Barty started before Reg turned a dark look at him. “He said you’re smart. I said ‘How smart can he be if he fancies your brother?’”

“A valid point, I suppose.” Remus conceded. “Speaking of Sirius, I should probably head off. I told him I’d let him pick the film which means it will probably be Grease, and I need to mentally prepare myself.”

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

When Remus got home, Sirius wasn’t there. He’d suspected that Sirius would bail on him, but there was still a tiny part of him that hoped he was wrong. They hadn’t spoken since he’d left the pub on Friday night. Sirius had come home at some point during the night and was still in bed when Remus got up to make Benjy and him some tea before Benjy had to leave.

Remus waited until nine o'clock before heating up some leftovers and eating them alone in front of the TV. When he was done, he went straight to bed and continued reading The Shining. Sirius hadn’t returned by the time he fell asleep with the book on his aching chest.

The next morning he left a note for Sirius telling him about Reg’s invitation that Friday.

Pads,

Wish you’d have told me your plans for last night had changed.

Went to see Reg yesterday and he and Crouch are going to this bar in Birmingham on Friday night and they invited all of us. Sounds like it could be fun. Good music, cheap beer, sticky floor. Sounds right up your alley.

See you later maybe

Moony

Then he left early for work. He owled Lily, Pete and Dorcas using one of the library owls, and tried not to feel disappointed when Davey didn’t come down to the archives that afternoon. By the time he got home that evening, he was exhausted in every sense of the word.

Sirius was sitting on the sofa with two steaming cups of tea in front of him and a worried look on his face. Remus shrugged his coat off and slumped onto the sofa.

“Long day?” Sirius asked quietly.

“Yeah, it dragged.” Remus answered honestly, “How was your day?”

“I spent the afternoon studying with Lily which was…” He searched for the right word, “Intense.”

Remus laughed softly, “Yeah, I can believe that.”

“I’m really sorry for not being here last night. I thought you probably wouldn’t want to… after…” He shrugged, “I should have asked you, though. I’m sorry.”

“Alright.” He nodded, wondering whether he should push harder about what was going on with Sirius on Friday, “What do you think about going out with Reg on Friday?”

“Good music, cheap beer and a sticky floor? Yeah, I’m there.” Sirius smiled. “Can’t believe he invited you over to his new place before he invited me.”

“Yeah, that surprised me too.” Remus chuckled. “I’m sure he’ll invite you round soon. It’s a nice place.”

“Moony…” Sirius closed his eyes, “I just— I know that you’re not— Please don’t fuck my brother.”

Remus choked on his tea, after spluttering for a few seconds while Sirius rubbed his back tenderly, he snorted. “I solemnly swear, I will never fuck your brother, ok?”

“Thanks,” Sirius said quietly. “That’s possibly the worst sentence I’ve ever had to say.”

Remus laughed brightly, “I’m sure you’ve said worse. I’m certain you’ll say worse in future.”

“As long as it’s not related to Reg’s sex life, I’m good with that.” He shuddered, “Did he and Crouch seem…”

Remus thought back. It had been quite clear that Crouch’s eyes were firmly on him in that room, and Reg hadn’t seemed bothered by his flirting, more that he was flirting with Remus. “I don’t think so. They just seem like mates.”

Sirius hummed, “Probably for the best. Crouch is kind of unhinged.”

“Yeah?” Remus hated that he was more intrigued by this statement than put off. “In what way?”

“He gets in fights a lot, and… I don’t know, do you not think he just looks a bit… tapped?”

“Not especially. Can’t say I’ve spent enough time with him to notice.” Remus said evenly. “He seemed alright.”

“Maybe.” Sirius frowned, “I can’t believe Reg left. To be a fly on the wall when he didn’t turn up at Grimmauld Place.”

Remus nodded, “I can’t imagine they took it well.

“Alphard owled me a few weeks ago to give me a heads up that they’d probably be reaching out and trying to pin the whole thing on me. Nothing so far.” He shrugged, “Granted, it’s been two days, but still.”

🌙✨🌙✨🌙

Bogarts was nothing like their cosy pub, it was loud and smelled like a heady cocktail of beer, smoke and sweat and Sirius was in his element. He had, of course, invited Edgar, much to everyone’s thinly veiled annoyance. James, Lily, Dorcas, Marlene and Pete, after James had briefed them all on the events of Friday night and Sirius’ comments about his relationship with Edgar, were incredulous when Edgar turned up at Remus and Sirius’ flat before they apparated to Birmingham.

He greeted Regulus and Barty like old friends, while they remained very civil, it was clear that the sentiment was not reciprocated. This seemed to be lost on Sirius who was bouncing around like an excitable puppy. Remus met Regulus’ eye across the room and rolled his eyes.

