Chapter 2
It was…
It was…
It wasn't bullying. Rei swears it. Rei would never bully Muu Kusunoki. She wouldn't bully anyone, really. In fact, Rei was the victim here. And if it was— hypothetically —if it was bullying, then it was deserved . If you do something wrong, you shouldn't expect to get away with it. If you do something wrong, you should be punished. Even elementary schoolers know that. Besides, Rei didn't do anything. She never splashed her with water. She never ripped up her work. She never—
Muu could say the same thing.
So what if she didn't help her? Muu Kusunoki did not deserve to be helped. After what she did to her, how could she?
Rei trusted Muu. A long time ago, like a dream, once upon a time. I like you a lot, Rei-chan. You're always so honest . They had been something like—not friends, but acquaintances . But then Rei saw what she did. How she tormented that girl on the roof, until she left in tears. Yes, it was mainly her friends on the offensive, but Muu was still— the queen bee . It was at her word each person shatters. When Rei confronted her, it all fell apart.
I thought you liked Muu. How can you be so cruel to her?
As if—as if she , the girl who made another flee in tears—was the victim.
And all of a sudden, Rei was enemy number 1.
Muu was the bully here. She let her friends do the dirty work, but Muu was at fault. It was her doing, when Rei was splashed with water, when Rei was whispered about in the halls, when Rei was told to give up and bow to her and die. It was her fault. All of it, everything. Muu Kusunoki was the one to blame.
That's right. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not —
Rei wasn't the bad one here. Rei was—she was just avenging herself. It was justice. It was deserved. It was self defense. It was survival ! It was her or Muu, and Rei didn't want to die. (They told her to die, they told her to die —)
So, when she learned that dirty little secret Muu held, she exposed it. When she found that scrapped note in the garbage, that's when everything changed.
Muu is a girl kisser! Muu is a queer! Muu wrote a love letter to Rei-chan, and someone posted it on the bulletin board for all the school to see!
What did she expect ? What did she expect her to do, truly? Forgive her for the bullying? Tell her she loved her, after all the shit she put her through? This wasn't a story. This wasn't a fairytale. They aren't schoolyard elementary schoolers tugging at each other's pigtails. What, because Muu couldn't handle her own identity, her own attraction to Rei, it was Rei's fault? It was Rei's responsibility? Rei had to be the one who suffered?
For what crime? She thought she liked her honesty. That she wasn't just another one of her followers. But when Rei opposed her, she turned on her quick. Playing heartbroken, feigning pity.
Is that why Muu was teasing her? Because she actually liked her? The vultures would whisper, and Rei couldn't help but agree with their incredulous tone. Eww, that's so gross!
(All of a sudden, Muu's bullying was seen as bad. As horrible. As a crime. How could she bully a cute girl like Rei-chan? She really was a freak. And Rei got her justice. And Rei got her blood on her hands—)
Till the end, she played the victim.
And now she's gone ? Just like that? Just like that? She leaves her? After all she did to her, she gets to leave her alone like this?
It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not my fault—
“It's just because you did all of those bad things to me,” Rei pleads, but Muu Kusunoki does not stir. “It's just because…”
No one is there to listen to her reasoning. If there were, they probably wouldn't care about it, anyway.
“Muu, please.” Still, Rei begs, wiping away the blood on her face. Cupping her cheek, an imitation of intimacy. Muu doesn't stir; the red smears like a guilty verdict onto Rei's hands. “Please, just wake up…”
She cannot be the one who had killed her. It can't have been her. This can't be how it ends. Rei cannot— will not —be a murderer.
“Please!” She doesn't know who she's asking: Muu-chan, or God? She doesn't know if this is how she prays. On her knees, hands clasped like a beggar, the rough gravel skinning her. She's never believed in God, but she thinks she's praying to him. Or maybe to Muu. Maybe to the world. Maybe to herself. The heat of the sun makes beads of sweat fall down her face in place of tears, and Rei can feel the stickiness of blood on her hands, the type to never fade, never be washed clean. “Please, Muu! I'll forgive you! Just wake up !”
But Muu Kusunoki will never answer again.
(Because Rei-chan killed her.)