The Prettiest Star

“Do you really not remember that night?” Sirius whispered. They’d cast a silencing charm but it felt wrong to talk at normal volumes in the dark. He was in Moony’s bed again, he’d crept in for the first time in a while. For the first time since Sirius had loudly and embarrassingly confessed his feelings. 

“What night?” Remus whispered back. Sirius smiled shyly. 

“You know which one I’m talking about.” 

“You mean that one,” said Remus. 

“Yes,” he confirmed, feeling strangely giddy. It was so dark he could only vaguely see the outline of Remus’ profile, though he had a sneaking suspicion Remus could see a lot more than him thanks to his blasted werewolf senses. 

“I remember a bit more now,” continued Remus in a low voice which made the base of Sirius’ spine tingle with nerves. “It’s still a bit of a blur,” he admitted, drawing his words out like a delicious stretch, “But I have the general idea.” Sirius wanted to squirm. 

“The wolf,” he said, stupidly. He knew, right away, that he’d ruined the mood.

“The wolf,” echoed Remus, his voice sounding hollow, “He sort of… He sort of takes over, sometimes.” A horrible thought crept into Sirius’ mind. 

“But it’s still you, isn’t it?” his voice dipped even quieter, as he said what he really wanted to ask, “It’s still… what you want, right?”

“God yes,” groaned Remus, “It’s what I really want… Like my base desires, taking me over. Eat, drink, hunt…”

“Fuck,” filled in Sirius compulsively. Remus turned to him, but Sirius couldn’t make out his expression through the darkness. He wished, suddenly, that he could take the word back. 

“We didn’t do that,” said Remus. 

“No,” agreed Sirius, “We didn’t do that.”

A terse silence stretched out between them. Sirius wished he could see Remus’ face properly. His eyes, at least. He was sure now, that Remus could see him perfectly, see the prickly red blush that was creeping up his neck and face. 

“We could,” offered Remus, voice as low as it went. Sirius’ heart skipped a beat. It was so dark. It was so utterly dark. 

“I’d like to,” he whispered. A secret. A terribly dirty one. “Not now, though.” 

“No, not now,” agreed Remus. He sounded as though he were expelling a long, deep breath. Sirius shivered. 

“Remus?” he asked. 

“Yes?” came the answer from the darkness. 

“That night… It was different. It felt like… Like you weren’t holding back.”

“I lost control,” agreed Remus. He sounded ashamed. 

“I liked it,” confessed Sirius. 

He heard Remus breathe in sharply and suddenly. He waited for a response that didn’t come. 

“I wish you’d do it again.”

Remus let out a strangled sort of sound. “Sirius,” he whispered in a pained voice. 

“Yes?” he asked innocently, reaching a hand out to find the warmth of Remus’ skin. 

“You don’t know what you do to me,” continued Remus. Sirius thought this might’ve been the most attractive thing anyone had ever said to him. “I don’t want to lose control again. What if… what if I go too far?”

“You won’t,” he replied easily, “And if you do, I’ll hex you.” He thought he could hear Remus swallow, then. Sirius trailed his fingers over Remus’ arm, feeling the hair stand on end and relishing in it. 

“Do you promise?”

“I promise,” said Sirius, moving closer and closer to the warmth that was Remus. He brought his hand up and found his face, cupping it to pull him closer. Remus obliged him, and soon he was kissing him, fervently. He slipped him some tongue and Remus rolled on top of him, planting his hands either side of Sirius’ head and breaking apart to stare down at him. Sirius could see the glint of his eyes, now. His heart was beating wildly and he thought perhaps Remus could hear it. He thought perhaps he wouldn’t mind if Remus listened. They joined mouths again and Sirius felt certain that Remus would not hold back this time. 

***

When Sirius went to brush his teeth the next morning there was a bite mark on the side of his neck. It was peeking out from underneath his pyjama shirt (it wasn’t actually his shirt, it was Remus’, but that didn’t change the fact that the mark was peeking out). He lifted a hand to it and ran his fingertips over the reddish purple marks. It didn’t hurt. It hadn’t really hurt when it had happened, only stung a bit, and shocked him. He’d liked the sensation. He liked the mark even more. He pulled at the hem of the t-shirt to reveal the rest of it, his toothbrush hanging forgotten in his mouth. 

Remus walked in behind him, and they looked at each other silently in the mirror. 

“Merlin!” hissed Moony, shutting the door and hurrying over to inspect it. “What did I do to you? Does it hurt?”

Sirius shook his head, a grin growing around his toothbrush. 

“What are you smiling about?” chastised Remus, taking the toothbrush worriedly from out of his mouth and putting it away, “This isn’t funny!”

Sirius spat out his toothpaste in the sink and wiped his mouth. His smile persisted. 

“What are you so worried about?” he asked. 