When they got into the bar, Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy was playing. Sirius lit up and dragged Edgar to dance. The rest of them headed to the bar. Remus ordered a pint of lager and a double Southern Comfort. Lily appeared next to him as he threw back the whiskey.

“You’re back to drinking normally then?” Lily said with a smile. “James and Sirius were concerned that you were barely drinking at the pub anymore.”

Remus shook his head, “Didn’t want to get drunk and do something stupid.”

“Like?”

“Kiss Sirius or curse Edgar.” Remus shrugged.

“And you think tonight will be different?”

Remus looked past her to where Barty was listening to Reg and James talk, probably about quidditch, but was also looking right at him with a salacious smile on his face which grew wider when Remus’ eyes remained on him. He looked good.His jeans couldn’t possibly have been tighter and the Frank Zappa t-shirt that hung off his frame, giving glimpses at his clavicles was really doing it for Remus.

“Yeah, Sirius and Edgar can do whatever they want.” He shrugged, looking back to her, “And so will I.”

Lily sighed, “If you say so.”

He sipped his pint as they all moved away from the bar. The music changed to Substitute by The Who. They settled around a small table with half a bench seat and the rest open so they could drag up as many chairs as they needed. Remus found himself on the bench seat between James and Barty, who had slung his arm across the back of the bench, behind Remus’ shoulders. Regulus was watching them from across the table with a suspicious look on his face. Remus shrugged slightly before sensing lips next to his ear.

“How long have Black and Bonio been a couple?”

Remus turned his head slightly, “A little over a month. Also, you’re the second person to call him Bonio and I forgot to ask Fenwick when I saw him last week. What’s the story there?”

He could sense Barty’s lips curve up in a grin near his jaw. “In his fifth year, he came back after Christmas all pretentious and snotty about food, complaining how the Hogwarts food wasn’t a patch on what he’d eaten in Italy over the holidays. He was being such a dick. One of his roommates got a pack of dog biscuits and told him they were an Italian delicacy. He ate them and claimed to love them. Hence, Bonio.”

Remus blinked a few times before laughing, “Seriously?”

Barty nodded, “Yep. I think it was almost a week before someone told him. Whoever came up with the name is a fucking genius.”

“It’s perfect.” Remus chuckled, “That story never made it as far as Gryffindor Tower.”

“Well, obviously.” Barty drawled, “You’d all have milked it and been insufferable, and then it wouldn’t have been funny anymore.”

“You know what. That’s fair.” Remus turned fully so his face was only inches from Barty’s. “Hi."

“Hi.” Barty tilted his head slightly. “How do you like Bogarts?”

“Great music, cheap beer, sticky floor, very good company. It’s delivered for sure.” Remus felt one of Barty’s long fingers trace circles on the back of his shoulder and smiled. “You said you have a friend who works here?”

“Yeah, the guy with red hair behind the bar, Henry. Known him since we were kids. He’s a muggle so as far as he knows I’ve just got back from some fancy boarding school.”

“I think you have just got back from some fancy boarding school. Magic or not.”

“I suppose so.” His eyes drifted to Remus’ mouth. “You smoke, Lupin?”

“Yeah,” Remus said hesitantly.

“Come to the bar and smoke with me. Reg hates me smoking next to him, even though the place is smoky as fuck, and anyway, I think you need another whiskey.” Barty slid out of the bench, holding out a hand to Remus who took it and allowed Barty to pull him through the crowd, not looking back to see his friends’ baffled expression as The Chain by Fleetwood Mac started.

Regulus groaned, “I should have known really, shouldn’t I?”

“I knew as soon as the two of you showed up, honestly,” James said. “I really thought last Friday was the start of fixing everything.”

“You mean until Padfoot nearly kissed Moony and then bailed on their movie night on Sunday?” Pete said, sipping his beer. “The king of mixed signals.”

“He bailed?” Reg said. “For fucks sake. Remus was so excited about it.”

“He was?” James asked.

“Yeah, he came round for a cup of tea on Sunday afternoon and said they were probably going to watch, uh, the one with the songs, and the car, and the pink coats.”

“Grease,” Lily told him.

He nodded, “That’s the one. There was a definite vibe between him and Barty, though. I didn’t know that until after I’d invited him to come out though.”

“This is all your doing then.” Joked James.

“You're one to talk!”

“Ah, so Remus has filled you in on the situation then?” James nodded, “Fair enough. I definitely haven’t helped.”

“That’ll teach you to meddle, won’t it!” Dorcas said. “So we’re not about Re and Barty? I think they look good together.”

They all looked past Reg to the bar where they could just see Remus and Barty talking to Barty’s friend Henry. Barty’s arm was around Remus’ shoulders and Remus leant into him as he laughed. It was hard to argue with Dorcas. They did look good together.

