Mixed Signals

Saturday, April 4, 1993

Katya was looking at the peaceful view from her kitchen window. The night was calm, and she could see the cars passing by, small, on Komsomol'skiy Street. She loved nights like this; they gave her a sense of peace. She continued chopping vegetables when, suddenly, she heard the crackling of the fireplace and flinched slightly.

Severus Snape appeared through the Floo network, dressed in his usual black robes and carrying a bottle of wine under his arm. His brow was slightly furrowed, and Katya’s heart began to beat faster. She silently thanked him for pretending to be indifferent and not rushing to greet her.

She wiped her hands and glanced at her reflection in the window, concerned. She ran her fingers through her hair to smooth it out one more time before approaching him.

Severus, meanwhile, was taking his time to appreciate the immensity of the apartment. The photos she had sent him did not do it justice; it was truly luxurious. He walked over to the large penthouse window and gazed out at the city. He had never been to Russia before.

“It’s the Khamovniki district,” Katya said behind him. When she reached his side, she pointed to a body of water. “That’s the Moskva River.”

“Impressive,” Severus murmured.

He gave her a quick glance before turning his eyes back to the view, but it was enough to take in the essentials. Katya was wearing a black satin dress that clung to her figure. Its neckline, subtle but alluring, left him momentarily stunned. The thick straps of the dress, adorned with magical runes, it made him wonder if they were another gift from her designer friend.

“Shall I pour you a drink?” Katya asked hastily, her accent slipping through. Severus guessed she was nervous and nodded, handing her the bottle.

He listened to the sound of her heels fading as she walked away, and in a moment of weakness, allowed himself to watch her, something he quickly regretted. The dress was indeed tight.

Severus took a deep breath, trying to control the images flooding his mind. Before leaving Hogwarts, he had promised himself he wouldn’t do anything reckless, wouldn’t let his instincts get the better of him. But it felt as though Katya was laying all her cards on the table. He wondered what it would be like if he weren’t himself, if he could pretend to be someone else, someone better at handling this situation. Frustration washed over him. A part of him wanted to lose control, to take her right there against the window, while another part of him wanted to keep her at a safe distance.

He heard her footsteps returning. Control yourself , he thought.

“Thank you,” she whispered, handing him a glass of wine.

“Would you like me to take your cloak?” Katya asked.

Severus unbuttoned his cloak and handed it to her. For a moment, he felt vulnerable. Katya snapped her fingers, and the cloak floated over to a coat rack in the corner, near the front door. Above the door, there was a large tourmaline embedded in the wall.

“I see you have many protections in your home,” Severus remarked. “The door, the security wards, and…”

“I’m a woman living alone,” she interrupted. “Better safe than sorry.”

Severus nodded, though he felt Katya was hiding something. He tried, unsuccessfully, to quietly probe her mind. Katya smiled mockingly.

“I thought you didn’t do that any more,” she said, taking a sip of wine.

“Apologies, it was rude of me,” he quickly apologized, then added sincerely, “Sometimes, you’re an enigma.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she replied with a smile, gesturing for him to sit on the sofa. “I don’t like apparitions or unannounced visits.” They shared that sentiment. “Wizards here aren’t used to taking ‘no’ for an answer,” she explained.

Severus nodded. Was it a troublesome ex-boyfriend? A colleague at work bothering her? Whatever the source of her paranoia, a deep feeling of anger began to swell inside him. They weren’t worthy of her… just like him.

Katya sat elegantly on the sofa beside him, playing absentmindedly with her hair. She felt her bad mood rising and didn’t want to scare him away with her traumas and fears. Meanwhile, Severus scanned the living room with his dark, analytical eyes. When she moved closer to him, he stiffened. His eyes were now fixed on the bookshelf.

“How was your day?” Katya asked casually, trying to keep her tone light as she sipped from her glass.

