Context Clues
“Why are you maddened, unhappy one? Why gaze at yourself
in the water? Why count the feet formed from your new limbs?”
The Heroides - XIV: Hypermestra to Lyceneus
Thursday 12th September, 1975
The most wonderful part of Hogwarts, Remus thought, was the views. The mountains that crested to the sky that would bend and fade into a different mix of colours every night. The lake that rippled like dipping your quill into black ink, bordered by beautiful undergrowth around the edges that disappeared into the Forbidden Forest. Plants that were lush greens in the summer and bare, painted white in the winter.
It was why he loved going on his walks. Getting to peer out of, occasionally icy and fogged, single pained glass that would warp if you looked at it a certain way whilst the soft patter of his footsteps would echo around him. This was usually used as an excuse to get out of the dormitory when he didn’t feel like the library or Pandora wasn’t around. It was, also, usually alone.
Which is part of the reason he found himself clenching his jaw and nodding along as Dorcas explained the different ways she had cut and styled Regulus Black’s hair.
Remus had resigned himself to thinking only fleetingly about the interaction with Black yesterday, given he was usually a weird bloke anyway. This was not helping. But, like the lack of silence, it was also not the whole reason he was annoyed.
The reason he was annoyed was because he had woken up this morning a victim. Or more collateral damage to a prank played on his dorm mate. Everything in their dormitory had been turned a shade of red. Thankfully (thinking of a certain leather-bound book) nothing in the drawers had fallen victim. But, less thankfully, Remus had been.
His skin had been the first to fade. Before breakfast. Then it was his fingernails, which Remus was grateful disappeared halfway through his first lesson (it was getting distracting). And now he was left with hair and eyebrows that had faded to an auburn.
How did he know he was not the target of this prank?
Well. The giant gold letters painted across the floor was a good enough indication.
GREASY SNIVELLUS
And he had a rather good idea who left the message.
“—Anyway, like I was saying, before getting carried away.” Dorcas said, “I’ll have a crack at it, if you want. Though it’ll probably go back to normal by morning.”
Remus shook himself from his thoughts and turned to Dorcas, who was waiting for his response.
”And I can cut it while we’re at it.”
“You know what.” Remus said, “Fuck it.“
*
That was how Remus found himself, at half nine at night, sat in the prefects bathroom on a stool with a towel draped over his shoulders and Dorcas fussing around his scalp.
”How do you usually have it?” Dorcas had asked.
To which Remus had shrugged and replied with, “Do whatever you want.”
He couldn’t lie, the giddy grin on Dorcas’ face after had made him rather happy.
“So…” Dorcas asked, going dangerously close to his ear with her blade, “Out of morbid curiosity, how much of your reputation is true?”
”Erm.” Remus considered, sucking on the blood pop he had snuck down to Honeydukes earlier to get, before deciding on, “Absolutely none of it. I’m more of a virgin than Snape. That’s a lie, actually. I don’t think he wanks.”
”Oh, god.” Dorcas grimaced, “I never thought of that. Please don’t tell me you can hear your dorm mates wanking.”
He couldn’t just hear it, he could fucking smell it.
”Unfortunately.” Remus sighed, “At least none of them sneak girls in.”
Dorcas gave a nod, “I’d ask if it bothers you, the reputation thing. But, knowing you, that’s a silly question.”
”Honestly, I’d rather Crouch and his goons think I’m getting more than they are than having to put up with their bigotry ‘til I finish my NEWTs.”
“Then you can have all the dick you want.” Dorcas said, in a faux dreamy voice.
”Precisely.” Remus said, punctuating the statement with a wave of the lolly.
”Oh! Sorry. Didn’t think anyone’d be in so late.”
Both Remus and Dorcas’ eyes flicked up to where a familiar vat of red hair had just entered.
Remus grinned, “We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”
”Ah, well.” Lily said, walking over to them, she had her clothes draped over her shoulder, clad with a dressing gown, “At least you’re not naked this time.”
