Bejeweled

Remus couldn’t believe the difference 24 hours could make. This time last night he’d been struggling to sleep, ruminating about all the things his condition had taken away from him in his life, with Bella being the freshest wound. Now he was waiting for his girlfriend to come share his bed for the night. 

And it wasn’t even a secret! Bellatrix had openly embraced a relationship with him in front of the whole school. She sang to the muggle music she loved, showed her friendship with Lily…Remus wondered if he should pinch himself, but if this was a dream then he honestly didn’t want to wake up. 

There was a quiet knock at the door and he hopped out of bed to open it. Remus felt his mouth go dry when he saw her. He had never seen so much of her skin before. In shorts and a tank top, her decolletage, her legs. Was his mouth hanging open? Whoops. He shut it quickly, averting his eyes to the floor as she giggled. 

“Glad you like it. Not usually my colour,” she shrugged as she walked past him, into the room. 

She correctly guessed which one was his bed, probably because it was the only one in the room with the curtains open, and slid under his covers. 

“You, um, must be cold,” he said as he slid in next to her, then closed the curtains with a wave of his wand. 

“I guess all of her winter pajamas needed a wash,” Bellatrix shrugged, then cast a silencing spell around them so they wouldn’t be overheard. She put her wand under the extra pillow on his bed, secured in the pillow case so it wouldn’t roll out, and then got comfortable. “Hold me to warm me up?” 

Remus could only nod, and then snuggled up close. All the nervousness melted away in the moment that they settled in together. His arms around her, her head on his shoulder. It just felt right. Comfortable. Relaxing. 

Until her hand slid under his shirt and her fingers made slow circles on his side. That made him very aware of just how close the most beautiful woman in the world was to him. He raised an eyebrow at her as he looked down to meet her eyes, a smirk on her lips. He leaned in to kiss those lips. He was allowed after all. 

It was the best damn kiss of his life. He found himself on top of her, pinning her to the bed as he kissed her roughly, the wolf in his head claiming her as mine. The thing about Bellatrix was that she wasn’t fragile. He had no fear of being too rough, of his wolf hurting her. She was solid, and strong, and would simply bite back if she didn’t enjoy it. Though, at the moment, she didn’t seem to want to. The way she melted against him, those fucking sounds she made. It was heaven. 

Remus kissed along her jaw, her neck, her collar bones. When his mouth got to the edge of her tank top he stopped and looked up at her, silently asking permission. God, she looked beautiful with her pupils wide and her lips thoroughly kissed. She gave him an eager nod, and he couldn’t help but smirk, proud of himself for making her happy. He slipped the straps off her shoulders and slid the top down so he could kiss exactly where he wanted to, making her back arch against him and his name like a swear to drip from her lips. 

She pulled him back up to kiss her mouth, pressing their bodies flush together again for a moment before pulling back enough to remove his shirt, and then back into another kiss. 

But when her fingers found the waistband of his pajama pants, Remus froze. Did he want to? Of course he did, and he was sure she could feel just how badly he wanted to pressed against her. But was he ready for that?...No, he wasn’t. Especially not when what they had was so new. 

“Is something wrong?” Bella frowned. 

“No, no. I just…” he sighed, trying to think of how to put it. “I want to, I do, you’re…so amazing, and beautiful, and I can’t believe I get to even kiss you, let alone…anything else. But I’m just…not ready for that.” 

Her eyes searched his face for a long moment. “You…don’t want me?” she asked in a small voice. 

“Of course I want you, Bella. In all the ways. I want to hold your hand when we walk down the halls. I want to study with you in the library, and hear all your thoughts about how awful homework is. I want to listen to music with you for the first time and the millionth time. And yes, I…would really like to sleep with you,” he admitted, feeling his cheeks flush like he hadn’t just had his mouth on her chest. “But I’m just not ready to sleep with anyone right now.” 

After an excruciatingly long moment, she nodded slowly. “Alright….then, hold me?” she asked. 

He couldn’t help but smile at that. “For as long as you’ll let me.” 

~ 

Bella expected to feel rejected. Hurt. But as she laid there, warm, snuggled up in his arms, those feelings never came. Instead, she felt truly content. It had been a perfect night from the moment she’d decided to stay in the Great Hall. 

Sure, the future was unknown and scary, but this was worth fighting for. This would have to be ripped away from her while she fought for it tooth and nail. 

She felt his breathing get deeper as he drifted off to sleep, and it struck her that the Dark Lord had never held her after they’d been together. He’d justified it saying they had to be careful, couldn’t fall asleep together and risk her parents finding them. She supposed that was probably part of the reason, if her parents did find out they would have cast him out for sure, a half-blood daring to touch their perfect pureblood daughter. But she also now realized it was because he simply hadn’t wanted to. Why would he? He was getting everything he wanted from her without it. 

Bella remembered the first time she’d been with him, it was the first time she’d been with anyone, and her mind couldn’t help but compare it to this night. How Bella had been so nervous, excited yes, but she remembered the moment when she’d made the decision to go through with it. How scared she was of disappointing him. How she hadn’t trusted him to ever want her again if she said no. That…wasn’t how things should be. 

No, things should be like this night. Remus had trusted her enough to tell her no, to know it wouldn’t ruin things with them. She felt warm all over and held him a little tighter, though she was careful not to wake him. He trusted her, and she trusted him. She was safe with him. 

Bellatrix focused on how the joy sat in her chest rather than the silent tears that were falling down her cheeks.