“Interesting,” he murmured, settling more comfortably into the sofa. “There was a Quidditch match this morning. Hufflepuff against Ravenclaw. Hufflepuff won,” he commented. “Then I bought the wine in Hogsmeade. Do you like it?” he asked, fixing his gaze on her. Katya noticed how his eyes briefly strayed to her neckline and smiled inwardly.

“Oh yes, it’s very good, thank you,” she replied. “What did you tell your colleagues?”

“That I had a date,” he replied curtly. “They’ll have questions when I return. I’ve never taken a day off.”

“Never?” Katya asked, curious. “How responsible of you.”

“More like I’ve never had anything that warranted taking a day off,” he explained.

Katya nodded, and Severus noticed a slight blush on her cheeks. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, revealing small diamond earrings. He sighed. She was out of his league, he thought. Glancing around, surrounded by luxury, he realized that her clothes alone probably cost more than his monthly salary as a professor. A knot formed in his stomach.

Suddenly, an electronic beeping sound came from the kitchen, interrupting the moment. Katya shot up, muttering something in Russian, and hurried towards the kitchen. Severus followed her slowly. The kitchen, like the rest of the flat, was elegantly grey with black marble countertops. The smell of garlic wafted from a small black pot on the stove.

“Do you like pesto?” Katya asked as she drained the pasta. “I didn’t ask earlier, but I can make something else if…”

“I love it,” Severus affirmed with conviction. “It smells amazing.”

“Oh, thank you,” she said, turning towards him with a big smile. “Do you think I could win you over with food, then?”

Severus snorted, trying to suppress a laugh. Katya blushed and burst out laughing herself.

Gods, how he wanted to take her right there, he thought, as he watched her cover her face, embarrassed. He felt like a hormone-ridden teenager, nervous as if it were his first time with a woman. None of his past encounters, not even during his time as a Death Eater, compared to what he felt for Katya. She was an extraordinary witch, beautiful, and unlike anything he had experienced before.

“Enough wine, Miss Borislova,” Severus said, making her glass float towards him. She gave him a look of both reproach and amusement.

“Sorry, sorry,” she said cheekily, placing a hand on her chest to stop the glass from floating away while trying to reach for it with her other hand.

Severus raised the glass even higher, and she giggled. She looked at him affectionately but, sensing the growing tension, turned back to serving the food. The cupboard opened, and two plates flew into her hands. He watched her, captivated by her movements and her body. He breathed in deeply, and the soft scent of lavender from her perfume overwhelmed him. He let himself get lost in thought.

Her skin must be so soft , he imagined what it would be like to have her on top of him… No , he reprimanded himself. Control yourself .

“Is there anything I can help you with?” Severus asked, trying to regain his composure.

“Would the Potions Master care to grate the cheese, please?” she replied playfully.

He nodded, rolling up his sleeves before getting to work. He grated the cheese with precision and brought the small bowl over to the table, where Katya was already waiting, having poured more wine into their glasses. The glass table allowed him to notice that she had taken off her heels. Katya had a satisfied smile on her face.

“I know I’ve seen your tattoo before…” she commented suddenly. Severus felt a pang in his stomach. “But I never would have imagined you as the type to like that sort of thing.”

Severus realized he had left his sleeves rolled up and quickly pulled them down, feeling uncomfortable. He sat opposite her, his eyes cast down to his plate. He hadn’t told her about those three years of his life and feared that if he did, Katya would distance herself.

“I hate it,” he muttered, staring at his plate. “I don’t know what I was thinking when I got it.”

“Did it hurt?” she asked, taking another sip of wine. “What was it? A bet, a toxic relationship?” Her tone was light, teasing.

Severus let out a slightly manic laugh. Yes, a toxic relationship, he thought sarcastically.

“I was a troubled teenager,” he confided. “It was a bad crowd.”

His eyes met Katya’s, and hers were like a crystal-clear lake, ice in its purest form. Katya giggled softly.