”Hang on!” Dorcas immediately said, pulling away from him.
Remus shook his head, blood pop in his mouth, “No. Not what you think. Accidental arse… Ah, fuck. I can’t think of anything that begins with ‘a’.”
”Assembly?” Lily offered, then grimaced, “Act? No… Appearance!”
”Yes!” Remus said, thrusting the blood pop into the air, “Accidental arse appearance!”
”Right… and the alliteration?” Dorcas smirked.
”Optional but entertaining.” Remus grinned.
Dorcas shrugged, with an expression that just seemed tired of Remus at this point.
“You must be Dorcas Meadowes!” Lily announced, then cringed slightly as her voice ran a little loud.
“Yeah.” Dorcas said, before clearing her throat, “And you…?”
”Lily Evans.” She provided, holding her hand that was not occupied by a towel out for Dorcas to shake.
Dorcas’ eyes widened, then she looked at Remus, seemingly forgetting about Lily’s waiting hand, “As in…?”
Remus nodded, sucking on the pop.
”As in what?” Lily asked.
”Sorry…” Dorcas said, going back to Remus’ hair, “It’s just… Remus’ dorm mate is a bit—enthusiastic when it comes to you.”
”Obsessed.” Remus muttered around the lolly.
Lily sighed, “Sev…” She muttered under her breath. Then, louder, said, “He’s not obsessed. He’s just very passionate.”
”And that’s less creepy?” Remus piped up.
Dorcas swatted Remus’ arm, “You’re forgetting that I’m carrying a knife. Be nice to the lady.”
”Oh, how gentlemanly of you.” Remus said, turning and wiggling his head at Dorcas. Remus could’ve sworn he saw her skin go a little pinker.
Well, that’s interesting.
Lily chuckled, moving over to the little storage shelves and setting her clothes down.
“She’s not butchering my hair, is she?” Remus asked, “She wont let me have a mirror…”
”Why wont she let you have a mirror?” Lily smirked, cocking a brow in their direction.
”He’s horrible at trusting the process.” Dorcas said, “And that goes for everything else too. You know, for someone best friends with one of the most intuitive people in our year, you are a bit dim.”
”Dim?!”
”Oi!” Dorcas protested, moving away from his hair, “Careful! I nearly nicked you. And yes, dim. You take most things at face value. Which is good in most of your cases - referring to your strange ability to not give a fuck - but not great when it comes to context clues.”
”Context clues?” Remus asked, confused.
“I suppose that’s all boys, really.” Dorcas continued, “Don’t take it to heart. I just mean that you don’t really pay attention to peoples feelings.”
”I pay attention to peoples feelings!” Remus protested, muffled once again by his blood pop, “I’m just… honest.”
Lily snickered, “Honest, eh?”
“He’s actually quite right.” Dorcas said, “Most of the assumptions I’ve heard of him are very wrong.”
”Thank you, Dorcas.” Remus grinned, giving a swift nod that pulled an irritated almost-growl from the poor girl doing his hair.
“I do like the hair, by the way.” Lily pointed out, gesturing with her hand, “Like a shorter, curlier Rod Stewart type look.”
Remus let out a sigh of relief, then his eyes widened.
Rod Stewart?!
As in Rod Stewart with the mullet?!
“Hang on—“
Remus went to rush to the mirror, but was slammed back onto the stool by his shoulders.
”NOT YET!” Dorcas demanded, before yanking his his head back so she could reach his fringe. Remus did not doubt she was purposefully getting little hairs in his eyes.
”Dorcas?!”
”Wait!” Dorcas said, “Right… right… one more… done!”
Remus shot up out of the stool and rushed towards the mirror. What he found was actually surprisingly nice. It was a slightly shorter than he was used to seeing mullets, not as straight as Bowies, but trimmed healthily at the sides. He tilted his head from side to side to see that Dorcas had done a bloody good job of it, too. It was even and smooth, not choppy. Remus suddenly saw why Regulus Black preferred Dorcas doing his hair to anyone else.
