Chapter 1
James Potter was happy, genuinely so, as he began his fifth year at Hogwarts. It was the kind of happiness that came from knowing he’d soon be with Remus and Peter again. Familiar faces, safe faces—everything felt right as he walked beside Sirius through the familiar bustling of the station.
The Hogwarts Express stood proudly, its scarlet paint gleaming like a promise. They had barely arrived when Remus appeared, leaning casually against one of the carriages. He smiled, that warm smile, the kind that didn’t just show on his face but reached his eyes, those strikingly big brown eyes. They were flecked with gold, catching the early light as if nature itself conspired to make him look even more handsome.
James couldn’t help it—he stared a moment longer than he intended. It wasn’t that he hadn’t seen Remus before, of course. They’d been inseparable for years, but now, something had shifted. The freckles on Remus’ face seemed more defined, like stars in some constellation only James had just learned to trace. His hair, mossy brown and wild, fell messily into place. Damn. He was handsome, so effortlessly so.
Sirius, too—James thought with a small grin—was his usual breathtaking self. With that long black hair falling just below his shoulders and those bright blue eyes that always seemed to hold a secret or two, Sirius had a magnetic pull that was impossible to ignore. It was the kind of beauty that felt dangerous, like standing too close to a flame.
Peter arrived shortly after, breathless from having to run down the platform, his cheeks flushed in a way that made him look oddly charming. Maybe James was simply in a strange mood, or maybe it was because they were all growing up—more than any of them cared to admit.
As they settled into the carriage, Hogwarts looming ever closer with every rhythmic clatter of the train tracks, James couldn’t help but marvel at how much everything had changed, and yet how little had changed at all. The Sorting Hat was right all those years ago—he was a Gryffindor through and through. But even lions have moments of doubt, and as they talked about Quidditch and candy, a strange thought snuck into his mind.
Was it possible to love your friends so much that it felt confusing? He glanced at Remus and Sirius, the way they always seemed to orbit each other like planets caught in some invisible pull. Sirius had his head resting on Remus’ lap, his dark hair spilling over Remus’ knee like ink. Remus, ever patient, absently played with Sirius’ hair, his fingers running through it with a kind of tenderness that made James almost feel like he was intruding on something private.
“They’re mental,” James muttered under his breath, smirking as he met Peter’s gaze. But even as he said it, he wondered why it felt so inevitable, like a truth no one wanted to name aloud just yet. The two of them were so in sync, and James knew it was only a matter of time before they had to figure it out for themselves—that what they shared wasn’t just friendship. It was something deeper, something James, for once, was reluctant to joke about.
By the time the castle came into view, silhouetted against the soft pinks and purples of the evening sky, they were back in their dormitory, sprawled lazily on their beds. Sirius still had his head in Remus’ lap, and James couldn’t help but roll his eyes, though fondly. This was going to be a long year if they didn’t figure it out soon. It was almost painful to watch—two people so clearly in love and yet so utterly clueless about it. For Godric’s sake, James thought, could they not see it?
Peter, ever the sweet soul, had brought candy from the trolley, and they talked about their summer holidays, laughing and reminiscing. But as the laughter subsided, James’ mind wandered again to a different topic—a more somber one.
The next day, after settling back into the rhythm of school, James found himself face-to-face with Lily Evans. It was strange, seeing her now, knowing she wasn’t the girl he used to fancy so intensely. Standing there beside Mary and Marlene, she laughed, her voice cutting through the low hum of the Great Hall. She looked radiant, but something in James had shifted.
There was no thrill anymore, no nervous flutter in his stomach. He smiled at her, but his thoughts were elsewhere, wandering toward another table entirely. A table where Regulus Black sat, his face a cold mask of indifference, surrounded by the familiar faces of his Slytherin companions.
James had known Regulus for years, through Sirius mostly, and yet there was always this gulf between them—a chasm that seemed to widen every year. It was strange, wasn’t it? That no matter how hard James tried to save Regulus from the darkness swallowing him whole, it was never enough. Couldn’t he have done more? Couldn’t he and Sirius both have pulled him away from that world? Or was he just fooling himself?
His thoughts shattered as Sirius’ voice pulled him back to reality. James blinked, the sound of clattering cutlery and laughing students rushing back into focus. Sirius was staring at Remus again, as though the light hitting his eyes was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. James chuckled under his breath. Fools, the both of them.
Peter caught his eye from across the table, and they exchanged knowing smirks. Some things never change.