“Troubled?” she said. “I can’t imagine it. Did you vandalize Hogwarts, fail your classes?”

“No, no… Well, yes,” he admitted reluctantly. “But I was diligent in school.”

Severus took a bite of pasta. The food was exquisite.

“Oh, this is amazing… Kat,” he said, savouring the words.

He decided to use the nickname he had reserved only in his thoughts. He had never called her that before, only using it when he saw her letters arrive by Nox. He hoped the change of subject would shift her focus.

“So, Kat?” she said with a smile while eating. “Sev it's alright?”

He laughed, genuinely laughed. First, because his attempt to change the subject had worked, and second, because it had been years since anyone had called him that.

“I suppose,” he murmured, amused.

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Inside, Katya was radiating with excitement. She had spent nearly two years waiting for this moment and felt that everything was going smoothly. She wondered if Severus would make any further moves. She didn’t want to always be the one to take the leap.

“I read today that there’s been a breakthrough in the Magical Supreme Court regarding the use of blood in potions,” Severus murmured while taking another bite of pasta. “I don’t know if you’ve been following it…”

“Yes!” she exclaimed, interrupting him with enthusiasm. “Sorry, yes.” Katya chastised herself internally; she needed to stop drinking so much wine. “I saw it in the European Magical Daily… ”

“European Magical Daily, ” he finished for her. They both smiled.

“Incredible development, don’t you think?” she commented, cutting a piece of bread and handing it to him. “I think it will be very useful. I’ve even thought about presenting on the topic at the next assembly. The use of blood in potions could be a turning point in curing certain magical diseases.”

Severus frowned. He could imagine the faces of some purists if she dared to present such a topic at the Assembly. They would label her a dark witch.

“I think it’s an excellent idea, but I’m not sure if it’s something I would present at the Assembly,” he advised cautiously. “Some people aren’t as… open to unconventional practices.”

Katya raised an eyebrow.

“Unconventional practices?”, she questioned.

“Dark Arts,” he said plainly. “Some believe that any association with them is wrong, no matter how pure the intentions.”

“Not everything involving blood is Dark Magic, Sev,” she said, placing her hand on the table.

Sev.

“No, it’s not. But you and I might think that way. I’m not sure others would reason the same.”

“Well, then they shouldn’t be at an academic assembly,” Katya replied firmly.

Severus smiled at her determination. They continued talking about the subject for nearly an hour. Katya admitted that she used her own blood in specific potions, like protection potions. Severus also shared that some desperate witches even used blood in love potions. Katya was alarmed by this revelation, but Severus wondered silently if she had ever done it—if, irresponsibly, she had slipped a love potion into those Christmas ciders, and now they were both in trouble because of it.

While they were talking, Katya took out her wand, and with a slight movement, the dishes floated towards the kitchen, where they began washing themselves. She was about to do the same with the glasses, but Severus also pulled out his wand, and suddenly, their glasses refilled with wine, even though the bottle was empty.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were still thirsty,” Katya said, amused, looking at him.

“Wine helps to quell base instincts,” he murmured, noticing how she breathed a little more heavily.

“We’re going to need more, then,” she said, leaning forward on the table, her neckline teasingly stretching.

He found her reactions incredibly amusing. It was a new feeling for him, being desired, something he hadn’t noticed in his previous encounters. Katya seemed to enjoy letting him know that she wanted him. It made him feel exposed, and he was afraid he would mess everything up.

With a sudden, abrupt movement, he ventured towards the bookshelf that adorned one of the penthouse walls. The shelves were filled with volumes, many specialising in Dark Arts, Potions, and Enchantments, as well as Muggle topics like Economics, Administration, Politics, History, and lighter subjects like poetry and novels.