”So?” Dorcas smirked, “Don’t keep us in suspense.”
”I… actually really like it.” Remus said, letting out a disbelieving laugh.
“You’re welcome” Dorcas said.
***
Friday 13th September, 1975
Moony
Moony
Moony
Moony
Moony
Moony
Yes, Padfoot?
Are you alive?
I would hope so.
Oh good.
Had to check.
Check?
Yes! You never know what could happen on a day like today.
A… day like today?
Friday the thirteenth!!
Ah. Right.
Not superstitious?
More like not awake yet.
I am. Definitely. My mate gets me up at the crack of dawn for HIS quidditch practice.
I thought you said you like quidditch?
I do!!
Not at six in the morning.
I’m currently freezing my tits off in the quidditch stands.
Would asking if you play quidditch be too big of a clue for me?
Hm.
I think so. Yes.
Speaking of. You got any ideas on who I am yet?
Eh. So far all I’ve got is who you’re definitely not.
I’m actually starting to think you don’t exist, in all honesty.
What about you?
I’ve narrowed it down to about six now.
SIX?!?!?!
What?
HOW ON EARTH HAVE YOU DONE THAT?!
I dunno.
I have always been good at guess who.
Guess who?
Sorry.
Muggle game.
Ah.
I think I need to ask better questions.
Who are the six?
I’m not telling you that!
Why?
You might purposefully steer me onto the wrong path!
Or you might jinx it.
Or you’re not on the list and I make an arse of myself.
Six is better than the 20+ I’ve managed.
I’d argue I’m already an arse.
I’m not really bothered, though. You can make an arse of me anytime.
Well. That escalated for nearly seven in the morning.
What can I say?
I’m in need of something to warm me up.
Then you better hurry up guessing so I can warm you up myself.
Now who’s escalating?
*
People seemed to like his new haircut when he walked through the great hall that morning. He felt a little bit like a celebrity with his very muggle hair contrasting his very Slytherin robes and felt a bit more than smug when he walked past a group of girls and grinned at them, causing them to descend into a fit of giggles. Pandora was giving him an incredulous smirk, shaking her head as he took his seat at the breakfast table.
“Well, look at you.” She said, “What’s prompted this?”
”What d’you mean?” Remus asked, shovelling sausages onto his plate, “Nothing prompted it. Dorcas offered.”
”And you asked to look like those men on your vinyls?”
“No.” Remus said, shrugging, “I just told her to do whatever.”
As if on cue, Dorcas slid in next to Remus, ruffling his new do.
”I see it’s a hit.” Dorcas grinned, biting on her lower lip in triumph.
”Certainly is.” Rita Skeeter piped up from where she was sitting a seats rows down, chin resting on her fist as she bat her eyelashes.
Remus quickly saw the flaws in this new look.
He sunk into his shoulders a little and stuffed a piece of toast into his mouth.
“Oh, come on.” Dorcas said, “Don’t get coy now.”
”I’m not being coy.” Remus says, bunching up his shoulders.
“Who knows.” Dorcas said, before lowering her voice, “Maybe you’ll catch more than some girls’ attention.”
Pandora choked on her cup of tea, before lowering it, eyes wide.
”Did you—?!” Pandora asked, looking at Remus.
Remus nodded around a bite of the bacon sandwich he had managed to create, whilst also looking for the ketchup.
“Of course you did.” She sighed, exasperatedly.
“Sorry.” Dorcas said, before leaning over the table and holding her hand out for Pandora to shake, “I don’t think we’ve formally met yet. I’m Dorcas.”
”Uh—yeah.” Pandora said, taking her hand and shaking it, “I’m Pandora.”
