James Potter loved the way he lived. Fully, loudly, and with zero shame. He loved the way his Mama had taught him, not only with his heart but also with his whole soul. Unabashedly he loved. James loved the seasons. The feeling of sun kissed sandy skin and icy lemonade in the summer. His favorite sweater, worn and extra soft walking over crunchy leaves in the fall. Ice skating with Sirius in the winter followed by his Mama’s hot chocolate. He loved the way that it rained in the spring and that the harsh cold days of rain led to the first pops of color like joy blooming after the darkest days.
James loved his parents, how much they loved him and the way they opened their home to James' friends immediately upon sensing they needed a safe place and a loving parent, offering their home and arms to fall into. He loved his friends. His girls, Mary and Lily, who drank with him while discussing the complexities of gender and sexuality. His childhood bestfriends Marlene and Peter. The fact all three had framed photos of two year old them in a tub naked in all of their dorms should explain the longstanding bond they shared. He loved Remus, the first person he came out to in tears, confused over why he was the way he was. Remus who held him for hours and asked why it was okay for Remus to be gay but not for James to be queer and did not laugh when James said it was different, because Remus never laughed at James' insecurities. James loved his Sirius. He loved Sirius at eleven on the train and Sirius at sixteen beginning to share James' house and parents. He loved Sirus when they came out, both times. He loved his sister, his brother, and his sibling, the term changed on the day but the emotion never would.
James loved less important things too like chocolate and quidditch and Hogwarts. James loved life. The fact that in any given moment someone is born, and someone else dies. Someone just had the best day of their life and another the worst. That in a train station every person has a different story and you get to see a glimpse of it when you look around. The girl going to work, the couple just falling in love, the guy talking to his mom, the family on their first trip, the friends joking around. It was all beautiful to him and though everyday was not easy for James, he was always aware that life was actually pretty cool. And it was even cooler that he got a chance to live it.
But more than all of those things, except how much he loved his parents maybe, James loved Regulus. Sirius once joked that James’ heart was as big as his ego, “Your heart must be as big as the Black Lake to be able to handle how much you love things. Screw that it must be as big as your ego." She had jokes while laying around with their friends. Maybe that was true but either way a good 75% of James' giant heart was filled with his love for Regulus. James loved Regulus in a way as naturally as breathing and as strongly as a choking man sucks in water. He loved him like a sailor, addicted to his flavor, and with full belief that his Regulus, his beautiful boy, was his savior.
James loved Regulus in a way boarding on unhealthy. He didn’t want Regulus; it felt more like he needed him. James longed to feel Regulus' cold piano player fingers, the curve of his spine against James body, his soft hair under his fingers. He aching for Regulus wasn’t even sexual by nature, instead a carving for his company.
As much as James loved things and the people in his life it wasn’t often he felt they really saw him. The perfect fun persuade he put up fooled his friends as they joked about James being the happiest person they knew. Sirius called James the sun because he was bright and warm. Regulus called James the sun because he could burn up quickly, giving all his energy to others and not thinking of his limited lifespan. Lily joked that James was the sun because too much of him could give someone a sunburn. Regulus called James the sun because the earth didn’t often appreciate how much the sun did for it, “the way people don’t appreciate you enough” He said once while laying on James bed casually, as if that comment hadn’t broken and healed James scattered heart in one blow.
James was always the one who loved loudly. He’d never admit that he wanted to be loved that way too. Loudly and unashamed of judgment. But he didn’t need to tell Regulus he craved attention like that instead Regulus just new. With a “Baby, would you please do the things you’d said you’d do to me.” With that simple request Regulus did. Saw into James soul, the thoughts he was ashamed of and loved him loudly. Not caring what Sirius or his parents thought. He kissed his fingers in the great hall in a way that made James suddenly understand why all the pain he had gone through was worth it, grateful that nothing else had worked out before this. James wanted to capture the venom Regulus spit out in his words to others as well as the sweet words he whispered to James when they were alone.
James loved Regulus for an infinite amount of reasons but if he could only say one reason, James would say he loves the way that Regulus kisses him on the mouth and loves him like a sailor. He loves that when they get dirty his brain can’t remember why he thought loving a man would be wrong. He loves that when they are apart James sleeps to see him. He loves that Regulus sees him, that he knows James' darkest parts and loves those parts as though they are worthwhile. Mostly though he loved how Regulus loves him.