“I’d love to not be here when Sirius sees that,” Regulus said. “Idiot or not, I know how he feels about both of those assholes and that’s not two people he’d put together.”

“He should have thought about that, shouldn’t he?” Marlene shrugged, resting her chin on Dorcas’ shoulder so she could stare across at the bar. “Remus has had to watch him and Edgar for weeks now. He’s had plenty of time to end things with Edgar if he wanted to.”

Remus enjoyed the way Barty’s arm felt around him. Very few people he knew were taller than him, Sirius was more or less the same height, and anyone he’d been with lately had been at least a few inches shorter than him. It was different. It was nice.

Henry was nice too, he’d known Barty since they were kids, having grown up in the same tiny village in Staffordshire. Remus had never thought much about Crouch’s accent, but it was unmistakably Midlands now he listened to it. The whiskey was starting to warm his insides and he found himself talking about how much he loved the song Purple Haze by the Jimi Hendrix Experience, and the guitar tone, and Barty and Henry were eating it up. Barty told him he’d be right back and left him with Henry, who chatted to him in between serving people. He clearly thought that Remus was Barty’s boyfriend, and Remus decided that Barty, as Henry’s friend, could be the one to deny that.

The DJ’s voice boomed through the speakers. “A man has just requested some Hendrix, who has Jesus on his forehead and Zappa on his chest.” Remus looked towards the DJ booth as Purple Haze started playing and saw Barty beckon him over with one finger. Under the UV lights, a scar in the centre of Barty’s forehead glowed lilac. Remus hesitated for a moment, dreading what his scars would look like under those lights, but then Henry slid another whiskey his way.

“Go on, I’ve not seen him dance with anyone before.”

Remus smiled at Barty and held up one finger while he downed the Southern Comfort, thanked Henry and headed through the crowd to where Barty was waiting for him.

“Jesus on your forehead and Zappa on your chest?” Remus said next to Barty’s ear. “I’d hate to hear what he’d say about my scars.” He chuckled looking down at his arms, glowing in shades of purple.

Barty’s eyes were dark as he took in Remus under the lights, “Honestly, I know what your scars are from, so they really have no business being as hot as they are right now. Feels like glorifying something you can’t control but fuck, Remus.”

Remus traced the cross on Barty’s forehead with the tip of his finger before touching his jaw gently, questioningly. Barty answered the question enthusiastically by pulling Remus towards him and crashing their mouths together. Remus sank into the kiss, pulling at Barty’s hair and enjoying the soft noises Barty was making into his mouth. Barty’s hand ran up and down Remus’ back, gripping his hips tightly, trying to pull him even closer. When they settled on Remus’ arse, they broke apart for a second, panting.

Remus looked up, slightly, into Barty’s eyes and the hunger he saw there made him shiver involuntarily. Before he could think about it too hard, he pulled Barty back into another kiss.

As the music transitioned into Black Dog by Led Zeppelin, the people still left around the table, James, Lily, Pete and Reg, watched Barty Crouch suck on Remus’ neck. They were startled by Sirius barrelling towards the table. “It’s my song! Where’s Moony? It’s my song.”

They looked away from Remus and Barty a moment too late and Sirius turned just in time to see Barty bite Remus’ lower lip, and how it made Remus press even closer to him. Sirius’ mouth dropped open and Edgar rolled his eyes.

“The fuck is Crouch doing?” He said.

“Never mind Crouch. What the fuck is Moony doing?” Sirius looked to his brother, “Is this your doing?

“Believe me, it’s not. I should have seen it coming, but I didn’t.” Reg said with a straight face. Then patted the chair next to him. “Sorry.”

Sirius stared into the crowd, unable to take his eyes off them. Edgar looked from him to Remus and Barty and scowled.

“What’s Barty playing at, Regulus?” He snapped.

“Looks like he’s playing at kissing Remus. We’re not like you, Bonio.” Regulus said, in a bored tone. “Never were, really.”

“Not like what?” James asked.

Regulus shook his head, “Doesn’t matter tonight, James.”

James didn’t look convinced but Sirius still hadn’t moved and Edgar was becoming more frustrated. James stood up and moved in front of Sirius, blocking his view. “Pads.”

Sirius snapped out of it, “Sorry, I just didn’t see that coming.” He tried to look around James but James pre-empted him and moved.

“Come and sit down.”

Sirius nodded and pulled out a chair for Edgar, then himself. When he looked over his shoulder, Barty and Remus were gone. He stood up, tipping his chair over, trying to see if he could spot them when Edgar stood up and dragged Sirius away from the table by his wrist. They stood next to the exit door gesturing wildly at each other before Sirius stormed out, followed by Edgar.

“What the fuck just happened?” Said Dorcas as James hit his head on the table in front of them.