Warpaint

It felt weird that October slipped into November without a fuss. There was no party to mark Halloween, no bottomless cocktails being drunk out of pumpkins and outfits that your father wouldn't let you out in. Lou had insisted that there should be no party this year because nothing should be taking the attention away from her birthday party in December as she was turning seventeen. I think she did it for me because I wasn't up to planning it. I'm always in charge of the Halloween party but, this year, it was too much so she deflected it onto her.

It was rather dull day, the Great Hall's ceiling was full of clouds. Lou, Madi and I were sat at the Ravenclaw table during a free period. We prefer to do this type of thing in our dorms but last time Weasley found out Madi was in our dorms and she took ten points away from both Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. Lou was studying the rolls of parchment in front of her with a careful concentration reserved for one of her favourite subjects, boys. Everyone knows there is a list, your ranking within the school created by those who know best, us. Today's subject was Madi's date for Lou's birthday party.

"I say Freddie" announced Lou. I fought not to roll my eyes at her, of course she wanted Freddie so she could spend more time with Potter. While there wasn't anything wrong with Freddie, I know Lou has her own agenda.

"How about Madi goes on her own?" I suggested but already knew the idea would go down like a lead balloon with these girls.

We never went anywhere alone, especially not a social occasion. In fact, Ethan's everlasting presence wherever I seemed to be was beginning to get a bit grating. I didn't need him to be my escort whose catchphrase seemed to be ‘let me come with you!' at the moment. I wonder if Lou had told him that I needed some extra attention or something because I really had to put my foot down when he offered to walk me to the girl's bathroom. I couldn't help feeling a little relieved when he was at Quidditch practice or classes. I must admit having Ethan around stopped me dwelling too much on the past though.

"Bee! Now isn't the time for feminism!" Lou said indignantly. "Do you have a real suggestion or not?"

"Give me those!" I said as I grabbed the quill and parchments out of Lou's hands. I carefully scanned the lists. Why were there so many pieces of parchment here? I don't know how we could possibly need so many. Where were those star charts?

"Caleb Cole, she should go with him", I said finally looking up at them. Lou looked mildly interested. I knew she had already won this debate but I didn't fancy giving in just yet.

"You've got my interest, make your case", Madi said with a smile. I think she was enjoying our little debate but I was pretty sure that she fancied Freddie anyway.

"Caleb is good looking, captain of the Quidditch team, he hasn't got any crazy ex girlfriends to speak of", I said triumphantly before continuing. "You're a Gemini and he's a Capricorn so obviously you'll be compatible with each other. In the week of the party, your moons are aligned so I don't know what more you could ask for!"

Oh Merlin, this is the hill that I've decided to die on.

"But he's the captain of the Hufflepuff team", said Lou with a withering look.

"I know how you feel about Hufflepuffs", I smirked.

Lou had been hooking up with our Hufflepuff now Head Boy this summer during one of her longest splits with Potter. It was funny because he had decided that this must be kept a secret for his reputation or, more likely, because he thought it would hurt the chances with the new Head Girl. Normally, Lou would have ruined anyone who dared to disrespect her but this situation was in her favour. He was in her pocket so she had all the power. Lou gave me a knowing smile and we both laughed.

My laughter quickly died when I noticed Potter approaching the table. He's not even that attractive but confidence is his best friend.

"How's the most beautiful girl at Hogwarts?" he said affectionately as he putting his arms around Lou's shoulders like he owned her. I feel like I'm in full mama lion mode right now. I feel too emotionally protective. That's probably a bad sign.

"Could you get any more cheesy?" I said dryly

"Could you get any more bitter?" Potter quipped back.

"Play nice, you two!" Lou laughed as she playfully slapped James' hand and he just grinned at her.

"Eres un tonto. Él no es bueno para ti. Marca mis palabras este será otro desastre!"

"Oh, you've done it now, James! She's gone Spanish on your ass!" Madi chimed into the conversation.

I tend to start speaking Spanish when I get worked up. Spanish is my first language but I don't speak it much anymore as I'm at school most of the year. We always spoke it at home, it's my dad's native language. I almost smiled at Madi's comment because she didn't realise that I was talking to Lou not Potter.

I stalked away from the table as quickly as possible. I didn't look back, you should never look back because it suggests you care or that you're second guessing yourself. I'm cursing myself though because I could handle James Potter. I walked away from the situation when I should have just come up with a better comeback and then ignored him. I didn't want to play that game anymore. It was exhausting.

I waited until I was up in my dormitory to compose myself. I pulled the crimson hangings around my bed firmly closed. I let myself believe that I was coping with everything so well but right now I feel like it's crushing me. I realised that I had never said those words out loud, I couldn't move on if I couldn't even talk about it. Did I want to move on?