“Well, that’s a bit of a mouthful, isn’t it.” Dorcas said, “Can I call you Pan? Dora? Dory? No… they don’t suit you. Remus, what does Pandora mean? It’s one of those mythology things, isn’t it?”
”She was the first human woman made by Zeus.” Remus said, swallowing his bite of sausage, “There’s a load of different variations but the main one is she opened a box that released a load of shit into the world. Sometimes it’s that she opened a box of blessings that would’ve been preserved if she hadn’t opened it. Weirdly the name itself means gift though.”
”Well that’s good, at least!” Pandora pointed out.
Dorcas thought for a moment, then grinned, “Isi!”
”Isi?” Pandora asked.
Dorcas nodded, “Short for isipho. It means gift in Xhosa. Much less of a ball ache.”
Pandora paused, more than likely wondering if she should be offended, but then shrugged.
Remus leaned into Dorcas, lowering his voice, “I might be wrong, given the whole context clues thing, but I’m pretty sure Pandora’s straight.”
Dorcas slapped his arm, but looked slightly dejected after that.
“Ah, look.” A grating voice drawled from behind him, “As if Lupin couldn’t get any weirder. He’s trying to look like a muggle now, too.”
“Hello, Snivellus.” Remus said, without turning around. Pandora shot tea out of her nose at the name and Dorcas hurried to help her.
But it was very fulfilling when he turned around to see the pure anger gritted in Snape’s jaw.
”You look ridiculous.” He spat.
”I’ll be honest, mate.” Remus said, turning back to his plate and picking up his fork again, “I’m not taking any hair advice from you.”
Remus could’ve sworn Snape growled.
“And Lily Evans seemed to like it.”
Behind him, there was silence for a moment, before he felt the dull point of something dig into the back of his neck, watching as both Pandora and Dorcas drew their wands. Remus just shoved another sausage into his mouth.
”You talk about her again and I will hex this atrocity off your scalp.” Snape sneered.
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t.” Remus said, mouth full.
”Will you piss off, Snape.” Pandora said, still holding her wand up, “You’ve already turned my brother and my best friend into gingers. You don’t need to do any more damage.”
“That was Potter, if you remember correctly.” Snape said, “And his half-wits.”
”Yet it was your name written on the floor.” Remus pointed out.
“That is not my name.”
Remus rolled his eyes and stood up, stepping over the bench and turning around so Snape’s wand was now at his chin.
“Could you not have done this in the dormitory?” Remus asked, gesturing to the surrounding onlookers, “You’re making a bit of a scene.”
”I’ll do whatever I want.” Snape spat.
Remus looked down at him with an incredulous brow raised, “Bit dramatic, though. I say one girls name with zero hint of malice and you’re ready to avada kedavra me into Romania.”
Snape gaped at him for a moment, opening and closing his mouth like a fish.
Remus looked around and raised his voice for the audience, “Does anyone else think he’s being a bit dramatic? I’ve only—hang on. Why did you even approach me in the first place?”
After a moment, Snape scoffed, “Wha—well, I… I just wanted you to know how ridiculous your hair looked.”
”Brill.” Remus nodded, “Now we’ve got that cleared up, please move your wand.”
Remus heard chuckles coming from the tables behind him.
He watched the muscles in Snape’s jaw tense, the wand pressing harder against his chin for a moment, before begrudgingly dropping.
Now, Remus wasn’t an idiot. He knew that having a wand at your throat, no matter who the owner is, is not something to take lightly. But Remus also knew that Snape did not like being embarrassed. And embarrassing Snape was just a lucky upside to getting him to piss off.
“What is going on here?”
Remus looked up to see a frantic McGonagall, eyebrows raised to the hairline of her slicked bun as she assessed the clear hostile energy.
He looked at Snape for a moment, unblinking, before turning to her, “Nothing, Professor.”
He sat back down at the table.
