Are the Movies in the Past?
Sirius was halfway drunk when he spotted Regulus.
It was the first real Gryffindor party of the month, and Sirius had missed this. Or he’d thought he’d missed it, but maybe he’d been wrong. It wasn’t the same as before. Moony wasn’t even there, he’d slunk off somewhere, and it wasn’t right without him. Sirius was all dressed up as Butch Cassidy (thanks to a trick James and Peter had played on him) but now Remus hadn’t even seen it, so what was the point?
He’d gone round asking everyone if they’d seen him, if he was coming, if they knew where he was, and he’d gotten nothing. The only other person who seemed remotely interested in Remus’ whereabouts was Lily Evans, and she was unlikely to tell him where Remus was even if she did know. He wasn’t exactly her favourite person.
And then he’d seen Regulus. He hadn’t really believed his eyes at first, because not only was Regulus at a Gryffindor party, he was dancing. But it wasn’t an apparition, or a hallucination, or some other illusion, it was real. Regulus was right there in the Gryffindor common room, and once Sirius’ brain had managed to process this, the next thing he processed was hope. Because why was Regulus here of all places if not to talk to him? Surely, surely it was a peace offering, an olive branch, some kind of invitation.
And so he’d gone over. Of course he’d gone over. He was half drunk, and his head was full of hope, and it was his little brother, right there.
“Regulus,” he said, walking quickly up to him. He was with that weird girl, the blonde one who could never seem to wear her school uniform right. She was dancing too, and she seemed to notice Sirius before Regulus did. She looked at him like she already knew what was going to happen.
“Reg,” he greeted breathlessly. Pandora tapped Regulus on the shoulder. He turned around, face flushed and eyes hopeful, but then his expression fell.
“What?” he asked bluntly, crossing his arms over his chest. Sirius’ insides felt like they had turned to ice.
“I…I just came to say… I wanted to…”
Regulus looked at him scathingly.
“Can’t you see I’m trying to have fun?” he retorted. Sirius frowned, a familiar anger rising in him.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, voice steely.
“Dancing,” quipped Regulus.
“Dancing?” gaped Sirius incredulously. Surely this wasn’t his brother before him. Regulus didn’t dance.
“Yes,” Regulus shot back, “And I’d appreciate it if you could leave me to it.”
Sirius gaped some more, his breath unsteady.
“Fine!” he announced, his voice high, “Dance all you fucking want!”
“I will,” said Regulus evenly. Sirius could feel tears welling in his eyes and if it hadn’t been for them then perhaps he would’ve stayed and argued some more. But all he wanted to do was cry.
***
Sirius wandered miserably over to the staircase to the dorms, nursing a new glass of firewhisky, and sat heavily on one of the steps. His eyes were stinging, and somewhere along the way he’d lost his hat, so now his costume was ruined too. Great. Just great.
He choked down a burning gulp of the drink and tried not to let the tears fall. Tonight was meant to be fun, he thought to himself, and now he was trying not to cry on the stairs while Regulus went on dancing. And he still hadn’t seen Moony.
He thought how nice it would be for Remus to walk down the stairs right at that moment. He’d say Sirius’ name in that soft, questioning way, and Sirius would look up, eyes glistening, and Remus would know. He’d just know. He always did.
Maybe he’d take Sirius in his arms, or brush the hair from his face, or say something like ‘you could never be too much for me’. Maybe he’d kiss Sirius’ forehead and the crown of his head. Maybe he’d–
Sirius took another sip of firewhisky, his thoughts circling back to Regulus.
“Bastard,” he whispered to himself. He sniffed. He could feel his lashes clumping together every time he blinked, and after another gulp of firewhisky, he gave in and let the tears run down his cheeks.
Remus didn’t come down the stairs, so Sirius wiped his tears away himself and went to find him.
***
“You know that drinking alone is the first sign of alcoholism?” commented Sirius cheekily, leaning against the doorframe to their dorm and surveying Moony’s reclined form on his bed. Remus looked over at him, a wry smile twisting at his mouth as he put the beer down.