I love my friends, we fitted together but I didn't feel that anymore. All the parts of me feel as if they are in limbo. I couldn't help it, I allowed myself to scream into my poor pillow. Suddenly, I just felt so very tired.

*

I felt better after a long sleep. I had missed two lessons but I felt like a woman on a mission now. I was going to do something helpful, I was going to get Albus to pass Potions. Potions had been going alright. Albus had shown some signs of improvement but not enough if he wanted to pass his January exams which made up half our yearly grade . It was slow progress and oddly satisfying to see his improvement. I was finally meeting him to properly spend time to help him out with his Potions as Lou and Madi had been hopelessly distracted by step 1 of their ‘Get Freddie' plan.

Sometimes I wonder what Madi would be like if she didn't hang out with us. Madi is different to Lou and I because she liked people. She genuinely enjoyed other people's company. People might want to be Lou or I but they wanted to be friends with Madi. I think that if Madi relaxed a bit then she wouldn't need a plan to get a boy. I guess the plan was often more interesting than the guy though.

"You know with your parents being so rich - you think they would buy you some friends don't you?" said a sweet voice. I know that voice, not the owner but the tone. I invented that sickly sweet tone while delivering a burning insult.

I turned around the corner into the Potions section and having a sinking feeling that I might find Albus Potter on the receiving end of the insult. I turned to see Albus seated alone at one of the tables talking to a girl with a shock of ginger hair. It could have been Rose Weasley from behind but the tone of their conversation didn't suggest so. I got a glimpse of his face and the way he looked at the table, seemingly unable to look up. I wasn't having someone speaking to him in that way. I don't know who she was but she had just made a powerful enemy.

"You talk to him like that again and you'll seriously regret it", I said in rather threatening manner, enjoying that she looked slightly alarmed at my words. Her smirk slid from her face.

I drew myself up to my full height, flouncing past her to clearly place my bag in the spot next to Albus. He was looking like he wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out again. I ignored his embarrassment as I allowed him to regain his composure. I rounded on the girl again.  I didn't expect to recognise her but she was a Ravenclaw called Brenda Albrighton who, by her own social standings, had no right to be talking to Albus.

"Are you still here?" I asked using her sickly sweet tone against her. "Oh, that reminds me, you're banned from the library while Potter is here."

"You can't ban-"

"You know I can", I said flippantly "I suggest you leave right now because I don't know where you got your ideas of grandeur from but they're sadly misplaced."

I stared her down, she didn't look so brave anymore. She turned and left quickly. I busied myself with getting books, parchment and a quill out for my bag. People are just the worst, Albus needs to speak up for himself more. How would Albus even know her? I'll have to ask him later.

"You know, a wise woman once said that no-one can make you feel inferior without your consent", I said to him, It was true but perhaps not what he needed to hear right now. I think that phrase had lasting impact on me.

"Eleanor Roosevelt", he said quietly, almost to himself.  So Albus Potter knew who she was. This information was a surprise.

"I was thinking about my mum but I think she did borrow the phrase, yes", I said fondly. My mama had mentioned that she borrowed the quote. It was only years after that I read up on Eleanor Roosevelt. She was a pretty cool lady, just like my mama.

I flipped open my potions books and directed Albus to read a section to start with. He nodded and started to read. Potions isn't too difficult really, if you wanted an E then all you had to do was follow instructions and learn some of the magical properties. If you wanted an O then you needed to do something a bit different. I'm going to get Albus an E, I knew I could.

"Albus, you need to concentrate more! I'm not letting you near a cauldron until you can",  I said exasperatedly. I couldn't keep it in any longer. I had watched him read the same sentence about shrinking potions nearly four times now.

It wasn't like he was that bad at Potions but seem to have the attention span of a two year old. I need to change tactic otherwise I might go crazy. This is why I don't tutor people as I have no patience. So my mama always used to say that you could do something that you find difficult if you apply it to something you like already. When I was a child I struggled with Maths so my mama had me count her shoes. I could do something similar with Albus.  

"Is there something you like? A hobby?" I enquired to him.  

"Chess", he said with no trace of hesitancy.

He finally seemed to be paying attention. He suddenly changed as he sat up a bit straight and his green eyes had a mischievous twinkle. This was an interesting development, very interesting. Chess seemed to be something that really floated his boat. How is it that one minute he's such an anxious mess but now he was smiling like he owns the place? This was also the guy who knew about twentieth century muggles too.

Albus Potter was an enigma.

"You just need to use that concentration for Potions."

"You'll need to learn how to play", he said eagerly.

"What?"

Was he serious?

"If you want apply chess to Potions then it'll help if you learn how to play, obviously", he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He was serious.

"Do I look like the type of girl to play chess?"

"You could be", he said thoughtfully. It was almost a challenge and I can't say no to a challenge. Could I play chess? I had no idea but how hard could it be right?