“People might see!” Remus implored him, “They’ll think you’re- They’ll think I… Merlin, Sirius! I didn’t even think I bit you that hard!”

“You didn’t,” he replied, letting the hem of the shirt cover the bruise, “Maybe I just have sensitive skin - I am a product of incest, you know.”

“Sirius!”

“What’s going on in there?” called James warily from the room, “You’re not fighting, are you?”

“No, we’re french-kissing!” retorted Sirius. Remus made a face at him. “It’s fine,” he whispered, “I’ll get some makeup to cover it up.”

“Where are you going to get makeup?”

“From the girls,” he supplied. 

“It may have escaped your notice,” hissed Remus, his eyes wide and stressed, “But your skin is several shades lighter than Mary’s, I doubt she’ll have anything that can help- 

“It may have escaped your notice,” he cut in, “But I’m about the exact same shade as Lily-

“Lily? Then I’ll have to go and ask, she’ll never give it to you-

“She will!” interrupted Sirius, then, indignantly, “We’re friends now, remember?”

“Oh,” said Remus. He blinked, taking it in. “Really?”

“Really,” smiled Sirius, “See? All good.” Remus looked appeased. 

“Ok,” he agreed, “Go and ask her then.”

***

“You do realise you could have just used a disillusionment charm?” Lily pointed out. Sirius felt his face heat up. 

“Well, I- We didn’t think of that.” 

Mary laughed from where she was still lounged in her four poster bed. Sirius gave her a dirty look which she didn’t see. She had her eyes closed among her sprawling duvet and pillows and she was tuning in and out of the conversation as it pleased her. 

The rest of the girls were already down at breakfast, and Sirius was lucky to have caught Lily before she left. He’d been unlucky to catch Mary, too, but he supposed you couldn’t have everything in life. 

“I’m surprised you would try and cover it up,” Mary told him, a hand draped lazily over her eyes against the morning light, “I thought you were a whore.”

“Jesus, Mary,” complained Lily. 

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph,” came the reply. Lily rolled her eyes. Sirius could only assume that this was some kind of muggle code. He tried to twist his head so that he could see how well Lily was covering the bite mark, but it was fruitless. 

“Stop moving,” she told him. Sirius sighed and resigned himself to staring straight ahead. 

“If you let Lupin bite you does that mean you let him touch your hair?” asked Mary. Sirius grit his teeth. 

“Yes,” he replied. 

“Huh,” came her response, “Must really be true love, then.”

“Will you stop winding him up?” admonished Lily. 

“Gone soft on him?”

“Everyone goes soft on me,” snapped Sirius, feeling petulant. “Even you,” he added, glancing at Mary. She glanced warily back, lifting her arm a bit. “Sometimes,” he amended, “Sometimes you don’t mind me.”

“On some rare occasions, maybe,” she admitted reluctantly. Lily snorted. “Got something to say, Evans?”

“I don’t need to say anything,” replied Lily curtly. Sirius was again plagued with the feeling that he was missing something. It felt like she was referencing he and Mary’s past. It felt like he was supposed to say something to make it better. 

“You don’t have to like someone to kiss them, you know,” he told her. Lily looked up at him in surprise. 

“What an awful way to think of it.” 

The way she said it made Sirius feel shy, and worse than that, pitied. 

“Don’t worry Lily,” announced Mary, finally extricating herself from her bed, “I liked him well enough when we were kissing.”

“I’m sure you did,” agreed Lily. 

“You know I’m right here,” commented Sirius. 

“How could anyone ever overlook you?” said Mary in a dull, lilting fashion, disappearing into the bathroom. He watched her go with rising confusion. Something told him he had made whatever was going on worse. 

“She’s just grumpy,” explained Lily sympathetically, “She woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” She looked over her shoulder at the bathroom door for a moment. “Never was much of a morning person,” she added, almost as an afterthought. 

“Ah,” said Sirius, though he didn’t understand in the least. Lily returned to the mark on his shoulder. 

“All done,” she smiled after a minute or so. 

“Great,” he beamed, though it was forced, “Thanks, Lils.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she batted him away, “Now get out of here.” And he did. 

When he finally returned to his own dorm, Remus was waiting anxiously, perched on the end of his bed. He stood up when Sirius came in. 

“What do you think?” asked Sirius, baring his neck. 

“Pretty good,” praised Remus. He walked over and kissed the spot where the bite mark was hidden. 

“I’m sorry,” said Remus, softly. 

“Don’t be,” replied Sirius. 

“It doesn’t hurt?” 

“No,” he said firmly. 

“I’m sure it’ll go away in a few days.”

Sirius wasn’t sure if he wanted it to go away. He supposed it had to. 

“Lily said we could just use a disillusionment charm,” he offered. 

“God, why didn’t I think of that?” groaned Remus. 

“Because you were panicking,” he quipped, “So calm down, there’s nothing to worry about. Let’s go and have breakfast.” And they did.