*
Next on the list was Otto Bagman. Remus had never interacted with Otto before, but the boy seemed to keep to himself more often than not. He was a big fan of muggles, but brought up in a wizarding-world-dominated household, so that fit the mould for Padfoot.
Otto was also a Hufflepuff, which was unlucky for Remus because the only classes he shared with Hufflepuffs were Charms and Herbology. Neither of them he had on a Friday.
The old-fashioned way it is.
”’Scuse me, mate.” Remus said, ducking his head slightly as he peered into the alcove Otto was perched in.
Otto looked up and cocked his head to the side, more than likely in confusion.
”Er… yeah?”
Fuck sake. He hadn’t thought of this part.
”Uh—uhm. Well, I—ahem. Do you have any…” Remus bit down on his lip, trying his best not to wince, then his eyes lit up, “Fags! Do you have any fags?”
If Otto was confused before, it was nothing compared to now.
But thankfully, and to Remus’ surprise, Otto gave a small chuckle and leant to the side to pull a small mint tin from his pocket.
“Here.” He said, clicking it open and taking a pre-rolled cigarette from it, then handing it to Remus.
Remus raised his eyebrows. He hadn’t actually expected the boy to have them, being so unassuming. Then again, people thought he was very quiet too.
“Thanks.” Remus said, taking it with a grin and sticking it in the inner pocket of his robes.
He was actually quite attractive, Remus thought. With his pretty blonde hair and his lips that pulled against straight teeth and sharp features and doe brown… Ah, shit. Brown eyes.
”Is… everything alright?” Otto asked. Remus realised he had been staring.
“Yep. Great. Thanks.” Remus said, before turning on his heel and practically sprinting down the hallway.
Remus’ heightened hearing could just about pick up Otto saying “Strange…” as he turned the corner.
*
“So it’s a no for Otto?” Pandora asked, the pair of them were sat on the floor of the common room trying to get through the mile of transfiguration homework they’d been set.
”Eyes aren’t blue.” Remus said.
He hated the Slytherin common room. It was a right miserable place lit depressingly with dim sconces. Dark green drapes everywhere as though there were actually any windows in the first place and fires that spat ash at you if you got close enough. But Remus was waiting for the mini nazi’s to be done with the dormitory so he could speak to Padfoot.
”Well, that’s good then, isn’t it?” Pandora asked, “Narrows your search down even more. I know for a fact Michael Newmans eyes are brown.”
“Spend a lot of time looking at Michael Newman?” Remus smirked, looking up at her over the table.
She threw a crumpled bit of parchment at him.
It was a good point, actually. So he took his bag from its place under the table and pulled out the list, crossing Newman out.
“Who else have we got?” Pandora asked, leaning over the table.
“Well, I know Sirius Black has blue eyes.”
”Do you, now?” Pandora smirked.
”Fuck off.” Remus said, despite the flush that was making its way up his cheeks, “Does Aidan Kirkhall?”
”Not sure.” Pandora tutted, “Lockhart does, though.”
Remus wrinkled his nose at that.
“Potter?”
”Wait! I don’t think so.” Pandora said, “Don’t cross him out, just wait ‘til next muggle studies.”
Remus nodded, he could feel his foot begin to bob impatiently.
”What other questions should I ask him?” Remus asked, stuffing the list back into his bag.
“I dunno. His hair colour?” Pandora suggested.
Remus shook his head, “I don’t wanna make it too easy for myself.”
She gave him an incredulous smirk.
“Oh, piss off. It’ll be more rewarding when I figure it out that way.”
“And speaking of figuring it out.” Remus continued, pushing himself off the floor, “I’ve got a blue-eyed pen friend to talk to.”
”Use protection.” Pandora called out as he rushed towards the stairs.
Remus grinned to himself, shaking his head and taking the steps two at a time. Long legs were handy for that. A few people gave him dirty looks at him being in such a rush, he just shoved two fingers in their direction.