“What are you doing up here?” he asked.
“Came to see you,” replied Sirius, sidling up to him, “Why aren’t you down there?”
“Didn’t feel like it.”
“You’re moping,” Sirius accused, his stare playful.
“M’not,” was the response.
“Are too,” he teased.
“Sirius,” said Remus, his smile dropping, “You’ve been crying.”
Sirius glanced away, his smile also gone.
“Three guesses,” he muttered.
“Is it Reg again?”
Sirius nodded, edging closer, his toes scuffing at the carpet a little.
“What’s he doing here?” asked Remus.
“Dancing, apparently.”
“Didn’t know he danced.”
“He doesn't,” said Sirius.
“You want to talk about it?”
“Not really,” he sighed, “Just want to be with you, you know?”
“That why you came up?” asked Remus, an edge of something in his voice.
“No,” smiled Sirius, feeling daring again, “A little, maybe, but that’s not the whole reason.”
“Why else, then?” questioned Remus.
“I’m all dressed up,” whined Sirius, sliding a hand up Remus’ arm, his fingertips tingling, wanting, feeling, “I wanted you to see.” He looked up poutingly through his lashes.
“I see,” replied Remus quietly. Sirius bit down into a grin.
“And what do you think?” he asked, “Do you like it?”
“‘Course,” huffed Remus, “It’s you.”
Sirius felt himself go warm all over.
“It’s meant to be Butch Cassidy actually,” he joked, and Remus shot him a look.
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, getting closer, “Yeah, I do.”
Remus raised a hand, as though he wanted to reach up and touch Sirius’ face, or the back of his neck, or his throat… He stopped midway, and pulled lightly on a lock of long black hair. Sirius laughed, a laugh with teeth.
“Wanna go for a smoke?” asked Remus, and he nodded.
***
“Do you…feel anything, when you smoke?” wondered Sirius, a little uncertain.
“Yeah, gives me a bit of a buzz,” answered Remus, looking a little confused, “You don’t feel anything?”
“Not really,” he admitted, “D’you think I’m immune or something?”
Remus chuckled and handed Sirius the cigarette. He held it to his mouth and breathed in, trying his best not to cough.
“Ah, you’re not doing it right.”
“What?”
“You’re not breathing it in right,” explained Remus, “You have to sort of… Breathe it in twice. Once into your mouth, then down into your lungs.”
“Like this?” asked Sirius, trying to replicate the instructions. He sucked the smoke into his mouth, then breathed in a second time and… This time he couldn’t help but cough.
“Yeah, there you go,” laughed Remus, patting him on the back with one hand and taking the cigarette with the other.
“Why is it so complicated?” complained Sirius, “Wish you could just do it for me, like with Astronomy homework.”
“You wish I would smoke for you?” stated Remus dryly.
“No, like… Like if you could give me the smoke… the buzz, you know?”
“Well,” mused Remus, taking a drag, “I could.”
“What do you mean?” replied Sirius, “Is there a spell?”
“No,” smiled Remus fondly, “But I can blow the smoke into your mouth. If you want.” Sirius wanted. Sirius wanted very much.
“Let’s– yeah, let’s try that– I’d like that,” he stammered out.
“Okay,” agreed Remus, his voice low and quiet.
“How do we…?” Sirius began, his voice high. But before he could get another word in, Remus was taking his head in his hand, drawing him in close, his thumb was parting Sirius’ lips. He turned his face to the side, took another drag, then turned back to Sirius and blew the smoke out in thin tendrils, past his lips and into his mouth. Sirius barely remembered to breathe it in.
He didn’t cough that time. Remus leaned away, his hand falling back to his side, and Sirius let out a long shaky breath. He felt there was something strange… something special in the way that the smoke had passed through Remus’ lungs, been in Remus’ mouth and his throat, before it was blown into him. It made him shiver, to think they’d tasted that same smoke.
“How was that?” asked Remus in a low tone.
“Great,” breathed Sirius. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears. “Can we do it again?”