Plotting
Hermione exclusively hung out with Lily during Yule. She was still ignoring the twins, and stealing one of their best friends seemed petty enough. It wasn't just payback, Hermione really liked Lily. They just clicked instantly, but they both knew it wouldn't last. It was only while they had no one else. When their friends came back, they would move to acquaintances. For now, the girls were enjoying the quiet time to do whatever - AKA, hiding Regulus's statues all over the Marauder's dorm room.
"How did Crouch get so many of these?" Lily asked as she tucked one on a shelf and spelled it to vanish and appear at certain times. It was impressive magic, a talentthat nobody ever talked about.
"I learned a long time ago not to question how, why, and what Barty does," Hermione shrugged, tearing her eyes and focusing on the room. She frowned for a second. "Is that an owl?"
Lily turned to peer out the window, tilting her head. "That's strange, they usually come at breakfast. I think it's a Black Family Owl, too. Let's hope this one doesn't have a Howler." At Hermione's confused look, she elaborated. "Sirius's last five birthday presents from his family."
"How kind of them," Hermione said dryly, opening the window to let the owl in, taking the letter gently.
Dear Hermione,
My mother would like to express her approval in your destruction of Sirius's willpower, something she has repeatedly failed to do over the last fifteen years.
Regards,
Regulus Black
"Oh my Morgana," Hermione pressed her lips together. "That's... unexpected."
"What did he say?" Lily asked from where she was climbing up the shelf like a tree and trying to plant a statue on a light.
"I have Walburga Black's approval," Hermione sat down on what she assumed to be Remus's bed, judging by the books. "She expresses her approval for breaking Sirius's willpower, something even she couldn't do."
Lily whistled, falling back onto probably Peter's bed. "Oh wow, that is unexpected. I mean - from what I've heard, she's a right bitch. Are you sure?" Hermione handed her the letter, which she read quickly. "I am not surprised how formal that is."
"That's not formal," Hermione mused.
"Did we read the same letter?" the red-head raised an eyebrow.
"He signed Regulus Black, not Regulus Arcturus Black II. There are no statuses added at the end of the letter. No fake 'wish you are wells'. It's less formal than an email," Hermione scoffed, then froze.
"Email?" Lily repeated.
"I said it's less formal than regular mail," Hermione lied.
"No you didn't!" Lily folded her arms.
"Hey, weren't you trying to get out of your one sided situationship with Potter? I have an idea that could get him off your back," Hermione changed the subject quickly. "It is mainly inspired by Pretty Woman-"
"I know what you're doing and it isn't going to work, I've never even heard of that movie before-"
"Fake dating trope," Hermione interrupted, and Lily paused. "Close your mouth, you'll catch flies."
"Fake- you think that fake dating would actually work?" the other girl gaped.
"The easy way would be to go make out with Macdonald or someone publicly," Hermione ignored Lily's gasp of 'Mary', continuing on with her idea as if nothing was said, "however, given how homophobic everyone is right now, that can be a contingency plan. But if you fake date someone, preferably not a Gryffindor, that could chill Potter out."
"That... might actually work," Lily laughed. "But who?"
"Someone bold, not scared of the four pranksters. I feel like they should care at least a bit about their education, doesn't mind public relationships - hang on," Hermione grabbed Lupin's notebook from his side table. "We could make a list."
"A list?" Lily raised an eyebrow.
"Of traits you are looking for in your future fake," Hermione nodded.
"Maybe not in Remus's notebook, that's private," Lily snatched the note. "Do we have to have this discussion in here?" She gestured to the room.
"You mean you don't want to plot against your unwanted admirer on his bed?" Hermione raised an eyebrow.
"Not at all. Let's go plot or whatever on my contingency's," Lily pulled the younger girl down the stairs and over to her room and Hermione had to stop the wave of deja vu that washed over her. That was her room. Marlene and Lavender shared a bed. Parvati and Lily shared a bed. And Hermione was sitting on her future bed, plotting how to stop her best friend's parents from getting together.
"Okay," Hermione shivered, shaking herself back into the present-past. "What do you want in a fake boyfriend?"
"They don't hate muggles. No muggleborn prejudice," Lily said immediately. "they have to be able tio act as a proper boyfriend, not just making out."
"So emotional, not just PG 13," Hermione nodded. "Any age range?"
"Between third and fifth year. Fourteen to sixteen. Not too big an age gap, that's weird," Lily mused.