Severus feared ruining the friendship they had built over the last four years. He didn’t have many friends, or rather, he had none. He had acquaintances, collages. The Hogwarts staff, who he had to interact with daily out of necessity, had formed a sort of connection: Minerva, Pomona, Poppy, Charity, Fillius, and even Albus, when he wasn’t too busy keeping an eye on him. Then there were Lucius and Narcissa, who pretended as if they hadn’t manipulated a teenager into joining a cult and invited him to galas, sent him birthday gifts, or, dramatically, named him their son’s godfather. A bold move for someone who harboured some resentment towards them. He liked them, yes, but couldn’t overlook the fact that he distrusted them. He didn’t feel comfortable with them, something that wasn’t an issue with Katya. With her, he felt at ease, able to talk about anything, and, unfortunately, he was attracted to her.

He wondered how far he was willing to go that night. He feared that if they crossed that line, he would lose the connection he valued so much with Katya. Or worse, it would start a different type of relationship between them, one in which he would have to open up more, reveal his secrets, his past as a Death Eater, a chapter of his life that still haunted him.

On the other hand, Katya was grappling with her own insecurities. Every word they exchanged made her feel more and more uncertain. Was she going too far? What would happen tonight? Sometimes she felt like Severus kept a metaphorical arm’s length between them, but in the next moment, he would pull her into his own desires, playing a game of cat and mouse.

She simply couldn’t read his intentions, or perhaps the cruel truth was that he might be gay and just toying with her. A part of her began to feel ridiculous for dressing so provocatively and for her direct attempts at flirting.

She approached him slowly. Severus was engrossed in a book on the Russian Magical Statute. Katya figured he didn’t fully understand what he was reading.

“This word…” he murmured, pointing to a title in the index. “What does it mean?”

“ Zagryaznennyy ,” she said. “Dirty, contaminated.” She let out a snort. “They’re absurd laws, really, from thousands of years ago.”

“What does it mean?” Severus pressed.

“In Russia, no wizard can marry a Muggle; it would contaminate pure blood,” she said, rolling her eyes. “It’s a bit hypocritical, really. The big families in our community don’t mix with Muggles personally, but they do work and make millions with them. Pyotr Borislov is the perfect example.”

Severus nodded slowly.

“Do you tolerate Muggles, considering you work with them daily?” he asked, surprising Katya, as she had never sensed any supremacist tendencies from him.

“I’ve seen no reason not to,” she replied vaguely, trying to hide the discomfort the question had caused her. “What do you think?”

Severus held her gaze for a few seconds before finally saying:

“I find them… tolerable,” he murmured.

Katya nodded, feeling a slight shift in the air. Severus felt it too. He didn’t quite know why he had answered that way. The truth was, he didn’t feel comfortable around Muggles; being near them made him feel like he was pretending to be someone else. He could see the change in Katya’s expression and sensed that she was judging him for how he’d answered. Perhaps his comment had given him an air of superiority, something he would hate for Katya to think of him. Severus was about to say something when she excused herself to go to the bathroom. He stood there, feeling awkward, hating himself for ruining any possible chance.

In the bathroom, Katya splashed some water on her face and changed into comfortable black pyjamas and a pair of casual shorts. She removed her jewellery and sighed, resigned. Something told her that nothing would happen that night. When she returned, Severus was still reading from the volumes in her library. Upon seeing her, he felt that she was subtly signalling him to leave.

“You look more comfortable like that,” he commented, feeling a strange mix of disappointment as he realized she wanted him to go. “I think it’s time…”

“Would you like to help me with my thesis?” she asked. “I feel like that would be more useful than trying to flirt with you all night.” She added, looking at him with a defiant smile. “You’re the king of mixed signals, Severus.”

He felt guilty, lowering his gaze. She wanted him too, but in his foolishness, he was pushing her away.

“I’m sorry if I haven’t been clear.” The words came out sincerely, but also with sadness; he really did care for her. Moreover, he could see how Katya’s face fell as she listened. “Don’t think your efforts went unnoticed; I want it too… But something tells me I wouldn’t be good company beyond friendship, Kat.”