Last time a Potter challenged me, it did not end well. James thought he could beat me in a vodka shots competition last Halloween. He ended up in the hospital wing with Madi using a confundus charm on Madame Longbottom as illegal parties were, well, illegal. I still like to remind him of that story but nothing could go wrong with chess.

"Challenge accepted but I'll have you know that I don't like to lose",  I said, issuing a challenge of my own.

"Big surprise, a Gryffindor who doesn't like to lose."

He was teasing me. Albus Potter was teasing me.

Lou and Madi wouldn't approve but this conversation is the best thing to happen to me in a while. I'm going to learn chess with someone who believes I can, just like I believe he won't blow up another cauldron. Almost believe anyway. That's something I never thought I would say.

*

Albus

I hated the winter, every year I forget how cold it got. The idea of spending tomorrow watching a game of Quidditch didn't fill me with joy either. However, I was feeling pretty good this morning though as I managed to get ahead of my homework and we had Defence Against the Dark Arts first, which was one of my better subjects. The owls had arrived. I knew that I would be receiving a letter from my parents from the moment that I saw an impressive snowy owl glide swiftly down to the Slytherin table.

I think this owl hated me, he always looked so grumpy when he had to deliver anything to me. I wanted to believe that the owl was just bad tempered but I had seen Lily playing with the bird so I knew it wasn't the owl that had behavioral issues. It was me. Letters from my parents were always a bit stressful. I felt like they had no idea what to do with me. My mum worried too much about me. I feel like she wanted to change me so she could understand me better.

Dear Albus,

I hope your term is still going well. I'm a little concerned about your lack of letters in the last month or so. It just seems so unlike you. I hope everything is going alright? I'm sure you'll think I'm overreacting but just know that you can always talk to me or Neville about anything.

On a lighter note, your Nana will be hosting christmas this year, so everyone can stop complaining about my cooking like last year! Hopefully we'll have no more Molly dramas this year, I don't think your uncle Percy would be impressed. We are looking forward to your company at Christmas!

Lots of love

Mum (and Dad)

xx

Ps. you're gifting to Roxanne this year for secret santa!

I was reading between the lines but I knew that clearly meant Neville had mentioned to mum that I had skipped seeing him. It wasn't a requirement that I went to see him, I do it because I enjoyed his company but it had turned different recently. It didn't feel like fun chat over a game of chess anymore. I have no life because no-one lets me lead a normal one. I knew I had to, once in my life, try and play it cool. It wasn't something that comes naturally to me.

My mind floated to the tutoring session, I couldn't deny that I was rather surprised that she agreed to let me teach her. I had issued the challenge to her before I had time to think it through. Her light laugh rang through my head as I couldn't help think that I had natural conversation with someone. It didn't seem that often that happened. I always seem to plan so carefully what to say but I didn't need to this time.

"Hey Neville!" I said with more enthusiastically than I felt as seeing my godfather snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Albus, if I didn't know any better then I would think that you were avoiding me", he said good naturedly as he clapped me on the back, ushering me into his office. Why does he have to be so nice?

"Erm-well-not exactly", I said awkwardly

This is too hard because I wanted my own space now. I had never felt like my own person and I was trying my hardest to change that but was cutting out someone so important the way to go? I didn't have to never speak him again but just not about personal things. I enjoyed spending time with him but I wanted to go back to how it was before he needed to report everything back to my parents. We should just hang out sometimes, playing chess and gobstones.

"Is there something bothering you, Albus?"

I heard what he said. I just didn't know how to respond to that. I just sat down, trying to avoid eye contact with him. Neville's office was really rather impressive for someone who hadn't spent so much time here.  There were lots of weird and wonderful plants in pots all around. In first year, I always asking about the plants but, as the years go on, they became no more interesting than his oak desk.

"I guess so but I don't think I should tell you", I said finally.

"I hope you know that you can confide in me, my door is always open."

"That's the problem!" I exclaimed. He wasn't going to understand unless I spelt it out. "I tell you things and you go directly to my mum and dad!"

"Albus, I assure you I only have your best inter-"

"I want to be normal teenager with secrets, Neville."

I interrupted him. I don't think I had ever interrupted anyone. It's not really something that I do. I've listened a lot of rubbish because I don't want to correct anyone. I'm happier just sat listening to whoever was talking, no matter what they are talking but I had finally had enough. Maybe I had snapped? I felt this weird sense of power.

"I want privacy and I don't think us talking as we did is a good idea", I explained. I didn't feel powerful now. I felt awful. His face looked crestfallen.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way. I've only tried to be a good role model and supportive to you -"

"Don't make this harder than it is already. Please, I just want to be on my own", I said as I turned my heel. I had to get out of that room as soon as possible.