"KInda sounds like a build-a-boyfriend situation here," Hermione snorted. "If we include everything I said, I have two options for you - that I know personally. Both Slytherin, is that going to be a problem?"
"No? I'm in a platonic situationship with Sev, so I don't hold a biase. Who are they?" Lily asked.
"Barty Crouch Junior and Evan Rosier," Hermione said blank faced.
A beat. Then...
"You want to set me up-"
"Fake."
"Fake set me up with one of your friends? Is this a joke?" Lily was struggling not to laugh.
"No, because it's a win-win! You date Barty, Evan figures out he likes Barty, Potter stops flirting with you, and Barty figures out he's gay. Evan and Barty get together eventually, once Potter's given up and you dump Barty. If you date Evan, same ending, but Barty would be much more vocally jealous. Win-win," Hermione said, and Lily dissolved into laughter.
"They aren't completely unappealing," Lily mused, when she'd managed to catch her breath.
"Does it sway you more if I tell you that Evan has had a growth spurt according to Pandora?" Hermione asked, leaning back in satisfaction when she saw a glint in the older girl's eye. "I knew it."
"It's not a deal breaker," Lily tried, but Hermione was too busy laughing.
"I didn't realize you had a thing for taller guys! First Lupin, now Evan-"
"How do you know about that! That was last year!" Lily gasped.
"Pandora," Hermione said cheekily. "She's told me a lot about you."
"Really?" Lily raised an eyebrow. "Like?"
"Your favorite colour is pink because its the most common colour of petunias. You have a fat ginger cat that you named Cabbage, which is strange because you hate cabbages almost as much as you hate Potter. You're somehow taking O.W.L.s and GCSEs because you've wanted to work in architecture and design since you were four," Hermione smiled. "She knows things. I've come to accept that she knows more things about me than I will ever know about myself."
"How observant is she?" Lily asked.
"Pandora's very observant, and she's also got Sight, which can be annoying and helpful," Hermione told her.
"Really?!" Lily's eyes widened. "I didn't know that."
"It's Rosier blood. All females born into the Rosier family have Sight," Hermione said.
"Could she tell me what I'll get on the Transfiguration exam?" Lily asked.
"If she tells you what you get, you won't get it," Hermione teased her. "But enough about Pandora, unless you were wanting to get with Pan instead of her brother?"
"The world isn't ready for that yet," Lily shook her head.
"So Rosiers are also your type?" Hermione noted. "Good to know. I'll tell Pandora she still has a chance."
"Don't you dare!" Lily laughed.
"Dear Pandora. Lily Evans told me today that she would date you if it was socially accepted. Have a good holiday. From Hermione."
"If you sent that I would actually-"
"P.S., she wants to shag you as soon as it's legal," Hermione cackled with laughter.
"I never said that!" Lily covered her face with her pillow. "You are wayy to young to know about shagging."
"What is going on here?" an older girl poked her head in and Hermione's skin went cold. She knew that round face, she knew that blonde hair.
"Ally!" Lily got up. "Hermione, this is Alice Fortescue. Alice, this is Hermione Granger."
"You're Fred and George's sister? The Ravenclaw who tore Sirius Black to shreds?" Alice grinned. "You're a legend."
"I'm flattered," Hermione laughed. "And I didn't tear him to shreds, I just... destroyed his self esteem and made him question his entire sense of self."
"Like I said, legend," Alice sat down on Marlene's bed. "I'm bored. What are you two up to?"
"To get the four most oblivious boys in the school to pull their heads out of their arses and get together," Hermione told her.
"Yup. Frank, George, Sirius, and Remus are sooo blind," Alice agreed.
Hermione paused. "Say what? I meant Barty and Evan - did you say Frank and George? When did that happen?" her jaw dropped
"Have you seen the way they look at each other when they think no one's looking?" Alice whispered conspiratorially.
"I'm too busy ignoring them to notice," Hermione shrugged. "I didn't realize George was gay. Maybe I should try and get him to acknowledge feelings."
"And play matchmaker for another couple?" Lily laughed.
"Hey, the more queer representation, the easier it will be for Lily to lie about being a lesbian so Potter will stop harassing her," Hermione shrugged.
"Oh, so this isn't about free love?" Alice asked
"Nope," Hermione shook her head. "I'm secretly from the future and I'm trying to prevent the birth of James and Lily's child because he didn't give me one of his chocolate frogs."
Lily and Alice laughed with her at that. "How dare my future child not give you that. And Fred and George just wanted to come along for shits and giggles?" Alice asked.