As he approached the door, he could hear what sounded like muffled muttering split by incoherent groaning. Which was odd, given nothing Remus ever heard was muffled unless… ah. They must be using the muffliato charm. Honestly, they act like they’re not in the Slytherin dormitories. As though whatever dark magic they were trying to do hadn’t been done in the same place for centuries before.
He rolled his eyes and brought his fist to rap sharply. The sounds immediately stopped. He couldn’t hear through muffling charms, it was just like he was a room or two over. Whatever humans could just about hear through normally.
Remus knocked again, “It’s Remus.” He called out, loudly, “I need something.”
”Piss off!” He heard the unmistakable voice of Crouch shout, and strangely a whole lot of shuffling and panting after the charm lifted.
“I’m coming in whether you like it or not.” Remus called, “Pack up your cursed skulls or dead mice or whatever the fuck.”
“Jus—! Fucking—wait!” Crouch grunted. Remus rolled his eyes. Then, as if they had ever done anything for him, he actually bloody waited.
“Right. I’m coming in.” Remus said, throwing the door open and barely giving them a second glance as he rushed to his bedside table, rifling through it and pulling out the book. He was going to have to start carrying it in his bag, honestly.
He turned around and paused as he saw the usual scene in front of him. Not four, but two boys sat weirdly far apart looking heavily rumpled and as though they had both just run the length of the quidditch pitch.
“Alright?” Evan nodded.
”…Alright.” Remus said, then gestured with his chin, “Your trousers are on backwards.”
Evan nodded again, jerkily, before looking down at said trousers and looking back up at Remus, “Yeah…”
Remus stood there a little awkwardly for a moment, hovering as there felt like a little more needed to be said.
”Are you fucking going or what, Loony?” Barty demanded.
”Yep. Right.” Remus nodded, swiftly going for the exit.
That was strange.
Oh, well.
*
What question did you ask to narrow it down so much?
Nice try.
I’m not giving away valuable information like that.
When did this become a competition?!
I thought that was implied.
Plus, competitions are much more fun.
Right. I’ll just go through every single question you asked me.
Can you remember them?
I’ve still got the notes you sent.
That is ridiculously adorable.
No! I kept them in case a situation like this came up.
Then, a much less fairy-princess-like, messier handwriting drew across the page. Rather quickly, in fact.
HELLO
Hello?
THIS IS THE BEST MATE
Right.
ARE YOU FIT?
Sorry?
AAAARE YOOOOU FIIIIIIT?
Are you drunk?
NO. JUST IN A RUSH.
Oh fuck he’s realised
BYE MOOOOOONNNYYY
Oh, I’m gonna kill him.
Remus laughed.
Fuck sake. What did he write?
Nothing too compromising.
Just your first and last name, home address, house, date of birth.
Ah. Brilliant.
Yes, Jeremy.
Right. My name is Jeremy now.
Appears so.
And my last name?
…
Kettleburn.
Wow.
Yep.
Professor Kettleburn is your father. You found out just last year.
I… found out last year but my last name had always been Kettleburn.
Yep.
Exactly.
Right.
Back onto the topic at hand.
I now have the notes which were hidden very well from Prongs.
Prongs?
He was jealous I got a nickname so I gave him one.
And you came up with Prongs?
Well, the dog I drew was actually supposed to be my patronus.
So I came up with one for his patronus. A stag.
Your patronus is a dog?
A black one. Yes.
That’s… weirdly fitting.
Oh! Oh! That’s a good question!
What’s your patronus?
I don’t have one.
What?
Yeah. I was fuming. Took off like fifteen marks from my exam last year.
No, I mean why don’t you have one?
I couldn’t come up with a good enough memory.
…
That’s horrible.
What? Why?
You don’t have a memory happy enough?
That’s not horrible.
I’m sure one will come along eventually.
Aren’t you sad you don’t have one now?
Not really. That’s just how life is, I suppose.
