Nonsense, it was pure nonsense. He could barely believe the words written on the back of the thick paper card. No, he wasn't agreeing to something like that, he's been through enough.
The owl had already flown back out into the warm summer sky, and Severus was left alone to ponder. He slid his finger over the print on the front of the card; Lily and James were standing next to each other, holding hands, their gaze fixed onto a little dove in the air. It was a fiery red colour, the print. It accentuated Lily's hair, he could almost feel it radiating.
The work was great quality, they must've had a lot of money to spend on it for sure. Severus didn't know if he would've agreed to do that if he was in James' position, they had more important things to spend money on, than prints of their picture on wedding invitation cards. But after all, he was a fool to even imagine himself in the fiance's place.
The fancy handwriting did not glaze over the agony that single trip was going to cause to Severus. So much for seeing the love of his life get married to the man he despised the most.
James Potter. His name still echoed in his ears and the hair on Severus' neck stood up. Because of him, the young man had constant nightmares, at one point in his teens resulting in him almost regularly wetting the bed.
James made his monochrome life more bitter. So bitter that he wanted to spit it out many, many times. It was teasing at first, which Severus was able to ignore, but James' narcissistic ego wouldn't get any amusement out of it, so he started throwing hands.
In that way, Severus' life in Hogwarts became a second home.
Yet, with trembling hands, Severus wrote a reply addressed to Lily only. He kindly accepted the offer; he will be at their wedding.
ð“…†
Before his eyes laid a navy blue suit. Severus had worn it before, but only once. It was a fancy Lucius' gift, and Severus couldn't bring himself to wear it. What if he accidentally ripped a button off? Or poured something on himself? The only exception he made was on Lily's 15th birthday, something urged him to wear the color of the sea, to become a wave himself. It's as if life itself was preparing him for the waves of tears that crashed over him later.
Not so long after Lily's birthday, Severus lived his last happy memory. The candles had forever burned them in, his last happy moments.
The soft fabric glided over his pale skin. The suit was still loose, Severus never grew enough to fill it out, even though Lucius was so sure of it when buying it. Ironically, the mirror whispered to the young man how he looked even worse now, skinnier, disgusting.
He turned away from the mirror, shedding the suit. He headed to the bathroom and filled the sad-looking bath with barely warm water. If he could make himself any less disgusting, he would.
ð“…†
There they were. James and Lily walking down the aisle. But Severus couldn't lift his gaze up to look at such a perfect couple, his gaze was glued to his shoes. He knew, if he would've looked up, his vision would've become a blur of tears in an instant, but he didn't manage. Yes, he was a weak man. Yes, he couldn't look at Lily's bright starry eyes. His eyes were the sea themselves, and the sea could only reflect the magnificence of the stars. There was no place for the sea in the Moon's lands, the skies.
"Severus!" Lily spun in a circle, showing off her twirly white dress. Her cheeks puffed as she smiled, her eyes becoming gentle strokes of a paintbrush. The view of her excitement once again warmed Severus' heart, until he saw her hand. Their fingers were tangled. Their fingers were tangled together.
They formed the shape of a knife. It went straight into Severus' heart. He wanted to rip his eyes out immediately. Both for letting himself cry at one of Lily's happiest moments and for letting his gaze trail down.
The young man wearing a navy suit gripped his side, gagging out a weak excuse and limping out of the beautiful scenery. Deeper into the forest by, he stopped rushing, leaning against the tree, sinking into the moss. He pressed his long skinny fingers against his tear-filled eyes, smearing them over his cheeks. He could barely keep himself from gagging, he felt disgusting. Like he just had ruined a miracle. He hugged his sides, weeping against the cold tree. There was no pity left for him in the world.
If he would've believed in God, he would've asked him why, over and over again. Why was there not yet born a single soul with the intention to comfort him? It all seemed so fake. He couldn't have lived such a miserable life only to succumb to the present in front of him.
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Severus' hair was caressed by the warm wind. He carefully wiped his tears away and looked up. A doe. It didn't seem scared, quite the opposite, it laid close by the young man. His patronus. Their patronus. Severus gently caressed the short-haired skin of the doe, feeling it shiver once in a while. They floated in the atmosphere of each other's warmth in silence. The young man tore up some grass, just like he used to do when he was a teenager. Still Lily's friend. Everything seemed to remind him of her, she wouldn't leave his mind. Even after all of that. And Severus knew, he knew that he'll still think about her for years to come.