"Precisely," Hermione nodded. "They're Fred and George."
"I'm pretty sure that time travel was one of Sirius's theories, actually," Lily frowned as she tried to remember.
"Black has theories? Do tell," Hermione leaned forward, intrigued.
"Time travel, reincarnation death eater spy, Ministry spy, international spy - I think he's been watching too many spy movies," Lily laughed as she listed them off. "I wasn't paying attention most of the time when he blathered on about you."
"He blathered on about me?" Hermione giggled.
"He blathers on about Regulus a lot, and all of his friends by extension. Doesn't like you all very much, but he did shut his mouth recently," the ginger haired girl gave a sidewards glance at Hermione, who merely shrugged.
"After what he did to Reg, he deserves that," she said stubbornly.
"What did he do to Baby Black?" Alice asked. "I thought they just turned the Slytherin Dungeons sparkly gold and stained the Slytherins sparkly red."
"He spelled Reg head to toe in black with the Black Family motto Toujours Pur on his back in green," Hermione explained. "Now imagine if someone had done that to Sirius. How would he react?"
Lily's eyes widened. "Yeah, that's too far. I doubt the family is any easier for Regulus. I've only seen a little bit of what they've done to Sirius, but I don't imagine Regulus is spared. If anything, it would be worse for him. Sirius gets the freedom he gets because Regulus is there to be the spare Heir. If there was no Regulus, the Blacks would have likely been worse for Sirius."
"What are you going to do when Remus inevitably shoves you against a wall at wandpoint and demands you apologize to Sirius?" Alice pointed out.
"Try not to swoon," Hermione answered honestly, and the other two dissolved into laughter. "What? You've seen him."
"Fair," Alice nodded. "Oh fuck - I forgot why I came in here. Do you guys wanna go ice skating on the lake with us?"
"Sounds fun," Lily leaped up.
"Absolutely. Haven't broken any bones in a while," Hermione agreed as she got to her feet.
Yule was one of the most fun times Hermione'd had in a while. She hung with Lily, Alice, and the twins (who still hadn't apologized, so she was keeping them at an arm's length). They mostly hung out in Gryffindor Tower, which Hermione didn't mind. It was something she'd missed.
On the morning of Yule, Hermione woke to find a knitted blue wool sweater with a bronze H on it and a stack of fudge. The Weasley Family Special.
She found Fred on the top of the Astronomy Tower alone smoking a cigarette. George was apparently still in bed.
"I've been meaning to talk to you for a while," he said as she moved next to him.
"Me too. I was just pissed," Hermione sighed.
Fred gave her a strange look. "Did you just swear?"
"Barty Crouch is a terrible influence," Hermione shrugged. "Can I have a try?"
Fred blinked innocently, before sighing at her raised eyebrow and handing the lit cigarette over. "Didn't expect you to smoke."
Hermione took a drag, then hacked her lungs out as it entered her system. "Morgana. Smoking will kill you, you know."
"Said the girl who just stole my smoke," Fred pointed out.
"Well, the girl is currently plotting to prevent her best friend's birth and in turn kill the entire British wizarding population, so..."
"Yeah okay," Fred turned to grab another cigarette from the packet. "You need it more than I. Here." Fred snapped his fingers to light it and took a long drag. "Like that." Hermione copied his movement, getting the hang of it. "I'm sorry." Hermione turned to look at the boy and was startled by the remorse in his eyes. "George is too. It's hard for us. You have experience in leaving your entire world and starting new, while we... don't know how to do that. It's not an excuse, we just..." Fred ran a hand through his hair. "We don't want them to die, any of them. We just don't know what to do. How do you even stop him? Not even Dumbledore could."
"But Harry could. I guess the first step is figuring out how-"
"People have been trying to figure that out for twelve years, Hermione-"
"But they are doing it out of curiousity. We need it. Desperation is a powerful weapon," Hermione sighed. "It's Yule. We shouldn't talk about this now."
"What did you want to talk about then?" Fred asked.
Hermione took a second to answer. "George."
"What about George?" Fred frowned.
"So last week I was talking to Lily, and Alice mentioned something," Hermione hesitated. "She thinks George and Frank Longbottom like each other. Like... you know?"
Fred hacked his cigarette up in a cough. "What?" he asked when he could breathe.
