Bejeweled

Remus’ break was lovely. He got time with his dad, and then went over to the Potter’s house the day after Christmas until it was time to drop off all three boys at Kings Cross. Sirius, James and his parents all did far too much for him for Christmas. He got a completely new set of school robes, new shoes, a muggle style wool coat, and a book on Arithmancy. 

Not to mention all the delicious leftovers from Christmas dinner. Mrs. Potter loved to cook, and they always ended up with enough left overs to feed a small army after the holiday. Remus was more than happy to help them clear up fridge space. 

Remus wasn’t sure why he didn’t tell his friends about the letter from Bellatrix. He’d woken up Christmas morning to a grumpy owl tapping on his foggy window. He figured it was a present from one of his friends, so he had something to open on Christmas morning, but when he opened the window he realized it wasn’t the Potter’s owl. Confusion was his main emotion until he realized who it was from. 

It really did feel like Christmas morning. 

Sure, he didn’t want to share the full letter with them, though he wondered if she would be okay with them knowing she was listening to muggle music if she was comfortable requesting more recommendations from Lily, but he would rather err on the side of caution and not share that bit. But he could absolutely share the apology for what happened on the platform and that they were okay after the rounds incident. 

However…something about the letter felt so special. Keeping it just to himself, reading it over only when he was alone, felt like it preserved some of the magic. He decided that he’d share it with them once they got back to Hogwarts, but over break it could be his and Bella’s little secret. 

The train ride back started like usual, with the Marauders finding an empty cabin and claiming it for themselves. Talking, playing Exploding Snap, and enjoying the last bit of time without homework or exams to worry about. Until an enchanted paper airplane tapped its nose on the glass pane of the door. 

Peter opened the door, and the plane flew right to Remus. 

His heart skipped a beat when he opened it and recognized Bellatrix’s handwriting, but the words were less exciting. 

“The Head Boy and Girl called a prefect meeting,” he sighed. “Right now, apparently. I’ll see you guys later.” 

“Unlucky,” James said in way of goodbye, and Remus headed out. 

When he got to the cabin that was indicated on the note, the shade was already pulled and Remus worried he was late, but when he tried to quietly slip inside there was only one other person. 

“There’s no meeting,” Bellatrix told him quickly as she stood up nervously. Her hands were shaking slightly and she looked pale. “I just…had to see you.” 

“What’s wrong?” Remus frowned, stepping towards her and dropping his bag on one of the empty seats, his full focus on her. 

“I-“ her voice caught in a sob and the tears started. 

His arms encircled her and he gently pulled her into one of the seats. She curled against him, holding him tightly and resting her head on his shoulder as she cried. 

Remus had no idea what was going on, but he wished more than anything he could snap his fingers and make everything okay. That was the thing about muggles, they all thought magic could solve their problems, but wizards knew that it could do nothing for the real difficulties. 

He just held her for as long as she needed, until the sobs turned into silent tears running down her cheeks. 

“I don’t know when the last time I cried was,” she finally muttered. 

“Do you want to tell me why?” he asked gently. If the answer was ‘no’ that was perfectly fine. As much as he despised seeing her in pain, he couldn’t help but be pleased that it was him she wanted to be there for her. 

Remus could feel her nod against his shoulder. “Yeah. You…you were right. About him,” she clarified. “I heard him talking when he didn’t know I was there. He-he called me an idiot. Just using me for my family’s money.” 

“Oh, Bella,” he sighed. He’d known it. But for her sake he’d hoped it wasn’t true. He held her closer, resting his chin on top of her head, eyes shut tight as if he just focused on her hard enough, held her close enough, he could put all her broken pieces back together. 

“You’re not going to say ‘I told you so’?” she squeaked out. 

“Never,” he insisted. “Not with this.” 

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes after that. He thought that her tears had finally stopped as her breathing evened out, but neither of them moved. 

Bellatrix finally broke the silence. “I…I can’t be…romantic with you…right now.” It sounded like she was forcing it out, difficult to say. 