“Why do you think that?” Her question was genuine, and Severus felt she deserved an equally genuine answer.

“Because I value our friendship too much, and if you knew more about me, I’m certain you would distance yourself,” he said firmly.

Run, girl, run , he thought. Nothing good happens to the people I care about.

She sighed.

“I understand,” Katya murmured, though a shadow of disappointment crept into her voice. Still, she didn’t want the night to end like this.

“I’ll help you with your thesis if you still want,” he assured her.

She nodded, and both of them settled on the sofa, a bit tense. Katya placed a cushion between them, and soon the living room was filled with information. As Katya read and explained her thesis, Severus couldn’t help but recognize that she was a prodigy in the field. Economics wasn’t something that interested him or that he fully understood, but the young woman had a way of explaining complex subjects with clarity and practicality.

They debated for a good while about how to improve the thesis until, little by little, fatigue overcame them. Before they knew it, they had both fallen asleep, surrounded by thesis papers.

Katya woke up in the middle of the night and realized she had fallen asleep while Severus had been correcting part of her thesis. She assumed he hadn’t wanted to wake her, so, delicately, she stood up to find a blanket and a pillow to cover him. As she approached, she found him waking up, surprised by her gesture.

“Thank you, but I really should return to Hogwarts,” he murmured, his eyes still half-closed.

“Stay,” Katya insisted, not wanting him to leave. “I promise I won’t disturb you.”

There was a moment of hesitation, but finally, Severus relented, watching her intently as part of her pyjama top had slipped open, revealing a glimpse of her bare skin. He couldn’t stop himself from deliberating just how much he would like to have her right there, on the sofa.

“You can use the bathroom if you like,” she said, her voice drowsy.

After a few minutes, he nodded, thanked her, and went to the bathroom, where an erection was demanding attention. With clinical precision, he took care of the situation and, when finished, felt a wave of guilt. He washed his face harshly and sat on the toilet, seething, for a few minutes.

When he emerged from the bathroom, Katya was waiting to wish him goodnight before, disappearing into her room and closing the door behind her. Severus mulled over whether he should pursue something more with her, but the closed door and her earlier disappointed expression convinced him that it would be best to leave things as they were.

He returned to the sofa and sank into it, holding the pillow and blanket that still carried her scent. He hugged them to himself as he drifted off to sleep.

The morning arrived suddenly, filling the penthouse with light. Severus woke to the sound of someone preparing breakfast. He moved towards the kitchen and watched Katya move slowly about, making coffee and neatly organizing the pages of her thesis.

“Good morning,” he greeted her. She returned the greeting without turning to face him.

Is she upset? he wondered.

“I made coffee for both of us,” she said, turning cautiously towards him. “I don’t have much to go with it, just some toast and…”

“I don’t usually eat breakfast,” he confessed. “The coffee will do.”

Katya nodded and sighed before speaking again.

“Severus…”

“Katya.”

They both smiled, and Severus gestured for her to continue.

“I’m sorry. Perhaps I’ve been… too forward for you,” she admitted, a hint of uncertainty in her tone.

“No, I’m glad I came,” he said sincerely. He noticed her hair falling over her face, creating a curtain that hid her eyes. Gently, he reached out and tucked a few strands behind her ear. “Besides, your thesis is now ready to present.”

Katya nodded quietly and sat on the kitchen counter.

“I enjoyed it too,” she assured him. “I’d love for you to stay longer. Moscow is beautiful at this time of year.”

Severus also wished he could stay. All that awaited him at Hogwarts were piles of papers to grade.

“I don’t have magical permission to be here,” he reminded her, and she let out a sigh of frustration.

As they approached the fireplace, Katya’s hand brushed against his. Severus felt that despite the complications, something in that night had strengthened their connection. Just before throwing the Floo powder into the fireplace, in a sudden impulse, he leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

“See you soon, Kat,” he said, his heart pounding as he stepped away.