Well, that’s rather bleak.
Would you rather I be sad?
No! No. It’s just…
Don’t you think you’re deserving of it?
Course I do.
But life doesn’t go by what people are deserving of.
Why should I be sad about something that’s not built to serve me? It’s setting myself up for disappointment.
That’s…
Weirdly profound.
It’s not, really.
It’s just common knowledge.
No… Moony, it’s not.
Really?
So what do you think about the bad things that’ve happened to you?
I just get sad about them, I think.
Well, that’s no use. You’re clearly worth a lot more.
…
Thank you.
Don’t thank me. Like I said, it’s common sense.
***
Saturday 14th September, 1975
Remus loved the weekends at Hogwarts. Being able to whatever the fuck you wanted in such a beautiful place in your own bloody clothes. Sitting in the secret passageways, listening to the record player he’d have lugged there along with as many records he could fit into his bag. He’d have used a hi-fi, but they always go absolutely mad in Hogwarts.
It was during one of these weighted treks where he felt a tug on the already heavy bags strap, pulling his shoulder down.
“Lupin!” Dorcas said as she fell into step with him.
”Dorcas.” He nodded, wincing as his joints were still a little sore from the last moon.
”Listen, I was wondering… I take it you’re not much of a party bloke, but has anyone invited you to the start of year one yet?”
Ah. The Hogwarts start of year party. Of course, Remus had not been invited. It had a weak fidelius charm placed on whatever location it was held at that made it impossible to get into unless invited and it was probably the only time house rivalries didn’t count. The charm was mainly to keep teachers from finding it, but Remus suspected the old traditions hadn’t completely fizzled out.
Pandora had gone to the one last year and promptly left half an hour in stating that there was a weird energy about the thing. Remus hadn’t been surprised. It had been started at the beginning of the century by Slytherins who wanted to keep muggleborns out. Eventually, it had become an inter-house thing kids used as an excuse to get ridiculously drunk and do things they’d never do normally. ‘Whatever happens in the start of year party, stays in the start of year party’.
“Yeah… No, they haven’t.” Remus said, trying his best not to grimace.
”What? Don’t tell me you’re too good for it?” Dorcas smirked, nudging him one again in his sore shoulder.
”What? Sons of Sphinxes blasting, potion spiked absinthe with an undertone of sexual assault? Count me in.” Remus said, earning an eye roll from Dorcas.
”Oh, come on.” Dorcas whined, “Would it kill you to have fun?”
”Yes. I start melting like the wicked witch of the west.”
“What?” Dorcas asked. God, he missed muggles sometimes.
Remus sighed, “Nothing. I’m busy anyway.”
”I haven’t even told you the night!”
“Oh, for god sake.”
”You can bring Isi!”
“Isi?”
Dorcas groaned, “Pandora!”
”Right. Pandora doesn’t want to come, anyway.”
”Yes she does. I asked her earlier.”
”What?!”
“Apparently there’s this bloke with a name even funnier than hers going that she likes.” Dorcas explained.
“Great! Then further reason for me not to go.” Remus said, thrusting an arm out, “So people don’t think she’s with an ex.”
”You’re gay!”
“I know!”
”So you’re gonna let your female friend go alone to a party you’ve just said had an undertone of sexual assault?” Dorcas pointed out, smugly.
Remus glared at her.
”Look at the bright side.” Dorcas said, “It’s not got a theme this year.”
”Brilliant.” Remus deadpanned, teeth gritted.
”Alright, so you know how there’s that stairway across from the defence against the dark arts classroom and next to lost wands?” Dorcas asked.
”Mm.”
He did. It was on the map.
”Well, if you go down it, about halfway down there’ll be a second year someone bribed. The password is acromantula and it starts at eight next Saturday.” She said, speaking quickly as she retreated further down the hallway.
”Dorcas, wait!” Remus called out.
She stopped and spun on her heel, the action squeaking against the floor.