I wasn't sure that was true. I don't want to be alone but I just want people's interest in me to be something other than concern. Neville is wonderful but he was a crutch for me. I had felt impulsive and now I didn't know what I wanted.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

*

Shouldn't Quidditch just be a summer sport?

The weather was arctic today. I don't understand why people are so obsessed with Quidditch or why I allow myself to be dragged along, time after time. Rose is a huge fan though she has never been on a broomstick in her life. Scorpius liked it but his interest is more statistical. He spends the whole match scribbling down notes to turn into statistics. Last year, he found a book in an old muggle shop about sports statistics and has been obsessed with the idea ever since.  

Rose brought him a quick quotes quill last Christmas to help him out but it took her about six months to persuade him to use it because he insisted that a muggle wouldn't use one. His argument fell a bit flat when Rose pointed out that muggles wouldn't use quills and parchment either but that boy is stubborn.

"Come on Albus. It's going to be so much fun!" Rose chirped as we made our way down to the Quidditch. I thought about my response to that, watching people fangirl after my brother made the whole thing less appealing too. Rose spoke again before I could formulate a response. "Are you afraid that we're going to beat you?"

"Actually, statistically speaking, Slytherin are the more successful team", Scorpius piped up. I couldn't help but snigger at his input to the conversation.

"Not everything is statistics, Scor. I've got a good feeling about this", she said merrily as we approached the pitch.

I hope Rose wasn't expecting us to be in the Gryffindor stand for this match. I wasn't into Quidditch politics but even I knew that wasn't a good idea. Rose couldn't sit in the Slytherin stand with her Gryffindor face paint. Yes, Rose had decided to be extra ‘festive' for this match and it looks as bad as when Molly dyed her hair green. Rose seemed to be heading towards the Gryffindor stand.

"You're under strict orders to make sure he stays for the whole game! Use a sticking charm if you need to!" Rose said, heading off up the stairs. I guess that was the decision made for us.

"Yes, sir", Scorpius grinned as he give Rose a little salute. She grinned as we headed towards the Slytherin stand.

*

The game was three hours in and it had just started to rain. I'm so done with this.

Quidditch was beyond me. I just don't get it and I never will. Scorpius was so busy staring at the match with his quick quotes quill speeding across the parchment. It seemed that escape would be possible despite Rose's strict instructions. I thought that I should tell Scorpius that I was going but I didn't think he would even hear me. A roar exploded from the Gryffindor end, I could only assume they scored. It was James that scored as I could just about make him out zooming past. That's another reason why I'm leaving. I hit my limit of James Potter showboating.

As I expected, Scorpius didn't try to stop me or even show any sign that he had noticed I was leaving. I exited the Slytherin stand as quickly as possible. The Castle came into view again. It was difficult not to notice a figure a little way in front of me. They seemed to be draped in a large Gryffindor flag. It looked like she was trying to make a quick get away but being hampered by her heels sinking into the muddy grass.

Who wears heels to a Quidditch match?

It must be her. It was Bee.

I made the decision to speed up partly because I wanted to make sure that I wasn't caught in a rain but I had to admit I wouldn't mind talking to her. I didn't want to annoy her, though as I approached, I decided that I would talk to her.

"Albus!" she said in an almost relieved way. I guess she was just happy that I wasn't someone else by the looks of things. I didn't think I was expecting her to notice me so I hadn't quite figured out what to say next.

"Hey, won't Ethan be missing you?" I tried to joke as we fall into step with each other.

"Ethan's other girlfriend is Quidditch, so I think I'll be fine", she said with a small smile.

"Do you find it weird that you're tutoring me? You know with Ethan and you being friends with my brother?" I asked conversationally but I really did wanted to know the answer.

"Before this conversation goes any further you have to know that your brother and I aren't friends and I have no intention of changing that", she said seriously.

So that's interesting, she doesn't like James. Everyone likes James but I guess this confirmed what I thought all along. She isn't the person that she pretends to be. I didn't really have an idea of who she was yet but certainly not that girl she pretended to be.

"So I thought I could get your number? Just for tutoring and chess purpose."

I regretted it the moment I said it. What was I thinking? What would she be thinking? I didn't know if I should look at her for an answer or just run away from her as quickly as possible. It seemed like a good idea at the time. How long had we been standing here? I couldn't tell you as my brain made a mockery of time.

"Sure, do you have your phone?" she said. I fished my phone out of my pocket and passed it to her. Her fingers moved effortly across the keypad as she typed with great speed. I wasn't even sure that I knew my number. "Here you go!"

"Eleanor?" I asked upon seeing the new name in my phone. I wasn't sure what to make of that but I knew that I was just going to overthink this to death.  

"I've always wanted a secret identity", she said with a hint of mischief in her eyes.

I didn't know what to say but I found myself grinning anyway.