As the echoes of laughter faded and the students dispersed from the Great Hall, James Potter felt a familiar pang of restlessness. The excitement of the feast had settled into a comfortable haze, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. He glanced at Remus and Sirius, who were engaged in a quiet conversation, their heads bent together as if sharing a secret. For a moment, he envied their closeness, the unspoken bond that seemed to draw them closer with each passing day.
James excused himself, the Marauder’s Map clutched tightly in his hand. He had a mission. His gaze flicked to the ink scrawled across the parchment—there it was, Regulus Black’s name, moving through the corridors like a shadow.
“Black!” James called as he turned the corner, the words echoing in the empty hallway. “Regulus Black!”
He spotted Regulus just ahead, pausing mid-stride, his back to James. The flickering torches cast long shadows, and for a moment, James saw a glimpse of the boy who had once been so full of life—before the darkness of his family had weighed him down.
“What?” Regulus replied, his tone sharp, his body tense as he turned to face James.
“Regulus, I was wondering… do you want to come with me and Sirius?” James asked, his heart pounding with a mixture of hope and fear. “You could live with us instead of Grimmauld Place. You don’t have to stay there.”
Regulus’s expression hardened, his lips pressing into a thin line. “No, Potter. Mind your own business.” With that, he turned on his heel and walked away, leaving James to wrestle with the bitterness hanging in the air.
James watched Regulus retreat, feeling a mix of frustration and sadness. He couldn’t help but think how pretty he was, even with that cold exterior. The way his dark hair fell over his forehead and those striking grey eyes seemed to hold secrets that James longed to uncover. But it was clear that Regulus was trapped in a world he couldn’t escape—one that James desperately wanted to help him break free from.
“Maybe Walburga isn’t so bad with him,” James muttered to himself, shaking his head in disbelief. Regulus had always seemed so lonely, a shadow in the hallways of Slytherin, and James felt a familiar ache of empathy. But how could he help someone who was so determined to shut him out?
Returning to the dormitory, James found Sirius lounging on his bed, flipping through a Quidditch magazine. The sight of his best friend made the weight on his shoulders feel a bit lighter.
“Hey, mate,” Sirius said, glancing up with that easy smile that always made James feel better. “What’s with the long face?”
“Just… trying to talk to Regulus,” James replied, flopping onto his bed. “He’s not doing well, you know? I thought maybe… he’d want to stay with us.”
Sirius’s expression shifted from concern to annoyance. “You can’t save everyone, James. Regulus doesn’t want help. He’s fine wallowing in his own misery.”
“Is he?” James shot back, his frustration bubbling over. “He looks like he’s drowning in it, and you just want to let him?”
Sirius sighed, his blue eyes searching James’ face. “It’s not that simple. He’s… complicated. He has a choice, and right now, he’s chosen his family. I can’t just swoop in and save him.”
James sat up, feeling the heat of their argument rising. “But he shouldn’t have to choose that life. He could be so much more than what his family wants him to be!”
Sirius opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by Remus, who had quietly entered the room, his expression thoughtful. “What’s going on?”
“Just a little discussion about Regulus,” James said, trying to rein in his frustration. “I don’t understand how he can just accept his fate like this. It’s… it’s maddening!”
Remus, ever the voice of reason, stepped forward, his eyes steady. “James, you can’t force someone to change. Regulus is dealing with things we can’t understand. All we can do is be here for him if he ever decides to reach out.”
James ran a hand through his hair, feeling the weight of Remus’s words. “Yeah, I know. It just feels wrong, you know? Watching someone suffer when you could do something about it.”
Sirius watched James, his expression softening. “You’re a good mate, James. Just… don’t lose yourself trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. Focus on us, on what we have.”
“Right,” James said, though the thought of Regulus lingered in the back of his mind. “Let’s focus on Quidditch, then. We’ll crush Slytherin this year.”
As they began to talk about tactics and strategies for the upcoming Quidditch season, James felt a flicker of warmth in his chest. But the image of Regulus remained etched in his mind—a reminder that not everyone had the luxury of friendship and laughter, especially when shadows loomed so close.
That night, as James lay in bed, he stared at the ceiling, thoughts swirling like the stars outside. He knew the coming year would be filled with challenges, both personal and within their circle. It was a year of unraveling truths and hidden feelings, not just among his friends but for himself too.
With a sigh, he closed his eyes, hoping that somehow, amidst the chaos of growing up, he could find a way to reach out to Regulus before it was too late.