”What?”
Remus jogged a little (unforgivingly) to catch up to her.
”You know that thing you said about context clues?” Remus asked, looking around to make sure nobody was listening. The hallway was luckily empty.
”…Yeah?” She asked, a little warily.
”Well… when you walk into a room and inside is two very suspiciously out of breath people that you previously heard making suspicious noises, is that… ahem, is that the type of thing I should be looking for context clues in?”
“What type of suspicious?” Dorcas smirked.
Remus gave her a very annoyed, yet pointed look.
“Well, that depends, really. Have they ever had chemistry before.”
”I haven’t really been paying attention…”
”Course you haven’t.” She sighed, “Why does it matter, anyway. It doesn’t seem like something you’d be bothered about.”
”Erm. Let’s say—hypothetically, that one of them is very close to someone I’m very close to and the other is someone the person I’m very close to hates?” Remus said, narrowing his eyes as he thought on how to word it.
”What?”
”Oh, crying out loud.” Remus huffed, impatiently, “They’re both Slytherins and both boys and I wouldn’t normally say anything - not my business - but one of them is a real dickhead and the other is someone Pandora seriously cares about.”
”Evan?”
Remus groaned, “Fuck sake. Please don’t say anything. I just want to know if it was what it looked like or I’m just an idiot.”
“What did it look like?”
“It looked like they’d just been shagging the daylights out of each other.”
“They might’ve been—fuck, I dunno? Running laps?” Dorcas offered.
”Of the dormitory?”
Dorcas sighed.
“Evan’s trousers were on backwards.” Remus sighed.
“Christ.”
”I know.”
”Well, whoever it is can’t be that horrible. You’ve met Evan. He might be a bit quiet, but at least he can think for himself.” Dorcas said, “Unless it’s Snape. Oh, god, it’s not Snape, is it?”
”No! Definitely not.” Remus sighed. There was a moment of tense silence between them and Remus knew Dorcas was waiting for him to tell her.
Eventually, Remus bit down on his lower lip and winced, “It’s Crouch.”
”WHAT?!”
”Shh!” Remus hushed, pushing them into the nearest alcove.
”Oh my god.” Dorcas whispered.
”I know.” Remus replied, eyebrows high on his forehead.
“Oh my god!” Dorcas continued, “Fuck. Do you reckon Reg knows?”
“Regulus Black?” Remus asked, to which she nodded, “Probably not. I mean, there’s homophobic then there’s the Blacks.”
Dorcas made an uneasy face, “He, uh… he’s not really got the same views as his family.”
“I thought he was tryna become a death eater?”
Dorcas looked at him for a moment, before looking down, deep in thought.
”What is it?”
“Nothing.” She said, looking up at him again, “Doesn’t matter. But Evan and Barty?!”
”Apparently.” Remus sighed.
”Well, Barty’s not bad.” Dorcas said, “He may be a twat but he cares about the people he likes. Now that I think about it, especially Evan.”
“It’s not Barty I’m worried about.” Remus said, “It’s his dad.”
”Oh.”
Bartemius Crouch Sr. Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. And notorious for being a very traditional man. Remus knew his dorm mates were already in deep with dark magic, Evan included. How far, Remus didn’t know, but he did know that if Crouch Sr. got even a whiff of queerness from his son, he’d do everything in his power to make sure Evan was locked away tight. And as much as Remus respected boundaries, he couldn’t do that to Pandora.
“What do I do, Dorcas?” Remus sighed, running a palm over his face.
”Well…” Dorcas started, sucking her lips into her teeth as she thought, “There’s nothing you can do. I guess it’s his own problem.”
“What?”
”You’re thinking too logically.” Dorcas said, “You can’t fix it. They may be a pair of idiots but they wouldn’t go after something like that unless they were both serious about it. It’s his life. You’ve just got to be there for Isi if it all goes south.”
Remus sighed, then nodded.