"I want to cure homophobia," Hermione continued. "If we manage to fix something, it should at least be that. Then if nothing works, Future Baby Hermione won't have to put up with seven years of UST between Malfoy and Harry-"
"UST?"
"Unresolved sexual tension. The amount of it at this school is insane. Especially since everyone here is unfairly attractive," Hermione sighed. "I blame the incest."
"Can we go back to George and Frank?" Fred asked.
"Alice says she has sensed a lot of UST and they both have sent looks. She said that George has been checking Frank out during Quidditch practices," Hermione explained.
"No wonder he wanted to go watch Gryffindor train, he said it was to prepare - you know what? I'm just going to put that in a box for now," Fred shook his head. "What exactly is your plan to make society unhomophobic?" Fred leaned against the railing.
"Firstly, get Lily and Evan in a fake relationship-"
"What?!"
"-Evan will figure out he doesn't like girls, Barty will get jealous, boom - UST gone. Pull Sirius Black's head out of his ass and get him to realize he's ass over heels for Lupin. Get George and Frank together. That's four influential families - Longbottom, Black, Crouch, Rosier - so people won't be able to fight. They'll be backed publicly by McKinnon, Potter, and Dorcas, so that's three more powerful families. I'll figure it out from there," Hermione shrugged.
"Does Lily want to fake date Evan?" Fred asked.
"It'll help her get Potter off her back," Hermione took another drag from her cigarette.
"So that's what you meant by preventing Harry's birth," Fred sighed, and Hermione nodded.
"Even if it doesn't work, and they get together and everything happens like it did originally, our friend groups will be together. Harry won't have to go to the Dursleys-"
"What do you mean?" Fred asked.
"Let's say we all die, and everything happens as it did. Lily dead, Potter dead, Regulus dead, Pettigrew dead, McKinnon dead, Dorcas dead, Evan dead, Sirius and Barty in Azkaban. Macdonald would never get custody because the Wizengamot would never leave the Savior of the wizarding world in the hands of a muggle born. Lupin is a werewolf, he never stood a chance-"
"Remus is a werewolf?!" Fred interrupted.
"You should really pay more attention, Fred. His dad hated werewolves, legally fought to restrict their rights, yet named his kid Wolf John Wolf. He was practically asking to be attacked," Hermione rolled her eyes.
"I'm going to need to sleep on that," Fred rubbed his eyes.
"Anyway, as I was saying, Harry had no chance last time. Open and shut case. But if everything goes the same, we'll have Pandora. With the Rosier name and influence, she could get custody. Harry won't have to go to the Dursleys," Hermione said.
"If all fails," Fred sighed.
"If we don't succeed. We need to succeed. For Harry," Hermione blinked away tears.
"Is he the only reason you're doing this?" the twin asked.
Hermione turned to look at him. "You haven't seen it. There is evidence of abuse there, Fred. You've seen the cupboard. His former room. You've seen the way he eats. He doesn't get a childhood. He gets molded into a touch starved, abused child who has no trust in adults for good reason. Voldemort's still alive in that time. Part of his soul possessed Ginny, clung to the back of Quirrell's head. It's not going to get better. We need to stop his permanently. We need to figure out the diary, how Harry survived, and whatever comes next."
"That's a lot," Fred sighed.
"Most of the answers are probably in the Black family library," Hermione said and Fred snorted. "Probably need to investigate Tom Riddle as well."
"Who?"
Hermione sighed and pulled out her wand and tracing the letters in the air
TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE
I AM LORD VOLDEMORT
"Ohh," Fred winced. "We should call him Tom, or Riddle because of the taboo."
"Taboo?" Hermione frowned.
"There was a taboo on his name that alerted Death Eaters to the location of whoever was bold enough to say it. Dad told me. That's why people are so scared to say it, even back home. They think it'll bring him back or something," Fred explained.
Hermione groaned, taking a drag and letting the cold air break through her heating spells before putting them back up again. "It's going to be a lot of work."
"Then let's start with the easy stuff - preventing Harry's birth," Fred nodded.
Hermione chuckled dryly. "Easy in some ways, impossible in others."
"Let's go be meddlesome straights," Fred nodded.
"We might not even be straight. I think everyone in this generation is at least a little queer," Hermione shrugged.
"Bicurious then," Fred nodded.
"Let's go with that," Hermione laughed. "Let's go be meddlesome bicuriouses."
"Should we have a secret handshake or something?" Fred laughed.
"Can you come up with one on the spot?" she raised an eyebrow.
"We'll workshop it," Fred shrugged.