James stared in the mirror. He felt wrong. He is to attend a ministry event today with the rest of the Order. He will sit next to Sirius. He will talk to Sirius. He will continue to lie, not just to Sirius, but to everyone. He won't tell anyone where he was last night. For someone who's been sneaking around with a death eater, let alone his best friends estranged brother, he definitely shouldn't look as normal as he does. Why can't he leave Regulus? Why does he always sneak back out to Regulus? A knock on the door snaps James out of his thoughts.
"James! Are you ready yet?" It's Sirius.
"Yea!" James joined Sirius in the hall and they walked down the halls together.
The Pottery, otherwise known as Potter Manor, was a large expansive wooden Manor in the deep woods of Scotland, made for the perfect Order headqaurters. It's also James' home, where he grew up. Where he helped Effie bake. Where he and Peter hid from Marlene in hide and seek. Where he and Sirius had their first sleepover. Where he and Regulus- no. They walk downstairs and joined the others in the kitchen. There, they met up with the rest of the Order and apparated to a Ministry building. They arrive in a nice garden and walk to the front of the big black building, there was lots of security surveying everyone, they let everyone in without a hitch and everyone took their seats. James sat with Sirius through a speech from the Minister.
"We shall not fear them. The death eaters can try but they cannot take our comfort away. We shant live in fear of the day they get us..." Eventually, he wraps it up and it is met with applause.
Everyone gets up and socializes across the large room. He and Sirius join Remus across the room, Pete was sick so it's just James left to third wheel the two painful lovers. Suddenly, the air feels a little thick, everyone in the room visibly tenses as the now familiar dark mark flies across the roof, this time made out of a poison compound. A group of death eaters barge down the door and suddenly James remembers something Regulus had said.
"One day, I will love you openly, and no one will be there to stop me." They had both been drunk off their arses so James hadn't thought much of it. Is this what Regulus had meant? That they would be dead? James couldn't spot Regulus in the crowd but it didn't matter, James had to fight. He got caught up in a duel, now James Potter is better at everything when Sirius Black is at his side, but that doesn't mean he isn't a damn good fighter alone.
The fight slowly moves outside and everything blurs together, adrenaline pumping and spells flying everywhere. He can't tell if hits land or they don't. It doesn't matter. Minutes, maybe hours, bleed together, and by the end he runs to the side of the building to catch his breath, he finds an unmasked Regulus Black standing over someones corpse, blood everywhere, even his face. James is distressed at the sight.
"Regulus?'
"James! You shouldn't be here- you said-"
Oh, right. So James might have been planning to bail and may or may not have shared these plans with Regulus.
"I decided to go after all, clearly. Regulus did you-"
"I did. I did, James. I killed him. You should go."
"I should, shouldn't I?" James was conflicted. He took a step towards Regulus.
"Please- go. I don't want you to see me like this."
It was weird, watching Regulus Black feel... emotions? It's such a foreign concept to Regulus its become foreign to everyone who knew him. Regulus is cold, calculated, sharp and witty. Emotional doesn't describe him, ever. And yet. James looked over at the area he'd just fled, death eaters are leaving, and when he turned back, Regulus was gone, too. James made his way back to the outside and everyone was spread out, in varying degrees of injury. Being the saint he is, he helped everyone back to The Pottery, apparating a total of 7 times even with all the other people helping out.
He didn't feel like getting checked on. He was fine. He didn't feel injured or anything.
Standing there in the kitchen, he talked to Sirius who was fine too.
"I saw you talking to Regulus out there, mighty calm for an Order member talking to a murderer, let alone a death eater." Sirius raised an eyebrow in silent question.
And James, oh so stupidly, he cracked, he spilled everything. Sirius looked betrayed, it was clear he felt betrayed. But it wasn't his usual anger, hot headed and tempered, no it was colder than that. When Sirius is being very actually serious, pun not intended this time, he'd go cold. Like the soulless pureblood he was raised to be. It made James feel sick.
"I see then." Sirius replied, tears almost just brewing in his eyes, he left before James could say anything, presumably to go inform Dumbledore of James' misdeeds.
James felt violently ill, slowly his vision got blurry, but his glasses are on? He became aware of the blood coming out-
James Potter fell dead right there at the table. He never even got to apologize. His blood might be cleaned but it will forever haunt that table, and Sirius, who heard the noise but ignored it out of anger.
Sirius never did forgive himself for that.
Regulus will always wonder why James is never there anymore.