Remus pulled back just enough to make eye contact with her, finding he was right about the end to hear tears, though her face was still red and splotchy and she had mascara streaks down her face. 

“Bella, I care about you. That doesn’t come with stipulations or expectations. You don’t have to be romantic with me now or ever. You’re my friend, and I’m here for you,” he said firmly. 

Her eyes were wide as she looked up at him. They were starting to water, making him think the tears might start once more. She didn’t say anything, and instead just tightened her arms around him once more and buried her face against his neck. He thought he felt, rather than heard, her say, “Thank you,” but he wasn’t sure. 

Remus could have held her like that forever, but they jumped apart when the cabin door was slammed open and a very distraught Lily was standing there. “I’m so sorry I’m late!” she exclaimed in a rush before her brain processed the scene before her. As soon as it did, she looked confused. “Uh…Sirius and James told me there was a prefect meeting?” 

Remus and Bellatrix both blushed. 

“That was just an excuse to get him to come talk to me,” Bellatrix admitted. 

“Oh…Sorry,” Lily’s eyes traced the way Bellatrix was sitting in Remus’ lap. “I’ll leave you two alone then.” 

“No! Um, wait. Can you close the door? I’d, um, like to talk with you,” Bellatrix said awkwardly, moving to sit beside Remus instead of how she had been sitting. 

Lily glanced around the cabin for a moment before seeming to make a decision. She made some sort of conclusion and then shut and locked the cabin door before sitting across from Bella and Remus. “What’s happening then?” she clearly tried for a cheerful tone. 

~ 

Bellatrix bit her bottom lip, taking a deep breath through her nose. Luckily, by the time Lily barged in she had mostly calmed down. Even if she knew her face had to be a mess, giving away that she’d been crying. But she still hadn’t been expecting to do this. 

Not that she’d expected to do any of this, really. She hadn’t written Remus that note thinking he’d walk in and she’d instantly have a breakdown. She’d just wanted to see him. Talk to him. It felt like he was the only one she could talk to about her issues with the Dark Lord. Cissy was the only other person who knew about her relationship with him, and Bellatrix didn’t want to worry her with the issue. Especially since she’d been so worried about Bella following in Andy’s footsteps.

So she’d written the note to Remus and waited, preparing to have a conversation about it. To logically lay out everything that happened and analyze her feelings. To get his feedback on the situation.

And instead, the moment he walked in, whatever dam that kept the emotions at bay broke. Shattered into a million pieces. The rushing river overtook her, tumbling her head over feet as she desperately tried to swim to the surface. Tried not to drown in the absolute devastation. 

Yet the whole time, she’d had a life jacket holding her against him. One that told her he cared unconditionally when she’d only ever known conditional love. Be a good little pureblood. Prepare for an acceptable marriage. Expect to be a good wife. Cast out those who aren’t like you. Do what is expected of you. Agree with us. Or else. Or else. Or else.  

That doesn’t come with stipulations or expectations. 

“I wish to ask another favor of you,” Bellatrix said properly, reverting back to her well-bred manners in her discomfort. 

Lily nodded for her to continue. 

“I know I have no right to, I’ve honestly been nothing but…unpleasant to you. However, I…would like to request that we,” she gave a brief pause once more before hurting out the last few words, “have tea together sometime.” 

There was a beat of silence in the cabin, like none of them were even breathing. 

“In secret, of course,” Bellatrix added nervously. 

Lily’s eyes flicked from Bellatrix to Remus and back. “Why?” she asked carefully. 

Bellatrix took a deep breath and straightened her posture to steel herself. “Because I’d like to get to know you. My whole life my family has told me that muggle borns are awful and inferior and all of these things, but I would like to find out for myself.” She said it with confidence, determination. Things she wasn’t sure she really felt, but Remus had told her once that bravery wasn’t about not feeling fear, but not letting it stop you. Maybe she was borrowing a little bit of her Gryffindor’s bravery for the moment, made easier by him being right next to her. 

A wide smile broke out across Lily’s face. “I would love to have tea in secret with you sometime.”